by Kishan Paul
Standing under the steady flow of lukewarm water, his muscles tightened as the dark red streaks flowed down his chest. The crimson of her blood diluted to pink and swirled around his feet before sinking into the drain. Emotion burned the back of his eyes but he refused to slam them shut, not until every trace of her pain was washed away.
She could have died out there.
This should have never fucking happened.
If I had just…
He put his hands on the tiled wall and braced himself as his body shook with rage.
Just what?
How about fucking paid attention, for starters? Noticed the freak of a man who lived next door to Autumn. But he didn’t. Or kept his ass in Houston. At least Lauren’s dog would have still been alive, she wouldn’t have been kidnapped, and the blood he currently stared at would be inside her body and not being rinsed off his.
After all traces of Lauren’s pain drained away, Gabe finished showering, grabbed some clean clothes from the duffle he kept in his truck and dressed. There was an ache inside him, one he’d never felt before.
The events of the day made one thing painfully clear. She was the woman he loved, and he’d do anything in his power to keep her safe. He exited the locker room and headed out of the station.
After tossing the bag on the passenger seat of his truck, he climbed in behind the wheel but didn’t put the key in the ignition. Instead, he stared out of the window, lost in thought.
What if she didn’t want to see him?
What if she blamed him for today? Could he handle it if she told him to stay away from her?
His stomach churned as he remembered her confession of love.
Did she mean it?
The cell phone rang.
Gabe looked at the Caller ID. It was his mother.
“Hey, everything okay with Evan?”
“He’s asleep. I was calling to check on you.”
“They released me. Just got in the truck.”
“So you going to go visit her?”
It was the same question he’d been asking himself. He stared out the window. “Not sure yet. It’s almost ten. She’s probably asleep.”
“Doubt it. I bet she’s waiting for you to show up.”
“Ever notice how you’re always so sure about things?” he snapped.
“Well, if you’d been around you’d have noticed I’m usually right too. Know what else I’m sure about?”
“Don’t know if I want to hear the answer.”
His mother ignored him and continued. “You remember the day your father died?”
Gabe raised a brow. He was twelve when his dad killed himself but remembered every detail vividly: finding his father, the police arriving, the workers cleaning up the mess and taking the remains away, the funeral, and, afterward, how it was never discussed again.
“That evening, he came home from work and yelled at you. You remember?”
They were the last words his dad ever said to him. How could he forget?
“He tripped over your backpack when he came in. He was so mad he ripped into you about being lazy and said he should whip your hide and teach you some manners.”
“I remember,” he mumbled.
“What I should have told you, but never did, was your daddy had been in a very gray place for a long time. He did a real good job of hiding it in front of you boys. I begged him to get some help, but he wouldn’t do it.”
Of all the times for her to discuss their past, Gabe slammed his eyes shut. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because, after that night, no matter what was going on around you, you always put your things away and I understood why. I know you, Gabe. Better than you realize. Your backpack wasn’t the reason your daddy killed himself. You boys were what made him hang on for as long as he did. Just like you enlisting in the Marines wasn’t the reason Matt died.”
He rested his head against the seat and let out a breath. She was touching on things he never spoke out loud. Never.
“Your brother had issues since the day you two walked in and found your father dead. You know it’s true because while I was drunk, you were the one holding his hand and changing his sheets every time he had one of those God awful nightmares.”
This was definitely not a conversation he wanted to have. “I can’t talk to you about any of it right now.”
“Right now is exactly when we need to have this conversation. Because I know you’re blaming yourself for everything that happened in the past month. None of this is your fault. Gabe? You listening?”
“Still here.”
“You couldn’t have known the man was crazy, and you couldn’t have known he would have done all of this.”
“If I’d paid attention…”
“When are you going to accept you’re not God?”
He clenched his teeth and slammed his palm against the steering wheel. “Trust me, I know I’m not God. The man killed Autumn and almost got away with it. Lauren almost died, and he had everything set up to take Evan.”
“But she didn’t, and Evan’s safe. Because of you. You are the hero here, not the bad guy. Look, we make our own choices. Good or bad, we deal with the consequences. What happened to your father, your brother, those were decisions they made, not you. Autumn’s death was sad, but it wasn’t your choice, either.
“Now, you walking away from Lauren, that one’s on you. And if you do it, trust me, you will spend the rest of your life suffering because of it. You deserve to finally be happy, son. Why can’t you see that you sticking around is what’s going to make it happen? For her, for you and for Evan.”
He parked his truck in the hospital parking lot and stared at the ambulance sitting idle by the ER. After a long, slow breath, he got out and headed to the main entrance. Gabe had no clue what was going to happen. But he needed to see her, touch her and have some sort of confirmation she was okay. More selfish than that, he needed her in his life if she’d let him.
His throat tightened as the doors slid open at the second floor. When he wandered down the hall, Mike, one of the detectives from the Denver PD, waved him into the waiting room. “I figured you’d show up. Here, have a seat. She’s in there with a doctor.”
Gabe scanned the space. Ben lay stretched out on a sofa with his eyes closed. Mike sat in a chair a few feet away, messing with his cell. Sunny and the younger detective, Casey, stood leaning against the wall across from him, lost in conversation.
Ben opened his eyes and looked Gabe over. After a slight nod, he closed his lids and didn’t move again. Gabe rubbed the back of his neck, sat next to Mike, and watched the television in front of him.
All he could do now was wait. His foot tapped on the tiled floor in anticipation. As much as he tried to ignore Sunny and Casey and watch the documentary about whales, their discussion was a bit more entertaining. So he kept his gaze fixed on the screen while he listened to the couple a few feet away.
“I’m a big proponent of desegregation,” she said to the African American detective.
“Is that right?”
“Yup. In restaurants, bathrooms, bedrooms. All places, all positions. It’s such a beautiful experience when different colors come together.”
“How very active of you.” Gabe’s brows raised at the huskiness of Casey’s voice.
“I try to be as active as possible.”
“I like that in a woman. So what do you do?”
“I write erotica. Lots of erotica. It keeps me busy.”
Gabe fought the urge to smile and checked out the other two men’s reactions. Ben’s eyes were still closed and Mike continued to play a game on his cell phone, but both had pained expressions on their faces.
“There are so many things I still need to research.” Sunny’s breathy response had Ben coughing. She seemed oblivious to his reaction a
nd kept talking to the man beside her. “You know how it goes. Always need to be on top of my game.”
“I can imagine. But sometimes, the real learning occurs when we sit back and allow things to happen.”
Mike mumbled curses and shook his head.
“You’re so right, it’s a push-pull, isn’t it? Finding the right balance of when to be aggressive and when to submit.”
Ben stood and headed for the exit. “I need to go home and throw up. Sunny, do you have a ride into Denver?”
“Mike and I are headed there anyway. We can take her,” Casey responded a bit too eagerly.
“Great. Goodnight, everyone.” Ben nodded in Gabe’s direction and walked away.
Mike stood as well. “You know, our last bit of questions can wait. You two in the car. We need to stop at the store down the street on the way.”
“We do?” Casey asked and placed a hand on Sunny’s back. “Why’s that?”
“I’m going to need some fucking earplugs to survive the next hour.”
Gabe chuckled as the threesome disappeared into the hallway.
All distractions gone, he leaned his head against the wall and did the only thing he could. He waited.
Fortunately for him, it didn’t take too much longer. Lauren’s parents walked into the waiting room, arm in arm. Her mother’s eyes were red and, when she saw him, they filled with tears.
Gabe shot out of his chair. “Is everything okay?”
Sarah walked straight to him and wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. Stunned, he hugged her back and look questioningly at Lauren’s father. James crossed his arms and smiled.
“You saved my daughter’s life.” The woman sniffled and stepped away. “Thank you.”
Unsure of how to respond, he stuffed his hands in his jean pockets and nodded as she continued.
“She’s doing great. They say she might be able to go home as early as two days from now.”
James shook his hand. “I’m glad you came. She’s been waiting for you. Why don’t you go in? We’re heading downstairs to grab a bite to eat.”
“No, we’re just going to pick something up and come right back. I’m not staying down there when my baby’s up here,” Sarah snapped.
“She’s okay, and Gabe will keep an eye on her while we’re gone.” He winked at Gabe. “We need to give them some time to talk. It’ll be thirty minutes, at the most.”
Before she could argue, James took her arm and walked away.
Gabe stood silently at Lauren’s door and took her in. She sat upright, fiddling with the incline of her bed while the television blared. Her injured leg was propped on pillows. A puffy mix of purple and red covered her left cheek from below her eye down to her jaw. Her mouth was swollen and freshly forming scabs peppered the soft area around and on her lips.
His stomach twisted at the sight of her. Gabe wished he hadn’t killed the fucker when he did, because right now he would have loved a chance to do it again.
She looked over at him. “Hi. You just going to stand there or are you planning on coming in?”
He clenched his fists and stepped over the threshold to her room, trying to keep the anger out of his voice. “What are you watching?”
“Reality television.”
He glanced over at the screen mounted to the wall and what he saw made him pause. “Didn’t realize they allowed pornography in the hospitals.”
She laughed. “It’s a survival show about a man and a woman who are dropped off in the middle of nowhere by themselves with no clothes, nothing for a month. Trust me, pornos are very different. I need Sunny for those.”
His mouth twitched. “You and Sunny watch X-rated films together?”
She shut her eyes and put her hand on her forehead. The bright pink hue spreading across her face made the already purplish bruise even darker. “I’m on medication. Nothing I say or do can be used against me.”
He didn’t even bother trying to fight it, a huge smile stretched across his face. “Understood. So, back to the question.”
“Yes, I do. I mean did.” She waved her hand at him. Instead of focusing on the bandages wrapped around her wrists, he tried to stay tuned to her words. “Because they’re usually all action with very little quality dialogue. So when the woman moans for the man to touch her right there, I need Sunny to tell me exactly what she wants him to touch, with what, and how big the what is.”
After surviving a near-death experience, this was what the beautiful, amazing woman in front of him chose to discuss.
For the first time since everything had happened, Gabe laughed, and it felt good. He shook his head. How much time had he spent worrying about her reaction? There was no way in hell he was going anywhere. At least anywhere without Lauren.
She scooted over and patted the side of her bed. “Here, come sit.”
As he walked to her, he made a mental note to add watching porn with her to his bucket list of things he needed to do…very soon.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Fighting Our Fears
Lauren looked away from Gabe’s green and blue blurred shape at the door and focused on the fuzzy colors of the television. She wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed.
This was it. No more hiding behind her fears and her smart mouth.
Speaking of smart mouth, she cringed at the porno confession she made. Obviously, the medication made her tongue a bit looser than normal; considering the current situation, it might be a good thing.
She scooted over, making room for him, and patted the spot next to her. “Here, come sit.”
When the door to her room slammed shut, she sucked in a breath. His sneakers squeaked against the tiled floor as he approached. She stayed reclined on the bed, with her eyes locked on the screen, hoping he wouldn’t notice the loud tribal beat her heart was thumping.
After everything that’s happened today, what do I have to lose?
A voice inside her head whispered the question as the mattress dipped from his weight. By the time his shoes were untied and dropping one by one to the floor, it had become a chant screaming between her ears.
While she searched for the response, the bed continued to creak and shift.
Nothing.
The answer burned her eyes. She blinked the heat away and fidgeted with the edge of the sheet. There was nothing left to lose. With Evan’s school starting up in August, Gabe would return to Houston by the end of the summer. The worst thing that could happen by telling him she loved him? It sped up the inevitable. Whether she told him or not, in a couple of months she would be alone.
By the time he finished getting comfortable, there was enough room to squeeze two hefty people in the gap he left between them. He leaned across Lauren without touching a hair on her body, picked up the remote control, and soon the television went black.
She bit her lip and reconsidered her plan. Surviving a kidnapping and challenging her fears on the same day would be a bit too much for anyone… Wouldn’t it?
Faint memories of her near-death love confession popped into her head. It made her stomach twist into an even tighter knot. Had she actually uttered those words out loud?
She shook off the thoughts. It didn’t matter. Even if he walked away, this was about something bigger—a chance for her to heal.
How long had she kept her feelings locked up because of her fears of rejection; of not being good enough? For over a decade, she pushed people away before they had a chance to do the same to her. It was time to swallow her pride.
What if they proved you right?
The darn voice was the source of so many of her problems. Yes, some people might, but how else would she ever find the one person capable of proving her wrong if she didn’t try?
Without letting herself think anymore, Lauren inched closer to Gabe.
Warmth flooded her as
soon as his arm pressed against hers, silencing her worries. The heat wasn’t completely sexual, either. It was peaceful, soothing. When he didn’t flinch at her touch, she rested her head on his shoulder and filled her lungs with his scent: pine and cedar and some soap she didn’t quite recognize.
Today had been the most traumatic day of her life. Throughout it all, she rode a rollercoaster of emotions: terror, sorrow, anger, and, in the past couple of hours, nothing.
With Gabe beside her, she felt the one thing she had hungered for: safety. Regardless of what happened between them, just by being beside her, he gave her exactly what she needed.
The fact he was rigid and hadn’t made a move to touch her stung. She swallowed her pride. “You can put your arm around me. If you want.”
He let out a breath as his body relaxed. “Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”
Lauren cringed. “What do you mean, hurt me?”
“You’re covered in bruises. I wasn’t sure if it would add to your pain if I tried to hug you.”
She started to smile but stopped as soon as the newly formed scabs on her lips stretched. “As long as my leg doesn’t move and they keep feeding me meds, it won’t.”
Before the words were completely out, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close. She wasn’t sure which of them shuddered, but someone did and both their bodies shook.
He pressed his cheek against the top of her head. “I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
Lauren shut her eyes and held on to him, never wanting to let him go. When he leaned back on the bed, he took her with him, pulling her onto his chest. She nuzzled her face into her favorite spot under his chin and grabbed a fistful of his shirt.
Out of nowhere, her tears began. One drop, and soon another. Before long the trickle became streams pouring down her cheeks.
It was over. Every last ugly bit of the day, and somehow she survived. So why couldn’t she stop crying?
His fingers dipped inside the opening in the back of her gown, touching her bare skin. When he started running them across the ridges of her spine, she sobbed.