It’s finally the end of the day, and I see Mason at his locker. He’s alone, which is just what I want. I walk up to him, and he doesn’t even bother to acknowledge me. I’ll have to speak first. I wish myself luck on finding the right words to say. But somewhere inside, I know there are no right words to say. I just have to speak with my heart.
“Mason, can we talk?” I ask. He still ignores me. “Mason, I know you’re upset but we need to talk.”
“We don’t need to do anything,” he finally says, still not looking at me.
“Mason, will you at least look at me when you speak?” I fear I am asking for too much. Getting him to talk to me at all is pure luck.
He finally turns to look at me. He’s angry and it shows. “I don’t want to look at you. I don’t even want to talk to you. You took her away from me—and you, of all people, knew how I felt about her. You can drop dead, for all I care.” His words hit me like lightning.
Mason was not only my cousin, but he was my best friend. To hear him say that he wouldn’t care if I was dead…well, that was probably the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. “You don’t mean that, Mason. I understand you’re pissed off, and you have every right to be. But you’re my family. You’re all that I have left,” I admit.
“You should’ve thought about that before you decided to bang my wife—and then have the audacity to fall in love with her,” he says, walking away.
I watch him leave until he decides to stop. He turns around and comes back, as if he wants to say something else to me. “Oh yeah, Peyton. I forgot something.”
I think he’s going to make me feel even smaller with his words, but I’m wrong. I wish he did just curse me out. Instead, he spits on me. I lose it and black out. I grab Mason and punch him harder than I ever did anyone else. I never hit this hard before; not even in the boxing ring. None of us thought it would all end this way.
I’m angry and hurting and on top of that, I forgot to take my meds this morning. It’s not a real excuse, but I like to think that it justifies the way I reacted.
Taylor
I notice a crowd of people and a lot of commotion down the hall. I hear banging and screaming and I instantly get a bad feeling. I’m looking for Peyton, but I can’t find him anywhere. I begin walking down the hall, toward the chaos, and ask someone what’s going on.
Her reply: “You should know; they’re fighting over you. And I honestly don’t know why.”
If I weren’t in such a hurry, I would’ve banged her face against the locker. I push through the crowd to see Peyton and Mason fighting. I can’t tell who’s winning because right after Peyton throws a punch, Mason punches him right back. There’s blood on both of their faces, and they both look pretty bad. Peyton finally pins Mason against the locker and repeatedly punches him in the face. Mason can’t take it anymore, and I can tell. I yell for both of them to stop, but neither listens. I have to take action, since the yelling isn’t working. I run up to Peyton and push him off of Mason with all my strength. He tries to go back for him, but I push him again.
“Peyton, stop it!” I yell at him. “You’re going to kill him!” I say, almost hysterical.
I look at Mason, who’s wiping the blood from his nose with his light blue shirt. He winces when he accidentally touches his cheek. His face looks horrible. Peyton doesn’t look good either, but I guess it’s safe to say that Peyton won this fight. I touched Mason’s shoulder, but he brushes me off.
“Mason, I’m sorry. Here, let me help you,” I say, trying to get him away from the crowd.
“I don’t need your help!” he yells at me.
I know he’s both embarrassed and hurt. I want to hold him and tell him that he still has a friend in me, but I know that won’t fix anything. Mason loves me more than just as a friend. He wants all of me, but I’m not willing to give him what he wants.
Soon enough the principal comes and calls all three of us into the office. I’m let off the hook easily, since I was the one trying to stop the fight. I can’t say the same for Mason and Peyton. They’re both suspended for the rest of the week and next week. None of us thought it would all end this way.
Mason
Peyton is still in the office receiving his lecture. I’m next, so I patiently sit outside with an icepack pressed to my face. I can’t believe I allowed Peyton to take my girl and win this fight. I’m weak, but I’m not going to show it. Last night was tragic for me. I had to sleep in bed alone, knowing that Taylor wasn’t coming back to me. I had to sleep knowing that when I woke up in the morning, she wouldn’t be there. I had to sleep knowing that she was next to Peyton, who was my best friend, my cousin, the one I would give my life for. Peyton was my brother.
As I sit here and wait to go into the principal’s office, Taylor sits next to me. I’m glad to see her and glad that she took up for me. That means she still cares about me, but I’m not going to show her that I’m happy that she’s here.
“What the hell do you want?” I say as rudely as I can.
“I know you don’t want to see me right now, let alone talk to me, but I just wanted to apologize for Peyton—for everything.”
She sounds truly sorry. I wonder if I sounded that pathetic when I apologized to her.
“I can’t forgive you, Taylor—and I’m sure as hell not forgiving Peyton,” I say.
“Well, then…I guess I understand…Here,” she says, pulling her wedding ring out of her pocket. She tries to hand it to me.
“No. I don’t want it. You keep it,” I say, refusing to take it.
“I don’t want it either. It’s too painful to look at,” she says, all the hurt in the world showing in her beautiful green eyes.
“Pawn it,” I say. “You’ll get a decent amount of cash for that one.”
“Mason, I really am sorry…and I don’t want you to be this angry. I don’t want you to be angry at all because you’re too good for that. You’re better than that. I know it…and I know you know it,” she says, trying to reassure me that this isn’t my fault.
For some reason, I still feel like I’m to blame. I hurt her first, so she hurt me back. I know that, but I don’t want to forgive her so easily. “I should have the divorce papers by Saturday. After you sign them, the divorce will be finalized soon enough. It was nice while it lasted, Taylor.” That’s all I can say to her. My heart feels cold and warm at the same time.
“It was nice while it lasted, Mason—it really was,” she says, before finally getting up and walking away.
My heart breaks in two as I watch her leave. Then it disintegrates into nothing, just like my life. As soon as she leaves, Jagger comes and sits down next to me.
“What did she want?” he says, making it clear that he’s on my side.
“Nothing. Just her pathetic apology,” I say, trying to cover up my pain with anger.
Peyton comes walking out of the principal’s office and he just looks at me. It isn’t a dirty look or anything that could kill me. It’s just a look, and I’m not too sure what it says. Jagger turns to look at him and then looks back at me.
“Just letting you know I’d choose Maylor over Tayton, any day,” he says.
“What?” I ask, frustrated and confused.
“Maylor—Mason and Taylor; and Tayton—Taylor and Peyton. That’s what everyone is calling you guys. They made teams and everything, depending on which couple they like better,” Jagger informs me.
“Dude, don’t do that—please,” I say.
“Sorry,” Jagger says, realizing the seriousness of the situation.
These people are turning our lives into gossip. Immature high school students, I presume. It’s all getting out of hand.
“Mason, get in here now!” the principal yells from his office.
I get up to face my punishment. My life seems so surreal; like it’s a reality show or something equally crazy.
None of us thought it would all end this way.
Taylor
I wait for Peyton in his car, inc
redibly angry with him and Mason for being so stupid. As soon as he gets into the car, the first thing I do is yell at him like he’s a thirteen-year-old boy and I’m his mother. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry with Peyton.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Peyton?” I yell as he starts the engine.
“Not now, Taylor. Please, not now,” he says, trying to stay calm.
“No! Right now, Peyton! What would possess you to fight with Mason now, of all times! Do you know how this makes you look?”
“I really don’t care how it makes me look, Taylor,” he says, still amazingly calm.
“Well, you should! Why would you even go up to him?” I ask, still in angry mode.
“I was trying to talk to him. That’s why I went up to him. I didn’t want to lose the only family I’ve known my entire life. Sure, I have my dad and his new crew, but I’m just getting to know them. Mason was all I had for a while—I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to ask for forgiveness,” Peyton says, now losing his cool.
“So how did it turn into you having your fist buried in his face?” I say, trying to calm myself down.
“He spit on me! He walked up to me and he spit on me! I didn’t say anything offensive to him, but he obviously felt like I did, so he spit on me…and I lost it. I also forgot to take my meds today, so that may have played a part in it,” he says, now fully angry.
“Well, of course he found whatever you said offensive: You took his wife from him!” I’m shouting again.
Peyton steps on the brakes hard, forcing me to jerk forward in my seat.
“Peyton! What the hell? What is wrong with you?” I shout. Then I hit him in the arm.
“That’s really how you feel? Like I took you away from him? If I didn’t know any better, I would say that you’re taking up for him,” he says. He’s even angrier than before.
“Peyton, that’s not—”
“Because from what I can remember, you came over my place and kissed me. You walked through my door and took off your clothes. I didn’t make you do anything. You freely said that you loved me back. I didn’t take you—you came to me,” he says in a calmer voice.
He continues to drive, and for the entire ride, neither one of us says another word. What he said bothers me. I know he didn’t take me. I wanted him, so I went to him.
Peyton opens up the door to his place and lets me walk in ahead of him. Even when he’s angry, he’s still a gentleman. After he closes the door, I begin to speak again. I don’t want us to fight in the beginning of our relationship. I don’t want us to fight at all.
“I wasn’t blaming you for taking me from Mason—because you didn’t. I took me from Mason and I came to you, just like you said. What I was trying to say, but it came out wrong, was that Mason feels like you took me away from him. So of course he found whatever you said to him to be offensive. Peyton, I don’t want to fight—not now and not ever. And I don’t want you to ever think or feel like I regret the decision I made. Because I don’t. I love you, Peyton, and that’s all that should matter. You’re right, you shouldn’t care what people think about you. And I shouldn’t care what people think about me,” I say, and it comes from my heart.
“Good. ’Cause I don’t want to fight, either. I should’ve just walked away or given Mason some time before I tried speaking to him again. So part of it is my fault. And I didn’t mean to blame you for anything,” he says, hugging me. I rest my head on his strong chest.
“I love you,” he whispers. Then he lifts my chin so he can kiss me passionately.
His face has a few cuts and bruises on it, but for some reason, they make him even more attractive. Maybe it’s because he got those scars fighting for me. I have my Peyton and I am beginning to feel better about everything.
***
“You do realize you’re still married?” Peyton asks me bluntly as we’re watching a movie on the couch.
“Yeah, why do you ask?” I say.
“I don’t know. It was just a thought,” he says, kissing my hand.
“Well, Peyton, if you’re worried about me still being married—or feeling guilty about it—we can always just separate until my divorce is final,” I say, just to see his reaction.
“No! I’m fine with it,” he quickly responds.
I just laugh at him and say, “Relax, I was just joking. Besides, I have to go to Mason’s place on Saturday to get the rest of my things, and he says that by then he should have the papers ready.”
I still can’t believe it’s over. It seems like yesterday that I was just another helpless girl who was hopelessly, head-over-heels in love with Mason Taylor. I must’ve been dreaming the hardest because I married him after a few months of dating. But somehow, my dream ended and I woke up to find that Peyton was my reality. Mason was exactly that: a dream.
After all the thinking about my past, present, and future with and without Mason, I decide I want to let off some steam. I kiss Peyton on the cheek and tell him I’ll be back. I walk into the bedroom, Peyton’s bedroom—or maybe it’s our bedroom; I’m not exactly sure. I take out my laptop and turn it on. I’m going to write another journal entry. It’s long overdue and it’s time for me to start writing again. It’s time for me to start getting my life back. This time I’m lucky: I get to start my life with Peyton, my true love.
March 4, 2009
These past few months have been impractical and out of control. Remember the girl who didn’t believe in love (me)? Well, she fell in love. She fell harder than anyone can ever fall; and for a while, she liked it. Now she’s learned that love isn’t what it’s all summed up to be. She has learned that when one hurts from love, she hurts more than from anything else. The feeling burns and stabs, all at the same time. Yeah…you guessed it, she’s been hurt! She finally was willing to put her all into another, but she became disappointed and never truly got the chance. She learned that healing from the pain that love can bring is like recovering from a serious operation. You go into surgery not knowing how it’ll end up, but you hope for the best. When it’s all done, they transfer you to the recovery room, and you don’t know how the procedure went until you are out of the hospital for good. Right now, she’s in the recovery room, but she’s not too sure how she’s feeling. She knows the damage and the operation have been done, but she doesn’t know if the procedure went well. Right now, she’s too afraid to leave the hospital because other things might go wrong and she doesn’t want to have to go right back. When she leaves, she wants to leave for good.
I know what you’re thinking. “She needs to face her fears and just leave.” But she’s tried that already. As soon as she stepped foot out the door, she realized something else was wrong with her, so she had to go back into the operating room. She found herself becoming “strong,” so she left the hospital, and that’s when the pain hit her. She ended up worse than she was before, or so she thought.
The truth is, the surgery went well; it’s her mental state that was a bit messy. Each day, she tries new ways to leave, but somehow she ends up back where she started. The man whom she knew was right for her is gone forever, and she’ll never get another chance with him. But that’s what made it all okay: the man she thought was right for her just wasn’t the one. She found what she needed in someone else. She learned firsthand that falling in love isn’t the way to go; so this time, she’ll grow into love with a man she knows will not disappoint her. She’s found someone who loves her for who she is. He takes the good with the bad and learns to love it.
Peyton Hale Giordano learned to love my bad side; therefore, I’m perfect to him, and he’s the same to me. It’s just another reminder that “life may bruise you, but bruises go away.”
New Love,
T.C.G.
As soon I finish writing, Peyton walks into the bedroom with my phone in his hand. He hands it to me and tells me that he already answered it. Jackson is on the phone. He also says that it’s an emergency. I snatch the phone from Peyton’s hand and answer immediately.
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br /> “Hey, Jackson, is everything okay?”
“Tell me you’re by a radio,” Jackson replies quickly.
“Yeah, why?” I say, confused.
“Turn to station 101.3,” he says.
I do as he says and I can’t believe what I hear. My only reaction is to scream into the phone. Jackson’s song is on the radio! He made it. He finally made it. At this moment, I am convinced that dreams really do come true.
“Oh my God, Jackson! It’s you! You did it! I can’t believe this!” I shout into the phone.
I get another shock when Jackson walks into the bedroom right behind Peyton. Without thinking, I run and jump straight into his arms. I’m at a loss for words. Seeing Jackson is the least thing I expected. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have important, famous-people things to do?” I say.
“Taylor, you’re crying,” he says, laughing and wiping my tears.
I don’t even notice the tears rolling down my cheeks. Jackson is here and I am too happy for words or any other feeling. “Jackson, you’re on the radio! How does that feel?” I say, finally calming myself.
“I don’t even know. I just knew you were the one I wanted to share it with,” Jackson says, hugging me again.
“Wait. Jack, how did you know I was here—at Peyton’s?” I ask.
“Uh…Mason told me. I called your house phone first, but no one answered, so I decided to drive over, since I was nearby anyway. He told me you weren’t there,” Jackson says.
I feel the mood in the room change instantly. Jackson spoke to Mason. I wonder how much he told him. “What exactly did Mason tell you?” I ask nervously.
A Tragic Heart Page 17