by Zarik
She had hidden in her room as late as she possibly could hating the fate that she was to announce this morning. Hating that she would become Zarik's wife – one he did not wish to have – in just two short days.
Hearing a knock on her door, she got up to allow Igrid into her room. It was time to get dressed.
“M'lady, are ye ready? It's late in the morning and ye cannae hide in here all day. We must get ye presentable for breakfast and yer announcement. We've already delayed it as much as possible. The men are hungry.” Igrid, always chipper, wasn't any different today. She laughed as she went on about how hundreds of MacKinnon warriors might just starve while waiting to break their fast today.
Eventually, Igrid's chatter ceased and Tsarina traveled back into her own thoughts as she waited for her bath to be filled.
There was no way to make everyone happy. She knew Tor was disappointed in her, Trystan was furious with her, and Zarik – well, she just didn't know what he thought. He was simply doing his duty.
“It would be easier if he just hated me.” Tsarina let out with a sigh. She'd not even realized her bath was over and she'd been dressed. She was so into her own problems right now, she wasn't even paying any attention to the motions she was going through to get ready.
“I'm sorry. What was that m'lady?” Igrid asked while working on her hair.
“No, it's me. I'm sorry, Igrid. I'm not really here right now. I have so many thoughts rushing through my mind.”
“Of course ye do dear. Ye are to marry Zarik. Women have pined after him for as long as I can remember. Ye have yerself quite the catch. Others may hate ye for it too. And ye ken ye dinnae want him to hate ye. Ye wish fer him to love ye. Honestly, I think he already does.”
“Oh, Igrid.” Tsarina got up to adjust her dress. While they were pretty and she's always fantasized about big beautiful dresses, they sure were uncomfortable. “He doesn't love me. He's fulfilling an obligation. Argus has told us both that we are to marry. It's the will of things. Who are we to mess up the lives of others only to spare our own?”
“Do ye really think anything or anyone could force Zarik to do what he did not wish to do?” Igrid stood, with her arms crossed, and let Tsarina think on it for a moment before she continued. “The man has no conscience. He doesnae feel badly for others. Zarik does his obligations to his clan by protecting them with his swords. Seeing that they have food and housing. That is all he is to do, even as laird. He wouldn't simply marry because he was told to and ye ken it.”
Tsarina threw herself back onto the bed.
“Now get yerself up from there this instance. I've worked hard on yer hair and yer dress. Stop feeling sorry for yerself. It'll all work out.”
“I'm glad you're so certain.”
“Tell me, we have a bit of time still, what else is on yer mind. I ken there's more to it.“
“I don´t even know where to begin.“ Tsarina shook her head.
“The beginning is always the best place, my dear. “ Igrid smiled and patted Tsarina´s back.
“Well, I was happy to see my brother and Galen.“ Again she paused.
“But...“ Igrid prompted. It had to be difficult to have mixed emotions about a family member. Especially one that you hadn´t seen in such a long time.
“I don´t know. It seems he´s further complicated an already complicated situation. He´s been my only family for so long. And now I have this huge family here. Although, I know some people only tolerate me because of the chief and his sons. But, it´s still more friends and family than I´ve ever known. I love my brother. And I really have missed him. So, I feel terrible by telling him I won´t go back with him and Galen.“
“What happens when he decides it´s time for him to leave? Has he not said he doesnae wish to stay?”
“He does not want to stay. He says there's no life for him here. I'm sure he'd find his place if he gave it a chance. But, we aren't even sure he can get back. He may be stuck here, no matter his preference.”
“Do ye think Galen will stay?”
“I'm not certain. He doesn't seem to mind it here. But he also would have to find an interest other than me as I've set my path. My future, happy or not, is with Zarik.”
“Ye'll find yer happiness, lass. I ken it. Sometimes the best things take some time and a lot of hard work. If it's just handed to ye, ye'll not appreciate it as much. Ye'll see.”
Tsarina wished she was as confident as Igrid was. Maybe she would at least be content. It really would be wonderful if Trystan would decide to stay. It'd be great to have some of her own family, someone she had history with of more than a year, around to talk about old times to. She had a few friends that were females, but not too many. Most still were unsure of her, others were angered that she'd just walk in and get to marry Zarik. It seemed every single woman that was of age wanted the position of his wife, weather he was nice to one or wanted one or not.
“Are ye ready to go down now? Ye ken they'll be expecting ye.” Igrid was getting impatient in her excitement. She'd soon be the lady's maid to the soon to be laird's wife. It was a shame Tsarina wasn't feeling the same enthusiasm.
With a deep breath, Tsarina put on her brave face. “Yes, let's go. I hate to arrive late and have everyone stare as I enter.” While she really wasn't ready, at least the last part was the truth.
Igrid laughed. “M'lady, yer already more than a little late.” With a smile she pulled Tsarina out the chamber door and toward her fate.
Chapter 12
As Tsarina left her room, Drostan was waiting outside of it. “Are ye ready, lass? I'd be happy to escort ye, if ye'd like, of course.” Drostan gave a small smile.
Tsarina hoped Jenny knew how lucky she was to have Drostan. He was a great guy, and good looking. That always helped. “Of course. I'd love it. Let's go.” She placed her arm in his as they started toward the stairs.
Hesitating at the top of the stairs, Tsarina wondered if maybe she should have chosen to return with Trystan. Would Argus have even helped? Doubtful.
“Are ye well, lass?” Drostan looked truly concerned.
“Yes, I'm well. I'm just...well...oh, I don't know.”
Drostan let a small smile cross his face. “It's difficult. I ken it. Ye're moving on with life and it's one yer not too certain of. It's scary. No one would fault ye for questioning what ye should do. But, ye ken that Zarik is waiting for ye. Would ye make a fool of him in front of others? I know ye two have had yer problems, but let's try to start this out better than some of the other times.” He smiled again, and began moving her down the stairs before she could further protest.
It was the longest walk down a set of stairs she'd ever had in her life. Everyone stared at her. Some smiled, others glared. How would she survive this? Luckily she had Argus and Niall. Maybe even Tor still, if his previous words were the truth. Tor was a man of honor, so she didn't doubt the truth of his words for long.
When she got to the final three stairs – she knew because she was looking at her feet after catching more than a couple of those glares – Tsarina looked over and saw that Niall, Argus, Tor, Zarik and even Caelan had stood up at the head table. She nodded, as she knew was expected of her, in acknowledgment for their honor.
Drostan leaned over to whisper in her ear. “Smile, Tsarina. Don't let those people that aren't happy with ye control ye. Ye ken? Ye give them control now, and they'll be keeping it forever. Ye'll not want that. Smile. Hold yer head high, as ye have every right to do. Zarik and this clan need a strong woman.”
Perhaps the pep talk was exactly the push she needed. Since when had she ever felt sorry for herself? It was time to snap out of it and take control. If she needed to break down, well, at the least, it needed to be in the privacy of her own room. She would soon be married to the future laird of the clan. A need to look her station took her over. Tsarina straightened her shoulders, stood tall, planted a perfect smile on her face and walked over to her future father-in-law, druid, warrior and husband to be.
Zarik, as she got closer, walked around the table to take her arm from Drostan's. To his relief, she didn't fight him and kept her smile. Perhaps they'd find common ground even soon er than he'd have hoped. Pulling out her chair, he saw her seated beside him and thanked Drostan, as was proper, for escorting her in his place.
“Ye look beautiful this evening, lassie.” Zarik tried to keep things light.
“Do you mean it or are you saying it simply to appease me? Or is it because you’re expected to say such?” Tsarina's smile never faded as she whispered to him.
Zarik had to work hard to push down his anger. “Ye'll ken soon enough that I do verra little of that of which I do not wish to do and I speak even less of what is not the truth. Ye may not always care fer what I have to say to ye, but it will always be the truth. Perhaps a simple thank ye would have worked well for ye after the compliment.”
Tsarina said nothing as she accepted a drink from one of the serving maids. She still didn't care much for the idea of being waited on. However, on some days, such as this one where she felt completely drained, it was nice not having to do it all for herself.
“How fare ye this evening, Tsarina?” Niall asked with the gracefulness she has come to always expect from him. “Ye look tired. I do hope we didnae put too much on ye this past night. It was something we had to solve. Ye ken?”
“She kens it ye ol' fool.” Argus had to put in his two cents. Always trying to lighten the mood and to keep everyone peaceful. Tsarina would love to have had him back in her time. She'd love him as a grandfather.
“It's all right, Niall. I understand.” She gave him a genuine, warm smile. She had grown to love him. Tsarina knew he had been forced to push his hand and meant to place an extra burden upon no one.
“Lass, will ye ever call me Father or even Da? I ken it may be asking a lot, but seeing as yer here with us and yer own Da passed, I was thinking it might be nice for the both of us.” Niall didn't seem as confident in this request. It seemed there were things that made even him nervous.
“I...I'd like that. It may take some getting used to, but I really would like it.”
Niall's smile was one like she'd never seen. “Ye see, I've gained myself a daughter.” Though he spoke to no one specific, a number of nods came from around him, from those who were in hearing distance of his announcement.
“Father, I do believe we have other announcements for this evening as well. Should we not be on to them?” Zarik was impatient for Tsarina to announce that she would be his. Then all matters were solved and they would be wed in two days.
“Yes, of course. Tsarina, I think this part is yours.” Niall gave her an encouraging look. If only she really could borrow some of their strength to make this announcement. She had to hold true to her choice. Own up to her fate. Would it be so bad? Really? So many had taken her under their wing since she'd arrived.
“Ummm. Well, I...” Tsarina struggled to say the words she knew must come from her.
Argus cleared his throat and stood. “Tsarina has an announcement to make tonight. It's one we've all waited to hear. After she speaks, there will be no question as to the fate of the clan.” Nodding toward her, he sat back in his seat.
“Yes, thanks Argus. I have kept everyone out of sorts on what would be happening. When I first arrived, I was to marry Zarik. Then, with a turn of some events, it seemed I would marry Tor.” She sent Tor a look of apology. She had been humiliated in front of the clan by Zarik in the past and felt terrible for what she was doing to him. “I'll be marrying Zarik, as was the way it was to be when I arrived.”
Tsarina looked to find Trystan and Galen staring at her. Trystan, clearly angry. Galen looking content and also at the server´s breasts. How Galen. Tsarina had to bite her lip so she wouldn´t laugh. Some things would never change, no matter the time period they were in.
Zarik stood and took her hand in his, placing a kiss on it, it was his turn to speak. “We'll be seeing each of ye at the wedding which will be in two days.” With a nod, he sat back beside her.
“Is there no way to make it not quite so soon, Zarik? I mean, Tor and I took a while to get to know one another. Should we not do the same? Most of our communicating was demands and arguments.”
“Nay, lass. The wedding will be as it was intended to be. And I'll not be hearing of how well ye ken Tor. It's ye and I now. And that's how it'll be. Two days, lass. It's all ye get.” Zarik, as was now expected of him, placed some meat on her plate for her, clearly closing the discussion as he turned and began speaking to Caelan.
With a heavy heart, Tsarina somehow managed to finish her meal. She wanted to get up and run to her chamber, but she knew it wasn't allowed. She had to be escorted. Tsarina wanted to scream. Some things from this Scotland really got on her nerves.
“I can escort you to your room, if you like, Tsarina.” Trystan was pulling out her chair before she could answer.
“Nay, she's to be my wife in less than two days. I'll take her.” Zarik spoke deeply, but quietly.
“And she is my sister right now. Not in two days.” Trystan didn't seem to be in the mind to give Zarik his room. Bigger than him or not.
Zarik actually chuckled. It wasn't a good natured funny chuckle; it was one that would create fear in most any man. Drostan and Caelan had stood up behind him, hands on the hilts of their swords. “Sit down. The two of ye. I have this. Besides, I'd not have ye kill Tsarina's brother. For that, I ken she'd never forgive me. However, I can beat him within close of taking his last breath.” His eyes never left Trystan's.
“I'm her brother, dammit. I care for her. I took care of her when our parents died, wiped her tears, made sure she ate. What have you done for her? Besides cause her heartache and stress?”
“I've not been the best. I'll give ye that. But I am a warrior. Not a soft man of the times ye come from. I ken ye don't understand the way of things here, but I suggest ye learn them quickly or being the brother-in-law to the future chief may not even save yer arse.”
“I am so fucking tired of this!” Tsarina stood up and could no longer bite her tongue. She ignored the gasp from those around at the choice of her language. “It's one thing to be seen and not heard most of the time. I get it's just the way things are. I also understand, to a point, being talked about and decided for as though I'm not even here. But this is too much. Zarik, you don't even want to marry me.”
“Of course I do...”
Tsarina interrupted. “Just stop. Don't insult me more than you already have with your past actions. It was enough. Perhaps I can embarrass you today? I've had it. You escort me to my room and I hear demands and have to's from you. Trystan walks me to my room and I hear him complain about how I'm making a huge mistake. How he'll not stay here and how I should come back with him. Do you think I wish to hear either of you tonight? It's been a long day and I'm, well...quite frankly, I'm sick of just about everyone.”
“Do ye think ye'll speak to me in such a manner?” Zarik started but was quickly interrupted.
“Tempers are flaring and everyone's been on edge. It's been a busy few months and the last days have been stressful for everyone. How about we all just take a step back and give one another a little space? I can take Tsarina to her room.” Galen was hoping he could calm down this situation. Niall and Argus were going to be no help as they were just sipping their ale and watching.
“She's my sister.” Trystan spoke at the same time as Zarik and with almost the same amount of hatred in his voice.
“She's to be my wife.” Zarik was ready to slice everyone to pieces, Tsarina's brother and friend or not.
“Might I suggest the two of you just get along? I mean, it's only being made even harder for Tsarina. Do you think it's fair to her? To have to choose between the two of ye?” Galen shook his head. He wasn't certain if it was due to the situation or due to the fact that his brogue was coming and going more often. If he wasn't careful, soon he'd sound exactly like everyone here.
“There'd be no question
of who she'd choose.” Trystan spoke, puffing his chest out a little further. Everyone looked at him. They didn't seem too certain of who she'd choose. But, they didn't know her as well as he did either. His smirk did not falter.
“You two are two of the most arrogant assholes I've seen. Even when given a diplomatic way out of a situation, so that you can both save face, you two still go on being pigheaded. Is it an option to choose neither of you?” Tsarina was fuming. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest and she was tapping her foot.
“Let's just get you to your room, lass.” Galen lightly placed his hand on her arm.
“No, choose. Who will it be, Tsarina. Which asshole do you wish to deal with tonight?” Trystan could never let anything go and this time would be no exception.
Tsarina wished he'd just shut up for once. There was a time that his determination saved her, helped her. But now was not one of those times. She looked over at Niall and Argus. Both shrugged at her. It seemed, she was on her own for this one. “Neither. I'll have someone else take me.”
“Neither isnae an option, lassie.” Zarik gave her a wink as she spoke. “No one is to take her to her chamber or I may assume you are trying to seduce my bride to be. Understood?” Everyone gave a nod or a whispered yes to Zarik's words.
“Choose.” Trystan was growing more impatient by the minute.
“You two are so much alike. No wonder you dislike the other. Imagine what you could do if you teamed up.” Tsarina looked back and forth between them, but neither was going to allow her to take this conversation to another direction. “Oh very well.” She couldn't hold in her sigh. Or her disappointment at the behavior of them. “It seems that boys will be boys and perhaps they truly never do grow up. Just remember. It was the two of you that forced me to this.” She shot glares at both Zarik and Trystan. “Zarik, will you please escort me to my chamber?” She hated doing this to her brother. But he was leaving and this was going to remain her home. Tsarina didn't need serious enemies. Or to give those that already disliked her more reason to do so. The clan was watching and she had no choice other than the Laird's son.