One by one, the others quit the table and moved toward the doorway. Danny remained seated. The butterflies swooped.
“Wait!” he called. “Grandpa, can I talk to you outside?”
Grandpa stopped and turned around. “Sure. Let’s go out back.”
Grandpa left room on the park bench for Danny. Buddy picked up his Frisbee and charged over, but Grandpa said, “Not now, Buddy-boy, come lie down.”
Danny sat beside Grandpa. He leaned forward to scratch Buddy’s head as he laid out his new plan.
Grandpa didn’t interrupt. When Danny had finished, Grandpa looked away and was silent for a long while. When he finally turned to face his grandson, Danny saw the dark circles below his eyes.
Looking directly into his grandson’s eyes, Grandpa said, “I’m sorry. It – it can’t be that way.” He paused, swallowed, and strained to say the next words. “You wouldn’t be safe.”
Danny pressed himself into the bench, anger narrowing his eyes, his voice flatly defiant. “I don’t believe you.”
“If there were any way to change the past, I would. Your mother would. Sgt. Sandhu would. Everyone would. We’d go back to when – to the time when your dad started cutting us off from your family. I’d…I’d insist, I’d persist, I’d find out what was wrong and I’d stop it.” He blinked rapidly. “But I didn’t do that and now, I can’t.”
He turned away and made a show of scratching his eyebrows, but Danny could see he was wiping away tears.
“Your family slid away from us years ago, when your dad – did what he did. Since Christmas, Grandma and I have had you back in our lives. Having you with us has filled a hole in our hearts. Do you think we’d tear that hole open again if we believed there was any other way?” He swallowed.
“Then why can’t she just go alone?” Danny demanded. “Why do I – why do I have to change my identity? What have I done wrong?”
Grandpa reached to hold Danny’s arms, but the boy pulled back. “It’s because of you – you and your sister – that your mom has to do this. If it were only her, she could stay and take her chances.” He took a breath and gathered himself. “But she can’t risk leaving you kids without a mother. And she can’t risk your lives along with hers.”
Danny’s heartbeat throbbed at the back of his throat. “But – but – he said he loved her! I was there! You weren’t! I heard him say it! The judge said he should have counseling!”
Grandpa no longer tried to stop his tears.
“Your dad doesn’t love your mom the way…the way your mom loves you. He loves her like – like a miser loves money. He loves to control her, to possess her, to have power over her. And if he thinks he’s going to lose that power and control…well, he’d rather kill her than let her go free. And that’s not love.”
Danny felt like he was plunging down a cliff in freefall. He lurched up and bolted blindly for the back gate. Buddy followed closely.
He sleepwalked through streets he’d walked a hundred times before, but today they had shifted orientation, their names had vanished, and the map lines rearranged to go nowhere. He lifted his arm and wiped his shirtsleeve across his face, forced his fists back into his pockets, and put one foot in front of the other. Buddy stayed close.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he found himself back at his grandparents’ gate. He hadn’t thought about where he was going, but Buddy’s gentle nudging had returned him to the house. The dog sat patiently and waited for him to lift the latch. Danny hesitated before walking through.
Rather than entering the back, he walked around to the front. Staying out of sight, he peered through the picture window. All four were sitting in the living room, Mom beside Grandma, and Jennifer on Grandpa’s knee. They were talking, but Danny couldn’t make out the words.
He went around back, took a deep breath, and entered.
The conversation stopped. He stood in the doorway. On closer view, the scene from the street – a family chatting on a Friday morning – had shifted focus, and he now saw discarded tissues and faces as raw as if frostbitten. Grandma stood up quickly and whispered, “I’ll call the taxi.”
The grandfather clock made the only sound in the room with its relentless ticktock, ticktock – each swing of the pendulum sweeping the present into the past.
Grandma returned. “It’ll only be a couple of minutes. They have a cab in the neighborhood. They know about Buddy….”
Ticktock…ticktock…ticktock…ticktock…
Grandpa stood and strode over to Catherine, his arms wide, enveloping his daughter. She stood to sink her head into his shoulder, sobs pouring out freely, a lifetime of grief threatening to drown them all. Tears pulsed down Jennifer’s face and Grandma held her tightly, stroking her granddaughter’s hair, wetting it with her own tears, murmuring sounds that weren’t words, because there were no words left.
“No long good-byes, Catherine,” Grandpa said as he kissed her forehead and gently pushed her shoulders away. “You have to be strong, and take care of your children.” He held her at arm’s length, his grip on her shoulders firm. “Promise me you’ll take care of your children.”
Danny watched hollowly as Grandma and Grandpa switched places. Grandma embraced her daughter while Grandpa absorbed his granddaughter’s anguish into his own. Danny felt like his feet had come to the end of the world. His legs, his arms, his head – everything was too heavy to move. He watched Grandma, Mom, Jennifer, and Grandpa mesh together in a tangle of grief.
The clock stopped ticking. Grandma left Catherine and approached him. She pulled his numb body into her own and urged his arms around her.
“Danny,” she whispered into his ear, “when things are tough, look up to the stars and remember those same stars shine down on all of us, and we’ll love you for as long as those stars shine in the sky. Although you can’t touch them, their light can touch you and remind you there is no end to our love for you, no end to your mother’s love for you. Tomorrow it may seem that all the world has changed, but love endures like the stars. Be strong. And live the best life you can live.”
He blinked unseeing eyes. Grandpa touched Grandma on the shoulder, and said softly, “Patricia, the cab is here, can you help them out?”
Grandma gave Danny a last, close squeeze and kissed him softly on the cheek. “Good-bye, Danny,” she said, pulling away.
Grandpa stood in front of Danny and reached one hand to touch his grandson’s shoulder while the other searched for something in his pocket. He pulled out the small white stone Danny had thrown into the thorn bushes. He offered it on an open palm.
“Take this with you, Danny-boy. Keep it with you, and hold it when you need help. Stones are strong, and they can help you be strong too. Use it when you need to, and when you’re ready, you can let it go.”
Danny reached out. Grandpa put the stone into Danny’s palm, curling the boy’s fingers around it. He held Danny’s fist tightly in both hands and then pulled his grandson to him and hugged him close. “No long good-byes, Danny, no long good-byes.”
Grandpa let him go. “It’s time,” he said softly.
PART TWO
The Second Trial
Chapter 1
“It’s number twenty-one,” said Sgt. Sandhu, handing Catherine two keys. Danny’s face fell when he saw the place they were going to call home – a line of sad-looking row houses on the border of a strip mall parking lot. Peeling window trim outlined mismatched curtains and draped bed sheets. A patch of lawn too small to park a car separated one sidewalk from the next. A few adults lounged on steps and in webbed lawn chairs, smoking or watching children tear around on bicycles and skateboards. They stared at the new family moving in.
Number twenty-one was squeezed into the middle of the row. Someone had torn out a strip of grass under the window for a flower bed, but only crab grass and thorns grew there. A tabby cat, missing one ear, squatted under the steps.
Catherine walked hesitantly up the sidewalk. Someone had used knotted fishing
line to try to repair a ragged L-shaped tear at elbow height in the screen door. She unlocked the water-stained inner door. Before she stepped over the scuffed threshold, she turned, a brave smile on her face.
“C’mon, kids, we’re home,” she said.
“I’ll bring the suitcases,” said Sgt. Sandhu. “I think we’d best leave Buddy in the van for now. You three go in and look around.”
Danny straggled in behind Jennifer. They entered a short hallway with a shallow closet along one wall and a set of metal coat hooks screwed into the other. The hall opened into a living room and a set of stairs to the second floor. He walked across the cement-gray carpet. He barely glanced at the furniture as he marched to the bare window above the kitchen sink. It overlooked a common area surrounded by identical units.
Danny turned to his mother. “There’s no place for Buddy.”
“Don’t worry, it’s not for very long. We’ll manage.”
He brushed by his mother and headed up the stairs.
The second floor had three rooms and a bathroom. The master bedroom was half the size of his parents’ old one. The bathroom faced the street. Two cramped bedrooms looked down on the common area. Jennifer had already checked out the rooms and chosen the one farther from the stairs.
“Doesn’t matter to me,” he muttered, and punched his hands into the pockets of the shorts he’d been wearing for days. He turned on his heel and strode out.
Their six suitcases lay on the living room floor. Sgt. Sandhu asked Danny to take them upstairs while he spoke with his mom.
Danny scowled, but picked up two bags. “Jen can carry her own,” he announced. He halted at the stairs and eavesdropped on Sgt. Sandhu and his mom.
“The telephone will be installed in a couple of days,” he said. “Once you have it, call this number,” he said. “They’ll put you in touch with the NIVA reps here.”
“Okay.”
“It’s critical you don’t contact anyone in Edmonton. Not now…not ever.”
Silence.
“Paul’s being released – today’s Sunday – so in the next couple of days. When he finds out you and the kids are gone…well, that’s the most dangerous time. He’ll do anything he can to find you or flush you out.”
“I understand, but I’m worried about Danny.”
“I know. I am too.”
“If only there were some way to make him believe…to get him to trust me, accept that this is the only way…” she stammered, “…to save us all.”
“He’s a bright boy. He’ll figure it out. Until then, you’ll have to have faith that he’d never knowingly put all of you in danger. I don’t believe he’d deliberately do it, but he might make a mistake, an error in judgment, and endanger you that way. It’s just another one of the risks you’re going to have to guard against.”
Danny grabbed his mother’s suitcases and trudged up the stairs. He dropped them in her room and went to get Buddy. He grasped the dog by the scruff of his neck and led him from the van. Buddy’s nose twitched and he made a lunge for the cat. The neighborhood children abandoned their play and crowded around the border collie.
“What’s his name?” “Can I pet him?” “Are you coming to live here in the condos?” “Does he bite?”
Danny struggled to keep his dog in check as Buddy tried to sniff every hand. The children smiled and giggled. Danny smiled too.
“His name’s Buddy, and he doesn’t bite,” he said, crouching to hold the dog’s neck while the children fussed over him.
“Oh, he licked me!” cried a young girl who stuck out her hand to be licked again.
“C’mon, Buddy-boy, it’s time to go in,” Danny said, pushing past the children.
“What’s your name?” asked a boy about Jennifer’s age.
Danny’s smile faded. He led the dog up the front steps without a word.
Buddy raced around the condo and checked out every smell, his nose twitching like jelly shaking in a bowl. It didn’t take him long to zip up the stairs.
Sgt. Sandhu was still talking. “I’ll go and pick up some fried chicken while you get settled a bit. I’ll have to be off pretty soon after dinner.”
“Thank you. How can I ever thank you…”
“Stay alive. Just stay alive, and it will all be worth it.”
Danny took the stairs two at a time and was out of sight before Sgt. Sandhu had left the kitchen. Buddy followed close on the boy’s heels.
The police officer returned with a splotchy cardboard box and a small plastic bag. Danny had opened his suitcases, but had tugged out only a toothbrush and a fresh T-shirt. He’d had a shower, but he hadn’t even shampooed his hair before the water ran cold. He wiped a wide arc across the green-edged mirror and gazed at his foggy reflection. His eyebrows were thickening and a few more hairs had appeared on his upper lip. He was beginning to look more like his father. Until now, everyone had said he looked like his mother.
He could smell the food even before he was half-way down the stairs. Lunch had been quite a while ago. Even though his gut was sometimes knotted with worry, he was hungry. Both Sgt. Sandhu and his mom looked relieved when he appeared at the table in a fresh shirt. Mom had laid out the chunky green plates she’d found in the cupboard. Cloudy glasses sat beside each plate. Some of the cutlery matched. Sgt. Sandhu opened the box of chicken and dumped fries out of a bag. Danny grabbed his favorite pieces. There wasn’t much conversation. It didn’t take them long to finish. There was no dessert.
“Could you help clear the table?” Mom asked Danny.
He picked up his plate and looked around.
“There’s no dishwasher,” he said.
She scanned the pressed-wood cupboards. “Yes, I see that now,” she said with a thin smile. “Please just stack them by the sink.” She used a dingy dishcloth to wipe the arborite table.
“Let’s go into the living room for a bit,” suggested Sgt. Sandhu.
They sat around the artificial oak coffee table. Mom and Jennifer took the sagging couch. Sgt. Sandhu and Danny were left with the armchairs. The red seat cushion went whaa as Danny sat, releasing the musty smell of old cigarettes and spilled beer. He stroked the arms, made oily and sticky by many hands.
As he spoke, Sgt. Sandhu looked back and forth between Danny and Jennifer. “I know this isn’t much compared with what you’re used to, but it’s the best we can do for now. Don’t worry, you know about your mom’s plan, and it will all work out in the end. Remember, it isn’t safe for anyone to know your old names. It’s a secret, one you must always keep. This is the most important secret of your lives, because your lives depend upon keeping it.”
Danny fidgeted. He had a better idea, one that would give him back the life he wanted. Mom’s plan didn’t amount to a secret at all, did it? It was nothing but a lie – names and dates and a made-up past. And she’d said she’d never lie again. I’ll give it ’till Christmas, he said to himself. Then I’ll contact Dad, he’ll forgive Mom, we’ll move back, and this ‘between’ time will all just be a bad dream. He’d be right and they’d all be wrong. A Christmas to look forward to.
Sgt. Sandhu stood. “I – I have to go now. Remember to call NIVA when you get your phone. They’ll help you…adjust.” He moved to the couch. Jennifer and Catherine rose. The police officer reached for Jennifer and hugged her to his chest.
“Good-bye, Julia,” he said. “Take care of yourself, and your brother, and your mother.” He kissed her gently on the top of her head, and let her go.
He brushed away a tear. He picked up a bag from the coffee table. “This is for you, David.” Danny sat stiff-necked as he took it. He reached inside and pulled out a new braided dog collar, much like the old one. It had two round brass tags that jingled as the collar moved. He turned them over. Each one was blank.
Sgt. Sandhu offered his hand. Danny rose awkwardly and reached out. The officer grasped Danny’s hand, and placed his other palm over the top.
“Good luck, David. Take care.” Their eyes locked bri
efly, but Danny broke the contact and looked down.
“Thanks for the collar,” he mumbled, steeling himself against showing any emotion. He fiddled with the collar.
The police officer looked at Catherine. She moved around the table and took his hands in hers.
“You’re a brave woman, Susan. You’re doing the right thing.”
“Thank you,” she choked. “No long good-byes.”
“No long good-byes,” the police officer repeated as he started toward the door. He paused in the entryway.
“This is for you and the kids,” he said, holding out a white envelope he’d pulled from his back pocket. “From Anita and me.”
She took the envelope. “Thank you,” she stammered.
Sgt. Sandhu took a deep breath, collected himself, and said, “Don’t leave anything to chance. Those notes you’ve made – keep them only until you have them memorized – then burn them.”
She nodded.
“Good-bye, Susan. Good-bye and good luck.”
Chapter 2
Danny buckled the collar on the impatient dog. The last couple of days had been hard. As they had driven away from their Edmonton home in the unmarked police van, he’d hung onto the worry stone. Jennifer had clutched her love-worn teddy, Shakesbear, and wiped away tears with her favorite blanket. They’d spent that night in a motel that resembled the YES. He’d never been to a motel, and it had never occurred to him that air conditioning could be optional. He pretended he didn’t care, but he was too nervous about getting lost or losing collarless Buddy to do anything but stay in the dingy room.
Now he hoped he could find an off-leash park somewhere near the condo. Buddy needed it. Danny put the new collar on Buddy and when he saw the leash, the border collie dashed to the door.
His mom glanced at her watch. “Can you be back by nine?”
Danny looked at his wrist. No watch. He’d forgotten it at home.
He left without a word.
The Second Trial Page 11