She could see the reluctance in his gaze. “I don’t wish for anyone to know who I truly am.”
That didn’t surprise her, but she had a feeling he didn’t mean what she concluded. She struggled to understand his reasoning. “What do you mean?”
“As far as anyone knows I am merely from the highlands. No one of importance. I am not a baron.”
She shook her head, stunned. What man wouldn’t want to be titled? To take what was lawfully his? “But you’re the rightful owner. The title, the money, they go to you.”
“I’ll get the money anyway, and I don’t give a damn about the title. Henry deserves it. His father was the true baron, not mine. Just because the child was born out of wedlock doesn’t mean he’s not your late husband’s true heir.”
His unexpected kindness warmed her soul and made her believe in happily ever after. Her chest felt suddenly tight, and just like that, any reservations about marrying Gideon fell away. She had been right all along. This was the true Gideon, the man she knew he could be. “And if we have children, will it not hurt you to know that the title will not go to your son?”
He smiled, a sad, resigned sort of smile. “No. Henry deserves it. The money and title should go to him.”
She nodded, bemused. Perhaps he didn’t think he was honorable enough for the title. Or maybe he didn’t plan on having children. The realization that she might never have a baby startled her. Not that she’d thought much about having children with Mr. Ashton, but still…“Very well.”
He smoothed his fingers over the spine of a book. “If there are problems and the dowager contests Henry’s rights, then I promise to tell the truth, but only then.”
She studied his face, attempting to understand this man. He owed them nothing, so why was he willing to give up everything? Did he hope to hide here from his past life? Perhaps they could, if they kept to themselves. Perhaps no one need know that he had worked for Lady Lavender.
“I promise it will all work out,” he said softly, saying the words she should have.
It was as if a ray of sunlight had suddenly pierced the window and stabbed her in the heart. Dare she believe he wanted to try? For so long she had hoped, and now that her dreams were finally within reach, she found herself frozen with uncertainty. She was silent for a long moment, full of unease. “I wish I had half the hope that you do.”
“No need to worry. Maybe I have enough for both of us.” He smiled gently, a smile so unlike Gideon that she wasn’t sure what to think anymore. “What say you, Elizabeth, will you marry me?”
Chapter 17
Elizabeth was trembling in her cream-colored gown with the tiny rosebud print. Her fingers gripped so tightly around the bouquet of pink and yellow roses that her knuckles had actually turned white. She didn’t look at him but kept her pale face turned toward the reverend, listening with rapt attention to his words of honor and love. Was she avoiding his gaze? That didn’t bode well for their relationship.
Vaguely, Gideon realized that if anyone should be anxious, it should be him. Elizabeth might believe that Lady Lavender would keep his secret, but he knew better. The woman was as vindictive as she was coldhearted. When the world uncovered the truth about his past, Elizabeth would hate him for the shame he would bring. But his worries were forgotten as the reverend pronounced them husband and wife.
His entire chest felt warm with what could only be happiness—something he hadn’t felt in years. He slid a plain gold band upon her finger, a ring that had been her mother’s. It was a surreal, almost peaceful moment, as if nature was taking its course and everything was exactly as it should be. The entire world slowed as she tilted her head and met his gaze. In those eyes, those brilliant emerald eyes, he saw her unease. But there was something more shimmering in the background…hope. Hope for a future with him. Damn it all, he wanted to give her that future she deserved.
Her hair caught fire under the sunlight that suddenly pierced the windows and illuminated the parlor. She belonged in this brilliant yellow room, where life and joy seemed to thrive. He’d never been spiritual, but he swore it felt as if the angels were blessing her. Or maybe they were blessing him with this very moment. A moment that might not last but that he would hold tightly as long as possible.
He couldn’t help himself and lifted his hand, trailing his fingers down the side of her soft face. Her skin was like cream, so smooth and tempting. Those lush lips parted on a slight breath of warm air that brushed across his wrist. And she was his. Legally binding. His. The thought should have terrified him. Instead, he had to resist the urge to scoop her into his arms and carry her up to his bedchamber. Aye, he felt blessed, but how did she feel? He’d never cared more about a person’s thoughts than he did at that moment.
One did not live his childhood without learning to read subtle signs. There was no doubt that she was attracted to him, but did she feel the desperate need to be with him, as he felt with her? She was tired, he could see that by the brush of shadows underneath her eyes. The tremble of her smile told him she was nervous. The stiff bearing of her shoulders said she was willing to do her duty no matter what. Was that all he was to her…a means to an end?
The children’s cheer pierced the sound of blood pounding in his ears. The uncertainty in her gaze momentarily disappeared as she glanced fondly at Henry and Cally. He wanted to see that light in her eyes, always. He gripped her elbow. Her smile wavered at his touch, and his heart cracked just a bit. She’d placed her entire life in his hands, and she wasn’t sure if she could trust him. The hope Gideon so desperately desired faded. She shouldn’t trust him, and her reaction merely reminded him of the truth.
Their union was nothing much to cheer about, but still she turned to her staff and thanked them good-heartedly. Overwhelmed, he looked away as the children jumped around Elizabeth. He hadn’t been able to protect his mother or sister, but he could protect them. He would protect them. Besides, he owed her that much. Yes, she had lied to him, but she could have left him to rot at Lady Lavender’s. She hadn’t. She’d been honest even if it had been at the expense of her own life, her own future. And for that, at least, he owed her.
“Cook has made a scrumptious dinner!” Henry said.
“Congratulations.” Will grinned, slapping Gideon companionably on the shoulder.
The parlor was not full of members of the ton. Nor did it even hold neighbors from the nearby town. It was merely Elizabeth, the children, and any of the household staff that were not busy preparing the feast for the celebratory meal. It was a blur of happy, smiling faces and the soft roar of congratulations from Elizabeth’s family, and now his as well. Perhaps they would not have a fairy-tale marriage that women so often dreamt about, and perhaps this would end in his hanging. But for now he could offer her what she asked…desire and protection.
“Will,” Gideon said gruffly, “take the children into the dining room.”
The staff knew a demand when they heard one and sauntered reluctantly from the room. It was the first time he’d given a command as their new lord. Elizabeth glanced at him warily, handing the bouquet of roses to Mouse, who gladly took them and skipped away. Did she resent his control? Too bad. Henry followed Will out of the room, leaving them alone. He needed a moment with her.
The soft chirp of birds provided a natural cheerful song that floated through the open windows, the only sound in the quiet room. He’d never bothered to make conversation with the women who visited him at Lady Lavender’s and he suddenly found himself unsure what to say to his wife. Bastard, baron, street rat, whore, murderer…he’d been them all. But now…now he was merely a husband. Legal and binding, he was a married man. After all that he’d been through, being a husband terrified him the most.
“Where is your Mr. Smith?” he asked, mostly in an attempt to make conversation. Perhaps Mr. Smith hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of their marriage and had fled. He sure as hell wouldn’t miss the man. Gideon sighed, raking his hands through his hair. At the same time he didn
’t blame him for falling in love with Elizabeth. Her cheerful disposition, her unshakable courage, her beauty…
She started toward the fireplace where the hearth was cold and empty. “The truth?”
“Of course.” He followed her, bracing his hand on the mantel and studying her profile.
She, on the other hand, studied the seascape painting that hung above the fireplace. The way she avoided his gaze told him something was desperately wrong. His dark suit felt suddenly too constrictive and heavy. He watched the way her restless hands moved from her waistline to the mantel, where she picked up a porcelain dog. Aye, she was definitely up to something.
“What is it?” he demanded, annoyed that she was once again keeping secrets.
She replaced the dog. “He’s gone to talk with Alex.”
When she merely stood there awaiting his reaction, reality slowly dawned. Gideon stiffened, outraged. “Alex? As in the Alex who worked at Lady Lavender’s?”
She nodded, watching him nervously. “He thought he might have answers.”
“Why?” Damn her, why couldn’t she leave well enough alone?
Why did she always have to push for more? He spun around and paced to the windows, feeling betrayed. He was a whore, murderer, and no matter what the status of his birth…a bastard. What did she hope to find by contacting Alex? They both knew this would most likely end with his hanging. He didn’t want Alex involved, and he didn’t want Elizabeth more deeply embroiled in his past.
He spun around to face her, furious. “You had no right—”
“Gideon.” She rushed to his side and reached out, taking the cuff of his sleeve between her fingers. “Your father was friends with Alex’s father.”
Gideon stiffened, stunned. He’d heard the words, yet they made no sense. Was it another lie? Another ruse? Damn it all, how could he trust her when she’d kept so much from him? “How do you know that?”
She stepped back and wrung her hands nervously together. “Mr. Smith started investigating a year ago when Mr. Ashton realized he would not recover from his illness. He’s looked not only into your past, but your father’s as well, along with Lady Lavender’s.”
He braced an unsteady hand against the wall and slid down to the window seat. Slowly, piece by wretched piece, things were starting to fall into place. Gideon shook his head, bemused. He’d said it before, he didn’t believe in coincidences. The fact that he and Alex had been taken at the same time was nothing to get upset about. But the fact that his father and Alex’s had known each other brought things into a whole new light.
His anger faded, replaced with confusion. “They were friends?”
She nodded, watching him warily.
“Hell.” Gideon rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. What did it mean?
There was purpose behind everything Lady Lavender did. He rubbed his chin with his knuckles. If she had allowed Alex to leave, perhaps it was because Alex knew the same secret about Lady Lavender that Elizabeth had uncovered. “Alex knows something.”
Elizabeth settled beside him. “You know that for sure?”
“I’d bet my life on it.” Gideon surged to his feet and paced to the Oriental screen of painted waterbirds that stood in the far corner. “Alex left. He built a family, a home when she swore none of us would ever leave her side. She held power over all of us, some deep dark secret. He was no different. But somehow…someway…he escaped.”
“Were you close?”
He raked back his hair, his thoughts a muddled mess. It was as if something lay just out of reach; information that might change his life, his world. “We were as close as two people could be in a brothel.” He looked out at the rolling green hills, searching the memories he’d tried so hard to forget. “I wasn’t easy to get along with.”
“Really?” Even as confused as he felt, he noted the sarcasm in her voice. “You’re not angry at us for investigating?”
Yes, he was angry. He was angry that she had gone behind his back. He was angry that Lady Lavender held so much power over him. Most of all he was angry that Alex had found a way to have that happily ever after with a wife and family while his dreams might come crumbling down at any moment.
“When do you expect him back?” Gideon asked, not bothering to answer her question.
“He took the trains,” she said softly, hesitantly. “Two or three days.”
She was back to being nervous, entwining her fingers tightly together. The old Gideon would have wanted her to suffer for going behind his back. But now…now he only wanted to calm her fears, to hold her close and savor this moment before Lady Lavender arrived. And he had no doubt the woman would come for him no matter what Elizabeth’s threats.
“It’s getting late.” She stood. “Perhaps we should head to the dining room.”
She searched his face for something he wasn’t quite sure he could give her. When he remained mute, that searching gaze darkened with disappointment. She was giving up on him. She started to turn away, but not before he noticed the sparkle of tears in her eyes. The pang of guilt was almost unbearable. He reached out, resting his hand on her arm, his fingers tightening around the silky cap sleeve of her cream gown. Damn it all, he wanted to be the man she needed…if only for a few moments.
Startled, her gaze met his. “What is it?”
He didn’t say a word, merely jerked her close. With a gasp, her hands flattened to his chest. She was his wife. They were married. Married. It should have been the happiest day of her life. He wished he knew the right things to say, poetry to spew. But he was just a man, needing a woman. And so he showed her the only way he could. Gideon lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.
It was a gentle kiss, a sweet kiss. Although attraction pulsed through his body, burning so brightly he felt afire, he resisted the urge to take more. Instead, he did something he’d never done before…he let her go.
The kiss had warmed his body, but the smile she gave him warmed his soul. As she stood there, her lush body pressed to his, her eyes full of light and happiness, he knew he’d kill Lady Lavender before he’d let her hurt Elizabeth or the children.
Even if he ended up swinging from the end of a rope because of it.
Never had Gideon ever expected to be married. As a child he’d been too young to consider or care about such an adult responsibility. When he’d moved to Lady Lavender’s he’d known he was giving up everything that a normal man would expect…including marriage and a family. He’d resigned himself to a life of debauchery and primal pleasures. A life in which he would have to worry about no one but himself.
Yet, here he was…married.
And here he was…in his bedchamber. Alone.
The house was silent as Gideon stared out the windows and onto the dark, rolling land below. The only sound was the soft patter of rain against the glass. It had been hours since their celebratory dinner. A raucous event that involved the entire household eating, drinking, and even dancing country jigs. And although he’d mostly watched from the side, for a brief moment he’d actually felt a part of a family. No matter what the status of his birth, he could never belong to the ton, but perhaps he could belong here with these people.
But the merriment had ended and reality had invaded. He assumed Elizabeth was in her room waiting to see if he would arrive and demand her services. Perhaps he should have sent her flowers or chocolates. Some little gift that would show his devotion. Gideon rolled his eyes as he paced across the room. He’d been intimate with many, many women, so why was he so reluctant to see her tonight?
Because it meant so very much more than any other night, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted that sort of commitment. More importantly, he was worried that he would disappoint Elizabeth. That she would see the truth sooner or later and he would lose her. He was a murderer. He was a whore. Nothing more. He sure as hell wasn’t some bloody hero as she seemed to believe. But maybe, just maybe he could save them this once.
He started to turn when he noticed
the folded missive upon his bedside table. He knew immediately who it was from, for he could smell the scent of spring and hope upon the paper. Without thinking, he flipped open the note.
I’m requesting your presence in the conservatory.
He closed his eyes and took in a breath through clenched teeth. It would be easy to ignore the request. A month ago he would have. This was his home now, he was in charge, and he answered to no one. Yet, even as he thought the words, he knew them to be utter rubbish. He wanted to see her. He actually wanted Elizabeth, and she could bloody well demand anything of him and he’d comply.
He was out the door before he could think twice. Elizabeth was waiting for him in the greenhouse, and there was nowhere he’d rather be. His need for control could go to hell and take Lady Lavender with it. He started down the long hall toward the servants’ steps. The house was completely still, everyone asleep but the guards who roamed the outside.
Anticipation and need hummed through his body as he moved toward the west wing. The rooms were closed and quiet, unoccupied. But he swore he could sense her presence nearby. At the end of the hall he paused outside a large, wooden door. It was just a door, but he knew deep down that by entering, his life would change. He was handing over his control.
Slowly, he opened the door. It was a fairy-tale land of glass, lamplight, and blooming flowers. He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Mounds of grass grew indoors, covered with flowers and shrubbery from all over the world. He felt as if he’d been transported to another country. It wasn’t cool like the night air outside but humid and warm, as if he’d stepped onto an island.
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