by Jamie Knight
“That sucks, dude,” John said. “Could you live with your dad instead?”
“He’s broke and lives in a small studio apartment, so I gotta live with mom and Richard instead,” I sneered. “Fuckin’ jackwagon, this guy.”
“I know what that’s like,” Mickey sympathized. “My dad left my mom for this actress. Fuckin’ hot, but--- It was truly a dick move.”
“Relationships are such bullshit,” I spat.
“That’s not true,” Zoe said, defending them. “They can be a beautiful thing between two people.”
“Stay in your lane, babe,” John warned.
“No, seriously, don’t you want your mom to be happy?” she pressed.
“That’s not the point, Zoe,” I countered. “My dad is unhappy and paying out the ying-yang in alimony while my mom and Richard, fuck it. Who cares? I guess I don’t have to talk to him or his awful daughter.”
“Whoa, dude!” laughed Mickey. “You really hate this guy.”
“No, seriously, his daughter is really hot, but she was totally stuck up at the wedding,” I reported. “Her bridesmaid dress must have come with a stick to insert up her ass.”
“Was it a nice wedding?” asked Zoe.
The guys and I just looked at her.
“What? I like weddings,” Zoe shrugged.
“Can we just go to the dining hall, please?” I urged. “Guess this will be our last lunch for a while.”
We headed for the dining hall. The lines weren’t very long. Already, the student body was packing up and getting ready to leave and go home.
“Shit, this shutdown is for real,” said Mickey reading from his phone. “All classes are canceled after today. We have to go home by the end of this week!”
“How are you gonna do it?” I asked. “Didn't you ride with those football players last break?”
“Yeah, but that was a fluke,” he said. “They were only heading my way because of some special practice they had right after break. I guess I’m going to have to rent a car or something. I don’t want my mom driving all the way up here while a dangerous virus is spreading.”
“It’s surreal,” I said, grabbing a tray and moving with the line. “Tomorrow, we’ll be home. It’s like they shut the college faucet off.”
“Tch, yeah,” agreed Zoe. “And we were going to see that movie Saturday.”
“Oh, fuck, I forgot,” I frowned. “Great, now how am I going to see A Clockwork Orange on the big screen?”
“Just download it or whatever,” offered John.
“It’s not the same,” I lamented. “You Philistine.”
“So, what’s your new stepsister look like?” asked Mickey.
“Why do you care?”
“I don’t know. You said she was hot. You got a picture?”
“No, I don’t have a picture! Why would I take a picture of her when I hate her dad and don’t think very fondly of her personality, either?”
“You sound awfully defensive when all I wanted was to see a picture of her. Are you into her, dude?” asked Mickey, laughing a little.
“What? No! Don’t be insane!” I snapped.
“Well, you’re the one saying she’s hot,” joked John.
“Yeah, there are plenty of hot girls that aren’t stuck up,” I noted. “Plus, she seemed more upset about the wedding than me. I highly doubt she’s happy to have a new stepbrother.”
“So, you’re saying you two have something in common,” joked Zoe.
I realized that I had inadvertently made myself the punch line of the lunch. In a way, I was glad I’d be getting a break from my friends. Living on campus can get a little intense in the close quarters.
“You two could do step sibling porn!” joked Mickey. “That’s the hot thing on Pornhub now!”
“All right, all right,” I smiled. “I’m not engaging in this discussion anymore.”
“Well, you can’t get engaged,” John teased, laughing so hard he was choking. “You’re in love with your stepsister! Your children would be mutants.”
“They’re not actually related, John!” laughed Zoe. “Not by blood.”
“Oh, my God! I’m gonna pass out,” he laughed. “Phil’s kids are gonna be idiots!”
“Is that how your parents made you?” I asked, staging my comeback.
We sat down at a booth with our food. The lunch seemed a little weird and awkward now.
If they were closing the school, the virus had to be serious. Would they ever open it again? Some of the reports I had read said that the virus could change the world. What if three percent of our college class died? It could be any of us.
“Look, guys,” I said seriously. “Take care of yourselves over break, okay? I’ve got some masks back at my room if anyone needs one. I used to help my dad do renovation work and I saved them in case they’d come in handy. I had no idea how glad I’d be to have done that.”
“I’ll take one,” Mickey said.
“I don’t want a mask,” dismissed John.
“John!” whined Zoe. “We should all be wearing masks.”
“You social distance or whatever and you’ll be fine,” John said, convincing himself. “I mean, a mask? What next? We all have to wear hazmat suits? It’s not the damned plague.”
“It’s scary, John. It’s very contagious,” I urged. “And they have to wipe down surfaces way better now with disinfectant.”
“This is clean,” said John, touching the table and then licking his hand. “I'm totally confident I won’t get sick.”
“Jeez, dude,” Mickey said. “You didn’t have to do that. I believed you.”
“Ah, don’t worry. This’ll all blow over in a couple of months and we’ll be back here before you know it,” John proclaimed. “Either way, I’m not going to let the virus make me stop living my life. That’s how it wins.”
“I’m pretty sure it wins by killing you,” I suggested.
“Whatever,” shrugged John.
I was almost jealous of his blasé attitude. I wished I could feel the same. I was scared of the virus, and not at all looking forward to having to go live with my mom and my new stepdad and stepsister.
Chapter Two - Tracianne
I was sitting in my room, trying to study for Midterms when I got the email alert. They were shutting down the school for the rest of the semester.
Diamond immediately opened my door. She was in sweatpants and a Grover College sweatshirt.
“Did you see the email, what it said?” she demanded.
“I just got it,” I responded. “Did you read the whole thing?”
“They’re closing down. No more classes as of today,” she said in amazement. “I told you, the virus is serious!”
“Yep. It sure is.”
“This is messed up!” Diamond declared. “I had a date on Friday!”
“You told me you were thinking of canceling that,” I pointed out.
“Yes, but I hadn’t landed totally on no, yet,” she replied. “I mean, if he offered to take me to a nice restaurant, I would’ve been like, okay.”
“Seems like a weird way to pick a date,” I said. “I mean, was he cute?”
“They’re all cute on this campus,” Diamond sighed. “But sadly, there is not enough time for me to date them all.”
“But you would if you could?”
“Hell, yeah? Why not?”
“Would you have sex with all of them?”
“No!” she exclaimed. “Of course not. Sixty, seventy-five percent. Tops.”
I shook my head. I don’t know how Diamond was going to keep her scholarship. She barely went to class and spent almost every conversation talking about the clothes she bought downtown, the dates she was going on, or the parties she was throwing and going to.
“Did I show you that new sweater?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said, stopping the conversation before it started. “Your parents gave you that money for books, Di.”
“I don’t need books when I can pirate them
online, but now I’m gonna have to take classes online! Traci! I can’t date from my parents’ house! It’ll be like high school!”
Diamond flopped down on my bed and buried her face in my pillow.
“You could always date some guys from high school,” I suggested.
“Eh,” she shrugged. “I guess they’ll be home too. So weird.”
“Yeah, well, I have it worse. My dad moved in with his new wife,” I told her.
“He did? When?”
“A few weeks ago. I still can’t believe they’re married. I’m so mad at him.”
“He’s such a homewrecker,” Diamond said.
“Yeah, that’s for sure,” I said, unable to defend him from that charge.
I didn’t know what got into him. Some kind of midlife crisis, I supposed.
“It’s all weird,” I declared. “But yeah, I mean, she participated, but it’s mostly his fault. I mean, who dates a married woman? Who does that, right?”
“Your dad.”
I frowned.
“Just sayin’,” Diamond shot back.
Gillian walked into the room.
“Did you guys hear?” she asked.
“Yes,” we both replied.
“What are you guys talking about?” asked Gillian, coming in and sitting on the floor.
“Traci’s dad moved in with his new wife,” Diamond explained. “And she left her husband for him.”
“Oh, that’s so sad,” Gillian said. “I feel bad for the other guy. Kinda. Unless he was a wifebeater. Was he?”
“No. His new wife was just, I don’t know, ready and willing, I guess,” I sneered.
“Is she one of those older ladies who’s always throwing it all out there?” asked Diamond. “Does she walk around with outfits that are too sexy for the occasion?”
“Mmm, her wedding dress at the ceremony was kind of scandalous,” I remembered.
“Did she wear white? She shouldn’t wear white,” Gillian pointed out. “ Unless, the marriage wasn’t consummated somehow, then maybe that’s allowed.”
“She has a son,” I reported, to change the subject.
I’d had an awful time at the wedding and didn’t feel like talking about it. I’d just wanted it to be over quickly so that I wouldn’t have to endure one more minute of it. I tried to be happy for my dad and I’d agreed to be in the wedding to support him, but I’d had to grin and bear it the whole time.
“Oh,” said Gillian. “How old?”
“My age. He’s a freshman too,” I revealed.
“Is he cute?” asked Diamond.
“Eww!” I said, grossed out. “He’s my brother now!”
“Stepbrother,” Diamond corrected. “That doesn’t mean anything. You aren’t blood relations.”
“Yeah, you can legally have sex with him,” informed Gillian.
“Oh, my God! Ew!” I declared.
“Why? Is he ugly?” asked Diamond.
“What celebrity does he look like?” Gillian immediately asked.
“You always do this,” Diamond pointed out.
“It’s the quickest way to get a picture in my head,” Gillian said, defending the tactic.
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Maybe Aaron Paul, but a little huskier and taller than him.”
“Ooo, nice. I could get into some of that!” laughed Diamond. “When can we meet him?”
“You’re never going to meet him!” I objected. “He’s an ass. He looks down on me and my dad.”
“Well, your dad did wreck his mother’s marriage,” Gillian pointed out. “I mean, you can understand that.”
“It’s not my fault and plus, my dad’s a widower. It’s not like he was the one cheating on anyone. And maybe he didn’t even know she was married until later,” I suggested.
“Is that true?” Diamond asked specifically.
“No,” I admitted. “They met at a trade show and it just blossomed from there.”
“Wait,” said Diamond, slyly. “Are you into this Aaron Paul look-alike?”
“What?! No!” I insisted. “Ew! Like I said, he’s my brother!”
“Stepbrother,” Diamond corrected. “That’s forbidden fruit! Hahahaha!”
“It’s gross to even suggest it,” I snapped. “There is no way I would date Phil.”
“You are so into him,” countered Gillian. “My God. I can see it from here.”
“Yep, it’s true,” agreed Diamond. “I’ll bet your panties get wet just thinkin’ about Aaron Paul!”
“You guys are gross.”
“There’s nothing gross about it. You’re not blood-related so you could do whatever you wanted with him. Who cares? It’s completely legal.”
“Eww! Stop! Please.”
“He must be either really ugly or really cute,” said Gillian. “Got a picture?”
“I do,” I said getting my phone out.
“Uh, oh, she took his picture,” Gillian said.
“Mmmhmm,” Diamond nodded. “Remember when she was crushing on Brad? She didn’t have a picture of Brad.”
“Well, that’s because I don’t take pictures of guys I crush on,” I informed them. “Because I’m usually too nervous to do it and I forget. So there. Now, here’s a picture from the wedding. That’s Phil.”
“He doesn’t look like Aaron Paul!” Diamond insisted. “He looks more like, I don’t know. Who was Thanos?”
“Josh Brolin?” asked Gillian.
“Yeah, like a young Josh Brolin,” concluded Diamond. “He’s cute though. He’d be a first date fuck.”
Gillian laughed and started blushing. I got annoyed.
“Seriously?” I asked. “You should stop, Di. That kind of attitude is not healthy.”
“What? It’s not like I’m gonna do it. Unless you bring him around, in which case, you’d probably be the one doing him, and then I definitely couldn’t.”
“No! No!” I laughed. “I am not dating my stepbrother! Ew! Stop saying that!”
“Gillian, would you date her stepbrother?” asked Diamond.
“Yeah, I’d go out with him,” she admitted, after looking at the picture again.
“When would you have sex with him?” she asked.
“Oh, wow, that’s a complicated question for me,” she said, thinking about it. “I mean, first, I have to really like him. Then I have to evaluate if he’s good for me, if we make a good couple and there has to be chemistry, ya know?”
“Chemistry!” dismissed Diamond. “Listen to you. The only chemistry I want is the chemistry in those pants.”
“Jeez, Di!” I exclaimed blushing. “Dial it back, will ya?”
“You’ll miss me when I’m gone,” she vowed. “Since we’re all going home now. I don’t even know how I’m going to get all my stuff out of here. I practically had to rent a U-Haul to get it up here.”
“Wouldn’t you have to do that anyway?” asked Gillian.
“Yes, and I reserved my truck for the end of the semester. Now? You can’t get one. They’re all sold out!”
“Why did you bring your own furniture?” I asked, incredulous. “The rooms had furniture.”
“I’m not sittin’ on that ugly-ass couch!” she insisted. “My room’s da bomb with all the stuff I brought. You know it!”
“It is nice,” admitted Gillian.
“How can I study to be an Interior Decorator while living in a drab dorm room like all of you?” she asked.
“I have an idea,” I offered. “Why don’t you move the stuff to a storage place near here? That way, when you come back, you won’t have to move it that far.”
“That’s a good idea, Trace,” agreed Diamond. “But then I’ll need some furniture for home. There’s nothing in my room at home, now.”
“Plus, we don’t know when this lockdown’s gonna end,” added Gillian. “What if it extends into next fall? Fall’s the worst time to get sick.”
“That’s true,” I agreed. “Guess it doesn’t really matter anyway. God, I won’t be able to sta
nd living at home.”
“Oh, wait! I just realized! Aaron Paul’s gonna be there too! Ooo, girl, you have to throw yourself at him,” advised Diamond. “I’m not talking about a relationship, but just to get a little something on the side.”
“For the millionth time, he’s my stepbrother!”
“That’s perfect, no one will suspect!” she whispered. “Shhh.”
I let out a sigh. Clearly, this boy-crazy room was not getting it. Phil was related to me now. Dating family like that would be way too weird for me. Plus, he spent the whole wedding glaring at me, so he was obviously a rude jerk.
I was not looking forward to having to go be around him. Stupid Coronavirus.
Chapter Three - Tracianne
Negotiating a ride home from college was a mess. Everyone was trying to scramble to get home all at once. I mean, during a break it was always that way too, but this time seemed more frantic.
The girl I normally rode with just refused to drive anyone. She was paranoid about the virus, which was understandable. Everyone was doing everything they could to stay safe.
Eventually, my dad convinced me to rent a car. There was this new service where I wouldn’t have to return it and they’d send someone over to pick it up. Normally, I’d find that rather lazy, but during the virus, it seemed to be a great idea.
Unfortunately, the car they dropped off was a Prius. It was hard to jam all my stuff into their little car, but I managed. I had things toppling over on my head during the drive.
I laughed, thinking that I could probably drive in the carpool lane, since it looked like I had other people jammed inside the car with me.
After a long, traffic filled and miserable ride, where I stopped for fast food and got a little sick from it, I finally arrived home. I was half tempted to leave my junk in the car until the next morning, but God forbid if the car guy showed up early to take it back.
Instead, I grabbed an armful of stuff and made a b-line for the sliding doors in the back. Along the way, I cut across some grass and stepped on something. My foot slid out from under me and I fell, dumping a box of stuff across the lawn.