by Jamie Knight
Chapter Fourteen - Tracianne
The next morning, I came down to breakfast with a smile on my face. Daphene was making pancakes and I was down to eat a lot of food. I had worked up quite an appetite from the night before.
“Ooo, I’ll have some of those please. I’ll take a stack of four,” I requested.
“Coming up,” Daphene said, happy to help.
“Four? You don’t need even one,” said Phil. “Unless you’re planning to pack on the pounds.”
“Whoa, Phil,” said Richard. “That’s not a nice thing to say to your sister.”
“It’s fine, dad,” I said. “He’s just kidding.”
“I’m just saying it because of health reasons,” added Phil. “It’s not healthy to be a heifer.”
“Whoa! Phil!” objected Daphene. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing,” he shrugged. “Just saying.”
I assumed this was all an act to deflect from what we did last night. If our parents suspected or we got caught--- That would be quite a disaster. I went along with it and pretended to be mad. Secretly, I wasn’t. It was kind of fun playing this game.
The next day, however, I ran into Phil at the fridge.
“Jeez, save some food for the rest of us,” he sneered.
I looked around. No parents.
“I get it,” I whispered.
“You get what? A chocolate cake for breakfast? Take it easy.”
This was getting annoying. The parents weren’t even in the room to hear him and he was saying these awful things. What was the point? Guess he’s feeling the pressure or something. I’ll try and avoid him for a few days.
That night, he comes to my door and knocks. I’m thinking he’s going to invite me down to the basement, right? Instead, he’s holding his laundry in his hands.
“Hey, use the dryer right and get your crap out of it when it’s done,” he demanded.
“Okay. Why are you being so rude to me recently?”
“I’m rude? You’re the one leaving your stuff everywhere. Try being considerate for once in your life. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Tracianne.”
Day in and day out, it got like this. I had sex with the guy and this is the way he treats me afterwards. God! What a mistake! I mean, it was amazing sex, but who wants to be put through this bullshit.
I could tell Diamond or Gillian. God! I’d just die if they ever found out! They’d probably think I was the biggest weirdo on the planet! Who could I tell? A priest or a therapist, I guess were my only options. Neither one was doable right now.
Finally, I had an opportunity to confront Phil. He was mowing the lawn, so I waited until he was far from the house. I marched out there and waved him down.
“Hey! Hey-hey!” I shouted.
“What?!” he snapped. “What the fuck do you want?”
“What is wrong with you, Phil?” I demanded. “After what we did, you treat me like this?”
“I know what this is, Tracianne. It’s a set up,” he said. “That’s what I’ve become convinced this is.”
“A set up? For what? What do I even have to gain?”
“You want me out of here! That’s what you have to gain,” he growled. “I get it now. You expose me, I’ll expose you. Keep that in mind and stay the Hell away from me!”
“You’ve lost your mind!”
“I did for a few hours, but now my eyes are open!” he declared.
I marched back to the house. Fuck this guy! Or rather, never again fuck this guy. I couldn’t tell anyone about what happened, so my only choice was to write about it. At least in my private diary, I could get out my thoughts.
After about two hours of furiously scribbling, I had gotten all my thoughts on the subject written down. It was a lot to read. Somehow, I thought by writing about it, I’d be able to organize better. It was still a mess of bees in my head. It was then I got a text.
“You sneaking out?” said the text.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“Ryan.”
Ryan? I didn’t know any Ryan.
“You have the wrong number.”
“This is the right number. C’mon Lynn.”
“I’m not Lynn, you idiot. I’m Tracianne.”
“Prove it.”
I snapped a selfie flipping him off and sent it.
“Oh, sorry. My bad. Jeez, I guess she gave me a fake number.”
“How are you hooking up during the virus?” I asked, realizing the irony. “Shouldn’t you just be in?”
“I guess. Listen, I’m genuinely sorry about this, Tracianne. How are you doing with this lockdown?”
“Not well. I’m trying to work it out in my head, but it’s just not working!” I confessed.
“Work what out?”
“It’s really complicated. I don’t know if I should say,” I confessed.
“I am a total stranger. It’s not like you can get into trouble. I don’t even know where you live and who you are.”
“This is going to sound totally insane.”
“Nothing more insane than this lockdown. Go ahead.”
“Well, my dad remarried and his new wife has a son my age,” I explained. “Last night, we hooked up.”
“Wait, you had sex with your stepbrother?!”
“Yes.”
“Whoa. I thought that only happened in bad porno movies.”
“I know! And I don’t know what to do!”
“It’s not like you two are related,” said Ryan. “It’s probably nothing. I mean, it really is no different. Except you’ll probably see him a lot more.”
“No, he’s being weird. He, like, won’t even talk to me,” I explained.
“Well, it’s probably weird for him too,” Ryan texted. “I don’t know how I’d feel about it. Although, you are pretty hot, so I guess I can’t blame him.”
“That’s an interesting way to compliment me!”
“Well, it’s true. I mean, the guy’s only human.”
“But we’re related! What have I done?” I lamented.
“You’re not really related. Only by marriage. It’s not illegal. It’s probably not usual, but it’s probably not that unusual when you think about it,” countered Ryan. “And so what? Are you planning to have sex with him again?”
“That’s the thing. I wanted to talk to him about it, but he’s putting on this act like he doesn’t want to talk to me. Keeps pushing me away,” I explained.
“If it’s any consolation, I would have sex with you,” Ryan joked. “Any chance you live in Alaska too?”
“No.”
“Then that’s probably not going to happen.”
“How’s the infection there?”
“The virus? Not very widespread except in the major cities. People keep to themselves out here,” said Ryan.
“I wish I had followed that advice. This whole thing was a mistake. I never should’ve had sex with Phil!” I said.
“Well, was it good?”
“It was kind of incredible, actually.”
“Then what’s the big deal? You have the memories!”
“Oh, hahaha.”
“Seriously, you miss the shots you don’t take, as they say.”
“That doesn’t matter. My dad would go absolutely nuts if he found out.”
“Will he?”
“I don’t know. What if Phil tells him?”
“Phil is not going to tell him,” assured Ryan. “He might tell all of his friends, but he’s definitely not going to tell his dad. Dads don’t like guys that have sex with their daughters already. Add the whole step sibling into the mix? No, he’ll never tell him.”
“What about his mother? They’re close.”
“No one’s that close to their mother,” said Ryan. “My mother still thinks I’m a virgin and I’m 22!”
“Are you?”
“No, ma’am.”
“Did you have sex with your stepsister?” I joked.
“How did you know?” he joked. “
No. Only weirdos do that.”
“Oh, God, you do think I’m a weirdo. I’m never gonna live this down.”
“No one can possibly find out.”
“How do you know that?”
“Look, Phil can’t tell your dad, he won’t tell his mom. He’ll tell his friends, but he’ll lie and said it was sex with some girl who moved to Canada or something. He’s never going to advertise he slept with his own stepsister. No one would!”
“So you do think it’s weird?”
“I’m saying, there is a lot of daylight between telling your friends you got laid and telling them who you banged. I mean, it’s not like he has a picture of you or anything. He won’t show that even if he did, he can’t let anyone find out it was you!”
“I guess that’s true. I just wish we could get past it somehow,” I replied. “Why does sex have to complicate everything.”
“That’s part of it’s magic!” joked Ryan. “Look, maybe in a few months, it won’t matter. The lockdown has to be over by then and then you can move on with your life.”
“I feel like it will be hanging over me forever.”
“It probably won’t.”
I continued to chat with Ryan for a few hours. It was nice to meet someone new and I was finally able to unburden my soul.
Chapter Fifteen - Tracianne
We’d been locked up for almost a month and the virus just kept getting worse. The president insisted we’d be back to normal soon, but it didn’t seem that way. The governor was talking about keeping the state locked down past June and July. Maybe nothing would open until August and there might even be a second wave.
All sorts of conflicting information was pouring in. The Internet had one set of information (well, several sets really) and the TV had another. They had been wrong about the masks. At first they wanted us not to wear them. Now they demanded we do so. Wear them or grandma was gonna die or something.
At the same time, they were putting recovering patients into nursing homes, even though the old people were at the greatest risk. It was like someone was purposely trying to make this as bad as possible.
What the hell were people thinking? It’s a good thing I didn’t listen to much of the TV news anymore. Still, the conflicting reports made me stressed out and dad didn’t seem to happy.
Daphene was, as always, on the verge of falling to pieces. The woman was as weak as a piece of straw blowing in the wind. How did she survive a divorce? My God, every time I looked in her direction, I swear she seemed to be on the verge of tears.
Fortunately, even though life in the house was pretty miserable for us, I had made a new friend with Ryan. We talked all the time. It wasn’t anything sexual, but he was engaging and funny.
“It’s so lame, everything coming out of the news,” I texted. “Wear a mask, don’t wear a mask…”
“No one’s wearing a mask here,” texted Ryan. “There’s only like 400 people in my town. There are rarely more than ten of us together.”
“So, no one you know has the virus?”
“I don’t think so,” he said. “People in state do have it, but it’s a pretty low number. It’s mostly in the cities. Maybe 300 cases? No less than that.”
“Wow, it’s everywhere here,” I replied. “You’re so lucky.”
“Not really. There’s nothing much to do here. I go for long walks.”
“I like to go for walks, but I generally stick to a few block radius now. People are weird during the virus. They’re afraid to pass you on the street. Sometimes, they’re more afraid of you when you have the mask on, than off.”
“Strange. Is this world falling apart?”
“Maybe. I know a lot of people are out of work. I don’t see how everyone can survive very long like this, with or without being infected.”
“They should come out here to Alaska. We have work!”
“I can imagine. You must be shoveling snow constantly.”
“That’s not really work,” Ryan assured. “That’s just something you do to get to your car every morning. That is, if you have anywhere to go.”
“Well, you work, right?”
“No, I’m a student.”
“Me too. My classes were canceled.”
“Mine were canceled and the state is barely on lockdown here. It’s so weird.”
Ryan seemed more like a mental fit for me. God, what was I thinking, having sex with Phil? Guess I was just emotional and needy. Who knows? Maybe I just wanted to have sex and he was the nearest person. He was pretty good at it and had a nice body.
Why is it that the bad boys are so attractive? I hoped Ryan was attractive!
But I shouldn’t go down that path. He’s all the way in Alaska. If I got my hopes up, they’d probably be dashed. Plus with the lockdown, neither one of us is going anywhere.
And the worst part of it was that even if I did find out Ryan was attracted, I didn’t think I could actually be attracted to him. I couldn’t stop thinking about anyone except for Phil.
“I can’t get over all the restaurants being closed. We’re trying to support them by doing take out, but they have to be struggling. Some of them have so much space. They must pay a huge amount of taxes just to open their doors.”
“So weird your taxes aren’t helping the small businesses stay open. Seem slike a waste of taxes.”
“Why? You don’t pay taxes there?”
“Actually, people in Alaska get a payout for the government just to live here,” he revealed. “It’s pretty sweet.”
“Wow, I never knew that,” I confessed. “There’s so much I don’t know about that place. And it’s the biggest state.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty awesome. I mean, it’s a lot of wilderness. You have to be careful. People get stuck out in the snow or mauled by bears or wolves. You can die out here if you’re foolish.”
“OMG!”
“But most people aren’t foolish. You follow the safety tips, do what you need to do and you’ll be fine.”
“That’s sounds so crazy. So like, did you ever come out of your house and see a bear on your front lawn?” I asked.
“We don’t have a front lawn. More like a front forest. But yeah. I was walking to my car and I saw him sniffing at the trash. I hopped in my car, locked the door and called my parents. Told them it was out there. They said it was fine and that I should just go to school.”
“That was it?!”
“Yeah, he went away and that was it.”
“Wow. I think I would scream,” I confessed.
“You probably wouldn’t want to do that,” he responded. “You don’t want to spook them or draw attention to yourself. Like any other wild animal, you can’t predict what they’ll do. But usually, unless they’re wounded or sick, they’ll leave you alone. And if you ever see cubs, run!”
“Why? Aren’t they harmless?”
“The mother is almost always nearby. You have to get away before she sees you!”
“You’re having so many adventures. I feel like I’m trapped in my own life,” I texted back.
“Isn’t everyone sort of trapped in their own life?” Ryan asked. “One time, a wolf came into the yard. I just squirted it with the hose and he ran away.”
“You have hoses? I thought it was frozen there all the time.”
“Well, not in the summer.”
It was then I remembered that dad had told me to check on the water. I was supposed to go down into the basement and make sure the water hoses were on, since winter was over. He liked to do a bit of gardening now and then.
“Oh, wait. Just remembered something I was supposed to do. BRB.”
“K.”
I dropped my phone on the bed and rushed out of my room. Going down in the basement, I passed the couch and bar. Looking at it, I recalled the night with Phil that seemed like a hundred years ago now. Fortunately, the couch didn’t look stained or anything. I turned over the cushions, just in case.
Finding the water, I turned it on. To make sure it
was working, I went to the hose outside and turned it on. The water came out and I was good. Then I went back upstairs and found Phil standing outside my room. He was looking at my phone!
“Hey! What the hell?!” I objected, snatching the phone back.
Phil suddenly looked angry and hurt. He made a face, then stormed into his room and slammed the door. What was his problem? It’s not like I was his girlfriend. He avoided me, treated me like shit--- Jeez, what a nut.
“Hey, Ryan. You there?”
“Yeah.”
“I left my phone and Phil found it. He didn’t type anything odd, did he?”
“Don’t think so. What did he say?”
“Nothing. But he looked hurt,” I relayed. “Stormed into his room to pout, I guess.”
“Wait, because of me? Did I mess something up?”
“No! Don’t be ridiculous. He’s my stepbrother.”
“Yeah, but… you know.”
“That’s in the past now,” I assured Ryan. “I don’t even think about him anymore, quite frankly. I mean, it really was a one time thing.”
I was lying, but I kind of had to say that, or he would think I was a freak.
“Probably for the best. Would’ve made for some awkward holiday dinners, I’ll wager!”
“Oh, my God! Right? Thanksgiving and Christmas! This is my boyfriend/stepbrother!”
“Yeah, I guess you really wouldn’t want to do that! Hahahaha!”
“Ryan, it’s so great to talk to you. Well, text to you anyway.”
“Hey, it’s not like we have anything else to do, right? I mean, locked up because of the virus.”
“When is this going to end? They have to find a cure, right?”
“I read online that it takes sixteen years to develop a vaccine right.”
“What?! Are you kidding? They were saying 18 months!”
“Well, I guess you could take that vaccine, but I wouldn’t. I mean, not that I’m one of those anti-vaxxers or anything. But you have to get a good vaccine. It could make you worse if you get the wrong one.”
“Are you saying we’ll be in lockdown for years?!”
“No-no-no,” he assured. “No one is saying that. I’m just saying that a vaccine is probably not answer. Eventually, herd immunity will immunize everyone.”