“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come. I’m a mess. I—”
“Nonsense. Come in. Go into the living room, I’ll get the fire going and we’ll have you warm in no time.”
And that was how Josh found himself thirty minutes later, wrapped in three blankets, fresh warm socks and with a second steaming cup of hot cocoa in his hands. James sat across from him on the other couch under a blanket of his own with another cup. They hadn’t talked much, just simple sentences to get to where they were now. The air had grown heavier because Josh knew it was time to confess his reason for being there, no matter where it led.
“I lied earlier,” he began slowly, not lifting his eyes.
“About what?” Jamie’s voice was curious, neutral.
“I said I couldn’t be here, and I couldn’t do this again.” Josh’s words rolled around in his head as he tried to make sense of his thoughts. “I want to be here, and I want to try. But I…” He lifted his gaze to Jamie’s. He found comfort there and pressed on. “I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t want to get hurt again,” he finally confessed.
James nodded and didn’t hesitate as Josh had expected he might. “That’s fair after what happened,” he began, turning the mug slowly in his hands. “I am so sorry for how the last few weeks have gone. I wanted to text you, but I didn’t know how and so much time had already passed because I was panicking over my own feelings. I had ignored it for so long then suddenly I couldn’t, and I thought pushing you away and seeing other people would help.”
Jealousy roared through Josh’s veins—but who was he to be jealous? He was a fucking escort, for goodness’ sake.
“It didn’t. I missed you. So much.”
Jamie’s heartfelt admission helped to ease Josh’s sudden jealousy, and Josh knew James was genuine. The man hadn’t been anything but. “I came tonight to talk to you and to celebrate you,” James continued when Josh didn’t speak. “Meeting your mother was a bonus. She’s wonderful, Josh. I see so much of her in you now that I’ve met her. It was easy to be in love with you in front of her because I wasn’t acting.”
Josh’s focus shifted from Jamie’s hands to his face, the words sinking in with a distinct importance that Josh hadn’t been ready for. Jamie’s gaze was soft, his smile forgiving. “Don’t worry,” he went on. “I don’t expect you to say it—and I won’t say it until we’re both ready, if you want.” He was halting as he finished, as if worried Josh would run. The only place he wanted to run was across the room and into Jamie’s arms. But he restrained himself, if for no other reason than to prove to himself that he was stronger than that.
“You’re saying—” Josh began then stopped, clearing his throat to steady his shaky voice. “You’re saying you want to try this? Us? And see where it goes?”
Jamie’s expression was nothing short of loving as he gazed back at him. “Josh, sweetheart, it’s all I want. You’re all I want. I know I have lengths to go to prove I’m worth it, but I promise you I’ll do anything to try. You’re it for me, pal. And maybe it won’t work, but what if we don’t try and we never know?” There was a hint of desperation in Jamie’s voice and it broke Josh.
He set the mug down and let the blankets fall as he stood on unsteady legs and rounded the ottoman between them. James looked panicked at first and Josh figured he thought he was leaving…but he wasn’t.
He felt like a child, his youth in Jamie’s wake showing as he sat down beside him. He took the mug from the man and set it down and away like he had his own. Then he looked James square in the face. “You promise you’re not baiting me?” It wasn’t how he intended to start, but if they were being frank, he had to ask. “This isn’t about the sex?”
James chuckled to Josh’s surprise, his eyes dancing in the firelight. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, the sex is incredible. I had no idea how much until you were gone.” James winced as he said it but kept on. “But no, it’s not about the sex. And I’m not baiting you. This is real. I’m real. What I want is real. With you…if you’ll have me. If you want to try. But this has to be on your terms, Josh,” he said with conviction. “This won’t work if you don’t call the shots. I hurt you. I know that now. If we try, you set the pace. Everything is in your court.”
James still didn’t touch him, and Josh was grateful. But now it was up to him. And as James stated, it was all his to determine. So Josh reached out and touched James’ hand, lacing their fingers lightly. “I want to try. I’m terrified, but I want to. I want to be with you.”
“I’m terrified too,” James confessed, the emotions written all over his face. “But I want to be with you too.”
Chapter Eight
That first night was unlike any other night Josh and James had spent together. Upon their revelations to one another, they’d shared a few small kisses and Josh had asked to sleep in the guest room. James had respected Josh’s wishes, even though he made it clear that it wasn’t what he preferred. Josh wanted to start fresh and do things differently this time around.
“We’ve had a lot of sex with hidden feelings.” Josh had blushed. “I want to try things the real way and take them slow…if that’s okay with you.”
James couldn’t argue. How could he with that kind of reasoning? And something about them learning how to be together without that physical aspect was exciting. A new Chapter was unfolding. And as James had fallen asleep that night, he’d finally felt at peace. Things were looking up.
The next morning, over coffee and homemade waffles—Josh was fairly decent in the kitchen, James had pleasantly discovered—they discussed their next step. Sitting at the breakfast bar in their pajamas, they drank cup after cup of hot coffee as the snow continued to fall outside. James had given Josh a pair of long johns to keep him warm while he slept and they fit him deliciously. And the beard…? The beard, albeit short, was exceptional.
“Are you listening to me?” Josh poked James’ arm, jarring him from his staring contest with said beard.
“Uh yeah,” James attempted to recover. Josh laughed and shook his head. “Sorry”—James flushed—“how am I supposed to listen to you when you have all that on your jaw?”
Watching Josh blush, knowing it was genuine and that he had caused it, gave James chills.
“I can shave it if you—”
“No!” James blurted, startling Josh and making him laugh again. “Don’t you dare,” he added quietly, wrapping his fingers around Josh’s arm. “I love it.”
Their morning went on just like that. Flirtatious but soft. James needed to make one appearance at the New York office and Josh needed to meet Maria to talk about deadlines for the new year before Christmas break. They agreed to meet for dinner later that night, and as Josh waited for the car to take him home, now wearing sweatpants, a T-shirt and his jacket, they kissed by the door like true love birds—soft, sweet kisses that warmed against the cold outside.
If Josh spent the night, it would be in the guest room for now. He would spend Christmas with Josh at his mother’s and New Years with his family in Florida. Then they’d arrange their travel plans in the new year so that Josh could do many of James’ trips with him. It was a working plan, nothing set in stone, but both he and Josh were both pleased with what was to come. Being together was the main thing. He’d take the rest as it came.
* * * *
He and Josh spent the ten days leading up to Christmas getting to know each other better without sex. They already had plenty of proof that they were compatible between the sheets, so he and Josh spent time together doing anything but that. All the walks through Central Park Josh had been wanting, the visit to the Rockefeller Center tree, snowy mornings having coffee and danishes downtown—James made sure that Josh got it all. It was a dream come true as far as he’d told James—and James didn’t have any complaints.
“It’s eight days before Christmas and you don’t have a tree,” Josh said incredulously as they weaved through the lot full of trees. “I can’t believe you don’t have a tree.”
James laughed as he held Josh’s hand and allowed himself to be dragged along. Josh was looking for the perfect tree for the brownstone, and James wasn’t about to stop him. The sheer joy on Josh’s face was everything. “Well, I was in Miami until the sixteenth then seeing you was top priority. I didn’t realize a tree should have taken that place.”
Josh made a tsk sound and continued looking as he spoke. “Second top priority,” he replied. James continued chuckling.
“I only just learned that Christmas was your favorite holiday, Josh. I’ll do better next year.”
The grin Josh shot back at James over his shoulder melted his heart. He knew it was the slight promise of the future that caused it. He hoped there’d be a next year—and a year after that and every year to come.
They came to an abrupt halt next to tall, very full Fraser Fir. It had at least four inches on Josh and it was a beautiful dark green. Josh was practically giving it heart eyes as James looked between him and the tree. “This is it,” he said almost breathlessly. James bit back his laughter. Josh was adorable.
“You’re sure?” James prompted. Josh nodded without hesitation.
“This is her. She’s coming home with us.”
Twenty minutes later they were enjoying homemade cider as James had scheduled delivery of the tree for later that day. They were headed to the store next to buy decorations, and they’d do that together too. James hadn’t realized how much he’d been missing these domestic moments in his life. He had done them with Becca a few times throughout the years, but this was different. This was personal and about him…and Josh. It was a new opportunity for James to discover things in life he had yet to have, he soon realized. It warmed him to know they’d have many more firsts like this together.
* * * *
The private plane touched down at Opa Locka Executive Airport the day after Christmas. It was early afternoon. The sun was shining, and the temperature and weather were much more inviting than New York had been. Josh’s linen pants and crisp white button-down fit in against the tropical landscape as he and James stepped off onto the tarmac. He was thankful for the light clothing against the hot weather and looked back up the steps to take in the view of James in his own resort casual wear as he slid his sunglasses on.
Ever the businessman elite that he was, James’ gray slacks and white button-down made him look delicious against the blue sky and white, shiny plane. Carrying a leather backpack and with a sport coat over his arm, he couldn’t have looked any more professional or handsome, in Josh’s opinion. His soft dark hair blew in the light breeze and Josh ached to touch him in ways he hadn’t let himself since they’d been back together.
“Like what you see?” James broke his reverie with a knowing smile. Josh flushed but hoped the South Florida temperature was hiding it.
“Always,” he replied sweetly before they shared a quick kiss. A bright blue Audi convertible pulled up as the crew worked to take their luggage off the plane. Josh let out a low whistle and looked to his boyfriend with a surprised, yet teasing, grin. “You sure do know how to travel in style. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it,” he remarked. James laughed as he shook the driver’s hand and thanked him.
“Like it?” James asked, setting his bag and jacket down in the back seat. The gray leather interior shone in the sun. The car looked brand new.
“It’s gorgeous.” Josh took a moment to gaze at the car, knowing James had a growing collection and wondering what else lay hidden in his garage. As James popped the trunk and let the crew load the bags—something Josh also wasn’t yet used to—he approached Josh and held out the keys.
“Good. Merry Christmas, baby.”
Josh stared at the keys, his brain stuttering and unable to comprehend what was happening. “Huh?”
James laughed. “You’re adorable. Merry Christmas,” he said again, holding the keys closer to Josh. “She’s yours.”
Josh’s bearded jaw was almost on the ground as he stared at the keys in James’ fingers. “B-but we s-said no p-presents,” he stuttered. James shrugged.
“Yeah”—he drew out the word—“about that. You’re all I need, but you know I can’t help myself when it comes to giving. I saw her in this color and knew you’d look handsome as ever driving her. So here… She’s yours. You can drive us to my parents.”
Josh took the keys more out of reaction than anything else, still staring at James as he rounded the car to the passenger side and climbed in. His heart was pounding. A car. A luxury car?
“Jamie, I don’t know…”
“Just test drive it. If you don’t like it, you can swap it out for something else in my garage.”
How am I supposed to say no to that? “James, are you sure?”
“Josh”—he said his name with such tenderness and sincerity that Josh’s heart ached—“I’m sure.”
Josh slipped into the driver’s seat. He took a moment to look over at James and absorb the handsome, beyond-generous man next to him. “Thank you.”
James reached over and took Josh’s hand, squeezing. “You’re amazing. You’re doing amazing things. Enjoy it.”
Josh swallowed down the overwhelming lump in his throat and put his hands on the wheel, adjusting the seat before fixing his mirrors and getting comfortable. The car purred beautifully when he started her up and he had a moment of wild elation. This Audi was his. It felt too good to be true.
But the man smiling at him from the passenger seat reminded him it was true. Josh couldn’t stop smiling.
“How do I use the GPS?” Josh stared at the small screen and James laughed.
“I’ll be your GPS for now. We’ll learn that later.”
“I have a feeling this car has more bells and whistles than I’m used to.” Josh laughed too, putting the car in drive and easing off the brake.
“Probably more horsepower too. Don’t worry. We’ll hit the interstate shortly and you can open her up—within reason of course. No tickets.”
“Yes, Daddy.” Josh quirked a sassy grin and watched out of the corner of his eye as James all but short circuited.
“Careful, Josh,” he warned. Josh just chuckled. He knew exactly how he’d thank the man—and exactly how to rile him up in the meantime.
* * * *
The ride was enjoyable and the car exceptional. Josh was on cloud nine as they arrived at the Barnwell’s. He shouldn’t have been surprised by the large, beautiful home in a gated community—nothing obscene in size or style, but beautiful all the same. Winifred and George greeted them in the driveway, followed by three wild children Josh hadn’t seen since Jamaica. Apparently they hadn’t forgotten him as they barreled past their grandparents and into him, wrapping their arms and legs around him in excitement as they yelled his name with glee. He beamed as he greeted them first, James and his parents watching on in delight.
“Oh, honey, the kids adore him,” he heard Winifred remark, “just like your sister said.”
“They do. They had a blast with him in Jamaica. He’s also quite fond of them as well,” James stated with a loving smile. George clapped his hand on his son’s shoulder.
“You picked a good one, James,” his father grinned. “Any kids in your future, baby?” Winifred asked her son. Josh threw James a look but had to school the smile off his own face.
“Mom-m,” James drew out the word as children, even grown children do and George hushed her.
“I’m just saying. You know I’m always ready for more grandbabies.” She defended herself with a giddy grin. James shook his head.
“We’re not even engaged,” James pressed her before cutting off the conversation as Becca emerged from the front door and wrapped her brother in a hug.
Once the kids had settled, Josh stepped up to greet James’ parents. He was nervous. Meeting a significant other’s parents was never easy but knowing that most of their relationship had been fabricated added to his anxiety. Winifred enveloped him in a hug that he accepted with joy, however, and that d
id help.
“Oh Josh, it’s so wonderful to meet you finally!” She squeezed like a mother would before pulling away to let him shake George’s hand.
“Pleasure to meet you, sir,” George shook his hand firmly as Josh spoke. His smile was kind and he looked like a much older version of James. Josh could tell where James got his looks from. Both his parents were attractive with kind features.
“We’re happy to finally meet you, Josh,” George greeted. Becca stepped up once their hands separated, and her hug was tight and genuine.
“Hi, Josh,” she said into his shoulder. “I’m really happy you’re here,” she added as she pulled away, and something about the look in her eyes, gentle and kind but knowing told him that she might be privy to more than he thought. He flushed a little but smiled wide.
“I’m really happy to be here,” he told her before the kids were at his hands and legs again, all going on about showing him their Christmas presents and the pool out back. Laughing, he let himself be tugged away, figuring that if the kids liked him this much then maybe it would be a good sign to James’ parents. Everyone laughed and followed along, George and James getting the bags and chatting about the latest local news as Winifred ushered Becca back into the kitchen to help make Josh a pie. Winifred was a supreme homemaker, and the minute Josh tasted her baked treats, he’d most likely want to stay forever.
* * * *
Once the kids were placated and the house quieted down for the first time since their arrival, James took Josh on a tour of the house and showed him to the room they’d be sharing. It was a lavish guest room that had all the touches that said home, but it was obvious James hadn’t grown up in this room. James went on to explain how he’d helped his parents find this house after his fifth resort had opened. George had been on the cusp of retiring and Winifred had been in love with this particular home. Now that he had the funds to do so, he told Josh that he’d wanted to give back to his parents so he had. Josh found James’ love of giving forever endearing, as he was and had just been on the receiving end of that, which was leading him quickly to his next thought as James finished his story and was busy opening his suitcase, going on about dinner and cigars—and Josh couldn’t care less in that moment as he approached his boyfriend with one single idea in mind.
The Billionaire and the Escort Page 22