by Robin Roseau
I stared into her eyes and nodded.
"That nod means you didn't just give me warning, right?"
I nodded.
She withdrew her hand. "Promise me."
I stared at her. "I'm trying."
"Run or the gym?" she asked.
"Gym. Work me until I pass out."
She nodded and called Karen.
* * * *
I didn't pass out, but my brain had completely shut down long before Karen let my body collapse.
Tuesday was better. I arose early and texted Serena. "I want a long run before breakfast. Please."
"OMW," was the response.
When I got downstairs, I found Karen and Elisabeth. "Are you running with us?"
They both looked confused, then Elisabeth said, "We were the night crew."
"Right, sorry. Serena is letting me have a run."
"Do you need someone to play with?" Elisabeth asked.
"No," I said. "I just want to run until I collapse."
Serena arrived with Emanuel. "Rory and Eric are shifting," she said. "We're ready as soon as they're done."
I nodded, dropped all my clothes on the coffee table, and shifted to fox. I prowled around the room until Serena said, "We can go, Michaela." She held the door for me, then I waited on the porch until she and Emanuel were ready. I took off for the woods, yipping twice, and simply ran.
I ran to the far north border of our property, paused a minute to catch my breath, then began running for the compound. Twelve miles for a fox is a good run. I stood in the courtyard, panting. The wolves weren't even winded. I huffed at them and took off for the woods again. I only ran another six miles, but that was more than enough, and when we got back to the house I was done.
I chuffed at them and gave each a single lick, thanking them for the run, then ran into the house. I stayed in fur until I was halfway up the stairs, then crept the rest of the way to the bedroom. Lara was awake when I got there, but she was still in bed.
"Hey, gorgeous," she told me.
"Hey, Mommy," I told her, still panting.
"Since when does a flight of stairs make you pant?"
"It's seeing you," I said. "With your mommy belly. So hot!"
"I bet."
"Eighteen miles is a long run for a fox," I said.
"Ah." She nodded. "Feel better?"
"Sure," I said. "Shower now."
I kissed her on the way past.
* * * *
I held it together during classes. When I got a break, I stepped into the hallway and found Serena. "After classes, I'd like to hit the gym then go flying."
"You won't be in any shape to fly."
"Light workout," I said. "Will you call June?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
When I got back inside, I glanced at the board, and there was a fresh limerick at the top of the board. I read it then turned to class. "Francesca is going to be disappointed with one of you. Proud and crowed do not rhyme. Pop quiz."
The kids grinned.
After school, rather than a workout with Karen, I did yoga with, of all people, Violet. As soon as I knew what we were doing, I made Serena and Eric join us. Eric whined, but Violet held a good class. I felt invigorated afterwards.
"Thank you, Violet," I told her. "I've never done yoga before."
"If you want, I can come up every few days, and once you're ready, I have DVDs you can follow. If you think it's something you would like to continue."
"You'd do that for me?"
"Certainly," she said. "I can't get the other wolves interested, but I thought it might be something you would appreciate. I'd like to know there's someone else in the pack who will do yoga with me."
We hugged, which was odd, as we didn't have that type of relationship, but felt nice at the same time.
After that we collected Emanuel and Rory for the trip to the airport. June was waiting. One of the Mooney's was sitting in front of the hangar. I presumed either June had just gotten back from somewhere or she was going somewhere after my lesson.
"Just a review today, June," I said. "If you can pull that one out of the way," I pointed at the Mooney, "I can pull out the trainer."
"You don't need a review," she said. "We're doing a cross country flight."
"Do we have time?" I asked Serena.
"Yes."
"And you're not going to freak out?"
"I'm going with," she said.
"We'll take the Mooney," June said. "I want to see you fly it, anyway."
"All right, but I've never landed it."
"Done take offs?"
"Yes."
"Good enough," she said.
June and I sat down, discussed the flight, did all the planning, and then she watched over me as I preflighted the airplane.
"Show Serena how to get in," June said.
"She knows how," I replied.
"Show her anyway," June said.
So I showed Serena where to step, where to hang on, and got her settled into the back seat. I helped her buckle her seatbelt and explained the headsets. She grinned but acted like a neophyte. Then I climbed into my seat and June settled into hers.
"Pretend I am also new," she said.
So I gave her a briefing as if she weren't to touch anything, then went through closing the door. She followed my directions literally, slamming the door incorrectly, and it flew back open. I corrected my directions, and she closed the door properly. I tried to explain how to lock it, but realized I didn't have the words, so I reached past her and did it myself.
"Good," she said. "Have you started it before?"
"No," I said. "I can't reach everything from your seat."
She helped me get it started; the procedure was different. And then she stayed extra vigilant as I taxied the airplane. We did all the right things, me following the checklist carefully and asking questions when I didn't understand, and then we had the plane pointed down the runway. June watched me carefully. I asked Serena if she was okay -- she was -- and then I asked June.
"Is there a throw up bag somewhere?" she asked.
I laughed and handed her one from the supply. "Lara buys them for Elisabeth."
"Elisabeth has never thrown up on a plane in her life," June said. "She loves flying. She asks me to take her out and do aerobatics with her. I have to rent a special plane for it."
"No way."
June laughed. "She absolutely loves it. She's even a pretty decent pilot, but has no interest in actually getting licensed."
I started laughing. "Your airplane for a minute, June."
June immediately applied the brakes. "My airplane," she said.
I dug my phone out of my pocket and sent a text. "Aerobatics? Seriously?" Then I turned the phone off and handed it to Serena. "My airplane," I said. "Here we go."
June released the brakes, I pushed the throttle forward, and thirty seconds later we were in the air.
"Oh my god!" I said a minute after that. "I love this airplane!"
"I thought you might," June said with a laugh. "You okay back there, Serena?"
"I'm fine, but please, no aerobatics."
We flew north, landed, and pulled the plane in front of the public building at the airport. "Let's get a soda before we fly home," June said. "Um. How do I open the door?"
I laughed and explained how to open the door, how to undo her seat belt, and how to climb out without damaging anything. She struggled to get out without pushing her seat back, so I laughed and adjusted the directions. Then I helped Serena out before climbing out myself.
We had a soda, then June pulled Serena to the side. "How's your stomach?"
"Fine," Serena said.
"The flight back will be worse. Say something if you start to get at all queasy."
I decided June didn't know about my enhanced hearing. Serena glanced at me, knowing I heard every word, but didn't tell June.
We finished our sodas and checked the weather. June asked me to describe the route back
and how I would find the airport. I told her. Then she made me give climbing-into-the-airplane briefings again, and I did better that time.
Once we were in the air, June handed me an odd pair of glasses. "My airplane," she said. "Put these on."
I put on the glasses. They were frosted over except for a little window at the bottoms in the middle. I had to lift my head to see outside.
"I don't get it," I said.
"Keep your head down," she said. "We're in the clouds."
Suddenly I understood. I could see the controls and instruments inside the plane, but unless I cocked my head, I couldn't see out the windows. It was just like being in the clouds.
"Your airplane, Michaela," she said.
I took the controls cautiously and tried to figure out what I was supposed to do.
"What heading will take us home?" she asked. I told her. "All right, make a shallow right turn to that heading, continue to climb to our altitude."
It was the sloppiest turn I'd ever made, but soon I had us settled on our heading.
This was hard. Every few minutes, June tapped an instrument to remind me I was on the wrong heading or the wrong altitude. I would correct, but a few minutes later, she tapped another instrument. The instrument taps grew further apart as I settled into what we were doing.
"How far to home?" she asked.
"Twenty two miles," I told her instantly.
"Good. How long?"
I did the math in my head. "Eight minutes."
"Good. Do you want to arrive this high?"
"No. We should descend."
"Go ahead," she said. "This will be hard the first time."
I let the airplane come down, then gave it power again.
"You can let it slow down," she said. "Otherwise you come over the top really fast, and that can be hard to manage, especially if Angel is out flying in a much slower airplane."
A minute later, she said, "Are we on course, Michaela?"
I glanced at all the instruments. "Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"All right. Tell me when you think we're over the top of the airport."
"Right. Report when we're home."
Two minutes later I said, "If I did this right, home is a mile in front of us."
"Do you want to look?" she asked. She sounded vaguely disappointed.
"Sure," I said. I took off the funny glasses, glanced around briefly, and realized I had missed by a mile. I didn't think that was bad. I banked the plane to the right and said, "There, home."
June started laughing. "Clever fox." Out her window was our house. I loved flying over the compound. "Put the glasses back on and take us to the airport, smarty pants."
"May I circle first?"
"Yes, go ahead."
I banked the plane in the other direction then circled around until I could see home from my window. I did two circles, ending pointed south. I put the glasses back on then admitted I didn't know what to do.
"Can you take us over the top?"
"Yes, I think so. I didn't set up for it." I played with the instruments for a minute then banked the airplane west. "I think we're pointed at the airport."
"Close enough," June said. "Tell me when we're over the top."
We flew for just a minute, and I said, "Now."
"Take the glasses off," she said. "Set us up for landing."
I took the glasses off, blinked, then looked around for the airport. "I don't see it."
"You took us over the top, left turn, you'll see it."
I entered the pattern, listening to June's instructions on slowing us down further. She talked me through the extra steps until we turned final. "Your airplane," I said.
"No. Land it."
"June-"
"You've got it, Michaela," she said.
She rode along on the controls, but I flew it all the way down to the ground. But I was long, and she said, "My airplane," and gave it power. She did the climb out then said, "Try again. You okay, Serena?"
"I'm fine," Serena said.
I was long on the second try as well. She told me to go around, and I handled it myself.
The third try looked good, but she said, "You're going too fast. Try again."
Fourth time was the charm, and I set it down as close to perfect as I ever did. I brought the plane to a stop on the runway, let out a huge breath of air, and said, "Your airplane please, June."
She taxied us back to the hangar and helped me shut down.
I was wringing with sweat. I did the post flight paperwork while they climbed out. June didn't make me help that time. Then June pulled me to the flight office while the enforcers fueled the airplane and put it away.
"You have so much flight time with Lara that you don't need basic instruction," she said. "We'll take the trainer in the future, but I wanted you to have a taste of what that felt like. What was the hardest part?"
"Managing speed."
We talked for a while and I thanked her. Serena was waiting for me and asked if I wanted to drive. "No." She laughed.
I felt pretty good that evening, but while getting ready for bed, I stared in my reflection in the mirror, an the only thought I could think was, "Victim, victim, victim."
* * * *
I slept poorly, very poorly. I knew I was wallowing in self-pity, but I seemed to be good at that. I kept hearing a voice in my head calling me, "Victim, helpless victim." I refused to accept it.
Refused.
I finally slept, but I woke haggard. I stared at my reflection before showing, and my reflection told me, "Victim."
I ignored it, as best I could, and climbed into the shower.
Lara was awake, barely, by the time I was done. She opened her eyes and looked at me, mumbling something. The only word I heard was, "Victim."
"What did you say?" I asked her.
"Do you know what time it is?"
"6:30," I told her. "Go back to sleep."
"You were restless."
"I'm sorry."
"Want to talk about it?"
"No, Lara. Please, go back to sleep. I know I kept you awake, I'm sorry."
"Honey," she said, holding out her hand. "Please come here."
I crossed the room to her and knelt on the floor so our eyes were at the same level.
"You know I love you," she said.
"Yes."
"You know you can tell me anything," she said.
"I know. I'm fine, Lara. Really."
"No, you're not. I want you to take the day off."
"Teaching helps. Normalcy helps."
"Promise me you'll be okay, Michaela," she said. "Please, I need to know you'll be okay."
"Don't worry, Lara," I said. "Take care of our babies."
"I need to take care of you," she said.
"I think right now, I need to take care of me."
"You can talk to Vivian if you don't want to talk to me, Michaela."
"There's nothing to talk about. I was a victim. There's nothing to be done about it. I need to move past it."
"Oh honey," she said. "I'm so sorry."
"I know. So am I. I only wish they were, too. Very, very sorry."
"What would help?" she asked.
"Other than slitting their throats?"
"Yes, other than slitting their throats."
"I wish I knew, Lara."
"Time," Lara said. "Maybe time."
"Maybe time," I said.
I kissed her, collected a guard, and walked over to the school to immerse myself in preparing for class.
I didn't even notice the time. The school filled, and I didn't notice. And then Serena was there, her face between me and the notes I was taking. "Michaela?"
I startled. "Don't do that!"
"I tried calling, over and over," she said. "You were lost in your notes."
"Sorry." I glanced at the time and realized class should have started five minutes ago. I scrambled to collect my papers and ran down the hall.
T
he kids were being very well-behaved, studying from their books. Michele wasn't there. "She has a dental appointment," Chloe said. "She'll be here soon though."
I started to teach.
The morning went fine. I was in good form, and the kids performed well. After lunch, I needed to break the kids up between the seniors and the younger kids. I asked Michele to handle the younger kids, giving her the notes I had prepared, and I took the older kids to another classroom.
About twenty minutes later, I noticed a commotion in the hall. I tried to ignore it, but then Michele appeared in the doorway. "Michaela," she said.
"Hang on, Michele," I finished my thought with the kids, then gave them a question to discuss between themselves. I gestured Michele in, but she asked me to step outside.
"What's wrong?" I asked. "Can't you read my notes?"
"No, honey," she said. "I can read them fine."
I stepped out in the hallway, and it seemed like everyone was waiting for me. Lara was leaning on Elisabeth, the hallway was filled with enforcers, and Vivian was there.
"What's wrong?" I asked. "What has happened?"
Michele was trying to herd me closer to Lara and Elisabeth. I looked past her to see Karen, Gia and Rory were guarding the far end of the hall. Past Lara and Elisabeth, Serena, Eric, and Emanuel were guarding the main door.
"I'll take your classes, Michaela," Michele said. "The kids will be fine."
"What happened?" I asked. I searched faces. Angel and Scarlett weren't there. "Did something happen to Angel? Scarlett?"
"No," said Lara. "They're fine. Come on. Let's go home."
"What happened? Did someone die?"
"No, honey, no one died. Let's go home and we'll talk about it."
"I don't want to go home," I said. "If I go home, all I think about-" I shut my mouth. "Is there a new threat? Why are there so many enforcers here?"
"Let's go home, Michaela," Lara said. "I need your help."
"Oh my god, is it the babies?" I ran to her. She seemed fine, tired, but fine. I put my hand on her stomach, then dropped to my knees and pressed an ear there. I could hear two rapid, healthy little wolf pup baby heartbeats. "They sound fine," I said after a moment.
Lara reached down and pulled me up by my elbows. Then she put an arm around me and turned me to the door. "Come on, honey. Michele has your classes."