“You just can’t wait to get away from me, can you ?”
She let her head fall back and stared at the ceiling. “You know what? I can’t. I can’t wait to get away from you and get to my own bed. And then I’ll have to wash my sheets because they smell like you. And I just can’t wait yippee yahoo .”
I reached for her hand but she pulled away and turned her back to me. Sighing, I headed to the door and opened it for her. “I’ll take you home .”
“Whatever .”
“This isn’t what I want, either, Denny. Don’t you understand, I almost killed you .”
“You didn’t kill me, some lunatic in a gray pickup was the one shooting .”
“This is the life. The life I have to offer you .”
She held up her hand to stop me. “Yet, you’re the one who’s calling the shots. I’m tired of this. Just take me home. You’ve obviously made up your mind .”
“Fuck!” I gripped the door hard enough to pull it right off the hinges. Tossing it across the room, onto the bed, I swore again and headed out .
Denny wasn’t happy right then, but she’d be grateful later. That’s what I told myself. It’d be better in the long run for her. The only way to protect her from the life I knew only too well was to do what my father should have done but wasn’t man enough. Let her go .
23
Denny
“S o, what happened ?”
I looked over at Carter and shrugged. “Nothing .”
She frowned. “What do you mean? Something obviously happened.” We were walking to St. Anon. We were both a little bit late, not unusual for me .
“Well, yeah. They caught that man that shot at us. He’s going away for a very long time .”
I hadn’t seen Raif since he’d dropped me off that morning two weeks prior. I’d been so angry at him that I’d just slammed his truck door and gone inside without looking back. He’d left a few voice mails, but I deleted them without listening .
They’d caught that drug dealer the same night. A part of me had hoped he’d come by and tell me about it himself, but he never did. I’d spent the first week in bed, mourning the loss of my mate. I’d been getting out more, though, and I was trying to be positive about everything .
“And with you? What happened with you? Has he called ?”
Being positive was hard . “No .”
Carter put her arms around my shoulders. “Don’t be sad. He can’t stay away from you for that long .”
I knew better. I didn’t want to talk about it, though. We were coming up on Helen’s property and would soon be at the meeting. I knew that none of my friends would ask direct questions about Raif in front of everyone .
I chose not to shift and run with everyone that night. I felt terrible. There was something about losing Raif that weighed me down like a sack of concrete around my neck. I knew it would be difficult, but I hadn’t expected brutal. I didn’t feel like doing anything. I longed for him and I hated that. It never ended. It never eased up. It just intensified. Each night I went to bed wanting him and each morning I woke up wanting him more .
After St. Anon, everyone else went running while I walked home with Sonnie. As a human, she couldn’t do the running through the woods thing. We were mostly quiet, but when we came to her house, she smiled at me and took my hand .
“I love you, Denny. I know you’re sad, but I’m here for you .”
I did everything to blink away the tears at the back of my eyes. I was tired of crying. “Thanks. I love you , too .”
She ruffled my hair and backed towards her door. “My psychic friend from Eureka? She told me that he’s coming back .”
I sighed. “ He’s not .”
She nodded behind me. “You sure about that ?”
I spun around to look. Nothing. Turning back to her, I shook my head as tears rained down my cheeks. “Why did you do that ?”
She smiled. “Because you’re hiding your emotions and it isn’t healthy. That hope you have is still there and you shouldn’t bury it. He’s coming back, Denny .”
“I screwed up. Maybe I should have asked him to stay .”
“He’ll be back.” She shrugged. “Carter didn’t think Alec was coming back. I’ve only ever seen one person’s mate not come back and that was a long time ago, and it was a freak situation. It’s nothing that you have to worry about, no matter what your scattered little brain is telling you right now .”
“Did you just call me scatterbrained ?”
She grinned. “I meant it in the nicest possible way. That man of yours is stubborn as a mule, but he’s not stupid. He’ll be back .”
I nodded, even though I had zero faith in her words. Zero. Raif wasn’t coming back. He’d convinced himself that we were better off apart. That he’d hurt me somehow if we were together. What did he think I was feeling with him gone? I’d also been so angry when he was trying to explain that I’d treated him poorly. I doubted he’d even want to come back .
“Whatever you say, Sonnie .”
She just kept smiling. There was a strain to her eyes when she spoke, but she tried to hide it well. “You just have to have faith .”
“And you, Sonnie ?”
She waved me off and made a big to do of fluffing the fresh floral wreath on her door. “And me? I don’t have to worry about any of it. I’m human, remember? No mates. Just some guy from Memphis who tells me he loves me, knocks me up, and then goes back to Memphis .”
“The guy from Memphis really exists ?”
She smirked at me and opened her door. “Wouldn’t you like to know? Go home, Denny. We’ve got a big day with the calendar distribution and the festival tomorrow .”
I faked a gag. “Don’t remind me .”
I waited until she was inside before continuing home. I took my time because being in my apartment wasn’t any more comforting than being out of my apartment lately. I stopped and stared in at my studio on the way and admired the new window. The insurance had fixed it almost immediately and there was no other damage done to the shop, besides the bullet holes in my backdrop. But, since I’d been working with the rustic paneled barn wood background, I was able to repair it and make the bullet holes look like knots in the wood slats .
The studio looked beautiful, but somehow different since Raif left. Everything was different. What if I hadn’t been so awful to him that last night together in the motel? What if I had asked him to stay? Would I still be suffering from a broken heart, or would we be together ?
It sucked .
I blew out a big breath and climbed the stairs to my apartment. I let myself in and went straight to my bed to fall back on it and stare up at the ceiling. Same as every night. Life was a bitch .
24
Raif
H elen’s Corner was wilder than usual. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was happening until I turned onto Main Street and saw the banner for the Harvest Festival strewn across the road. Driving through town, I noticed there were way more men hanging around than I’d ever seen there before. All sorts of men, all over the place. Christ, it was a fucking sausage fest .
I parked in front of Denny’s studio and took a deep breath. I knew I was about to get my ass handed to me. I also knew I deserved it. I didn’t care, honestly. As long as I got to see Denny, she could scream at me all she wanted. Being away from her for two weeks had been agony .
With a sense of desperation that threatened my sanity, I hurried to the studio door and tried to open it. It was the middle of the day on a Wednesday. I assumed she’d be open, but the studio was locked. Not to be deterred, I climbed the steps to her apartment and knocked. No answer .
Maybe she was mulling around the festival. Heading back downstairs, I hiked up the street keeping an eye out for her. I had a lot to make up for and I wanted to start doing it right away .
I elbowed my way through crowds only partially listening to conversations .
“I got Miss July’s signature down at that bed and breakfast. She’s hot , man .”
“Miss May is selling cupcakes right up the street .”
“November is smoking , too .”
A sick feeling came over me and I peered over a guy’s shoulder to see if he was looking at what I thought he was looking at. Sure enough, dressed in a tiny deer costume that barely covered her, with big brown eyes and a “come hither” look was Miss November, Denny .
“Nice tail , huh ?”
I glared at the little shithead. I snatched the calendar out of his hands and inhaled deeply, trying to search out Denny. There were too many scents. “Where is she ?”
“Dude, what’s your problem ?”
“Where is she? Where’s November ?”
He winced and stepped back. “She’s in front of the bed and breakfast down the street, across from the flower shop .”
Nodding, I ripped out Denny’s picture and handed him the calendar back. I tried to calm down as I stormed down the street, but it wasn’t easy. My wolf was scratching at my skin and howling in anger that I’d been stupid enough to ever walk away from her .
I knew that she could do what she wanted, especially since I’d left her, but I needed to see her and touch her to calm him down .
I spotted her from a football field away. She was perched on a metal stool, her bare legs crossed. Her hair was in two buns at the top of her head, her makeup was done up like a deer and she was in that way too small fucking brown suede bra and panty set. One bare foot rested on a bar on the stool and the other bounced in the air, drawing attention to her toenails painted a bright white. White nail polish and a glittering toe ring .
When I realized I wasn’t breathing, I forcibly inhaled. She was beautiful. More beautiful than I remembered. I crossing to her without realizing my feet were moving. My heart thundered. I was a complete idiot for not letting that woman know how much she meant to me .
I’d been miserable without her. I hadn’t been able to sleep well since meeting her. Fighting the mating bond had been rough with her next to me, but trying to live without her was sheer torture .
I was halfway to her when she glanced over, saw me, and froze. Her foot stopped moving and her eyes went wide. Her cheeks turned red, along with her chest and everything else. I knew because I could see everything else .
She remained still as I closed the distance between us to stand in front of her. Her eyes held mine and filled with tears that broke my heart. Her mouth opened and she looked like she was trying to say something, but then she snapped it shut and bit her lip .
“Hey .”
“Hey .”
I had to play this gently. Take it slow. No barging in and throwing her over my shoulder caveman style. “Can we go somewhere to talk ?”
“I’m working .”
“ I’ll wait .”
She shook her head and crossed her legs in the other direction, shifting away from me. “You’re wasting your time, detective .”
I gently placed my hands on her thighs and leaned closer. “I need to talk to you, Denny. I made a mistake. I’m fucking stupid for thinking that I was making the best decision for you. I’d like to explain things, if you’d let me .”
She stared at me, her lips pressed together tightly. Her body gave her away, I could smell her arousal, but that wouldn’t get me forgiveness. I hadn’t hurt her body. “I’m busy with this today. I can’t… I can’t do it today .”
I brushed my thumbs over her soft skin and nodded. “Tomorrow ?”
She looked away . “Busy .”
I leaned in and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “I’ll be here .”
She shivered. “Where? You’ll be where ? ”
“At a rental house in Smith. I’ll be available whenever you call.” She had my phone number, so I pulled a card out of my wallet and scribbled my address on it just in case. “ Please call .”
I had to force myself to turn and walk away. It wasn’t easy. My heart was in my throat and my stomach was churning everything I’d eaten for breakfast that morning like a cement mixer. I would wait for her though, just like I’d said. For as long as it took .
This time, I wasn’t going anywhere .
25
Denny
M y heart was pounding in my chest like a jackhammer. My eyes remained on Raif’s back until he disappeared. I dug my nails into the stool I was sitting on to keep from chasing after him .
“What is wrong with you?” Muddy appeared from who knew where and elbowed me. “That was a man in love coming to you with his tail between his legs. Go talk to him !”
I stood up and brushed my hands over my face. I felt like I was in shock. “I can’t. I can’t talk to him yet .”
“Why ?”
“What if he didn’t mean it? What if he leaves again? I can’t keep doing the back and forth .”
She smacked my arm. “Go. I mean it. Talk to him and at least listen to what he has to say. If it isn’t good, I’ll bake you a cheese Danish for the next two months straight. Every morning .”
“You don’t bake .”
“Well, Carter drops off baked goods every morning, I’ll have her bake you cheese Danish. Just go before you he gets too far away. You deserve to be happy.” She pushed me away .
I sighed loudly, but took a couple of steps .
She grinned and shooed me. “That’s the spirit. Go, Denny. Get out of here .”
I grabbed the wrap dress I’d worn from the bag at my feet and tugged it on. “If this goes poorly, you’ll be cleaning up the mess that I’ll become for months on end .”
“And if it goes well, you’ll have your mate .”
My heart skipped one jackhammer rotation. My fingers slipped while tying the dress and I bit my lip. Could it go well? After everything ?
“Go !”
I scowled at her, but hurried away, just the same. I pushed through the crowd that had gathered to purchase calendars. I inhaled deeply and caught a hint of Raif. It was enough. I hurried after him, desperately searching, as I tried to ignore the nagging insecurities threatening to expose themselves .
Across the street, I spotted his truck. He was climbing in, his head down. The idea of it going well with him and that stupid niggling hope urged me on. I raced towards him calling his name .
Raif straightened and turned. His eyes looked tired, sad even, and that shattered every ounce of bitterness in me that wanted to hurt him. His beard had grown out and he looked a little bit like a wild man, but he was still gorgeous .
I was stupid. I was so stupid. I didn’t learn my lesson. My mom’s mom used to say that I was too optimistic. No matter how many times my dad hurt us, I still welcomed him with open arms .
I pushed through the crowd faster. Maybe I was too optimistic, but he was my mate .
Raif strode to the end of his truck waiting to see what I would say or do as I approached. I jumped into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. I needed to be as close to him as I could be. I held his face in my hands and kissed him. Stroking his lips with my tongue, I tasted him and moaned. For the first time in weeks, I felt like I was able to breath .
Raif’s hands gripped my ass and held me firmly to him. His kiss was hungry and needy, his teeth bumped against mine in our haste. “Fuck, Den, I’m so sorry .”
I ran my hands through his hair, enjoying the longer length. Tugging at it, I met his eyes. “How long are you staying ?”
“Forever. I left the Chicago Police Department and got hired at the Smith PD. I’m here for good. I messed up. I’m sorry.” He buried his face against my neck and kissed me. “I freaked out. I don’t have an example of how this should go, and I didn’t want to end up hurting you like my dad did to my mom .”
“I didn’t want to live on lies and empty promises like my mom. But, we’re not them, Raif. We’re different. We’re us .”
He lifted his head and kissed me again. Deeply and sensually, his mouth made love to mine in a way that left me breathless and dazed. “Let’s go somewhere .”
I looked around an
d nodded. “Anywhere .”
He dropped me onto his truck seat and barely waited for me to scoot over before climbing in after me. He started it, revved the engine, and drove over the curb, over the sidewalk in front of my studio, and away from town .
“Where are we going ?”
“Anywhere, right ?”
I ran my hand up his thigh and nodded. “Anywhere .”
He sped up, then took a sharp right turn. He drove off the road and parked in a grove of trees before pulling me onto his lap. My ass bumped the steering wheel and honked the horn, but it didn’t matter .
“I don’t deserve you.” His hands gripped my breasts and pushed them together as he buried his face between them and inhaled deeply. “Fuck. Denny, I’m sorry. I used to think my job mattered so much. It doesn’t. It only mattered when it was all I had. When you entered my life, you became the thing that mattered most. I have a new job. Making you happy .”
I dug my fingers into his hair and rocked my hips against the bulge in his pants. “Sounds good. Make me happy .”
He pulled my dress apart enough to reveal my bra and sucked the top of my breast into his mouth. Biting down, he nipped me and then moved to the other breast before looking up at me. “I mean it. I fucked up. I thought I was making the best choice for you. My job can be awful, Denny. Sometimes I bring shit home with me .”
I stopped and leaned down to press kisses to his forehead and eyes and the rest of his face. When I got to his mouth, I hovered over his lips and whispered. “What’s the worst we’re looking at ?”
He shivered. “Well, Smith doesn’t have a very high crime rate, so I think it might be a cake walk compared to Chicago .”
I kissed him, slow and steady. Taking his lower lip into my mouth, I sucked and bit it before leaning back .
His hand stroked my cheek and then wrapped loosely around my throat, his thumb moving up and down my neck. “I wanted to keep the ugly away from you. I still do. I don’t want you hurt .”
Wolf Detective Page 9