My aunts open the door as we're crossing Beacon Street, their voices tumbling over each other.
'How dare you leave?'
'Where have you been?'
'With the Seelies wanting to capture you.'
'And kill you.'
'And the locks breaking.'
'And the walls crumbling down.'
'And you leave this house?'
They finally fall silent. They both look at Kelsey.
'And what is she doing here?'Aunt True demands.
'Hi,'says Kelsey innocently.
'Your'whatever she is,'sputters Will, 'has it in her head to rescue Benedict at the Seelie Court.'
This strikes my aunts momentarily dumb. They look at me in horror.
'Selkie,'says Aunt True.
'The Seelie Court?'says Aunt Virtue. 'You can't go to the Seelie Court.'
'Could we possibly go inside to discuss this?'asks Will with strained politeness.
'No one was supposed to be outside today at all,'Aunt True sniffs with a pointed look at me, and then she ushers all of us inside, including Kelsey.
On the landing, the grandfather clock chimes seven.
Chapter 14
It's an argument'more of an argument than I have ever had before with my aunts. I can tell that their desperation stems from fear for me, but I am growing progressively more frustrated that they won't listen to me.
'It's a silly infatuation,'Aunt Virtue tells me.
And maybe, on other days, even I have been worried that it might be a silly infatuation, but it doesn't matter. I cannot possibly pretend not to be responsible for his current predicament. 'I owe him,'I say. 'Every second I am breathing is a debt to him. Even if I hated him, I'd have to go to the Seelie Court. I am''I struggle for the word.
Aunt Virtue blinks and wheels backward, looking at me in horror, as if that is the worst thing I could ever have said.
Aunt True gasps. 'Selkie,'she says in a low voice. 'Stop it. Stop it right now.'
'It's too late,'says Will. 'Honor bound. She's an indebted faerie. The Threader will be here any minute to seal her fate.'
'She is not!'Aunt True cries. 'Don't say such things! She is an ogre.'
'She was only ever half that,'Will says gently. 'The faerie
part of her is just as strong, and she's gotten her honor tangled up. If you don't let her fix it, her power will leak from her and eventually she'll just drift away. Faeries and their odd, nonsensical sense of honor, you know how they are.'
Aunt True is clutching her teacup so tightly that her knuckles are white and I think it might break. 'Will she drift away? Maybe she'll just lose the faerie part of her. Maybe she just won't be the fay anymore,'she whispers. 'And what do we care about the fay of the autumnal equinox? Let her just be ours, forget about the rest of it.'
'Is that a risk you want to take?'Will asks.
There is a long silence. I don't really understand what's happening here, what they're saying, but I know that I can see the path I need to take. I see it clearer than I've ever seen anything else.
'Can I say something?'I venture.
Everyone just looks at me expectantly.
I take a deep breath and try to gather my thoughts. 'I didn't mean to ask for this, this prophecy, and'all this. I should have listened when you told me to stop asking questions about my mother. But I'm the one who brought us here, and I'm the one who has to fix it. This is my life, my parents, my friends; I can't have you hide it from me, take it from me. You have to let me be me. Ogre, faerie, whatever I am, just let me be me. Surely it will all work out.'
Aunt True and Aunt Virtue stare at me fearfully.
'Do you really think you will live to see the fulfillment
of the prophecy?'asks Aunt True finally, her voice swamped with sorrow.
'We cannot protect you in the Seelie Court, child,'inserts Aunt Virtue, looking incredibly sad. 'No one can.'
'The Seelies block the magic of others,'adds Will. 'They always have. You cannot reach into the Seelie Court from outside it; you will have to be on the inside. And none of our enchantments will work in there,'Will continues. 'I could try to cast something over you, but my magic will break as soon as you reach the Seelie Court. Without a silver bough, only faerie magic works inside the Seelie Court.'
'Good thing I'm a faerie then, isn't it?'I say, and my aunts both make identical little strangled sounds, and I realize what I've said. 'Oh.'I blink at them, feeling confused and a little lost. 'I meant''What did I mean? Am I a faerie? Is that how I've started thinking of myself? What about the ogre part of me? Where did that go?
'The Sewing Circle will be here any minute,'Aunt Virtue cuts me off stiffly.
'Who are they?'I ask.
'A bunch of old bats,'mutters Will.
'In the old days, when all things were easier, the Sewing Circle kept track of faerie obligations,'explains Aunt Virtue, as if she is reading it from an encyclopedia. She seems to have detached herself from the conversation. 'The Sewing Circles wove them into the tapestries. There are fewer Sewing Circles these days.'
'Why?'I figure I need to know everything I can possibly know about the Otherworld.
'Faeries don't really interact with other faeries anymore,'explains Will. 'Easier to keep your head down and not get involved with each other. You never know when the Seelies might come calling, when a betrayal might happen. Easier not to get into any obligations in the first place.'
There is a sudden flapping noise from the fireplace.
'And here they come,'says Will grimly.
Kelsey, wide-eyed, shifts on the couch as far away as she can get, as the room abruptly fills with bats, streaming from our chimney. They settle on every free surface they can find. I have never seen a bat close up before; I never knew they could frown so effectively.
'They're literally old bats,'murmurs Kelsey, as if this is the thing pushing this entire day over the edge into full-fledged absurdity. And I tend to agree with her.
There is a knock on our front door. I look at my aunts.
'Well,'says Aunt Virtue calmly. 'It's you who have called her. Go and answer it.'
Why not? I go to the front door and open it on one of those tour guides who dress in colonial garb and escort tourists around the city. Her dress is rust colored, striking against her dark skin, and her hair is topped by a scrap of cheap, white cotton edged in cheap, white lace and hoping to approximate a bonnet. She is holding a basket that she thrusts into my hands, and I take it automatically. Looking
down into it, I realize it is full to the brim with pincushions and spools of thread.
'Well,'she says cheerfully. 'Let's get started.'
Chapter 15
The woman immediately moves past me, confidently striding in the direction of the conservatory. Still clutching her basket of sewing supplies, I hurry after her, eager not to miss anything.
She takes my seat, which is the only one not covered with bats, and gestures for her basket. I hand it over and then stand and look about me for somewhere to sit that has not already been monopolized by the bevy of bats. Kelsey moves a tiny amount, disturbing a bat who turns a glare on her, but it is enough for me to squeeze in next to her.
'Now then,'says the woman calmly. 'Who is the honor- bound faerie?'She is carefully threading a needle as she speaks.
I look at my aunts, who aren't looking at me. Aunt True is worrying at a nail and looking at the floor. Aunt Virtue is watching the bats lined up on our mantelpiece. I look at Will, who is frowning magnificently at the woman who has entered. Nobody seems to be giving me any guidance, and I have no idea what to do.
The woman stops threading her needle and looks up
expectantly. Her dark eyes scan the room and land on me. It is as if she did not see me at all when I opened the door for her. She stares at me, transfixed. She replaces the needle and thread slowly into her basket and then breathes, 'Oh.'Extending a hand toward me, she then commands, 'Come here, child.'
My aunts still aren't
looking at me, so I look at Will, uncertain. There is one thing I am sure of'in the hierarchy of people from the Otherworld I trust, Will ranks above this strange woman.
Will nods at me, although he still looks grim, and not knowing what else to do, I stand up and walk slowly over to her.
'Oh my,'she exclaims, taking my hand in hers and squeezing gently. 'I had been wondering how an honor-bound faerie had gotten into Boston. It's been ages since my services were needed. So you're what all the fuss has been about. You're the fay of the autumnal equinox. Aren't you lovely? But where is Benedict Le Fay? Sulking now that his enchantment has been broken? How came you to break his enchantment, child?'she asks me kindly and curiously.
'His name,'I answer truthfully.
'Do you know Benedict Le Fay's full name?'she asks sharply.
I suspect that, if I did, there is nothing this woman would stop at to extract it from me. But I am able to truthfully answer, 'No.'
'You broke his enchantment with how many of his names?'
'Just the two,'I respond, confused. 'Well, three, I guess, depending on what, exactly, Le is.'
'Two names,'she muses. 'You broke a Le Fay enchantment with just two names. That is some clever naming. That talent must be strong with you.'She takes a deep breath and lets it out again. 'Now. What have you gone and gotten yourself honor-bound about?'
I hesitate, unsure.
'Well, go on,'the Threader urges. 'You called me here.'
'I didn't,'I say uncertainly.
'Yes. You did. An honor-bound faerie. I am here to weave your obligation into the tapestry, to record it forever. Or at least the next few minutes, depending on the time you're keeping.'
I stare at her. 'What tapestry?'I ask, still uncertain.
She stares back at me, as if we are in identical stages of shock over the other. 'The tapestry,'she insists, which isn't exactly helpful.
I look at my aunts for guidance. Something about this woman, this unknown tapestry, this obligation talk makes me uncomfortable.
'But she isn't actually a faerie,'Aunt Virtue interjects pleadingly. 'Surely that means''
'But she is a faerie. I wouldn't have been called here if she was not.'
'She is only half-faerie,'Aunt True adds desperately.
'Nevertheless, it is a full obligation.'The Threader acts as if the conversation is now closed, and my aunts, looking
dejected, don't fight anymore, so maybe it is closed. She looks
at me expectantly.
I swallow.
Will says, 'Oh, you might as well get it over with. You're the one who was so set on going in the first place.'
I lick my lips. This is apparently my cue to plead my case. 'Ben's in the faerie prison, whatever it's called. And he's there because of me. It's my fault. So I have to go save him.'
The woman's eyebrows flicker upward. 'Tir na nOg?'she asks. 'Are you talking about Tir na nOg?'
'Yes,'I say, recognizing the strange phrase.
The woman continues to look dubious. 'You've gone and gotten yourself honor-bound over saving someone from Tir na nOg?'
'I can get in,'I say stubbornly. 'They want me there. They'll let me in. They'll probably have a welcoming committee waiting for me.'
'Oh, they'll have a committee,'mutters Will dryly. 'The adjective used to describe it might not be 'welcoming.''
'There will be no trouble getting in, child. They will send a Green Line train for you, of course. The trouble will be getting out.'
'A Green Line train?'I echo. 'Like the subway?'
'Yes.'
I am thinking hard. So I just have to get on the Green Line and it will take me to the faerie prison. This seems unlikely, but everything that's happened to me recently seems unlikely,
and who am I to argue with the idea that there's a faerie prison at the end of the Green Line? The Green Line is strange.
'The problem is once you're there,'says Will. 'No one's ever escaped Tir na nOg.'
'Except for Benedict Le Fay's mother,'remarks the Threader.
'Ben's mother?'I say sharply.
'Oh, that's a literal faerie tale,'says Will. 'There was never any evidence that she escaped; she hasn't been seen since. The only people who get out of Tir na nOg are mad.'
'Mad?'I echo.
'They're insane, Selkie. Did you never wonder what drove your father to insanity? That's what contact with a Seelie can do, even without being imprisoned by them. That is the price they can exact. They steal who you are, what makes you you. Think of how much worse it is in their court.'
I stare at Will, and I think of my father. It is one thing for my mother to apparently want to kill me. It is another thing for my mother to be holding Ben hostage in some kind of unpleasant circumstance in order to entrap me. But somehow, it is more than I can bear to think of her driving my poor father into madness, a man whose dearest wish was a child, a man I have never had an unsupervised visit with because of her.
'I'm a Seelie,'I point out, and I try to sound firm about it, but I can hear the tremble in my voice. 'I don't drive people mad.'
'You're only half-Seelie,'Will counters dryly. 'It's the ogre in you that they'll drive mad.'
'This is all pointless,'inserts the Threader suddenly. 'They'll name her as soon as they see her.'
'And I'll die,'I finish and try to wrap my mind around that. I feel very detached from it somehow. Maybe this is the only way you can face the looming circumstance of your death, by detaching from it so that it feels like it would happen to someone else.
'Faeries don't really die,'the Threader corrects me. 'They drift. They drift into dandelions and bumblebees, into the ringing of distant bells you can't pinpoint, into the sparkle of the sun on the sea. They drift until there is nothing left of them.'
She says all of this matter-of-factly, but it sends a terrible shiver of foreboding down my spine.
'As they drift, they are mad,'inserts Aunt Virtue, staring off into the distance, caught up in a recollection. 'It is a terrible, awful thing to see.'
'I saw one once,'adds Aunt True, her voice no louder than a whisper. 'Before we came here. I will never forget it.'Looking horrified, she shudders.
'They won't name me,'I promise them with a confidence I don't feel. Why wouldn't they name me? Why wouldn't they name me before I could get anywhere near Ben? For a moment, I think that Will is right and this is the foolhardiest thing I could ever do. And then the next moment, I think of Ben, of the quickness of his smile, of the light in his pale eyes whenever he looked at me. I think of Ben, covering me in a sweatshirt of protection and sending me away and begging
me to remember him. I think of Ben, scared and alone in some terrible prison because he wanted to keep me safe. I look at my aunts and take a deep breath and say again, 'They won't name me.'
My aunts look at me with dark eyes wide with sadness.
'Wait a moment though,'says the Threader thoughtfully. 'I understand that you feel you are honor bound, but your life is not entirely your own, is it?'
I look at her sharply. 'Yes,'I retort. 'Of course it is. Who else's would it be?'
'Well, it's ours,'she answers simply. 'All of ours. You are the fay of the autumnal equinox. There's a prophecy about you. You have a duty to fulfill the prophecy.'
'But it's my prophecy. The things I do'like save Ben'will fulfill the prophecy.'
The Threader gives me a coolly mocking look. 'You really think prophecies are so simple? So straightforward? Do you know how many strands of thread weave in and out of each other over the Thisworld and the Otherworld? More than any mere faerie could count. All of the threads of all of the beings and all of the threads of all of the choices they make and fail to make, and you must follow those threads, must see them woven together in exactly the right way for any prophecy to come to pass. Prophecies are merely one way of reading the stars. Do you think that a prophecy as important as this one truly depends on the headstrong, stubborn decisions of some small slip of a girl?'
I look at h
er for one silent moment, and then I answer, simply, 'Yes.'
'You will not go to Tir na nOg,'says the Threader sharply.
'I thought you were supposed to be weaving my obligations into your tapestry,'I point out hotly. 'This is my obligation.'
'I weave the obligations of faeries that have nothing to do with me. But do you think I am compelled to do so? Do you really think I exercise no control over how the tapestry is woven? Do you truly believe that I have no power? I, who have survived this long? How dare you?'She draws herself up. 'I am the Threader. If I say you will not do something, you will not.'
'How could you stop me?'I demand recklessly.
'With my thread, of course,'she replies, and then she does something I don't expect. She catches up a threaded needle in her hand and lunges at me with it. I think her intention was to prick the skin on the back of my hand. I don't want her to touch me, I think. The needle gets within a hairsbreadth of me and will go no farther.
Absolute silence falls over the room. I had flinched at the Threader's movement, but now I stand very still, staring at the needle poised over my skin. The Threader is also staring at it. Everyone is. The Threader withdraws her hand and tries again, plunging the needle toward my skin. Again, it stops a hairsbreadth away from me, and I can see the Threader's fingers around the needle quivering with the effort of trying to pierce through Ben's enchantment.
The Threader snaps. She flings the needle across the room, the thread unraveling out of it, clearly in a towering temper. She screams to the sky in frustration, and the scream rises and rises in pitch, and the bats around her take flight, flapping wildly around the room. The very walls around us seem to tremble. Everything is chaos, and in the middle of the whole thing, I know I have to make a break for it. Through the flurry of the bats, I dart over to my aunts and kiss each of their cheeks.
'But''says Aunt True feebly.
'Be back before you know it,'I promise breathlessly, and then, for reasons I can't explain, I stoop and pick up the threaded needle and pocket it before dashing out of the room. Things in the kangaroo pocket of my sweatshirt seem to be important when you least expect them to be, and I don't have time to stop for any other supplies.
The Girl Who Never Was Page 10