She shoved her shoes under her pine bed and slipped on some pretty sandals before going over to the next building.
Just as she was going up the lift, she remembered her decision and once again a sinking feeling of embarrassment came over her. She felt like kicking herself and indeed she would, had it not been for the fact that there were other people in the lift with her. As the lift got to the tenth floor, it opened wide and people started to disembark. She caught a glance of a figure that matched that of James and the quickly pressed the shut button. The two guys that were still left in the lift noticed just how awkward the moment was. They stood quietly as the lift ascended. As if she was reading minds, she explained that she had forgotten her floor but she knew fairly well that they did not buy it. She had pressed the button just when someone was about to get on it and it was obvious that she was trying to avoid him. After hitting the twelve and last floor, the two other passengers got off and it was time to descend. At the tenth floor, the lift motion ceased and she just died with it.
As she stood facing backwards and looking at the floor, she noticed that it was not just one person coming in. A couple of passengers got in and she felt an immediate relief. That relief was soon killed by the familiar smell of cologne. She almost stopped breathing, as if when the scent disappeared so did the man. She did as best as she could to hide behind the other passengers. The lift went from the tenth floor to the bottom floor with her still facing the wall. When everyone alighted and she was the only remaining figure in the lift her cover was blown. She almost bit her tongue trying to explain to James the reason why she had been in his building but he stood there without a word. The more he did not answer was the more she made another excuse. There was not a single person ready to go up with the lift but she still shut the door and pressed twelve. Now she was alone in the lift and James was walking on the foyer going outside. As he stole a glance at the monitor in front of the security guard desk, he saw Cynthia kicking the lift walls so hard she could have stumped her toes.
She was back at her place again. Shame and embarrassment was written all over her face. She did not even bother to make herself dinner. All that she wanted was for the day to be over. She had let herself down on many levels. She was falling for the man and he was aware of it. She buried her face in her pillow as though to hide it from the world. She clasped her teeth so hard together they could have stayed locked for a thousand years. She kept murmuring under the pillows and she was glad that no one could see her current state. She was a disaster! A loser! A hopeless woman and all she wanted to do was fall asleep. Morning came and she was off to work again.
Chapter
Three
As she walked past groups of men working she did not notice their stares and whistles. She did not care even when she was offered a lift that could save her from all the harassment. She kept on walking because she believed that it was the only way by which she could clear her mind. She tried to block the thought of what had happened the night before but it all came back flooding. She sat down at her desk to start the work ahead.
She tried to answer all calls with the best professionalism that she could project. She did not want anyone to catch the wind of what was going on in her private life. In fact she did not even want to admit it to herself that she indeed had a private life that was separate from work.
The thought of what she was going to do next kept eating her from the inside out. She was restless. She was pacing the floors. She behaved like a criminal who was all too aware that the police were looking for her. Suddenly she needed to talk to someone. Who was she going to tell? She did not have any girlfriends that she could talk to at her work place. She was not going to tell the guys that there was someone else that had taken her interest and that is why she did not want to go out with the guys.
She was not going to tell the boss either, because he was the boss and he was much older than she was. For the first time since she left her last town, she missed the network of friends that she could tell everything to. She quickly shut that thought by protesting that they were not equally generous with information relevant to her, so she was better off without them. She continued to be consumed by the shame and she knew that something had been done.
She decided that talking to the guys at work was not just a way to intertwine her personal and professional lives. She saw them as a valuable resource that she could use to find out the male side to her dilemma. If she could talk to a man, she could find out what James was thinking because that was what was eating her.
She was consumed by the thought of what James was going to make out of her. He had tried to get close to her but she refused. She ultimately had found a relative that lived in his apartment whom she had forgotten about on the first night she came to town. It sounded like a brilliant plan. She was going to finally get inside his head and see what was going on there. The best thing to do according to her was to join the boys for the afternoon drinks and then sit down with them to discuss the matter. They would give the boy side to the issue and she was going to take notes.
There was a problem with this analysis. How could she trust that any answer that the boys gave her was genuine? Trusting them to give her an honest opinion was even worse that trusting a duck to look after a cabbage field. They already had an ulterior motive. Whatever answers they gave would be biased. They would say whatever they could to let the brother down so that she is only left with them as an option. Such is the dilemma of a black girl who finds herself the only one with a pair of boobs in a male dominated industry. She cannot have some girl talk. She is like meat to every guy on the plant. They all want to be with her and she cannot trust them to give her their honest opinion.
After deliberating on the subject for a very long time, she knew that she must make a decision quickly. Whatever decision she made, it should be sensible enough for her to maintain her dignity and get back on track with her goal to not develop any feelings for James.
Finally, she had made her decision. She was going to wait for James to come and knock at her door and lord knows he would. This time, she was going to accept him to come in with grace. She was going to be the one offering the movies and popcorn. They would sit down and talk it out like mature adults. She was going to come clean and tell him that she had gone to his building to check on him. After all she cannot let a stranger into her home until she was sure that he had a stable place of his own to stay and that he did not only come into her apartment to avoid another night sleeping on the park benches. That was going to be her story line. She felt pleased with her new idea. She was so pleased that she even stopped the pacing and started to get to some serious work. That was about the same time that the five o’clock ship was about to dock.
Cynthia quickly finished up finalising the paper work that had started to pile up in her desk as she had spent the day, day-dreaming about her love interest. All T’s were crossed and i’s dotted. She then went over to leave some files at the boss’s desk and took some from the guards that she had to process the next day.
She was feeling at ease. In fact she was so pleased with herself that she even decided that instead of taking the same route that she always did when going home; she was going to change routes. She wanted to have more time to walk and take it all in. That evening was going to be good and she could feel it. What better way could a new girl in town end-off the day other than a good movie and some good company? Nothing was going to ruin her evening. Although she had had a bad start to the day, she was determined more than ever to end it off with a good evening. The good times that she had once known were about to come back again!
Upon entering her apartment, she got into her comfortable clothes and sat down with a glass of wine in her hand. She wanted to make sure that when James came over, she was well rested and at ease. She did not want another round of jitters like when she encountered him on the lift and had to explain herself. As she went on sipping on the red thing in her glass, she decided that her apartment was not ready for a
relaxed setting of two mature adults. She started to move the furniture around to leave more space for them to sit on the carpet. She pulled out the air freshener and sprayed it around the lounge. The sweet smell of summer flowers filled the room and she had the perfect accomplice for it in her mind. She put on some soft music and layered out the DVD’s on the coffee table. She made some popcorn and gave it some seasoning.
She was ready and so was the apartment. The place was clean and smelt good. She had achieved her goal of getting ready for her fond neighbour who made her feel like moving to the new town was not a bad idea after all. The music was playing softly in the background. Two cushions were on the floor in front of the coffee table. On top of the coffee table was a bowl full of popcorn for them to share and some DVDs for him to choose from. A thought flashed her mind that she should turn the lights lower to go with the atmosphere that favours the enjoyment of some movies. Her expected guest was a bit later than usual but that was OK. She thought that it had actually bought her time to tone down on the décor that she had prepared for the unofficial date. She did not want to give the obvious impression that she was expecting and waiting for him. He was supposed to first show up at the door and then she was going to make the apology. She would make the invite into her place a by the way thing and that was it. Moreover she did not want to show him that she was desperate.
So in the spirit of making the apology seem simple and not over rehearsed, she took the cushions back to their place and shifted the furniture again back to its original place. The DVD’s were shoved back into the space saver. She sat with the popcorn in her hands and she finished the little bit that was still left in her wine glass.
James was definitely going to come in later, she thought. Anyway, she was new around here and she did not really know his schedule. The bowl of popcorn on her lap was emptying. She decided to get up and make some more. While she was still at it, she started to rehearse some lines she was going to say to James. It only seemed smart that she should reach for the fridge and refill her glass again. So she did and went down to sit with a refilled glass in her hand. At long last, there was a knock on the door. She did not respond to it on the first go because she wanted to verify that what she had heard was really the door. When she finally did open, it was indeed her expected guest. The brother started to apologise for the awkwardness that he had brought to her but she decided that she was to take the blame and she invited him in.
The evening had started late but she was determined that it goes the way that she planned it would from the very go. She got another glass and offered some to her guest. They both sat down to enjoy the movies. With a head full of vino, the sister started to sing like a canary! She did not even let the poor man have a chance to chip in into the conversation. Instead of them having a cheerful conversation between friends, she turned out to be like the old woman and the barman. She called out for him to fill up her glass and he obeyed. In the spirit of being properly introduced to each other, Cynthia started telling James about herself. Among the things that she talked about was her new job and the sounds of the large ships as they came over to dock. He had but a little chance to talk about himself too. Before he could say much, a flash from the past must have crossed Cynthia’s mind. It was like the floodgates of tears that had been shut for ages were finally open.
James watched in dismay as the sister ugly-cried herself to hiccups on the couch. She related to him about what her former fiancé and boss had done to her. James offered to get some Kleenex for her but she said no. As she continued crying she somehow managed to get hold of his sweater that he had taken off because he had started to feel hot. That became the grand handkerchief that the sister was going to use to wipe off her tears and clear the nasal ways. She was a complete mess and so was the floor. The two of them did not even realise when the movie had finally stopped playing as James tried in vain to console the inconsolable neighbour. At last he decided that there was no way that he was going to win and offered to take her to bed. The once impeccably clean apartment was a mess with popcorn and tissues on the floor. It sounded like a beer hall with an old fat lady who could never stop talking as Cynthia went on and on with the talking and crying. After attempting to leave a few times, James decided that he could no longer take any of it and he left her lying on the couch.
Cynthia was woken up by the five o’clock ship that docked in the morning. A pounding headache made her feel like she was in the middle of a steel works workshop. She lifted her head and looked all around her. The floor as all covered with white substances all around and that was when it all came back to her. To say that the sister was flushed with shame and embarrassment would be an understatement so great it would win a Pulitzer Prize in literature. She lowered her head back into the couch once again. First off all she was hung over and she could not think clearly. It was a work night and she had had a bit too much to drink.
As she started to think about what she could have possibly said to her guest she felt like burying her head into the couch and never ever get it out. The evening was supposed to be her chance to redeem herself from the embarrassment from the day in the lift but it left her with an even deeper scar. She had managed to remove all possible doubt about her sanity and she was convinced that it was going to be the end of whatever chance she could ever have with James. She rose to look for a broom from the kitchenette but suddenly tripped on a piece of clothing that was lying on the floor. When she looked down and saw the state that James’s sweater was in, her heart just sank.
Chapter Four
Her date night with James was a disaster! She had finally embarrassed herself beyond imagination. As she continued to pick the tissues all spawn in front of the television, she knew that she did not have much time. If she was to ever make it to work in time, she was supposed to go there and then. All she managed to do was have a change of clothes and brush her teeth. She was going to get a strong cup of coffee along the way to work. In that way, her head would have cleared enough for her to have a fruitful day at work, so she thought. At work all she could think about was how stupid she was and how much she had embarrassed herself. There did not seem to be any way in which one could have a comeback from such an embarrassment. It was all eating her up inside. By tea time, she was exhausted not from work, but from over thinking.
Even though she had first considered that talking to the guys at work was impossible, they were the only other available resource for a heartfelt conversation considering that she had burnt that bridge with James. Moreover, the conversation that she needed to have here was going to be about the very same brother. She decided that she was not going to have tea alone but she was going to join the boys at the truck park. She seemed to be a welcome addition to the family. Although they knew her and even tried inviting her for afternoon drinks, they had never been in a relaxed environment with her. She was a definitely welcome addition to the scene.
In a place flooded with testosterone, a sister does not have to be in stilettos and wear expensive perfume and makeup to be appealing. At least that was the impression that she got from them and she felt a bit more at ease. After a little bit of some small talk, she introduced the conversation of what makes boys and girls tick. The group was just getting heated up on the subject when they had to get back to work.
As she sat with the workload in front of her, she was thinking about the embarrassing situation and what would happen when she got back home. She knew that things were messed between herself and James and she wanted to have them fixed. While she was still in her office deliberating on the issue, a guy came from the cluster of truckers. She was being invited to join the boys for an after work drinking session at the pub not very far from where they worked.
Cynthia had a dilemma. She wanted to get home to James in time to apologise and explain herself. She was also the one who had brought up the subject matter of the boy and girl thing so she was by implication the one who necessitated that they all meet for drinks in the evening. While the talk or eve
n the advice that the guys would give her had the potential of bias, she could still gain valuable insights on the mind of a man by going out with them. The other side of the coin was this; James was going to come up to her place to see if she was doing alright after a terrible night. She would also get the chance to apologise to him for her bad behaviour and even offer to get him a new sweater.
She played around the two possible places where she could spend the evening. There was a downfall to each one of them. She did not want to lose the momentum that she had created with the guys earlier on in the days and she sure did not want to give them the chance to make advances on her. On the other hand there was no guarantee that James would show his face and in fact it would be more logical for him to steer clear of the psychotic woman that she had shown herself to be. A decision had to be done. She had to choose between the boys at the pub or James in her lounge. That thought was interrupted by an incoming phone call which seemed to drag forever. She still had more work to do and the boss did not stop calling out to her every now and then. She never realised just how much time had passed by until the sound of the five o’clock ship docking. That was when she visited the issue of the two possible ways to spend the evening.
New Life New Me: Urban Romance Page 2