“Where the hell did you go?” she demanded. He looked at her, but didn’t answer, and she couldn’t begin to interpret the dark emotion in his eyes. “Jeff, where did you go? You had no right to leave me here alone this morning. Especially this morning.”
Still he hesitated.
“Jeff?”
“Out,” he said harshly, closing his eyes again and pressing his temples.
She felt a tingling sensation, a warning of some fear she hadn’t acknowledged as yet.
“Out where?”
He sighed.
I should lie, he warned himself. I should lie like hell. But he didn’t want to lie. He loved the honesty between them too much.
“Sit down, Jade,” he suggested.
“I don’t think I want to sit down,” she said warily. “Jeff, where were you?”
He stood and walked over to the mullioned window.
“That phone call this morning was from an old friend of mine. A guy named Darby Moran. Ever heard of him?”
“No,” Jade said flatly.
Jeff shrugged with a vague motion. “He used to play for the Bruins. He retired a few years ago, and does commercials for motor oil down here now.”
“What,” Jade asked stiffly, “does Darby Moran, the motor oil salesman, have to do with you walking out in the middle of our wedding night?”
Jeff winced. “He was, ah, at a party.”
“At 5:00 a.m.?”
“Yeah. A lot of sports types were there. You know, they play hard on the field, and then they play hard off it.”
“No, I don’t know. But go on.”
He hesitated, staring straight out the window.
“Diana was there, too.”
Jade inhaled sharply.
“You coerced me into marrying you at the drop of a hat, then on the very night that we were married, you ran out to be with your ex-wife?”
“No!” He replied sharply, spinning around. Her face was deathly pale; her eyes were sparkling like emeralds. He started walking toward her, but she put a hand in the air and backed away.
He stopped, praying he could make her understand.
“Jade, it wasn’t like that at all. I still don’t know who she went to this party with. But she was a mess. Darby called to warn me that she might very well kill herself and a number of other people if she drove in her condition. He would have taken her home himself except that his wife threatened him with a divorce if he did. Diana can be threatening to other women.”
“Yes, she can, can’t she?” Jade said sweetly. Then she spun around and walked out of the room, on fire with pain and anger. She was barely aware of what she was doing.
“Jade!” he thundered.
She was halfway down the stairs when he started after her. She was moving quickly. By the time he got outside, she was in the Corvette.
“Where are you going?”
“Home,” she answered vaguely.
“This is your home.”
“No. It isn’t.” She turned the key in the ignition. Jeff swore furiously and reached in, grabbing the keys from her fingers.
She bolted out of the car and started down the walk. He ran after her.
“Jade listen to me—” he began, clutching her arm.
“No!” She wrenched her arm from his grasp and kept going.
“Jade!”
His voice bellowed after her, but she just kept going.
This time when he caught her, she couldn’t escape him. He swung her into his arms, and ignored her flailing fists as he stalked back toward the house.
“Damn you, Jeffrey Martin, you have not become my master! You can’t make things a certain way by strength alone! I will not live here with you when you keep going back to her! I won’t do it, I won’t do it, I won’t do it!”
He kept walking.
“Let me down! Where are you taking me?”
“Back to our bedroom.”
“You son of a—”
“You married me, Jade. For better or worse.”
“Jeff—”
“You can listen to me, and then we can make love. Or we can make love, and then you can listen to me. But you married me, and damn you, I will not let you run away from it.”
CHAPTER 12
They made love first.
Ridiculously, against all logic, they made love. Thirty minutes later, staring blankly at the ceiling above her, hugging her pillow close, Jade morosely wondered why it had been so easy. Was there such a fine line between anger and desire? Or was it that just that they were newlyweds, new lovers?
It was frightening to her. Very frightening. Because if she found herself in his arms so easily, wouldn’t it be possible for him to find himself, held just so, by Diana? Hating her, yet wanting her?
“Jade, don’t you see?”
He had been talking to her for the past five minutes, explaining. She’d barely heard his voice. But now, something of the desperation in it touched her, drew her attention.
“I had to go this time. It might very well have been a ploy to get my attention, but I had to go, anyway. It’s an old trick of hers. She’s always known that I’d come because of Ryan. That was part of the reason I left Chicago—I didn’t think she’d call for help if I was far away. I never thought that she might come down here.”
Jade swallowed painfully, determined not to look at him, determined to keep her voice cold. “So every time she gets a little too loaded to drive, you’re going to go and get her. For Ryan’s sake, of course. And I’m supposed to understand.”
He ran his fingers through his hair impatiently. “No. I said that I had to go—this time. I picked her up, got her into my car and drove her back to her hotel. Then I poured coffee into her and told her that I didn’t understand why I had suddenly become the passion of her life again, but that it didn’t matter. I told her I was in love with you and that we were married. I also told her that nothing she could say or do would change that.”
She rolled to her side, fighting tears.
“Jade.”
“What?”
“Talk to me, answer me.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Can you understand?”
“No! No!” she cried vehemently, rolling back over and facing him. “I can’t! I’m not Pollyanna! I don’t want her to have this hold on you!”
“She has no hold on me! If you trusted me—”
“I trust you! I just don’t want you alone with her.”
He swore and stalked over to the window. The sunlight spilled gold over his hard, muscled body. Jade hopped out of the bed and hurried toward the bathroom. Jeffrey swung around abruptly, catching her arm.
“Where are you going?”
“To take a shower.”
“And then?”
“I’m going in to work.”
“You don’t have to go to work. Sandy isn’t expecting you.”
“I’ve decided that I definitely want to keep my job.”
He paused for a second, watching her. “That’s good. Maybe you can start by putting your house on the market.”
“My house? I don’t want to sell it!”
“You don’t need it.”
“I bought it as an investment. It’s Sean’s, if he ever wants or needs it.”
“Or yours—anytime you want to run away.”
“I don’t want to run away. I just don’t want to share my husband with his ex-wife!”
“You’re not leaving!”
She closed her eyes, unconsciously twisting her wrist in his grasp.
“Jade! I mean it.”
“Jeff, let go—”
He pulled her closer to him, then the anger was gone, and he smoothed the hair at her nape. “By God, I swear it, Jade, I love you. Promise me that you won’t run out.”
She stiffened for a moment, fighting the persuasion of his voice, the power of his hold. Then she gave up, leaning against him weakly.
“I’m not running out on you,” she said.
<
br /> “Jade…” He kissed the top of her head.
“Not…not now. But I can’t handle this situation, Jeff. I may be insecure, I don’t know. But if you ever leave me for her again, I will be gone. Do you understand?”
“I understand just one thing,” he told her fiercely. “That I will never, never let you go. Any time you try to leave me, I will bring you back.”
“Jeff—”
“Jade! I told you why I went this one time. It isn’t going to happen again.” He kissed the top of her head. “Go on, take your shower. Go to work. Maybe I should have drawn up a prenuptial agreement before we married. I never thought of it because I didn’t want any outs. I didn’t need any insurance policies, but it seems that you do.”
“Jeff—”
“Never mind. If you don’t want the first shower, I do.”
He walked into the bathroom and slammed the door. Jade wanted to cry. She wanted to storm into the bathroom and tell him that she’d happily quit her job and sell her house, anything to make them happy, anything to close the distance between them.
But she didn’t. She waited, and when he came out, she showered and dressed and went to work.
* * *
For a day that had begun so horribly, the evening was surprisingly pleasant. She’d forgotten about Little League, but Sean reminded her when she picked him up at school.
And when they arrived at practice, she discovered that Toby had a surprise for them. Alcoholic beverages were strictly forbidden on the field, but Toby and Lynn had arranged for a surprise party at their house to celebrate Jade and Jeff’s marriage. Everyone came—all the parents and all the kids—and it was wonderful. Everyone wished Jeff and Jade all the happiness in the world. Even the kids thought it was romantic.
Jade couldn’t help being touched by the warmth around her. Nor could Jeff. When their eyes met across Toby’s living room, they both smiled, and peace was instantly declared between them.
Sean walked around looking very proud. And though Ryan had nothing good to say, he refrained from stating his true opinion of the situation.
When they all returned home, Ryan started straight up the stairs.
“Ryan!” Jeff called sharply.
Ryan paused, turning back warily.
“Aren’t you going to say good-night?” Jeff demanded.
“Good night,” Ryan said, after a brief pause. Then he continued up the stairs.
Jade went to kiss Sean good-night after he had taken his shower, done his homework and crawled into bed. As she passed by Ryan’s door, she heard him sobbing softly. She placed her hand on his doorknob, but then hesitated and continued down the hall. In her own bedroom, she asked Jeff to go in and say good-night to him.
“If he wants to be a brat,” Jeff said stubbornly, “let him be a brat.”
“Jeff, that’s not fair. He’s a nine-year-old boy. He loves both his parents, and he’s hurt.”
Jeff threw a shoe into the corner of the room. “He loves both his parents,” he spat out bitterly. “He’d have been left in a gutter if it was up to his mother. She used to leave him with anyone at any time to go out and party. I’m the only one who’s ever cared for that kid. When he was a baby, I was the one up at two in the morning. I changed his diapers; I sat with him through his fevers and colds; I was there. And now he hates me and turns to her!”
“Jeff, Jeff…listen to yourself!” Jade pleaded, kneeling beside him. “Jeff, he’s too young to understand all that. All he knows is that you are both his parents. My God, yes, you sacrificed for him. But you did that because you loved him, not because you expected the reward of his love. Jeff, please, think about what you just said.”
He stared at her. His eyes widened slowly. He touched her hair, smoothing it against her cheek. “Now I know why I love you so much,” he murmured softly.
He stood then and left the room. An hour later, when he still wasn’t back, Jade tiptoed down the hall. Ryan’s door was open, and Jade went in.
Jeff was sound asleep beside Ryan. Tears were still drying upon Ryan’s cheeks, but his arms were wound tightly around his father.
Jade pulled a light blanket over the two of them, and tiptoed out of the room smiling. Jeff had left her on the second night of their marriage, too, but she didn’t mind at all. Not when he had left her for his son.
* * *
Three weeks followed, three weeks of such searing happiness that Jade couldn’t believe her good fortune. Ryan still didn’t speak to her much, but he and Sean were getting on well enough, and his relationship with his father was almost back to normal. Jade was starting to hope that the four of them might make it together as a family, after all.
That hope died exactly twenty-one days after her marriage to Jeff.
It was night, a cold night. Though it was almost March a freak cold spell had come in, threatening frost. They’d had a fire burning downstairs and they’d toasted marshmallows and prepared hot chocolate. Then, sitting in front of the blaze, everyone had told ghost stories.
The boys had gone to bed, and Mattie had retired for the night. Jeff was just going to lockup the house, and then they’d be alone together in their bedroom.
Filled with the wonderful excitement of being in love, Jade rushed into the shower, and bathed herself with scented soap. Then she put on a silky nightgown and dived between the sheets to await her husband.
When the phone started ringing, it didn’t bother her; it didn’t occur to her that anything could disturb her happiness. But when half an hour had gone by, and Jeff still hadn’t come up, she began to worry.
A shivering started inside her. She got up and slipped into a robe, then started down the spiral stairway.
He was just getting into a jacket, ready to leave.
“Jeff!” she rasped. He stared at her. He looked pale and haggard, and very weary.
“It was Diana!” she cried. “And you’re going!” she screamed a little hysterically. “You’re going!”
“Jade!” he said sharply.
But she wouldn’t listen. “Go! Go! But dammit, I won’t be here waiting this time!”
“Jade!” he called again, but she didn’t wait. She sped back up the stairs and locked herself into their room, then pitched herself on the bed and gave in to a fit of wild and desperate tears. Surely he would come to her. He would try the doorknob. He wouldn’t leave…
He didn’t leave. The bedroom door slammed inward with terrible force, and he appeared in the doorway. She felt as if her heart had stopped.
She had never seen him look so forbidding, so haggard and remote. She could have sworn that he hated her as he stood there, staring at her.
There was something very wrong. She had been fighting for herself, for their love, for the future of their marriage. At that awful shattering sound of the door, she had, for one brief second, thought that she might have gotten through to him. She had thought that he understood why she couldn’t keep trusting him when he continued to leave her.
But she knew before he spoke that he had not come to apologize, to promise that he would stand at her side.
“I have to go—”
“So go!” she whispered furiously.
“Diana is dead,” he said flatly.
Jade couldn’t speak. She stared at him with slowly dawning comprehension and horror.
“No….”
He turned then and left her. A moment later, she heard his steps on the stairway. She sprang from the bed and raced after him in the worst agony of remorse and sorrow she had ever known.
“Jeff!”
He didn’t stop when she called his name. With tears stinging her eyes once more, she fled down the stairs, catching his arm at the landing. He stopped and stared down at her, but there was no sign of emotion whatsoever in his eyes or rigid features.
“Jeff…Jeffrey, I’m so sorry! Oh, my God, I’m sorry. I didn’t know, I didn’t understand—”
He shook his arm free of her hold. “No, and you still don’t understand, do yo
u? You never have. You’ve never trusted me, and you’ve never believed in me. I was the fool to ever hope that you could. It doesn’t matter.”
“Jeff—” Desperately, she reached out to him again.
“Jade, I have to go identify the body. She wrapped herself around a tree in that car of hers. Then I’m going to have to break it to Ryan.”
“I’ll go with you—”
“No, you won’t.”
“Jeff, let me go with you. Don’t go alone. I’m so sorry—”
“And I’m sorry, too, Jade, because your apology doesn’t mean anything at all to me right now. I just want to be left alone.”
He walked out the front door. It closed softly behind him, and that quiet sound was far worse than any thunder she’d ever heard.
“Oh, God, no,” Jade whispered. Shaking, she stumbled into the kitchen and poured herself a brandy. Diana was dead. She couldn’t be…but she was.
Ryan! Ryan would be so hurt. He was so young, and he had adored his mother.
Jade sank to the ground. If only there were something she could do. Oh, please, Lord, she thought. I know what this feels like. I would do anything to make it easier for them.
But Ryan despised her; he would never let her help. And Jeff…he hated her now.
She must have been on the floor a long time, longer than she had thought. The front door opened again and then closed. Jeff came into the kitchen, his jacket tossed over his shoulder. He saw her on the floor, but said nothing. He dropped his jacket over the counter, reached for a glass and poured himself a brandy. When he sat at the counter, she saw that his hands were shaking.
“Jeff—”
“Go to bed, Jade.”
“I want to—”
“Go to bed. In the morning, I’ll have to wake Ryan early. I’m taking Diana’s body back to Chicago for interment in her family’s plot. Ryan will come with me.”
“Jeff, please, let me come—”
He shook his head. “Jade, I don’t want you with me. Isn’t that plain enough?”
She stood then and left the kitchen. She didn’t go into their room, but went to Sean’s, where she lay down beside her son. She needed his warmth and love. She thought that she would never sleep, so sorry was she for Diana, Ryan, Jeff and herself. Maybe she never had understood him. And now, it seemed that there was no future for the two of them.
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