by Reese Ryan
“Wow, he did all that for me?”
“He cares an awful lot about you. You’re a lucky girl.”
Jamie nodded, a wide smile breaking across her face. She was surprised by the tears that stung the backs of her eyes, and how her words got caught in her throat. “Very lucky.”
“Well, I’m glad you had a good time,” Ellie said, helping Jamie lift her large duffel bag into the trunk. “But I don’t much like this ‘going off the grid’ business, and I don’t think Miles does either.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you guys. But wait ’til you see the goodies I brought back.” She winked. “You’ll totally forgive me.”
* * *
“Hey, you. How was the artist retreat?” Melanie asked as soon as she’d answered the phone.
“Fantastic. I’d highly recommend it.” Jamie beamed, thinking of the view outside her window every morning and from the balcony where she’d sometimes painted.
“Even if all you can draw is stick figures?” Jamie could hear the wide grin Mel was sporting. She missed seeing it.
“Yes, because I don’t think it’s possible to spend three weeks there and not be inspired.” Jamie thumbed through the stack of mail Mrs. Jacobs had been collecting for her. She paused when she saw an envelope addressed to her in a barely legible handwriting. There were just two words on the return address line: Josephine Charles. The letter was postmarked Macon, Georgia.
“Did you hear me?” Melanie was asking.
Jamie put the letter down and rubbed her temple. “No, I’m sorry, I was...I was just going through my mail. What’d you say?”
“I said I got a much bigger promotion than I’d been hoping for. I’m going to be the regional talent coordinator for a new branch that J&G is opening soon.” She repeated the words patiently.
“Oh my God!” Jamie squealed, the realization hitting her. “Does this mean you’re officially the shit now? I mean, I don’t have to curtsy when you come in the room or anything, do I?”
“Such a smart-ass.” Mel laughed then feigned a horrible British accent. “According to the official regional talent coordinators guild, we’re only allowed to carry our crowns and scepters whilst on official business. Any other time you may completely dispense with the bowing. However, I must still be addressed as Your Highness.”
They laughed so hard, Jamie could barely catch her breath. “Seriously, I’m proud of you. This is what you’ve been working so hard for all these years. Next stop, VP.”
“Actually, my next stop is C-L-E,” Mel said.
“Coming home for a little visit before you start your big new job?” Jamie smiled at the prospect of seeing her friend again. She couldn’t wait to introduce her to Miles. Mel would love him.
“I’m not coming to visit,” Mel said, her voice suddenly quiet. “I’m coming home.”
Jamie was silent for a moment, absorbing what she’d said, turning it over in her head. “As in, you’re moving back to Cleveland?”
“I’ll be home by the end of the month,” she said. “I can hardly believe it. Can you?”
Jamie tried to respond, but her voice was caught in her throat, tears clouding her vision. Mel is finally coming home. She’d given up all hope that it could ever happen. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “I can’t believe it. I’m so happy right now. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
“Me, too,” she said.
“Oh my God, Mom is going to completely freak. She’ll be so excited to have all her girls home again. Have you told her yet?”
“No, and don’t say anything. I’ll call her later tonight and tell her about the move home. But I need your help. I’m coming in this weekend and I want to surprise her. Can you pick me up at the airport on Wednesday? I’ll text you my flight information.”
“Of course.”
“Great. I have to go, but I’ll touch base with you again before Wednesday.”
“Mel...”
“Yes?”
Jamie wanted to tell her about the letter she was holding in her hand and about Miles. She wanted to tell her about how much she’d changed in the last year. She would never be the same, and she had Miles to thank for that. Because of him she felt like she’d gotten to know herself for the first time. But Mel was coming home soon. There’d be plenty of time for that. “I’m glad you’re coming home.”
* * *
Jamie sat on the sofa, holding the envelope—smelling of cigarettes—in her lap for a full five minutes before she could finally slide her finger underneath the flap and across, opening the letter.
The note was written on crappy hotel stationery. Jamie shuddered to think of what Josephine might be doing in that hotel or who might be paying for it. She flattened the letter in her lap then read it.
Dear Jamie,
I’m sorry about leaving without saying goodbye. You were kind to visit me in the hospital, despite your feelings for me. I’ve already hurt you so much. I thought it was better if I left and released you of the burden I’ve become. You mean more to me than anything in the world. I can’t tell you how sorry I am to have hurt and disappointed you. You deserved better. At least I’m glad I was able to give that to you, by allowing you to live with the Gordons. Eleanor raised you to be a beautiful young woman, and I’m grateful for that.
Something you said stuck with me. I haven’t earned the right to expect you to love or respect me. I thought I would just come back and we’d make up for lost time. That just like that, everything would be okay. I didn’t consider how my actions had affected you all these years. You’ll never know how sorry I am.
I’m determined to earn the right to reclaim my position as your mother. I’m working hard every day to do that, to finally make you proud of me. I pray every night that when I do, you’ll be ready to accept me, too. Take care.
Always your mother,
Josephine Charles
Jamie sighed, holding the letter in her lap. At least Jo was okay, and from the letter it sounded like she had her head screwed on right. At least, she hoped so. Jamie put the letter on the table in front of her and folded her legs on the couch, assuming a meditation position. She squeezed her eyes shut and hoped that Jo would be okay, whether they ever saw each other again or not.
* * *
Jamie pulled into the right lane and followed the signs for airport arrivals. She’d planned to leave earlier, but it took longer than she’d expected to try to replicate her new look. She hadn’t gotten it exactly right, but it was close enough. Mel would be surprised to see her looking less like Elvira and more like Katy Perry.
Her cell phone rang. It was Mel. Her plane must have arrived a few minutes early. “You curbside yet?”
“I just walked through the doors.”
“Okay, I see you,” Jamie said as she approached the section designated for the carrier Mel had flown.
“I don’t see you.”
“I’m right here.” Jamie turned and smiled at her friend.
Melanie’s jaw dropped, her dark eyes blinking. Her gorgeous curls spilled from the loose bun piled high on her head. She slowly approached Miles’s black BMW 535i and peered inside. “Should I expect a police chase on the ride home?”
“Shut up and get in already.” Jamie popped the trunk.
Melanie slung her bag into the trunk and hopped in the car. “You look fantastic, James.” She grabbed a strand of Jamie’s newly auburn hair. “I love the highlights.”
A wide grin spread across her face. She was glad Mel liked it. Now she hoped Miles would, too. “Thanks.”
“Oh my God! Jamie, you look incredible! What happened to the woman who insisted Goth is forever?”
There was so much she wanted to tell Melanie. But she was only here for a few days during this visit. No need to overwhelm her all at once. She shrugged. “People change. I just wanted to try something a little different. You really like it? You’re not just saying that to be nice?”
“You look amazing. I mean it.”
Jamie hugged her friend. “I’m so glad you’re coming home. You know I’m a complete mess without you.”
A wide grin spread across Melanie’s face. “I miss you, too.”
Jamie was glad to hear her say that. She knew coming home hadn’t been something Mel had wanted to do. So it was good to know she was looking forward to it.
“This is really nice,” Mel said once they were on I-71. “Who’s the owner, and how much of a head start do we have on him?”
“Give me a little credit, Mel. I haven’t knowingly been in a stolen car in years,” Jamie said, a little smirk turning up the left side of her mouth.
Mel cringed. “So what’s the story on this one?”
Jamie cleared her throat, trying to decide exactly where to begin. “First I’d better tell you what’s been going on with me.”
Mel turned her body toward Jamie. “What do you mean? It’s not like we don’t talk regularly. You’ve been holding out on me?”
She frowned. She felt badly about not telling Mel earlier. “Maybe I was afraid I’d jinx it.”
“Jinx what? What’s going on?” A slight look of panic crossed Mel’s face. Jamie couldn’t blame her. She sort of had a history of freaking their family out.
“Nothing bad,” Jamie said quickly, allaying her fear.
“So it’s something good then. What is it? Spit it out!”
Jamie told Melanie about working with Nazirah. She’d steadily sold paintings and had decided to expand her work at the gallery while cutting back on her bartending. She told her about the classes she’d taken from Nazirah and other local artists, and how her work was beginning to gain some recognition locally.
“Jamie, that’s wonderful. Why would you keep that from me? You know I’d be thrilled for you.”
“Maybe I wanted to see your reaction in person, to see you proud of me,” Jamie said.
“I’ve always been proud of you.”
“Thanks.” Jamie exhaled, relieved that Mel wasn’t hurt or angry that she’d been keeping things from her. Maybe it was because they both recognized the distance that had slowly built between them during her absence, though neither of them would openly acknowledge it. “For the first time in a long time, I’m proud of myself, too.”
“Now, what’s the other surprise, and who the hell does this Beamer belong to?”
Jamie laughed. “Oh yeah, about that...” She started talking about Miles and she could barely contain her grin. Her skin felt like it was glowing. Her cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so much.
“I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me,” Mel said, a slight sadness in her voice. “But I’m really happy for you, hon.”
“I can’t wait for you to meet him,” Jamie said. “He’s amazing.”
“Oh my God...” Mel put her hand to her chest in dramatic fashion. “Are you in love, Jamie Charles?”
Jamie bit her lip and cringed. Love felt like such a huge word. She’d asked herself that question over and over on the beach in Mexico. Each time she’d been afraid of the answer. But as she thought of Miles, an involuntary smile crept across her lips. “I dunno. Maybe. I’ve never felt like this about anybody before.”
“Jamie, the happy homemaker,” Melanie mused. “It’s an image I’ll have to get used to.”
A tingle ran down Jamie’s spine. She remembered the little girl on the beach and how for the first time ever, even if for the briefest moment, she’d imagined herself being a mother one day. No one would ever accuse her of being Betty Crocker or June Cleaver. But she’d decided that she would accept Miles’s offer to move into the condo with him. As long as they were together, wherever they called home would be a place that made her happy. Hopefully Ed Hardy made kitchen aprons, too. Now that was an image she could get used to.
* * *
Miles had taken a cab back to his place from the airport. Jamie had been counting the hours until she would see him again. Between her trip to Mexico and his conference, it’d been nearly a month since she’d seen his face, or held him in her arms. Midway through her first week without him she’d finally understood the old adage about absence making the heart grow fonder. By the end of the second week, Kari’s words had echoed in her head every day. If you love him—you couldn’t imagine your life without him—then tell him that, too.
He met her at the garage entrance of his condo. Rushing toward her, his expression was a mixture of joy and anxiety. “I shouldn’t have let you go without a phone. What if something had happened?”
Words tumbled from her lips, her heart skipping a beat. “I know I should have, but I—”
“Don’t ever scare me like that again.” Miles pulled her into a tight hug. “What would I do without you?”
Jamie pressed her ear to his chest, listening to the pounding of his heartbeat. She inhaled deeply, her eyes widening. Something in her clicked. Like a key being turned in an old lock, rusted shut from lack of use. With enough tinkering and a smattering of graphite, it would eventually open. That was what Miles had done. He’d wiggled the key and kept trying, no matter how bleak the prospect seemed, and finally he’d opened her heart. Now her heartbeat sped up, her chest rising and falling rapidly. She attempted to wet her lips, but her mouth had gone dry. Tightening her grip around his waist, she pressed her eyes closed. “I love you,” she said, her voice straining, the words barely audible.
Miles inhaled deeply, the muscles in his back shifting beneath her arms. He created enough space between them to study her face. His bore an expression she hadn’t seen, trepidation mixed with hopefulness. “What did you say?”
Jamie swallowed hard and straightened her spine, willing her knees to stop wavering beneath her. Her gaze never left his as she raised a trembling hand to his face and traced his mouth with her thumb. “I said, I love you. So much. I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have and—” Heat prickled her eyelids. She could feel warm tears forming behind them. She raised her other arm to swipe at her eyes before the tears could fall, but Miles gripped her hand.
He planted a kiss on her cheek, just underneath her lashes, where salty liquid etched a trail down her face. “You don’t need to hide anything from me. I want to know every part of you.”
“I know you love me, but—” The tears were coming faster, blurring her vision. She inhaled deeply. “I’m broken. Nothing will change that. I’ll never be the kind of person you want. My family will never be the kind of family your mother will want at her table for the holidays. I know you want to fix me—”
He pulled her against him, his voice a low murmur that vibrated against her chest. “I don’t want to fix you. I only want to love you, to be there for you, to make you happy. Why is it so hard to believe my life is better with you in it? That you make me happier than I’ve ever been?”
“Since Evie?” Jamie raised her eyes to his. She needed to know. Would she be competing with the ghost of his past?
The muscles of his back tightened. He forced a stream of air through tense lips, then swallowed hard and licked them. “I loved Evie. But in retrospect I realize that as much as we loved each other, neither of us was who the other needed. I’ll never completely forgive myself for what happened with Evie. Guess that makes us both broken.”
“What happened...it wasn’t your fault.” Jamie pressed her hand to his chest. Miles offered a grateful smile, but she knew he wasn’t convinced, that he’d never be. That was his cross to bear. One she couldn’t carry for him. But maybe, one day, she could convince him to lighten it. “We’re all responsible for our own choices. You can’t save every dark-haired girl who comes along.” She forced a smile then pressed her lips against his. “But thanks for trying.”
“You think I’m trying to save you,” Miles whispered, squeezing her in his arms. “You don’t realize that you saved me. You’re everything I need, everything I never even knew I wanted. That’s why love you. Understand?”
Jamie nodded. She finally did understand why he loved her. M
ore importantly, she understood why she deserved his love. The years of pain, guilt and worthlessness seemed to fall from her body, like a reptile shedding its skin. There would always be traces of those feelings lodged deep within her belly, but at least the parts she wore like armor—to protect her heart from everyone around her—seemed to lift. She could finally breathe.
“You look gorgeous, by the way. I love the new look. It feels lighter, happier.” He ran his fingers through her hair.
She leaned into him and met his gaze, a slow smile lifting the corners of her mouth. “So do I.”
His lips stretched into a smile that lit his gorgeous blue eyes. He gripped her hand. “Let’s get you inside. You’re shivering.”
Maybe she was shivering on the outside. Inside she’d never felt warmer, more loved. No matter what happened with her parents, she knew she’d be okay. She was surrounded by family, friends and a man who loved the tangled, complicated mess that she was. And she loved him right back.
* * * * *
Perfection is sometimes too good to be true...
Find out if Melanie Gordon’s life is as perfect as it seems in Making the First Move, available now!
Making the First Move
Five years of obsessing over her career pays off when Melanie Gordon gets a promotion that could make or break her. But the new job takes her back to her hometown to face the family she’s distanced herself from, and forces her to leave behind sexy, mysterious philanthropist Raine Mason, who just might be the man of her dreams.
By the time Raine makes his move with Melanie, her one-way ticket to Cleveland is booked. He convinces her to take a chance on him long-distance, but can’t yet trust her with the whole truth about himself.
Raine and Melanie slowly peel back each other’s layers (starting with his biceps-hugging sweater). She is finally ready to give her heart to him...until she learns the dark secret of his past. He’ll have to prove to her that love is worth the risk.