by Ava Meyers
Instinctively, she sensed how sex with Noah might actually interfere with her plans. How he might make her forget Stavish and make her simply want to be a woman again, lost in the arms of a man who’d be gentle but still wouldn’t let her shy away from the pleasure he could bring her. Given that, he should be the last person to ask this favor of.
“Better him than that slimeball Gordon. I still can’t believe there’s such a thing as therapeutic sex surrogates.”
Jenna sighed. “I told you, the legality is on the shaky side, but most juries make a distinction between sex for money and sexual gratification, and sex for money and therapy. It’s apparently a legit business. At least Gordon would have made things halfway clinical. At least he—he—”
“At least he doesn’t threaten you. Not the way Noah does”
Instinctively, she raised her chin. “Detective James doesn’t scare me.”
Kate just looked at her, and Jenna rubbed her hands up and down her arms, her bravado quickly deflating. “Okay, so he does scare me, a little.”
“The fear Noah inspires in you is the good kind, Jenna. He turns you on. That’s what scares you.”
“But I—I don’t want to be turned on,” she said swiftly. “I just want to be able to let one specific man touch me without freaking out. Even if that man is going to end up being Judge Stavish.”
“To do that, you’re going to have to actually let yourself be touched. To disguise your fear of sex. Given the way you reacted to Gordon grabbing you earlier, you’re a long way from that, Jenna. Maybe Noah can help. He’s a good guy. He won’t hurt you. And I’ve seen how you look at him. You want him.”
Jenna hesitated, looking towards the doorway. At the other end of the house, Noah was nursing a drink in the living room. Despite his patience and watchfulness, he’d obviously been confused by Kate’s invitation to join them. Who wouldn’t be, especially given how Jenna had previously brushed him off. “But what will he think of me? I should have just hit on him. I still can. I don’t have to explain why I—”
“And let him go in blind?” Kate shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. He has to know your hang-ups. That’s why you looked into a sex surrogate in the first place, remember? It would be counterproductive otherwise and it wouldn’t be fair to lead him on, have him touch you, and then have to deal with you wigging out on him.”
“No,” Jenna said ruefully. “That wouldn’t be fair. Or pretty.” Gordon Forks, on the other hand, had been plenty pretty. Technically, he was even better looking than Noah, with a classically chiseled face and light green eyes. But the instant she’d met him, she’d known she couldn’t do it. Despite his credentials—and yes, the testimonials on his website—the idea of the man’s hands on hers had made her sick. The idea of any man’s hands on her nowadays made her sick.
Not so with Noah. At least, not quite so much.
Kate was right. Somehow, the idea of Noah touching her was scary, but it wasn’t scary enough to make her desire go away. In fact, the fear only seemed to amplify her lust. At least she knew she was still capable of being sexually attracted to a man, even if she didn’t have the guts to act on it.
“You were assaulted, Jenna. It’s normal for you to fear sexual intimacy again. Let Noah help you and then we can discuss what you want to do.”
She shook her head. “No. If I do this, it’s only so I can go after Stavish, which I’m going to do whether you help me or not, Kate.”
Kate sighed. “I know. That’s why I am trying to help you, Jenna. Plus, when you’re done with Stavish, I’m hoping you can go on with your life. Finally reach out for the happiness that you deserve. Happiness that can involve a man. Maybe it’ll even involve Noah.”
Jenna laughed. “Noah James, the police department’s lothario? Didn’t you tell me he’s a sexual powerhouse, screwing a different woman every week?”
“Doesn’t mean he can’t commit. He had a long-time girlfriend about a year back. And even though they broke up, they’re still friendly. That says a lot for a man’s character, don’t you think?”
“Depends. Are they friendly with benefits? Because maybe he’s just friendly because he wants to keep getting laid.”
“And that is exactly why you need to do this,” Kate responded quietly. “Frankly, your opinion of men sucks. Granted, it’s understandable given your experience, but…”
“As much as I want him, I doubt a night in the sack with Noah James is going to change my opinion of men—”
She heard a male throat being cleared behind her and froze. Several seconds passed before she forced herself to turn around. The bedroom door had been slightly ajar and Noah had pushed it open. He stood in the open doorway, his dark eyes lasering into her. Humiliation punched through her, taking her breath away.
“Maybe not,” Noah drawled. “But why don’t we give it a try? I’m game if you are.”
CHAPTER THREE
Noah saw Jenna’s surprise in the way her body tensed and in the horrified expression on her face. For a second, regret filled him but it was soon washed away with anger. He’d walked in to check on them and had caught them discussing the merits of screwing him. Their conversation confirmed Jenna was attracted to him and while he should have been jumping for joy, he’d found himself getting pissed. She thought he was a “lothario.” And the women’s discussion hadn’t been about want—it had been about calculated manipulation.
He didn’t like being manipulated.
Neither woman said anything so he turned to Kate. “Now that I’m here and know the score, you willing to leave us alone so we can talk?”
“Is that okay with you, Jenna?”
He tensed, waiting while Jenna bit her lip, her particular “tell” when she was nervous. Her answer was key, because if she didn’t trust him enough to be alone with him, she certainly wasn’t going to be able to get down and dirty with him. And that was, after all, what she wanted from him.
Gordon’s mention of sexual hang-ups replayed through his head.
Fine. If she wanted him for sex therapy, he was more than willing. But damn if he was going to do anything without having all the facts.
Jenna nodded and Noah released a breath of relief.
“Be good, Noah,” Kate said, a spark of amusement in her expression, her double entendre not lost on Noah. Then, once more turning serious, she said to Jenna, “Call me if you need me. Until then, I’ll stay with a friend.” She shut the bedroom door behind her, an audible click resonating. Faintly, he heard the sound of the front door closing.
Noah crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall, shooting for a casual demeanor even though every muscle in his body was twitching with the alternating need to pepper her for answers and to kiss, lick and suck her from head to toe. “Why don’t you tell me exactly what’s going on, Jenna.”
And to his great surprise, she did.
“Last year, a man assaulted me.”
He’d suspected as much, and sympathy and rage washed through him. Sympathy for what she’d gone through, rage that he hadn’t been there to protect her and kill the man who’d hurt her. “Who was he?”
“A—a burglar,” she whispered. Once again, her skin had paled to an alarming degree. She closed her eyes, obviously reliving the horror, which was the last thing she needed or wanted. But he had to know.
“He broke into your house?”
“Yes. I’d move, but the house belonged to my parents. I don’t want to be forced out of my home and he’s already taken so much.”
“Did he—” She hadn’t said the word, so he didn’t either. But her nod made him feel sick inside. She hadn’t just been assaulted, she’d been raped. No wonder she thought she needed sexual therapy.
“Did they catch him?”
She nodded again. “He’s in prison.”
And likely getting raped himself, if there was any justice in the world. “Good.”
He wanted to go to her. To take her in his arms and tell her everyth
ing would be okay. But he wasn’t sure it was true. He couldn’t help picturing the rape victims he’d encountered over the years. Young and old. Sexually experienced and not. Some rapists took care not to inflict serious damage to their victims, while others got off on every moment of pain. He forced himself to ask, “How badly did he hurt you?”
“Physically, I was fine. He hit me a couple of times and held me down, but…” She shrugged, the dismissive gesture making his heart ache.
“Are you in therapy? I mean, real therapy?”
“I was. Sometimes, I can go days not thinking about it anymore. Except—”
“Except when a guy grabs you in a bar,” he gritted out.
She nodded. “Or when I try to let someone get close to me. Only I can’t.”
That’s why she wanted to get close to Noah. The fact that she’d even consider it after what she’d been through told him that she really did trust him. In addition, an odd possessiveness filled him—recognition that if any man was going to help her enjoy her body again, it was going to be him. Only, it didn’t have to be like this. Didn’t have to be now, no matter what she was telling herself. “That’s normal, Jenna. You just need to wait until you’re ready, physically and emotionally. You’ll learn to enjoy sex again.”
She laughed harshly. “Yeah well, considering I never enjoyed it, I’m not so sure about that.”
He frowned. “You mean—”
“Yeah, I do. Even before last year, I was kind of—kind of frigid.”
He couldn’t help himself. Now it was he who laughed. She actually sounded like she believed what she was saying. She stared at him with serious eyes, so he forced himself to take her words just as seriously. “Who fed you that line of bullshit? And why the hell did you believe him?”
“It’s not bullshit. I’ve always known it. And not just one but several men have agreed with me. I just don’t like sex.”
“Then your partners didn’t work hard enough to make sure you did like it. And they passed the buck to you. That’s all.”
She looked dubious. “You can’t know that.”
He decided to take a chance. He straightened then walked toward her. He slowly laid his hands on her shoulders, watching her carefully for any sign of fear. Although she took a quick breath, she didn’t pull away from him. Gently, he turned her until they faced the mirror on the dressing bureau. “Of course, I can. Hell, just look at you.”
She trembled slightly beneath him and he rubbed her shoulders with light circles. The softness of her sweater felt good, but he knew her skin would feel even better. He took a shallow breath, telling himself to take it easy. Not to frighten her.
Her pretty mouth twisted. “Looks are deceiving. I might have posed in Playboy magazine when I was younger, but it doesn’t mean I’m a sexual person. I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are,” he insisted. “Looks can be deceiving, but I’m not relying on just your looks to form an opinion.”
“Really? Then what are you relying on?”
With one hand, he gently tucked a loose strand of her silky hair behind her ear, letting the tips of his fingers linger just long enough on her delicate skin to see her eyes flicker with desire. She was so incredible. Even now, trying to negotiate a coldly calculated sexual encounter, she couldn’t help her natural passion from surfacing. “I’ve seen you with Kate. When your defenses are down. You’re a toucher, just like she is. You savor your food. A good margarita makes you flush and chatter. You laugh deep down in your gut. And the look on your face when you smile…let me tell you, it defines sensuality.”
She made a skeptical sound. “Those things don’t mean I’m sexual.”
“Trust me, honey. I think I have more expertise in this arena than you do.”
“Well, that’s what I’m hoping,” she blurted out. “But we don’t have to…”
Like hell they didn’t have to. Now that he knew what was behind her sudden interest, there wasn’t a chance in hell he was going to turn down what she was offering. Especially since he sensed how serious she was about getting over her fears. If it wasn’t him, it would be someone.
It was going to be him.
“You’re sure this is what you want?” he asked quietly. “That I’m who you want?” Once again, he held his breath, anxious for her answer.
“I’m sure. Whether anything happens is up to you.”
“If it was up to me, we would have been naked five minutes ago. But given the circumstances, I think we need to approach this night a little differently. You game?”
“Depends on what the game is.”
He stepped away from her and she turned to face him.
“Tonight’s game is a crash course in getting to know each other. That way, by the time I touch you”—by the time I get inside you, he thought—“you’ll be more than ready for it.”
“But by getting to know each other, you mean physically, right? Because that’s what I want.”
Her implicit “That’s all I want” hung in the air, but he ignored it for now.
“We’ll get there, sweetness. And you’ll be glad you put your trust in me, I promise. But first, answer one more question for me. Why are you doing this?”
“You already know why. So I can be with a man again without freaking out.”
“But why now? What happened to you was horrible, but you’re a strong woman. You’ll heal, given patience and time. What’s driving you to speed up the process this way?” What’s driving you to consider doing this with me? he thought.
“There’s someone I want.”
Her words weren’t completely unexpected but they still hurt. Which was ridiculous. He barely knew her. But even the past few moments of conversation, the bravery she was showing, the trust she was putting in him, made him want to get to know her better physically and emotionally, not picture her with another man.
“Is—is that okay with you?” she asked softly.
Hell no, it wasn’t okay with him, but he couldn’t very well say that. “Why wouldn’t it be? But why not work out your issues with him? Have you told him…” Her averted gaze was her answer. “You haven’t, have you?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I have my reasons. I don’t have to explain them to you. If that’s a deal breaker, then fine, but—”
“Shhh. It’s okay. It’s not a deal breaker.” In fact, it pleased him. If she didn’t trust this guy enough to tell him what she’d told Noah or to let him help her through her fears, that meant there was still hope.
If he was honest with himself, he was going to sleep with her whether there was hope or not—he wasn’t an idiot—but the possibility of having more than just one night with her was also its own motivator.
Lately, even before he’d ever met Jenna, he’d started to yearn for something besides random sexual acts with women who knew the score and would move on the same way he did. Seeing his friend Luke with his new wife Sarah made him jealous for the intimacy they shared, not sexual intimacy but the intimacy that comes with living with someone day in and day out, seeing both their worst flaws as well as their best attributes. He wanted to know this woman’s flaws and he knew somehow they’d just make him want her more.
That’s what told him this was about more than sex. At least, it would be for him. But he’d give her the sex she needed, the sex she was asking for, and he’d make sure it was damn good for her. Maybe it would even be good enough that she’d forget all about this other man.
“So, how do you want to do this? Should I—should I take off my clothes?” The way she wrung her hands together evidenced her distress at that idea.
As much as he wanted to see her naked, Noah shook his head. “Nope. But I’ll take off mine if you’re okay with it.”
That obviously surprised her. “Why—why not the both of us? Don’t you—”
He snorted. “Please. If I wanted you any more, I’d embarrass myself. But I also want to give you the help you’ve asked me for. Crash course in gett
ing to know each other physically, remember? And I think it might help you relax some if you get to know me first. If you see me vulnerable before you feel any more so. Am I right?”
She stared at him in amazement.
“What? Why are you looking at me that way?”
“It’s just, I must be dreaming. We’re being so civilized, talking about sleeping together when we barely know anything about each other.”
“That’s not so unusual. Haven’t you ever had a one night stand?”
“Once. A few years ago. It wasn’t pleasant.”
“Well, that’s not going to be the case with us. I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you. If this is what you need from me, I’m happy to help out. In fact, I guarantee it will be a pleasurable experience for both of us.”
She smiled slightly, and the expression, freely given, was enough to make his knees tremble. “You guarantee it, huh?”
“Absolutely.”
Her expression grew solemn again. “Just so you know, I’m not looking for pleasure. I—I’m not sure I’m even capable of…you know.”
Yeah, he was pretty sure he did. The idea that she’d never climaxed during sex was mind-boggling information. “That’s a damn shame. But fair warning, whether you’re looking for it or not, I’m going to give it to you anyway.” He cocked a brow. “So should I undress?”
She hesitated. Took several breaths. Then nodded. “Okay. That would be… nice.”
She didn’t sound like she believed that, but she was putting on such a brave front. Suppressing a smile, Noah stripped slowly but deliberately. He wanted to ask more questions. Get to know her better on a personal level, despite the boundaries she’d set. But first he needed to get her to see him as a man, and not one that was a means to an end, but one she desired. One who was able to control himself but still able to give her everything she wanted and needed. Soon, he stood naked before her. Without shame. And he got his first clue that everything just might end up working out between them.