“Just getting home? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Don’t worry, message received.”
“Priss—”
“Don’t. You. Fucking. Dare. You haven’t called me that since the day I set foot on this ranch.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t care. Move your truck.”
“Please hear me out.”
I slam my handle into my suitcase and click the fob to unlock the car. “This relationship has turned toxic. I’m no expert, but I think it’s safe to assume we can’t come back from this. And you seemed to have moved on anyway.”
“It was a year after our split. I haven’t touched her or another woman since New York. Haven’t wanted to since you. I don’t give a damn about her.”
“Well, she’s clearly still in love with you,” I say, tossing my case in the back seat and slamming the door. He steps forward, caging me to my driver’s door, and I refuse to look up. I can’t because I know it will take all my strength away.
“And I’m in love with you. You’re the only woman I have ever loved.”
He inches forward, and I jerk my chin.
“Doesn’t matter anymore. Just move your truck.”
“No.”
“Fine, I’ll wake Trevor and get him to do it.”
“Don’t go.” It’s the plea in his voice that brings my eyes to his.
“Lance, I can never forget what you said to me.”
“I won’t expect you to, but you gave me no reason to believe…you made me think we had no future. Will you just tell me…why, why didn’t you tell me?”
“You know I couldn’t. Move your truck. I know we’re shit at communication these days, but it’s clear now, what we were—we aren’t anymore.”
“If that were true, you would still be in New York.”
“Well, we’ve gotten good at making things bad, haven’t we?”
Lance lifts his hands and cradles the back of my head, his fingers searching until he finds the scar.
I jerk away from his touch. “I see you spoke to Troy.”
“Harper,” my name cracks across his lips, “I’m so fucking sorry. If I would have known…”
I turn away from him and open the driver’s door, and he shuts it in the next second.
“Don’t leave.” He hangs his head on my shoulder, his heart beating wildly at my back, his scent engulfing me as angry tears emerge.
“We can’t work now. I’m not what you need.” He pulls at my arm, so I’m facing him and desperately tries to wipe my tears with his fingers. I jerk away from him. “Don’t touch me.”
“Don’t say that. Fuck. Please don’t ever say that to me again. I fucked up. Jesus, I fucked up.”
“I can’t watch you destroy yourself anymore.”
“It ends now. I swear. I’ll make it up to you. I’m still in here somewhere. I’m still the man you fell in love with.” He places his hands on his chest. “I’ll do anything, I’ll be anyone, Harper, don’t leave.”
“I can’t help you. You won’t let me. I need to save myself before you ruin me for good.”
“I won’t.”
“You just did. God, you bastard,” I sniff, wiping my nose with my sleeve, “you already did.”
Hot tears run down my cheeks as I try to steady myself. “You know, no matter how ugly it got, I was never afraid of you. Never, until tonight. And now I know what you’re capable of doing to me.” I cup my chest. “I can’t take it, okay? I just can’t. I’m not a worthy opponent, not at all. We agree on that.”
“Not true.” He rakes a hand through his hair, and I see freshly dried blood on his knuckles and know it has nothing to do with his fight with Mark. “This is the worst I can do. Harper, I swear it.”
“Move your truck.” He tilts my chin, and I rip it away from his grip. “Let me go.”
“Never. Never again. Fucking ever.”
“You’ve been humiliating me since I set foot here, dead set on pushing me away. Mission accomplished.”
I turn and open the door, and he closes it again.
“Don’t…” he chokes out. His chest at my back as he closes in, pressing me to the door, his arms capturing my lower half. I exhale as he wraps himself around me. Silence lingers, and then I hear the hitch of his breath. “Jesus…don’t go…I fucking… I n-need you.”
He’s beautifully broken, the floodgates opening as he cries out his apology. “I don’t deserve you,” he weeps against me.
“Lance—”
“I c-can’t do this without you, Harper. I’m just so fucked up. I’ve been a slave to money my whole goddamned life. It’s ruining me. The lack of it is ruining my family. Dad, I f-found him…” his chest bounces against my back, and it’s all I can do to keep standing. “I found him with a g-gun. He…if he gives up.” The lift of his voice followed by the agonizing sob that leaves him is too much to bear, and I grip his hands feeling every second of it with him. “I don’t…I can’t keep fighting if I can’t see the end. This is the worst I can do.”
He crushes me to him. “It wasn’t true. P-please don’t believe the lie. I w-want to marry you. I want to grow old laughing with you, Harper. I’ve never loved anyone so much in my life. No one can love me like you do. No woman could or will ever be you. That’s why I went to New York. God…I-I-I just never wanted you to see me like this.” He buries himself in the back of my neck, his tears soaking me, my heart. “Your opinion is the only one that has ever fucking mattered to me. P-please. Don’t, d-don’t leave.” He beats on the top of my rental. “I don’t have the words! I still don’t have the fucking words! Tell me what they are. P-please, tell me what they are.”
Defeated for the second time tonight, I turn in his arms and pull him to me before we slide down the side of my car. He’s still wrapped around me, and I lay drenched in his confessions, my mind reeling. “You just said them, Lance. You just said them.”
I pull him tighter to me, and he clings to me for life where I am his anchor, his face buried in my neck, his own body shaking with release.
“I’m so fucking tired,” he croaks, breaking me further along with him as I try to steady myself. He’s hitting rock bottom, and I’m relieved it’s happening. It was always going to happen. It was just a matter of when.
“I’m spiraling,” he whispers hoarsely, “And I can’t seem to come out of it. I’m so sorry. Please don’t stop loving me back.”
“I’m so mad at you,” I sob, thrusting my fingers in his hair and tugging at it until bloodshot eyes meet mine. We’re both hemorrhaging, the pain of the past eating us alive, our need for the other undeniable. And I won’t. I refuse to deny that a large part of my happiness is in his hands. And I gave it all to him. All of it, because he is worthy, even if he isn’t acting like it.
Nothing else matters but putting our pieces back together. Not my hurt tonight or those of the past.
He lashed out in anger, and I felt it. But I fell for a man with a horrible temper, and I knew someday I’d have to face his demons with him.
It stung worse than anything I’ve ever felt. But the hardest part of a fight is staying when it’s over, no matter the outcome. The sweep up of the aftermath, and then finding the will to fight again. He is my will, and I am his. This is where I show up if I want to prove it. I run my fingers through the dark locks on his forehead.
“I’m so fucking tired, baby. I’m so…tired.”
“It’s okay, Lance. Breathe. Just breathe.”
“I can’t fight anymore.”
“Then tonight you put the gloves down,” I say, covering him in my touch. “Tonight, all you have to be is Lance.” I run my fingers through his hair. “Not Tony’s fighter, and not Jack’s son. Lance. That’s who I came for. That’s all you’ll ever have to be for me.”
The guttural sounds coming from him tear me apart. “Breathe, baby.” I run my hands along his back, up his neck, tracing his beard and stroking his hair before I speak.
“When I was fifteen, this is just mont
hs after that crap went down, I was still struggling to get through every day as if nothing had happened. I had this dance instructor, Ms. Fennan, who was a saint compared to most others. She didn’t drill us as hard, but it didn’t matter, I was pushing harder than I ever had,” his breath hitches as I continue to stroke his hair in a long sweep, “I was struggling because I was trying to do too much to make up for what happened. When she realized how hard I was pushing myself, she put a stop to it. She took the time to slow me down.”
I lean down and press a kiss to his temple, and he grips me tighter. “She told me, ‘Harper, you aren’t going to get everywhere at once. You need to stop living for the what ifs and start living in the what is, one breath, one step at a time.’ And that stuck with me. It changed me. It slowed me. And in a way it saved me. If it hadn’t, you wouldn’t have met the version of me that you did.” I continue to soothe him with my hands, my fingers, as he molds us together. “I would have been a distorted version of me, and no doubt a lot less healthy. She saved me that day, I think. And I’ve lost sight of that again recently. But that’s all over,” I stroke his arms tracing his hands. “But it’s a good plan, Lance. So that’s how we’re going to do this. We, both of us, together, are going to stop living for the what ifs and start living for the what is, one breath and one step at a time. That’s how we’re going to do this.”
Slowly he raises his head, lifting his eyes to mine, the look in them something resembling hope. “So, marry me, Lance, grow old and laugh with me and don’t ever, ever, hurt me like that again.”
Relief covers him as another of his tears fall and another, and my heart breaks at the sight of each one.
“I fucking love you,” he croaks, “so much.”
“It’s a good thing you made that clear back in New York.”
“Harper,” he cups my face, his thumbs brushing my cheeks. I feel so much love in his grip as he searches my eyes, “Don’t believe them. Please don’t believe them. They’re fucking blind.”
I shake my head. “I don’t believe them, not anymore. That’s why I’m here. Because I believe you.”
He leans in and takes my lips in a kiss that says it all.
Mine.
I am his. I’ll always be his. Since the day I met him, he boxed his way into my heart, my champion, my fighter, my nemesis, my undoing, my everything.
“I love you,” he murmurs again, and again, pressing gentle kisses to my mouth as he opens himself fully and lets me back in. Heart stuttering, I cling to him, knowing that from this moment forward, all my steps will always lead back to him. This isn’t commitment. This is forever.
His kiss goes from sweet to feverish before he dips to suck the skin at my throat. I’m on fire when he lifts me into his arms. It’s freezing, and his cold nose nudges mine as he dips to kiss me again. I return his fevered kiss, heart alight, future both mapped and unpaved. I’ll do anything to keep his love and have him this way.
He walks me toward his truck, his lips descending over and over with his kisses. “Where are we going?
He sets me on my feet and hands me his keys. “Away. Get in the truck, I’ll be right back.”
“Okay.” Instead of leaving me, he presses me against his truck door and kisses me again, the sweep of his tongue lifting me until I’m floating above ground. When he pulls away, he whispers, “I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“You’ll get no argument there. Then again, don’t talk about my man that way.”
“Yours,” he pledges earnestly. “I swear to you.”
He makes quick work of going inside the house and comes back with an armful of blankets and two water bottles.
“Where are we going?”
“Just drive out to pasture.”
“K,” I kill the headlights and circle the house, and he grips my hand and brings it to his mouth, kissing it feverishly while repeating, “I’m so sorry.”
The instant I park, I’m in his arms, his mouth crushing mine in a kiss that sweeps me back into a time where things were a lot less complicated. Every thrust of his tongue a beckoning to remember, and I do. I answer because when hard times happen in the future, it will be moments like this that keep us together. The truth is, there’s rarely a right time for everything at once, and very few moments in life where you get a cue to take important leaps. This is what I’ve learned loving Lance Prescott.
He kisses me for endless minutes, our hearts syncing as the hurt slowly dissipates, he strokes my scar with his thumb, cradling my head while he possesses my mouth. And then he’s touching me, my limbs growing heavy as he strokes me with calloused hands, the lust in his voice causing goosebumps to erupt over my skin. He lays me on the seat, lifting my sweater and caressing the swell of my breasts with his palm.
“Naked,” he murmurs, the heat coming from the vent the only sound in the cab. I unfasten my jeans, and he helps me pull them off along with my panties. “I wanted to take my time, but it’s going to have to wait. I need to taste this pussy,” he slips a finger inside me and I damn near combust. And as if I weigh nothing, he lifts me to meet his mouth and dives. I gasp at the contact, my hips bucking as he licks me furiously, his head moving back and forth along with his tongue in a maddening pace. Thighs shaking, I’m close to coming when he lifts his head, his eyes boring into mine, the cab light illuminating his features, “I’ve imagined coming down the hall to you a thousand times or more,” he dips down and licks me from center to top before roughly sucking my clit. I explode on his tongue as he milks me.
“Lance!”
“Fuck, yes, baby, I’ve missed that so much,” he murmurs as I cover him in my kiss, unbuckling his jeans on my knees as he slides a warm palm down and massages my ass, pushing my hair out of the way so he can watch me take him in. The act so intimate, I feel it down to my toes.
“Damn,” he grunts, his hands covering me in a caress. I lick and suck, pumping with my hand as his fingers slip inside me. He presses them in and out, the sound of my arousal spurring him on as I fully fit him into my mouth. I bob on his rock-hard cock, loving the power the position wields me as his fingers quicken, and his breaths come faster.
“Fuck, Harper.”
“Exactly,” I whisper, flicking my tongue out over his crown. “Fuck me, right now.”
“Jesus.” He grips me by the arms and pulls me into his lap. I lift as he lines himself at my entrance before I ease down on his cock just as he thrusts up. I lose my breath as he fills me to the brink, and we both call out to the other. It’s fucking perfect, better than perfect, it’s surreal.
His jaw goes slack, and I feel the whoosh of his breath.
“Move, oh, my God, Lance, just move.” It’s sensory overload as he thrusts up slowly and I detonate, I’m already coming by the time he drives up again.
He watches me convulse, one hand guiding my hip as I ride it out and the other tangled in my hair. We gaze at the other without breaking as he builds his rhythm.
“Harper,” he groans, “I don’t have a condom on.”
“Those days are over. Come inside me.”
“Baby,” he stills my movement, cupping my face and taking over, his thrusts achingly slow, I feel every inch of him. “I’ve never felt so close to anyone, have you?”
I shake my head. “Never.”
He brushes a finger over my lips as he pulses inside of me. “I love you, Harper, over everyfuckingthing.”
Lance
It’s been one of the worst nights of my life, but the aftermath has been pure bliss. After the first time I took her, we loaded up in the back of my truck bed, where I both fucked and made love to her until it got so cold, we had to retreat back into the cab. From there and for the first time in an eternity, I looked up at the stars and was happy I felt so damn small.
Now, even with the sun fully up, we’ve refused to burst our bubble though Harper insisted we dress. From the time on my dash, I know Trevor left for school an hour ago, and since then, I know Tony’s been up and looking for me. He’ll have
to search twenty acres to find me. It won’t be that hard, but I assume the fact that we’ve both disappeared will be enough to stave him off.
“I love you,” I murmur, running my fingers through her hair and along her scar as she looks up at me from where her head lies on my lap. I can’t stop touching it, knowing she needed me and I wasn’t there. Over the course of the night, she told me the horrors she went through and I can’t imagine what I would do. It was hard to hear, but at the same time, I finally got to release the resentment I’ve felt over the years. “I’m so sorry.”
“I know, Lance. I know.”
The sun beams into the truck, and I wince.
“Hungover?”
“Little bit. Not too bad.”
I stroke her temple with my thumb.
“Lance?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Why didn’t you fight for yourself?”
“What?”
“You didn’t do anything until Mark insulted me. Why didn’t you defend yourself?”
“You know I’m shit with words, at least I was back when it started. So, I figured it out early. If I don’t acknowledge it, they start the fight.”
“So you can lash out?”
“I know that’s wrong, but that’s how I fight back. Well, that reason, and you can’t teach an idiot what to think about you.”
“How long…” she swallows, reaching up to cup my jaw.
“Since I was eight. When it happens, I lock up. And then get physical when I reach my breaking point.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It made me.”
“I freaking hate that.”
“It’s fine. I don’t lose sleep over it.”
“Is he the one you put in the hospital?”
“Yeah. You would think he would learn.”
“Was it over her?”
“No. He messed with Trevor. She was a crush for me when I was young, but I was her drama when we got older. Not the other way around. I don’t feel for her like that. At all.”
“I saw that last night. And he’s a miserable human.”
“I felt his jaw crack. Maybe he’ll finally learn to shut his fucking mouth.” I shrug. “Probably not.”
The Underdogs: The Complete Series Page 89