“But Mom - ” Eva tried to protest, to find a way to explain the truth of her feelings .
“I know you don’t love him. But that doesn’t always matter so much if you can find happiness in other things, and you will Eva. Don’t listen when Beaver Creek calls to your heart - listen to your head instead, you’ll find peace that way .”
Eva stared worriedly down at her mother. This was so unlike her. She loved her husband fiercely, and had such a happy marriage. Eva could remember previous conversations from when she was younger, where her mother had told Eva repeatedly that one day she’d find a man she fell head-over-heels in love with, and suddenly the world would make sense .
“Go to bed, honey. We’re going to have a big day tomorrow.” Her mother patted her hand gently, “Leave me here – I’m going to see in the dawn, just this once .”
Eva left reluctantly, making her way upstairs to her room. Her mother was clearly deeply unhappy about something. She hoped when her dad came home from his fishing trip in the morning she would feel better. Maybe she just missed him .
All in all, she thought, as her head hit the pillow that night, it had been a very strange evening .
4
S ebastian came to with a jolt. The morning sun was too bright above him, and he instinctively lifted his arms to shade himself. As he did so he felt a dull throbbing ache at his shoulder blade, and last night’s events came flooding back .
He bolted up into a sitting position, his eyes coming to rest on his father sitting on the fallen log next to the long-dead fire. The pair stared at each other, Sebastian frantically scanning his father’s body to check if he was hurt. He seemed fine, and Sebastian exhaled a sigh of relief .
“I’m sorry, Son.” His father broke the silence before Sebastian could speak .
“What the hell happened?” asked Sebastian. He felt groggy and stiff, feeling the effects of spending the night on the forest floor .
His father sighed, his eyes cast downward. He hesitated a moment before finally speaking, “It was time .”
“Jesus dad, what are you talking about? There was a pack of wolves here last night, I was attacked - I thought I was a dead man – how on earth am I still alive?” Sebastian stood up and surveyed the forest floor. No dead wolf .
“I thought…I thought I killed one, maybe I’m imagining it…” He looked at his father, incomprehension written across his face .
“Well, you did. You were attacked – though, well, the pack wasn’t here to kill you. The creatures you saw last night are the remaining Tanana shape-shifters.” He said the last line in a near whisper, but Sebastian got the gist of his explanation .
“Dad, I’m sorry, but please don’t start with that stuff again, I feel like shit, and I’m confused as hell right now. Do we have any coffee ?”
Sebastian slowly made his way toward the lodge to collect the supplies and find the camping stove he and his father bought with them on most overnight trips .
His father was silent while he set up the stove and got the water boiling. He was still trying to make sense of what had happened, the only conclusion he could rationally come to was that his father had found a way to scare them off, otherwise – well, it was a miracle he was alive .
“So what did you do – how did you get rid of them?” he asked, mixing up the coffee for the two of them, and handing his father a cup .
“I didn’t. I told you – they weren’t here to kill you. Did you hear a word I said last night?” His father sounded angry, but his aggressive tone was tinged with sadness .
“The wolf has always been strong in you,” he continued, “Haywood knew it, he wanted you to join the pack, but I kept telling him to wait - ”
“Eva’s father? What’s this got to do with him?” Sebastian’s question was curt, and his father raised his eyebrows in an unspoken question .
“He is, was, the pack leader.” Replied his father .
“Was ?”
“You killed him last night. They boys have already taken his body. You’re the pack leader now , son .”
Sebastian sunk his head into his hands. This was all too much to take in, he didn’t know if his dad had gone crazy, or if he had. All he could really comprehend was that he had somehow managed to kill Eva’s father. The realization hit him full force, and he felt sick to his stomach. Not only had he taken another man’s life, but he had taken a life that was so precious to the one person he wouldn’t ever want to hurt for all the world. Eva would never forgive him .
He would never forgive himself .
“I know you’re hurting. I know this is some scary, strange stuff – but I need you to understand that you took his life trying to protect your own. They should never have done it like this .”
Sebastian pulled himself together and looked at his father .
“Say for a moment I believe all this wolf crap – I want to know, is this the reason we’ve been selling timber to Haywood for years for nothing ?”
“Yes. I was buying him off. Making him wait .”
“Jesus dad.” Sebastian started to clear away the equipment, he was trying his best to untangle some logical sense in what his father was saying, or at the very least to poke some holes in his whiskey-induced theories, “And if I’m wolf, then why aren’t you ?”
“I was. I stopped succumbing to the urges when your mother got sick.” He took a gulp of coffee before continuing, “Didn’t want you to grow up alone. I rejected my wolf, and eventually the call to change became weaker. Haywood never really forgave me .”
Sebastian tried to process what his dad was saying, but he couldn’t really comprehend the idea of his own father as a creature similar to what he’d seen last night .
“Where are the rest of them – the pack?” Sebastian asked .
“Waiting where we parked. Waiting for you .”
“Great.” Sebastian picked up the hiking rucksack that carried all their belongings. “You coming?” he asked his dad .
“Billy Payne’s picking me up later this afternoon. You need to do this by yourself .”
Sebastian eyed him wearily. “You knew this was going to happen last night, didn’t you ?”
His dad replied with a wane smile, “Yeah. But believe me, it’s the thing I’ve been dreading most ever since I held you in my arms as a baby. But it’s the way things got to be .”
Sebastian nodded. He didn’t have much to say to that .
He turned and made his way into the forest, in a mile or so he’d pick up the dirt path and make his way down to the truck, and, if his father were to be believed, a leaderless pack of waiting wolves .
5
A group of roughly four or five men stood waiting for Sebastian when he entered the clearing where his truck stood. They surrounded the vehicle. As he drew closer, he recognized all of them as town locals, but seeing them stand like this, he saw the similarities between them all – they looked in a strange way like a family, or he supposed, a pack. All were tall, all had varying degrees of muscle – the younger ones sinewy and almost lanky, the older men built on the sturdier side .
“How’s it going?” one of the younger boys called out, with a big grin on his face. Sebastian recognized him as Taylor, a boy of about sixteen he knew quite well – Sebastian had slept with his mother the first autumn that Eva went off to Harvard. At the time he didn’t think he would ever see Eva again; Taylor’s mom was a tool to drive away the pain .
“Hey.” He spoke curtly, not quite able to join in with Taylor’s jovial tone .
Strangely enough, they all looked pretty happy to see him. Sebastian nodded toward Logan, the garage mechanic in Beaver Creek, who he’d occasionally had a beer with, and his son, Felix, a boy of about eighteen and his friend Elliott – a boy who had a notorious reputation, and had been in and out of juvenile detention since he was about fourteen. He was a nice kid though, as long as you didn’t put a drink in him. The unreality of the situation aside, Sebastian was starting to feel a bit more normal – these
were all good guys he knew and respected. He was startled to see boys so young here, but they were good kids .
Then Lucian Trestler stepped around from behind the driver’s cab of the truck, and Sebastian started to feel less comfortable. His expression was anything but welcoming. His jet black hair was slicked down with so many layers of gel you could practically see the birds in the sky reflected off it, and his pock marked skin looked as greasy as his hair. He was wearing the same too-tight black jeans he always wore, and studded black leather cowboy boots. He flicked down a cigarette butt on the floor, as if it were a challenge, then stepped forward and slowly ground it beneath his heel .
Sebastian curled his lip. Lucian was a nasty piece of work – Sebastian had heard stories about the way he treated co-workers and women alike. There were rumours that he also had a thing for young girls. Really young girls .
“You feeling up to being our leader, boy?” Lucian said with a sneer. He spat out a stream of gob on the front wheel of Sebastian’s truck .
“Leave it, Lucian” Logan interrupted, shooting Lucian a dirty look. Sebastian just stared at Lucian. Men like him, disgusting men with no morals and no dignity didn’t threaten or scare Sebastian. They just made his blood run white-hot with rage .
“If you don’t think I’m up for it, why don’t you challenge me – that’s how it works, right? Then I’ll have an excuse to rip your fucking head off.” Sebastian’s voice was low, calm and deadly .
There was silence, and then Lucian roared with laughter .
“Maybe I will, maybe I’ll do just that.” He walked off toward another waiting truck .
“Felix, Elliott, go with Lucian. Taylor – you ride with me and Seb.” Logan barked out orders to the younger kids .
“Really?” Felix looked pleadingly at his dad, when Lucian was out of earshot .
“Yeah – keep him calm, kid.” Logan squeezed his son on his shoulder, before walking toward Sebastian’s own truck. “You got the keys to this beast ?”
The two trucks exited the White Mountain forest, and joined the highway back to Beaver Creek .
6
S ebastian pulled into the driveway of Eva’s house. He cut the engine but made no move to exit the car. Lucian and the others had stopped off at a gas station to buy beer and crisps .
“I know it’s tough. I’m sorry Seb. It wasn’t your fault.” Logan agitatedly ran a hand through his hair. Taylor was subdued for the first time since they’d left the forest .
“And Eva knows nothing about this, right?” Sebastian asked .
“She knows nothing. Her mother does,” replied Logan .
“So we lie to her ?”
“Yeah. We lie. Say it was an accident. As far as she knows, her dad was on a fishing trip all this weekend .”
Sebastian looked down at the dashboard and felt sick. He was about to break her heart. He, Logan and Taylor piled out of the car. As soon as Sebastian’s feet hit the gravel pathway, he felt the familiar tug on his chest that he always felt when he was around Eva. As if a string was pulling him from the inside, always guiding him true and steady, to her .
Eva was in her room. There were stacks of study books weighing down her desktop that she had barely looked at since she arrived home. At the moment she was happy lying on her bedspread, letting the light summer breeze wash over her. The same feeling of contentment from last night had been growing steadily again since about two hours ago. She had decided not to question it, and just let it flood through her body unexamined .
The only worry was her mother. She had made her breakfast this morning, and had tried to put on a brave face, but Eva could see she hadn’t slept last night. Her father had been delayed on the fishing trip, but when Eva had tried to ask her about it, she had been shut down. The subject clearly made her mother anxious, so Eva decided to drop it. If her parents hadn’t been so blissfully happy together she would have been worried about an affair or something similar, but for all her father’s bad points – Eva knew he wasn’t the easiest man in the world, as much as he loved both her and her mother – she didn’t believe he would do anything like that .
Her contemplation was interrupted by the sound of a very familiar truck pulling up in the drive. Eva’s heart skipped a beat and she ran to the window, and looking down she saw Sebastian exit the truck with two other men. He was wearing a plain black t-shirt and jeans, his hair even messier than usual. She felt a delicious shiver unfurling down her spine: he looked even more heartbreakingly beautiful than usual. She heard the knock at the door and hastily ran to her dresser to check her reflection. Her eyes were a little shadowed from such a late night, but other than that she was okay. She shook her hair out of it’s headband and smoothed out some of the kinks .
She heard her mother open the door, and started making her way downstairs. Her legs felt a little wobbly, causing her to clasp the banister. She heard the group make their way into the kitchen, their voices muttering softly .
She stood for a moment in the hallway, composing herself before she opened the door .
“I’m so sorry Mrs Haywood. More than you know.” Sebastian was speaking to her mother. As she entered he turned to look at her, and for a split second she saw a naked glance of such intense remorse, regret and pain that it jolted her. The look was swiftly replaced by his usual mask of indifference, leaving Eva to believe she must have imagined it .
“Hi Eva” Taylor smiled at her uncertainly. She noticed he was with Logan, who was looking stonily at the floor .
“What’s going on?” Eva asked hesitantly. Logan was meant to be on the fishing trip with her father .
Her mother came toward her and embraced her tightly. When she drew away, Eva could see she’d been crying again .
“Eva, forgive me, I couldn’t find the words earlier. It’s you father - ” she was struggling to finish her sentence, her breathing coming out in ragged grasps. Sebastian gently interrupted, “Your father passed away last night, Eva, I’m so sorry.” He looked at her directly, his expression carefully blank .
Eva felt as if the floor had shifted away from beneath her, and she clasped onto her mother. White noise filled her head .
“I’m sorry, what, what did you say?” her words came out in a whisper .
It was Eva’s mother that answered her this time. “I’m so sorry. He’s gone. Eva, I’m so sorry.” She broke into heavy sobbing. Eva watched her, disorientated – she knew she should be comforting her, but her body didn’t seem to be able to move. Instead Logan gently took her mother into his arms. She clung onto him .
“How?” She directed her question at Sebastian .
“It was a fishing accident. He fell in the lake.” His reply was short, but not unkind. His eyes were watching her every movement, as if she were about to fall to the floor, or break down and start screaming hysterically. But Eva felt empty .
Internally Sebastian was a typhoon of misery and rage. He hated lying to her, hated what he’d done. Most of all he hated watching the light die from behind her eyes. When she had entered the kitchen he had been dumbstruck by her beauty. There was something that had changed, as if something inside her had shifted – a lightness that hadn’t been there before. Now it was draining out of her, and he was responsible for destroying whatever that light was .
“Your mother should get some rest. Taylor can take her upstairs. I’m going to wait outside.” Logan gestured to Taylor. The boy took her gently in his arms and escorted Eva’s shaking mother out of the kitchen .
She was left alone with Sebastian .
H e stood, silently. Not moving a muscle, just watching her .
“Can I get you anything, or call someone for you?” he asked, breaking the heavy silence .
Eva almost laughed at that, clearly he wanted to be as far away from her as possible. The knowledge of that almost sent her over the edge, as a great ball of sorrow built up within her .
“No.” She felt a little blurry. Her breath started coming in short little gasps, as if a hea
vy weight was pushing down on her chest. She put her hand out to grab the kitchen counter, holding herself upright .
“Shit – you’re having a panic attack.” His voice came through to her as if he were standing at the end of a long tunnel. She heard Sebastian rummage through the cupboard under the sink, but she couldn’t see anything properly, and black shapes kept dancing across her vision .
Sebastian held a paper bag up against her mouth, “Breathe into this, and put your head between your legs.” He commanded. He stepped away and pulled out a chair, gesturing for her to sit down. She moved over, trying to catch and control her heavy gasps for air. They remained in silence, Eva slowly calming her breathing, and Sebastian standing a few paces away from her .
Eventually Eva removed the bag from her face and sat upright. She knew her eyes were full of tears, and felt vaguely ashamed of her emotions in the face of his cold exterior .
It took all the control Sebastian was capable of not to pick her up in his arms and hold her tight, gently caressing and kissing her pain away. He felt repulsed at his feelings toward her – if he wasn’t so violently in love with her he could have comforted her properly, like he knew he should be doing now, but was incapable of. As she sat on the chair, trying to calm herself, he could see she wasn’t wearing a bra. In response he could feel his jeans become uncomfortably tight around the crotch, and abruptly turned to face the window, away from her. He was here telling Eva that her father had died, knowing he was the cause of it, and yet his body betrayed him so utterly – his lustful feelings toward her didn’t belong in this moment. This moment or any moment, he mentally checked himself .
“Sebastian?” It was the first time she had ever called him by his name. He spun round, and their eyes locked. In that moment he almost lost all control – there was something about his name coming from her lips that spun his world on its axis .
Wolf Detective Page 33