CHAPTER VIII
"You must surely be tired by this time, ma'am, of this long-winded yarnof mine?" said the commander of the _Gloucester_ to the elder of hisfair listeners, next evening they met with the evident expectation ofhearing further; "but after all, this voyage must be dull work for youat present, so I daresay you are amused with anything by way of achange.
"Well, one morning, when Westwood and I went on deck, it was a starkstaring calm; as dead as a mill-pond, save for the long winding heavethat seemed to come miles up out of the stale blue water, and get tiredwith the journey--from the horizon to us in one lazy coil, and on everyside, just serving to jerk the wheel a spoke back and forward, withnobody at it. The very bits of pumpkin-paring and fat which the cook hadthrown overboard the night before lay still alongside, with an oilytrack oozing round about them from the 'slush'[14]--the sails hangingfrom the yards, up and down, like clothes on a screen--and when youlooked over the side away from the sun, you saw your own face, like afellow's that had been long drowned, peering back at you, as it were,round the keel--in fact, there you scarce knew where the water _was_.
[14] Cook's grease.
"Somehow or other the ship kept sheering round, by little and little,till, although one had chosen a shady spot, all of a sudden the blazingsun came right into his eyes; or the single streak of white cloud lyingbehind you, to starboard, a while after stuck itself before your facefrom the very opposite quarter--you fancying, too, you had your eye thewhole time on the same bit of water. Being lost in a wood or a fog wasnothing to it, especially with the sun at noon drawn up right overhead,so that you couldn't look aloft, and staring down into the sea out of apool of bright light; 'like one tremendously keen little eye,' as someof the passengers said, 'examining a big blind one.' 'Why,' put in oneof the writers, 'I fear he wants to take the _mote_ out of his brother'seye--this vessel, that is to say!' 'Hang it, I hope not!' saidWinterton, rather alarmed. 'He promises well to do it, then,' saidanother young civilian, 'but I wish he'd take the _beam_ out of his ownfirst, ha, Smythe?' However, few men have the spirit to laugh at littlein a calm near the Line, so Smythe gave no more than a sickly grin,while Westwood looked the clergyman very properly.
"Both passengers and crew, all of us that could swim, gave wistful looksnow and then alongside at the water, hot as it seemed, for a bathe; justfloating up, as it were, with the mere huge size of it, under a dazzleof light, and so blue and smooth you couldn't see a hair's-breadthbelow; while, a bit off, the face of it and the very air appeared todance and quiver like little streams of glass. However, all thoughts ofbathing were put out of your head when you saw the black three-corneredaffair, with a rake aft, somewhat like the end of a scythe, that wentsteering slowly round us; then cruising hither and thither, till itsinfernal horn was as dry as the deck; and at times driving straight off,as if it ran in a groove through the level surface; when back again itcame from the other side, creeping lazily towards us, till it sank witha light _tip_, and a circle or two on the blue water. The hook and chainwere hanging up and down over the taffrail, with the piece of rank porklooking green in the shadow near the rudder, where you read the whitefigures of her draught as plain as in dock; but the shark, afifteen-feet customer, if he was an inch, was too knowing to havetouched it.
"'Pity he's gone, Collins,' said Ford to me, after we had watched him atlast out of sight; 'wasn't there any plan of catching him, I wonder! Nowwe shall have a bathe though, at any rate.' 'Gone?' said I, 'he won'tleave us in a hurry, if we don't leave _him_!' 'Poh, man!' said Ford, 'Itell you he's tired out and gone away!' Five minutes after Ford wasleaning over the quarter and wiping his face, while he fanned himselfwith his straw hat, which fell out of his hand into the water. He hadgot over into the mizzen-chains to throw a line round it, when he gave aloud shriek, and jumped in-board again. Two or three fathoms of greencame up from the keel, balancing on a pair of broad fins under Ford'shat, and a big round snout touched it; then a dozen feet of white bellygleamed in the water, the hat gave a gulp as it was drawn down, and afew small air-bells rose to the top. 'He prefers some flavours toothers, you see, Ford,' said I. ''Tis the second hat I've seen you lose:I hope your head won't be in the _third_; but you mariners, you see----'However, Ford had bolted to his cabin.
"On turning round I perceived Miss Hyde, with the general's lady, underthe awning on the other side, where the old lady leant against acushion, with her hands crossed and her bonnet strings loose--though astrapping raw-boned Irishwoman she was--and kept Miss Hyde's maidfanning her from behind with a large feather _punkah_. The old lady hadstarted at Ford's cry, and gave a look round at me, half fierce and halforderly, as if she expected to know what was the matter at once. 'Onlymy friend lost his hat, ma'am,' said I, stepping forward. 'These cadetsare so 'tagious, my dear!' said she to the young lady, falling backagain without the least more notice of me. 'They plague the life of me,but the brigadier can't drill them as he would if this were atroopship--I wish he could, for the sake of the profession!--now, mydear, _you_ kape out of the s-hun!' However, I stuck where I was,fancying I caught the slightest bit of an arch twinkle in the corner ofthe young lady's eye, though she didn't look at me. 'Keep going, can'tye!' said the old lady crossly to the maid. 'No, ma'am, indeed!' saidthe girl, glancing over to her young mistress, 'I'm ready to drop!''Send up papa's _kitmagar_, then, Wilkins,' said Miss Hyde; and the girlwent off toward the gallery stair, muttering she 'hoped she didn'tcome--here to be--made a black Indian slave of--at least to a old'--theremainder being lost in the stair.
"As I leant on the rail-netting, behind the old lady, I happened totread on her fat pug-dog's tail, whereupon the ugly brute made its teethmeet, without further notice, in the small of my leg, after which itgave a yelp, and ran beneath the chairs. 'What's that, Die?' exclaimedits mistress; 'good hivens! is that same griffin here _yet_, my dear!Hadn't he ayven the spirit to take a hint?--I say, was it _you_ hurtDianny, young man?' 'Oh dear no, ma'am, not for the world!' said I,looking at my trousers, hard as the thing was to stand, but thinking tosmooth her over, though I wasn't quite up to the old Irishwoman itturned out. 'Ha! ha! so she bit you?' said she, with a flash of herhawk's eye, and leaning back again coolly. 'If he'd only kicked poor Diefor it under my chair now, I'd have forgiven him; but he hadn't ayventhe heart at the time to drop her a curse--and _I_ thinking all thewhile, too, by the luke of his eye he was from the County Clare! Myheart warms to the County Clare always, because, although I'm not Irishmyself, you know, I'd once a schoolfellow was born in it--withoutcounting all my relations! Oh, the smooth spalpeen!' continued she,harder than before, glancing at me as I looked all abroad from one tothe other; 'listen, niver you let that fellow spake to you, my dear!he's too----' But here I walked quietly off to put the poop's lengthbetwixt me and the talking old vixen, cursing her and her dog both,quite enough to have pleased her Irish fancy.
"On the quarter-deck, the judge and the general seemed really to enjoythe heat and quiet, sitting with their feet up before the round-house,and smoking their long red twisted hookahs, while they watched thewreaths of smoke go whirling straight up from the bowls to the awning,and listened to the faint bubble of it through the water in the bottles,just dropping a word now and then to each other. A tall, thin 'native'servant with long sooty hair hanging from his snow-white turban, stoodbehind the judge's chair, bolt upright, with his arms folded, and twiceas solemn as Sir Charles himself; you saw a stern-window shining farabaft, through one of the round-house doors, and the fat old fellow of a_consumah_[15] busy laying the cloth for tiffin, while the sole breathof air there was came out of thereaway.
[15] East Indian steward.
"Suddenly eight bells struck, and everyone seemed glad of somethingnew; the judge's _consumah_ came out salaaming to say tiffin was ready;the cuddy passengers went below for wine-and-water and biscuit; and themen were at dinner. There being nothing to take care of on deck, andthe heat of course getting greater, not a soul stayed up but myself;but I preferred at the moment lighting a chero
ot, and going up aftto see clear of the awnings. The cockatoo had been left on thepoop-rail, with its silver chain hitched round one of the mizzenback-stays, where it shifted from one leg to the other, hooked itselfup the back-stay as far as it could go, then hurried down again, andmused a bit, as wise as Solomon--then screamed out at the top of itsvoice--'Tip--tip--pr-r-retty cacka--tippoo--cok-ka--whee-yew-ew-ew!'finishing by a whistle of triumph fit to have split one's ears, orbrought a gale of wind--though not on account of skill in its books, atany rate. Again it took to swinging quietly head-down, at furious rate,and then slewed upright to plume its feathers, and shake the pink tufton its head.
"No sooner had I got up the stair, however, than, to my perfect delight,I saw Violet Hyde was still sitting aft, and the old Irishwoman gone; soI stepped to the taffrail at once, and, for something to be about, Ihauled up the shark-hook from astern. The moment I caught her eye, theyoung lady smiled--by way of making up, no doubt, for the old one. 'How_very_ solitary it is!' said she, rising and looking out; 'the shipalmost seems deserted, except by us!' 'By Jove! I almost wish it were,'thought I. 'A dead calm, madam,' I said, 'and likely to hold--theunder-swell's gone quite down, and a haze growing.' 'Are we sure _ever_to leave this spot then?' asked she, with a slight look of anxiety.'Never fear it, ma'am,' said I; 'as soon as the haze melts again, we'renear a breeze, I assure you--only, by the length of the calm and theheat together, not to speak of our being so far to east'ard, I'm afraidwe mayn't get rid of it without a gale at the end to match.' 'Indeed?'said Miss Hyde.
"The fact was, Westwood and I had been keeping a log, and calculatedjust now we were somewhere to south-eastward of Ascension; whereas, bythe captain and mate's reckoning she was much farther to west.
"'I never thought the sea could appear so dreadful,' said she, as if toherself--'much more than in a storm.' 'Why, madam,' said I, 'youhaven't exactly seen one this voyage--one needs to be close-hauled offthe Cape for that.'
"Somehow or other, in speaking to _her_, by this time I forgot entirelyabout keeping up the sham cadet, and slipped into my own way again; soall at once I _felt_ her two dark-blue eyes looking at me curiously.'How!--why,' exclaimed she suddenly, and then laughing, 'you seem toknow all about it!--why, you speak--have you been studying sea affairsso thoroughly, sir, with your friend, who--but I _do_ think, now, onecan scarcely _trust_ to what you have said?' 'Well--why--well,' said I,fiddling with the shark-hook, 'I don't know how it is, but I feel as ifI must have been at sea some time or other before; you wouldn't supposeit, ma'am, but whenever I fix my eyes on a particular rope, I seemalmost to know the name of it.' 'And its _use_ too?' asked she, merrily.'I shouldn't wonder!' said I; 'perhaps I was _born_ at sea, you know,madam!' and I gave a side-look to notice how she took it. 'Ah! perhaps!'said Miss Hyde, laughing: 'but do you know one sometimes fancies thesethings; and now I think of it, sir, I even imagined for a moment I hadseen _yourself_ before!' 'Oh,' said I, 'that couldn't be the case; I'msure, for my part, I should recollect clear enough if I'd seen--a--a_lady_ anywhere! I think you said something of the kind, ma'am, thatnight of the last squall--about the water and the clouds, ma'am, youremember?' The young lady looked away, though a notion seemed to flashthrough her mind. 'Yes,' said she, 'that terrible rain, _you_ were----''Washed into the lee-scuppers,' said I, indifferently, for I didn't wanther to suspect it was _I_ that had kissed her hand in the dark as Icarried her in. 'I hope Sir Charles and yourself got in safe, MissHyde?' However, she was watching the water alongside, and suddenly sheexclaimed, 'Dear! what a pretty little fish!' 'By heavens!' said I,seeing the creature with its sharp nose and blue bars, as it glancedabout near the surface, and then swam in below the ship's bilge again,'that's one of the old villain's pilots--he's lying right across ourkeel! I wish I could catch that shark!'
"The pork was of no use for such an old sea-lawyer, and I cast a wistfuleye on the Irishwoman's fat pug-dog stretched asleep on her shawl by thebulwark; 'he'd take _that_ in a trice though!' I even laid out somemarline from a stern-locker, and noticed how neatly one could pass thehook under her belly round to the tail, and seize her so snugly on,muzzled and all; but it was no go, with the devil to pay afterwards. Allof a sudden I heard somebody hawking and spitting above the awningforward, near where the cockatoo kept still trying to master his ownname. 'The Yankee, for a thousand!' thought I; 'is Daniel trying to walkalong the spanker-boom?' Next, someone sung out, 'Hal-loo-oo-oo!' as ifthere was a tomahawk over him, ready to split his brain. Miss Hydelooked alarmed, when the Scotch mate, as I thought, roared, 'Shiver mytops'ls!' Then it was a sailor hailing gruffly, 'Bloody CaptingBrown--bloody Capting Brown--Capting Brown!'
"'Somebody drunk aloft!' thought I, walking forward to see; when a funnylittle black head peeped round the awning with a yellow nose as sharp asa marling-spike, and red spectacles, seemingly, round its keen littleeyes; then, with a flutter and a hop, the steward's pet mina-bird[16]came down, and lighted just under the cockatoo. 'Ha!' said I, laughing,'it's only Parson Barnacle!' as the men called him--a sooty littlecreature scarce bigger than a blackbird, with a white spot on each wing,and a curious pair of natural glasses on his head, which they kept inthe forecastle and taught all sorts of 'jaw,' till they swore he couldhave put the ship about, took kindly to tar, and hunted the cockroacheslike a cat.
[16] _Mina-bird_, or grakle, a frequent pet in homeward-bound East-Indiamen, and singular for its mimetic faculty; but impudent, and, from educational disadvantages, not particularly select in its expressions: appearance as described by the lieutenant.
"No doubt he was glad to meet his countryman the cockatoo, but Tippoostuck up his crest, swelled his chops, and looked dreadfully frightened;while the mina-bird cocked his head on one side, gave a knowing wink asit were, though all the time as grave, with his spectacles, as a realparson. 'How's her head?' croaked he, in a voice like a quartermaster's;'blowing hard!' 'Old Capting Brown!' and hopped nearer to the poorcockatoo, who could stand it no longer, but hooked himself up theback-stay as fast as possible, out of sight, the chain running with him;and just as I swung myself clear of the awning to run aloft for a catchof it, out flew Parson Barnacle to the end of the crojack-yard, whilethe cockatoo gave a flap that loosed the _kitmagar's_ lubberly hitch,and sent him down with his wings spread on the water.
"At another time it wouldn't have cost me a thought to go head-foremostafter him, when I heard his young mistress exclaiming, 'Oh, poor dearTippoo will be drowned!' but recollecting our hungry green friend on theother side, I jumped down for the end of a rope to slip myself quietlyalongside with. However, at the very moment, Tom, the man-o'-war's-man,happening to come up from the forehatchway to throw something overboard,and seeing Miss Hyde's cockatoo, off went his shoes and jacket at once,and I heard the splash as he struck the water. I had scarce time tothink, either, before I saw Mick O'Hooney's red head shoot up on deck,and heard him sing out, 'Man overboard, be the powers, boys! Folly mylader! Hurroo!' and over he sprang. 'Here's dip,' said another, and inhalf a minute every man that could swim was floundering in the smoothwater alongside, or his head showing as it came up--pitching thecockatoo to each other, and all ready to enjoy their bathe; though, formy part, I made but one spring to the ship's starboard quarter, to usethe only chance of saving the thoughtless fellows from a bloody fate tosome of them.
"I knew the shark would be cautious at first, on such a sudden to-do,and I had marked his whereabouts while the men were well toward thebows; and 'hang it,' thought I, seeing the old woman's fat pug in myway, 'Dianny, or die all; I bear no malice, but you must go for it, mybeauty!' As quick as thought, I made one turn of marline round her nose,took off the pork, and lashed her fast on to the hook all standing, inspite of her squeaks; then twisted the lady's shawl round the chain fora blind to it, and flung the whole right over the larboard quarter,where I guessed the old fellow would be slewing round astern to have alook out before he went fairly in chase. I watched the line sink slowlywith the weight over the gunwale for half a minute, afraid to
let himsee my head, and trembling for fear I should hear a cry from one of themen: when jerk went the rope clear of a belaying-pin as he ran off withhis bait. I took a quick turn to hook him smartly in the throat, andthen eased off again till the 'cleets' brought him up with a 'surge' fitto have parted the line, had it not been good new inch-and-a-halfrope--though, as it was, the big Indiaman would soon have sheeredstern-round to the force of it, if he'd only pulled fair.
"The young lady stood noticing what I did, first in a perplexed sort ofa way, and then with no little surprise, especially when the shark gaveevery now and then a fiercer tug, as he took a sweep astern; by thistime, however, everybody was on deck in a crowd, the passengers all in aflurry, and half of the men scrambling up from alongside to tail on tothe line, and run him out of water. So away they went with it full-speedtowards the bows, as soon as the ladies were out of the way--draggingtwo or three cadets back-foremost, head over heels, down the poopstair--till, in spite of his tugging, the shark's round snout showedover the taffrail, with the mouth wide open under his chin, as it were,and one row of teeth laid flat behind another, like a comb-maker'sshop-counter. A running bowline passed round his handsome waist, thenanother pull, and over he came on the poop, floundering fourteen feetlong, and flourishing his tail for room, till the carpenter chopped itacross, in a lucky moment with his axe.
"All hands gathered round the shark to see him cut up, which was as goodas a play to them, becalmed as we were; when, to my no small dismay, Iheard Mrs Brigadier Brady's loud voice asking where her dog was; and thebrigadier himself, who seemed more afraid of his wife than anybody else,kept poking about with his red-faced English butler to find the animal.'For God's sake,' said he, in a half whisper, twenty times over,'haven't ye seen Mrs Brady's dog, any of ye?--she'll rout the shipinside out for it, captain, if we don't soon ase her mind.' However, Iknew only Miss Hyde was aware who caught the shark, and as she didn'tappear to have told, why of course I kept all fast myself. 'Here's a'baccy-box!' sung out the big old boatswain, standing astride over thetail, while the cook and his black mate ripped away from the tail up.'Hand over, if ye please, sir,' said 'ugly' Harry, 'it's mine, MrBurton!' Harry gave it a wipe on his knee, and coolly bit a quid off theend of his lost pigtail. The next thing was Ford's hat, which no oneclaimed, so black Sambo clapped it on his woolly head.
"'What's that you've got there now, Sambo?' said the boatswain: 'outwith it, my lad!' 'Golly!' chuckled the nigger, rolling the whites ofhis eyes and grinning like mad; 'oh sar, Misser Barton! dis 'ere sharkriglar navligator! I 'clare to you, sar, um got chr'ometer aboard. Ohgum; berry much t'ink dis your own lost silber tickler, Misser Barton.''Bless me, so it is, my lad,' said the boatswain, as the black handedhim a silver watch as big as a turnip, and he looked at the cook, whowas busy fumbling with his knife. 'Sorry as you was _taxed_ with it,doctor,'[17] said he, doubtfully; 'well, I'm blowed, though, it onlygoes an hour and a half--and here it's a-ticking yet.' Here a burst oflaughter went round, and somebody sung out, 'Maybe the ould pawn-brokingJudas of a shark winded it up hisself, just to mark the time o' his"goin' off the hooks."' 'I say, doctor,' hailed another, 'too bad, ain'tit though, to cut up _your uncle_?' 'Ha, ha, ha,' cried the cadets andwriters, looking at the Scotch surgeon; 'd' ye hear that, doctor? Iwouldn't stand it. They say you ain't particular in Edinbro', though.Some rum mistakes happened there, eh, doctor?'
[17] Familiar metonymy, or nickname, at sea, for the ship's cook.
"The Scotchman got into a passion at this, being the worst cut theycould give any fellow from a country where they were famous for kindredand body-snatching at once--but all of a sudden there was a 'Hulloo!Shiver my taw'sels! What's this? Let's see'; and the whole poopful of uswere shoving together, and jumping on each other's shoulders to have alook. 'Well, we-ell,' said the old boatswain, as he peered curiouslyinto the mess of shark's bowels--'I'll be blowed.' 'The likes o' thatnow!' croaked the old sailmaker, lifting up his two hands, ''tain'tlucky, Mr Burton!' 'My eye! them's not young _sharks_, anyhow!' said oneof the men. 'What's t'ou think they be, mun,' said the north-countryChips, 'but litter o' young blind poops? an' here's t' ou'd un, see, asdeed's mutton! Dang him, but someun's got an' baited t' hook wi't,there's nou't else in 's guts.'
"The whole poop was one roar of laughing, when Mrs Brady's pug was founddelivered of four pups inside the shark, since she went overboard, andtwo of 'em alive; the news ran fore and aft in a moment. '_Took short_she's been, Jack!' said one. 'Beats the prophet Joney!' 'I say, mate,them whelps is born twice over. Blessed if my Sal at home, now, wouldn'tgive a year's 'lotment for one on 'em.'
"'Look out, all hands of ye,' cried someone, 'there's the old girlherself coming on deck; sharp's the word.' And away we scuttled rightand left, some aloft, and some down one poop-ladder, as Mrs Brady, withthe brigadier and his butler after her, came fuming up the other. Theblack made one spring over the quarter as soon as he saw her; but theIrish topman, Mick, slipped his foot amongst the shark's blood, androlled on his back, while the old bo'sun made stand in the thick of itbehind. 'Saze the villains, I charge ye, brigadier,' screamed Mrs Brady,though he and his manservant only kept dodging the boatswain round asort of a quagmire of blood and grease, while the old vixen caught Mickby his red hair and whiskers. 'Where's my dog, ye murderous spalpeen?'said she, panting for breath; 'what have ye done with my Dianny, yemonsther? Spake, or I'll----' 'Be the holy elaven thousand, yerladyship!' said Mick, 'an' it's _lost_ did ye think she wor! Isn't there_five_ of 'em back! Whisper! yer ladyship's riv'rence--she's _laid in_,poor craythure, an'----' '_Oh!_ you Irish thief!' Tug came both MrsBrady's hands through his hair, while the butler caught a kick in thestomach from Mick's foot. 'Murther!' gasped the poor fellow, 'sure an' Idun' know she was ayven a faym'le, fur me own part; bad luck t' yemates, give uz a hand. Och, an' is this the road ye thrate acounthryman, mim?' '_Me_ your countryman! ye bog-trottin' wretch ye!'screamed the old fury, her brogue getting worse the more sheheated--'take _that_!--don't rise, if ye dare.' 'Faix thin, yer ladyshipdarlin',' said O'Hooney, grinning in spite of his hard usage, 'I tould alie--och, lave some o' me hair!--murther intirely! I'm----'
"All the time none of us could stir for sheer laughing, but seeing poorMike like to fare hard with the old vixen, who was near as big ashimself, and as strong as a horse, I whispered to the men to run roundand let go the poop awning--so down it came, with a few buckets of waterin it, over the five of them; and you just saw Mrs Brady's sharp elbowthrough the canvas, lifted for the next slap, when we had her all fast,struggling like a cat in a bag, while O'Hooney and the boatswain creptout below. 'Stiff breeze that as we've had!' said the bo'sun shakinghimself on the forecastle. 'Couldn't ye've bowsed over on the old jade'spitticuts, Mick?' said one of his shipmates, 'and capsized her allstanding?' 'Sorra fut you'd stir, yourself, mate,' said he, wiping hisface, 'wid such a shay grinnydeer! she'd man-handle ye as asy's twurl amop!'
The Green Hand: Adventures of a Naval Lieutenant Page 11