by J. M. Madden
Damn. That would mean she and Lincoln had only been together about a month when she got pregnant. They’d been going at it like rabbits, then, so it was entirely possible that they’d slipped somewhere.
She stared at that tape of heartbeats all day and posted it on the refrigerator when she got home. Every night before she went to bed she looked at it, and every morning when she woke up. For two weeks she stared at that tape, until a new one replaced it. Then, two weeks later, at twenty weeks, she went in for an ultrasound and they took a picture of the baby inside her. BB cried and ached for Lincoln to be with her.
“Do you want to know what the sex is?” Dr. Wood asked, smiling down at her.
She thought about that for a moment, then shook her head. “Is there any way you can give me a picture, but put the picture that tells the sex in an envelope? I want to open it with the father.”
Dr. Wood nodded, her smile softening. “I definitely can. If you close your eyes for a minute I’ll take care of that for you.”
The magic wand swirled around and it was one of the hardest things, to keep her eyes closed. Even if she opened them she doubted she would be able to make sense of the black and white pictures, but it would be tempting to try.
“Okay, here you go.”
BB took the envelope, a sense of foreboding and anticipation rolling through her. She would put this somewhere safe and imagine opening it every day.
That visit impelled her to get a move on with the renovation she wanted. Contractors were plentiful in the area but booked out for a long time. She finally settled on one that was highly rated, Dave Colson. When she told him what she wanted he was extremely amenable and didn’t foresee any problems. At first, he told her it would be after Christmas before they could even start on it, but she knew this game. When she offered a significant bonus for completion before Christmas, he hemmed and hawed, complaining about demanding women, but his timeline changed and his crew doubled.
The change meant that within a week she was dodging contractors in their home and had been pushed out of her office. She was extending the house toward the back, absorbing an old patio that they hadn’t used much. But she was replacing it with a covered back patio with an outdoor kitchen. It would be stunning by the time it was done.
She found the comic strip changing. In it, she imagined the main character, Sonja Sniddlebee, finding herself with an unplanned pregnancy. The strips themselves were due for publication for a couple of months, after Christmas, so surely Lincoln would be home by then. It was a well-known secret that the strip followed her life and more than once her sisters or friends had called her to question her about a particular thread. Sonja had recently met a man and the dating process was pure gold for humor, so she’d been able to work ahead in her schedule. If she had to, she could take several months off and there would be no repercussions to her work. Maybe, subliminally, she’d been preparing for this pregnancy.
Her office migrated to the kitchen. The light wasn’t too bad there, but it was distracting being in a high-traffic area. The guys were all super apologetic that they had to be in her space, but there was only so much they could do to be quiet and respectful. Her work kind of paused as she waited for the contractors to be done. If she could have given him a set of keys and gotten out of town it wouldn’t have been so bad, but she knew Lincoln had a lot of valuable things in his gun safe. If something happened to that when she was gone, she would never forgive herself.
So, she stayed, and tried to avoid all the workers. The double crew made the work fly and she noticed changes even when she took the dogs for walks and returned, or when she ran to the store. Since she couldn’t focus on her own work she concentrated on what to get her family for Christmas. Little things for her sisters and fun things for her nieces and nephews. There was also a Team Wives gift exchange coming up she had to find something for. Mary accompanied her on a couple of her shopping expeditions, but she was busy too, getting ready for the holidays. BB was okay not seeing her as often because it was really difficult to keep her pregnancy secret.
She had all these crazy scenarios running through her brain for Sonja pregnancy-reveal ideas, so she made sure to jot them down in her phone for later.
It was such an odd time in her life. BB would find herself gazing off into nothing, one moment excited and joyful that she and Lincoln had created a life together, then so incredibly sad that he wasn’t there to share. Those times were especially sharp when she felt the baby moving inside her. Though she’d never had issues with depression before, she felt like she could understand why people struggled with it. If her mood didn’t pick up, she would say something to the doctor at her next appointment.
Louie was a constant source of entertainment. The pup had recovered fully from his cleft-palate surgery and was going through a growth spurt because he could eat any time he wanted to now. Within a few weeks of the surgery BB could already tell that he was going to be bigger than Frankie. Frankie was still the dominant, though. A couple of times she really had to snap at the pup to keep him in line, but overall BB could tell Frankie enjoyed having another dog in the house as well.
BB signed Louie up for obedience classes. So far he was doing okay with potty training but he had the typical Frenchie stubbornness when it came to other training. He hated the leash with a passion and had already chewed two of them down to threads when she wasn’t looking.
“You get that stuff in your gut you’re going to have to have surgery again, you little shit.”
Louie cocked his head as if he understood and harrumphed at her.
Louie’s favorite place to hang out was in Lincoln’s recliner. More often than not that was where he slept, curled up with Frankie. BB had walked into the room one day and it struck her that they seemed to be waiting for him. The thought made her burst into tears for half an hour. Damn pregnancy hormones. Then she happened upon the Hallmark channel, with all of its Holiday hype. The portrayed homecomings hit her in the heart and she finally had to ban herself from watching the channel because it was making her cry so much.
She shopped for Lincoln and hoped—prayed—that he would be home before Christmas.
The contractor knew how to work his crew and within two weeks, just a few days before Christmas, the house was done. As BB walked through for the final time with Dave, she realized how much they’d been able to accomplish in such a short time. Fresh hardwood floors gleamed beneath their feet. The hallway bathroom had been redone with fresh white subway tile walls and a black tile floor. Her office, at the back, had a wall of glass to let in as much natural light as possible, and she was excited to get to work in here. The house was beautiful, and almost a third bigger. The covered outdoor kitchen was amazing, and she knew that Lincoln would love hanging out back here.
The house echoed with silence as the contractor left for the last time and she stood in the doorway of the nursery. The walls were a blank canvas, and the hardwood floor bare. Once Lincoln got home they would decide how they wanted to decorate, depending upon the sex she was carrying. They had several months to decide.
That day she went out and went a little crazy buying Christmas decorations for the house. She couldn’t do much outside but she would make sure the inside was amazing for him. She paused as she pushed the buggy through the store aisleways packed with last minute shoppers. Had he even celebrated Christmas recently? Lincoln had a few distant family members back east in New Hampshire where his dad’s family was from, and his mom still lived in Idaho. BB didn’t think she came down to California much though. How many Christmases had he been alone?
As she decorated the house, she took special care to not do too much. There had been no holiday decorations anywhere in the house, so she didn’t want to overwhelm him. She did want to remind him how amazing the season was, though. The tree she chose was small enough to sit on a small table, which served two purposes. It was less work and kept it away from destructive puppy teeth. She strung it with lights and a few small ornaments. At some p
oint she would wrap the presents she had for him, but not that night. Her energy was beginning to wane. She packed things away and went to take a bath before going to bed.
The next day BB went to the Team Wives Christmas get-together. She dressed in a black dress with a frilly green skirt decorated with ugly Christmas sweater stuff. It was super-cute and appropriate for the group. As she walked into the house she recognized a few faces but knew that she needed to meet more. This entire group was Lincoln’s SEAL Team’s significant others.
Mary introduced her to a dozen women and they all seemed incredibly nice. BB tried to remember names, but it was incredibly hard. Thankfully, some bright soul had thought to bring name tags decorated with little Christmas stickers.
Finally, she felt like she wasn’t alone as she waited for her loved-one to come home. There were almost thirty women in attendance, and they all had a look in their eyes, like their world was a little off-kilter as they waited for their husbands or boyfriends to return home. There were also three obviously pregnant women in attendance, though BB hadn’t yet met them. They all looked further along in their pregnancy. One young woman, Abigail, was heavily pregnant, and stayed seated a good part of the time. BB introduced herself and sat with her while the rest of the women mingled and talked. Abbie hadn’t been with her husband Oren very long and the deployment wait was really wearing on her.
“I’m due at the beginning of January. My mom is coming down for Christmas just in case he doesn’t make it back in time,” she laughed. “She might be my coach anyway. She’s done the classes with me.”
BB grinned and nodded. “Sounds like a plan to me. And I’m sure she’d love to be a part of the baby’s birth.”
Abbie rolled her big green eyes. “Oh, you have no idea. If Oren doesn’t get back she’s just going to move in. Or make me move home, which would be even better to her.”
BB listened attentively as Abbie talked about all of the negative things that came with being so heavily pregnant; the incredible gas, the back aches, the Braxton Hicks spasms. Then she started to talk about all the wonderful things and her face took on a radiance. BB could tell that all of the aggravation faded away as she talked about feeling the baby move inside her and being able to identify the parts.
“Like this bump?” she said, pointing to a spot just below her right breast. “This is a foot. And when he wakes up he kicks me here. His head is down here, which is good,” she said, indicating a place on her lower left side. “He’s getting into position to be born. But he must have a bowling ball head because I have to pee every hour. It is no fun,” she laughed, but BB could see how much she actually enjoyed being pregnant.
“When are you due?” Abbie asked.
BB froze and her mouth fell open a little. “Um, I, uh…”
Abbie looked a little crestfallen. “You did know, right?”
BB nodded, glancing around. “I did, yes, but I was trying to keep it under wraps. I want Lincoln to be the first to know.”
Abbie’s expression softened, and she smiled. “Ah, I get it. Forget I said anything, then. But if you have questions, feel free to call me. Your body does some amazing things this first time and some of them are kind of crazy. And they could be scary. The first time I got Braxton Hicks I hightailed my butt to the hospital, only to be sent home again an hour later,” she laughed.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” BB said.
They swapped phone numbers. BB really liked Abbie and she hoped the teams returned in time for Oren to see his son born. Lincoln needed to return, too, because BB was starting to grow out of her clothes. It was a good thing she liked full-skirted dresses but even this one was beginning to pinch.
The gift exchange was cute and there was a lot of laughter. Women who had been without their men for a long time tended to think about sex a lot, so there were a lot of dirty gifts mixed in with the clean. BB could totally see using this in the comic strip. Unobtrusively she drew a little sketch pad out of her purse and sketched a few things out.
By the time she headed home she was relaxed and happy. There’d been a lot of laughter as well as some tears, and there was a feeling to the group… the men had their Teams, but the women had their own brand of solidarity as well. She went home feeling more solid. Seeing so many women in her own position made her feel better about the uncertainty she was feeling. BB hoped, for all their sakes, that the men came home soon.
Chapter Five
Her cell phone rang as she was pulling up to the house twenty minutes later and she looked at the display. Mary. She would have to call her back after she changed and let the dogs out. She sent the call to voicemail.
Dragging on lightweight sweats and a t-shirt, she headed to the laundry room to let the dogs out. Louie had chewed a corner of her white wicker laundry hamper. “Oh, Louie. What the hell, dog? You have perfectly good Kongs to chew on. Why do you have to destroy my stuff?”
He danced around her legs excitedly, glad to see her, and BB laughed. “You are such an ornery little bastard, dog.” She looked at Frankie. “You need to be teaching him better, lady.”
She let them into the back yard to play, then returned to clean up the hamper mess. By the time she returned Mary’s call, it had been almost half an hour.
Mary answered on the first ring. “Get your ass to the base! Now! They’re flying in.”
For a moment, the words didn’t compute, then her brain started to fire and her heart to race. “Are you serious?” she gasped.
“Yes, go! They’re probably on the ground now, or almost.”
She hung up, dazed. BB stared at her phone for a long minute, trying to absorb the fact that Lincoln was here. Or at least she thought he was. There was a chance Justin had received bad information, but that was unlikely. His info had always been spot on. Retired didn’t mean disconnected.
She looked at her phone. Mary had called her six times over the past half hour. Damn it! No calls from Lincoln, though.
BB darted to the back door to call the dogs in and Louie decided he didn’t want to come in. She physically had to go outside and chase his ass down, which he thought was an absolutely brilliant game. Her balance had changed, though, and more than once she had to catch herself on the outdoor furniture before she fell. BB had a feeling she would be paying for this chase for a long time, in more ways than one. She dropped Louie into the laundry room, kicked the chewed hamper out into the hallway and put up the baby gate to keep them in the room. Then she looked down at herself. Did she have time to change? No, probably not. She still had her party makeup on and her dangly Christmas ornament earrings, but Link would have to be happy to see her in gray sweats. Grabbing her purse and keys she darted out the door to her car.
The drive to the base had never taken so long. Every plane that flew overhead she wondered if Link was looking down at her. There were no other missed calls on her cell phone, so she was a little confused. Surely, he would have called her to let her know that he was coming home?
Or what if he was injured? Was that why he hadn’t called? Her stomach clenched and she fought to keep her breathing under control. She wasn’t borrowing trouble. In just a few minutes she would be able to see with her own eyes what was going on.
Pulling to the hangar where he’d landed last time, she looked around. The lot was crowded with vehicles, but she didn’t see a lot of people moving around. Were they all inside the hangar? Jumping out of the car she jogged toward the massive building. As soon as she stepped through the door, she knew Justin’s intel was solid gold. She immediately began to recognize faces of the men in Lincoln’s team. Toro and his wife Brittany were right in front of her. But where was Lincoln? She scanned the crowd, desperate. Had they left him behind for some reason? If he was injured, they would have wheeled him off first…
Strong arms wrapped around her from behind, pulling her against a solid chest. A grizzled face immediately nuzzled into her ear. “Hey, baby,” he rasped.
BB burst into tears and twisted in his arms. Ther
e he was, looking strong and dirty and worn out, like he’d just come through hell. Cupping his face she leaned in to meet his lips, breathing him in. The relief she felt was almost crippling. “You didn’t call me,” she gasped.
He pulled back enough to press a kiss to her forehead. “I dropped my phone and it went black screen. I’m sorry, baby. We’ve got some housekeeping to do because I didn’t even have you listed as my next-of-kin or anything, so I didn’t even have your phone number.”
BB shook her head. No, he’d been called up suddenly and they hadn’t had a chance to do a lot of things. “You’re here now,” she breathed, the tears easing. “I have so much to tell you.”
“I love you,” he said, cupping her face. “I’ve missed you like you would not believe. You are so beautiful to me. I worried that you wouldn’t know we were back in country and I would be meeting the plane alone again.”
Just the thought of that made her heart ache. “Justin,” she said simply. “Mary called me like, forty minutes ago. That’s why I’m in sweats. I didn’t have time to dress for you.”
“I don’t need the dress, just you.”
BB looked down at herself and realized that the lightweight sweats weren’t concealing her as well as they used to. She glanced up at Link. He’d gone still and was very pointedly looking down at her little belly. At five months it was barely noticeable, but of course he had noticed. He blinked and looked up at her, his mouth open. “Is that…are you?”
She nodded, tears flooding her eyes again. “Yes. And yes,” she laughed. Link’s eyes glistened and she realized he was tearing up as well. “I found out a couple months ago.”
One of his hands went to her tummy, cupping the gentle roundness, and he rested his forehead against hers, creating a little bubble of intimacy. “I had no idea,” he breathed.
It took him a minute to get a hold of his emotions, but he didn’t appear to care that his men saw him fighting tears. BB appreciated that. She never wanted him to be afraid to express what he felt.