“Better, though the sarcasm negates any good intent on your part. And like I said, we’re just friends.”
Devin regards me skeptically. “I guess we’ll see.”
Theo
I arrive at the bar a little over an hour after our game and spend a few minutes circling the crowd for Laney. I find her toasting another girl and am surprised at the relief I feel that she didn’t bring a date. Laney spots me and waves me over with a grin and a waiting beer as her friend joins the line on the dance floor.
“It’s a little warm,” she yells over at me. “I expected you sooner.”
“Sorry about that, it took a lot longer for me to get home and get changed.”
“Don’t worry, we’ve been fully entertained,” she grins at her friend, who is shaking her ass in a small circle with a few other women. In the darkly-lit bar I scan Laney, she looks hot in a sundress and a sweater that accentuates the cleavage I refuse to acknowledge for fear of poisoning. A minute of silence passes, and I can feel her eyes on me. I scan the crowd and the dance floor. “Good to see the two-step is still alive and well.”
Laney guffaws. “You mean to tell me, you don’t like country?”
“Not especially, no.”
“Well, that’s just sad,” she says, shaking her head. “I happen to love it.”
I shrug. “What can I say, I grew up in the burbs listening to other stuff. I don’t own boots. It’s so cliché anyway. When out of towners came to visit my family, they were always surprised when no one dressed and spoke like Yosemite Sam and our front yard wasn’t full of rolling tumbleweeds.”
“Ever been to West Texas?”
“No.”
“Well then, there you go.” Laney slams her beer on the table in afterthought. “I’m so disappointed in you, young man, where is your Texas pride?!”
“I have pride. Not all Texans have to wear boots and two-step.” I give her my best smirk, surveying her dress and boots. “And what do you have to say for your lack of school spirit?”
She grins over at me. “Well played. I’ll buy your next beer—”
“You bought my first one,” I counter, taking a sip.
“You didn’t let me finish. I’ll buy your next beer if you’ll two-step with me.”
“No.”
She raises a brow in challenge. “Don’t know how?”
“I do.”
“Then come on, Grand Band Man, live a little.”
“He just got here,” the friend says breathlessly, scanning me before jabbing Laney in the ribs with her elbow. “Let him have one beer first.”
“Shut up,” Laney instructs before our introduction. “Theo, this is my best friend, Devin. Devin, this is Theo.”
Devin is the opposite of Laney, a platinum blonde with pale skin to Laney’s dark complexion.
“Nice to meet you.” She yells something else I can’t decipher, and we clink glasses and drink. The Rangers lost tonight, but there are no mourners in this crowd. And the place is crawling with TGU-covered alumni.
Devin’s eyes dart back and forth between us as I sip more beer.
“So, you two met at a party?”
“Yeah,” I offer, setting my beer on the high-top table.
“And then ran into each other at the grocery store?”
“Uh huh,” Laney says just as clueless as to where Devin’s going with her line of questioning.
“I’d say that’s kismet in a school your size.”
“That’s coincidence,” Laney reasons to keep us both comfortable.
“Well, my money is on kismet,” she subtly bumps shoulders with her best friend.
Laney not-so-subtly pinches Devin, who jumps.
“How long have you two known each other?” I ask to break them up.
“Since she stole my boyfriend in first grade,” Devin supplies in jest.
“Dirty Dustin,” Laney says, rolling her eyes. “I did you a favor. He stunk.”
Devin tosses back a shot and doesn’t flinch. “Puh-lease, don’t act like you haven’t been boy crazy even before you got your first starter bra. And I saw Dustin at the store the other day, he gave me the eye.” She tilts her head and gives Laney wide eyes, and it looks so ridiculous we both crack up.
“Well, not like that exactly, but he did,” she insists, wobbling out of her seat. “I’m going to the restroom.” She looks between us conspiratorially, and Laney shakes her head in warning before Devin saunters off singing Jingle Bells at the top of her lungs.
“How much has she had?” I ask, nodding toward the way she went.
“Not enough to knock her out, unfortunately,” she mutters annoyed while trailing Devin’s retreat over her shoulder before looking back at me. “She’s curious because I spoke so highly of you. I apologize.”
“Don’t worry about it. I like her. She’s your other half, right?”
Laney bobs her head. “Oh, most definitely.”
I can tell she’s mildly buzzed.
“I had a friend like that back home.”
“Yeah? Where is home?”
“Houston.”
“Ah, big city boy,” she says, casting her eyes down.
“Not a fan of Houston?”
“Sure.” She licks her lips.
“Why don’t I believe you?”
“Meh, my dad lives there. We don’t talk much.”
“Oh, sorry to hear that.”
She shakes her head in annoyance. “Let’s not let this get weird, okay? No matter how hard Devin tries to rile us.”
“Fine with me.”
She raises her foamy beer. “To living our realest life. Cheers.”
“Cheers.”
We finish our beers, and I head to the bar to order more. When I get back to the table, the girls are warding off the advances of a group of guys. I nudge my way in and pass out our beers.
“Thanks,” Laney spouts loudly, “but, you can go, we’re all set.” I meet all inquiring eyes and see the confusion in each of their faces. I shrug in a ‘what can I say?’ way.
“You’re serious? You’re with this guy?” The taller of the milk and grain fed three—who all have my height beat by a considerable amount—asks, scrutinizing me with clear skepticism.
“No offense taken,” I salute him with both my beer and stretched middle finger.
“I can guarantee he’s got several inches on you,” Devin joins in snidely, “and I mean horizontally.” She stretches out her hands in length for demonstration and gives me a wink.
I wink back.
The clueless dick leans in while snaking his arm around Laney. His hand slides dangerously close to her ass, just as she lifts a book of matches from the unused ashtray on the table.
“You ever seen a match burn twice?” she asks him with a sickly-sweet voice.
I bite my lips to keep from smiling as he leans in with a “No.”
She strikes a match studying it as if it has some mysterious power and he leans in watching it with her, oblivious and gullible to her charms before she shakes out the flame and presses it to his offensive hand. He jumps back with a curse.
“And now you have. Now kindly get your paws off me before I show you my next trick.”
“Whatever,” the guy grumbles before he lifts his chin in signal and the three of them stalk off.
“That’s right, boys, fuckoffsky!” Devin yells at their retreating backs.
She giggles and Laney rolls her eyes, grinning up at me. “She’s ten sheets. We’re going to have to call it an early night.”
“Oh no, you don’t! I’m living it up tonight. My fiancé will come fetch me when I’m damned good and ready. You will not police me, Elaine Cox.”
“I’m not babysittin’ you, either.”
“Lordy woman, you’re like the damn Hitler against happiness these days.” Devin raises her finger beneath her nose to make a fingerstache. “Is dat a smile, Fräulein? No smiling, Fräulein! Nech bin doust nech plaque!” she spits between us.
Laney
jumps back and dramatically places a hand on her chest. “I’m pleasant. Damnit! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch ‘fore I could help myself!”
I look between them, both confused and entertained, as they crack up.
“Inside joke,” Laney snorts, gauging me. “It’s from a movie.”
“Blasphemy! It’s not just a movie, it’s the southern woman’s bible!” Devin proclaims, raising her beer to toast Laney.
“Amen.”
They both drink as the music changes, morphing into a steady thrum of bass and Devin’s eyes widen. “Oh my God, we need to dance, now, right now.”
“Because a minute from now is too late?” I ask, egging her on.
“Such a smart ass,” Laney grins at me.
“I love it!” Devin proclaims before turning to Laney. “I like him so much.”
“You love everyone right now, Devil. They don’t call it Jesus’s Juice for nothing.”
Devin facepalms her and grins at me. “She said you were adorable,” her head wobbles on her neck as she begins to slide down the side of her chair. “And I must agree.”
The foot-long dick I just gained by word of mouth shrivels up as I avoid Laney’s eyes while she hoists Devin back up in her chair, sitting her upright and snatching her beer.
This is most definitely not a date, not if the word ‘adorable’ was used when she described me.
Adorable translation—my penis will never enter her vagina. But she will use me at her leisure, like a stuffed animal. I’ll be there for comfort on long, lonely nights; and she will drag my ass around by the arm until I’m filthy, my limbs are ripping apart at the seams from neglect, and my insides are coming out.
I’ve most definitely been friend-zoned, or in my case, Teddy’d.
“I meant that in a good way,” Laney explains after weighing my expression. I chew it over for a second.
“You know, I thought the same thing about you when I first saw you.” It’s the truth. I did think she was adorable. And I’d thought the same tonight when I saw her. It’s just far more flattering on her side of things. For me, it’s the kiss of fucking death.
For the next half hour, I watch as Laney stomps on the foot of any guy who gets within a few inches of either of them. I’m mildly entertained but feel like I’m a third wheel. While I watch, I try so hard not to memorize her movements, but it’s proving impossible. I’m so in tune with the way she works herself that I have to adjust my junk twice. She is far more than adorable, but I refuse to let myself fixate.
Laney is the first to make it back to the table, lifting her hair to wave a hand beneath the sweaty strands. “Whew, hot.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to agree, but that’s flirting. And I shouldn’t be flirting, because I’m adorable.
Fuck.
It occurs to me then, that on some level I had hoped it was a date.
She looks over to me and thanks me for the water I gathered while they were grinding on air. “I only came here because she loves it. She doesn’t get out much. I got over this place after a few semesters at Grand.”
“Is she a student?”
“Part-time at Junior, her dad owns Hardin Sports. She works at the headquarters here.”
“Ah.”
“So, if you need a discount on balls, I’m your gal.”
“Thanks.”
“Anytime.” More silence ensues as we both observe our surroundings. I can feel her eyes on me. “You talked a whole lot more in the yard, and at the grocery store,” she sips at her water.
“I gave you a lot to work with.”
She lifts her palm, moving it in a circle as she speaks. “And now you’re being all mysterious.”
I shrug. “No good can come from showing your full hand all at once.”
“Hmmm. Going to make me work for it? Okay. Well, you’re going to have to be the one to suggest the next…” she twists her lips, weighing her words, “place we go.”
“Am I?”
She nods.
“Alright.”
She gives me a smile that steals the breath from me. I’m having a hard time not imagining the tickle of her hair on my skin. We both move to speak because, despite our pact to keep it light, it’s becoming awkward.
“You owe me a dance—”
“I should probably go.”
She frowns. “Really?”
“Yeah, make it a girls’ night. I don’t want you to feel obligated to cater to me. I’m wiped anyway. I’ll text you.”
“Well, okay.”
I turn to leave and catch her watching me with disappointment. I give her a wink and take my leave. I’m not in the right frame of mind to be the adorable new friend. Mere steps out of the bar into the cool night air, I jump when I feel her latch on to my back and let out an “ugh.”
“Theeeeoooo,” she says on an exaggerated breath.
Chuckling, I stand uncomfortably with my keys halfway out of my pocket.
“Yes, Laney?”
“Don’t turn around,” she whispers fiercely.
“That would be kind of impossible.”
“Right. Well, I appreciate you. I just wanted you to know that.”
“Are you okay to get home?”
“Yes. Devin’s fiancé is coming for us. I just sent the SOS.” She loops her arms around my waist and squeezes tighter as a few passersby give us odd looks. I couldn’t give a shit. I smell the mint and citrus, and instantly I’m back in that yard. My head goes fuzzy, and it has shit to do with the beer I drank. My chest restricts just a little when she sighs out an, “I like you, Theo.”
“I like you too, Laney.”
I place my hands on hers and wait as she talks to my back. “Your band is amazin’.”
“Thanks.”
“I promise to always watch you, instead of getting more beer or peeing.”
“O-kay.”
“I mean that. Just because I’m buzzed, it doesn’t mean I’m not sincere. And I will collect on that dance eventually.”
I feel the weight and imprint of perfect tits on my back and remain mute while clenching my fists to keep me from embarrassing myself. “Night, Theo,” she whispers, just before letting go. I turn back in time to see the toss of her hair and swish of her skirt just before the door closes.
Theo
I have this theory that men who score easily with the ladies don’t put in enough effort in the sack. Case in point, Bethany. She sits at our cheap folding kitchen table swallowed by one of Troy’s T-shirts with her head in her hands, while I pour pancake batter. This is not a woman who has been sexually blissed out. If so, she wouldn’t be cloaked in morning-after regret. As a guy who’s been sexually deprived most of my adult life, I have no intention of making these kinds of mistakes.
Laney’s words strike me then. She told me it’s awkward until you find the right chemistry.
The second half of my theory is sex is the Olympics for the sexually underprivileged, and I’ve been in training for quite some time. I’ve got way too many pent-up fantasies in my arsenal for the girl I find the chemistry with. I might practice my P’s and Q’s out of respect for the ladies, but I’ve got a smut-filled brain, no doubt due to the deprivation.
And there’s no way in hell I’ll ever let a forlorn sigh, like the one sounding out behind me, come out of the mouth of any woman I bed, the morning after.
Well, except for that one time.
CLICK, DELETE.
“Coffee?”
“Please,” she says softly.
I greeted her when she hit the bottom of the stairs to try to put her at ease. She had no bounce in her step when I lured her into the kitchen, and her smile hasn’t reached her eyes through any of our exchange.
Troy’s either underperforming or they’ve had some non-committal morning-after chat. But since he’s into avoidance, I assume it’s a bit of both.
“You don’t have to cook for me,” Bethany says softly behind me where I sta
nd at the stove.
“I was cooking anyway, it’s no trouble,” I assure, looking back at her with a smile before flipping a perfectly golden cake. I hate the skittish look in her eye. It makes me just as ill at ease as she is. I didn’t start out cooking breakfast for the house conquests, it just kind of happened. They aren’t all this sullen when they come down, but Bethany is different; and I’m sure Troy noticed on some level, but it didn’t stop him. Then again, it didn’t stop her either.
“So, I’m thinking I’m not the first girl you’ve cooked for.”
This is the part where I resent my roommates the most. I’m not good at the bullshit, it’s not my job to placate them, but I’m typically the one stuck making the excuses. “I have two roommates on the team, so there’s always someone to cook for.”
“I’m sure.” The snark in her voice isn’t for me.
“It’s all up to you,” I plate up the fluffy cakes and set them on the table in front of her.
She zeroes in on her plate and then looks up to me. “What do you mean?”
I shrug. “I mean, you can leave here hating yourself for something you wanted to do, or you can own it and move on.”
“Well,” she says with an ironic chuckle, “that answered my next question.”
“Which was?”
“Have you ever cooked for the same girl twice?”
“You want the truth?”
“By all means,” she says, grabbing her fork.
“No, no repeats, and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.”
She nods and grabs the juice in front of her as I lean in on a whisper when it’s halfway to her lips. “You’re still the same girl you were before you walked through that front door. It’s not you, it’s him.”
“That’s original.”
“It’s the truth.”
She swallows a lump I know is forming in her throat and nods before sipping her juice. “So, you’ve been in the same position?”
“Used to the point of feeling violated? Ironically, yeah, it was recent, and I have the battle scars to prove it.”
“You’re nothing like him.”
“He’s not so bad. Just…oblivious for the moment.”
She pulls the chair out next to her and gives me a smile that reaches her eyes. “Eat with me, Theo.”
The Underdogs: The Complete Series Page 6