Nandini just looked at the tiles on the floor in response. Rihana felt like she was talking to a wall. She asked her, ‘Why did you lie to the doctor?’
‘Didi, where will I go with three children now? He beats me when he is drunk, otherwise he is quite good. Ask Gudiya. He has never even touched the kids.’
Gudiya had been standing in one corner all along and merely nodded when everyone turned to look at her.
Rihana could read Gudiya’s silence, her own past coming back to her in spurts of pain. Children always want to see their parents happy and together.
‘Oh yes, your husband is the patron saint of husbands, isn’t he? He should be anointed,’ snorted Rihana, suddenly furious again at Nandini’s predicament. She didn’t want to say anything that would upset Nandini in her current state, so she hastily got off the bed and said, ‘Anyway, you rest now. We will see you in the morning. And don’t worry about the children. Your husband must have either slept or drunk some more . . . Either way he will be unconscious. And anyway, he doesn’t “touch” the kids, right?’
Rihana turned around sharply and held Gudiya’s hand to take her with them. Gudiya didn’t want to go home to that drunk of a father, but she knew her brothers would need her more than her mother. So she meekly followed Rihana and headed out with them.
‘Tiger seems to be having a good time. This is his first trip to a human hospital,’ chuckled Rihana as they spotted Kanhaiya and Tiger playing with a ball near the car.
Zara’s face clouded over and she said, ‘Hospitals are the one place I would not wish on anyone. Being admitted to one is like being unjustly jailed—for something that you did not do.’
Rihana could understand why Zara was saying that. Her visits to the hospital had become more frequent in the recent past. But Rihana could only imagine Zara’s pain. Zara had never opened up to her; if Rihana persisted, Zara’s state would become worse and that wasn’t what they wanted. She only knew it must suck and could only pray fervently for Zara to get better soon.
Rihana knew her friend’s moods could stick for longer periods of time if timely distraction wasn’t provided. Not wanting her sombre mood to linger, she playfully jabbed Zara in the arm as they sat in the car and asked, ‘Do you think I could begin a passionate romance with Saif?’
‘Saif Ali Khan?’
‘Oh God, Zara! What planet are you on? The cute doctor we just met. Come on, how could you not notice him?’
Zara gave Rihana one of her classic are-you-kidding-me looks, but the latter didn’t notice as she was fidgeting with her phone. Zara said, ‘You’re more adept at sniffing out good-looking men than a police dog trained to sniff out explosives.’
‘He is explosively handsome . . . and successful.’
‘How do you know he is successful? Your doggy nose also tells you how successful the person is?’
‘No, but Google does! See, I just googled his name and I know all that I want to know—for now! He is the youngest and most successful surgeon of his age in India. And a surgeon is equal to someone loaded with money,’ Rihana said excitedly.
‘So I can expect you to fall in love with him because he has money?’
‘There is something about successful men . . . They give me a high. And come on, isn’t money a measure of success?’ Rihana was defending her stance as if she had just told Zara that she would be marrying Dr Saif.
Zara then narrowed her eyes suspiciously and asked, ‘By the way, what happened with Roshan?’
Rihana smiled. ‘Roshan makes the best biryani in the world. So I had no choice but to dump him.’
Zara looked flabbergasted. ‘You are making no sense at all. What the heck do his culinary skills have to do with your love for him?’
‘Well, I realized that biryani was very high on carbs and that I was steadily putting on weight. I now prefer cucumbers and don’t need Roshan around,’ replied Rihana and started laughing, wondering if Zara had got the joke.
Zara rolled her eyes and asked, exasperated, ‘You are unbelievable! Explain to me why you really dumped him. Because you clearly understand and I have no clue about it!’
‘Well, it’s like this. Loving the biryani does not necessarily mean I have to love the cook too. Although I did love his cock, I feasted on it a little less merrily than his biryani,’ Rihana said impishly.
Zara raised both her eyebrows in response and counter-queried: ‘So, going by that logic, you will perhaps date the surgeon and then dump him, saying you loved him because you didn’t want any surgeries.’
‘Oh puhleease ! That is not even a comparison. Plus that’s so lame.’
‘You are already blessed with abundance, I don’t think you would need a surgery,’ Zara said, pointing at Rihana’s ample breasts.
Both of them had sly smiles on their faces. ‘If not for me, we could offer your breasts up for implants for sure. After all, it’s these two globes that rule the whole planet, and your little beanies won’t get you anywhere,’ said Rihana.
‘That was below the belt, you rude cow!’ Zara playfully hit Rihana on the arm.
‘I was only trying to help you get laid, that’s all.’
‘You have a one-track mind. Is getting laid the only thing you can think of?’ asked Zara.
‘No, sometimes I also imagine how and where,’ retorted Rihana.
‘Ugh, you’re incorrigible.’
Zara seemed put off and Rihana hugged her to end the game of teasing. Tiger jumped up on Rihana’s lap as she bent sideways to hug Zara. The commotion made Gudiya turn around to look at the two girls and smile.
They reached Cupid amid silly banter and Rihana started to walk swiftly towards the servants’ quarters along with Gudiya.
‘Where the hell do you think you are going?’ Zara said in a raspy voice filled with anxiety.
Rihana turned around and said, ‘Come with me. I need to sort out this rotten bastard.’ She quickened her pace and went straight for the courtyard to fill a bucket of water. She then lost no time in barging into the quarters and emptying the bucket of water on Harish’s head and face. He woke up startled and looked around wildly.
‘Your wife, the mother of your children, almost bled to death earlier tonight . . . and you’re having a comfy little snooze here?!’ Rihana yelled.
Zara tried to calm her down, but Rihana was like a woman possessed. She dislodged Harish by forcefully shaking his charpoy. Rihana was a petite girl, but her rage brought out superhuman strength. She was hurt seeing her much-loved Nandini go through this ever so often. Although Nandini worked for Zara, she understood Rihana far better than anyone else did—maybe even more than her own parents ever had.
And this affection showed now as she continued to rant against Harish. ‘This time I will not let it go. Every time you beat Nandini, she forgets about it, hoping you will change. But I know just the right thing to make you change forever. I will first chop off your balls and I will then make a curry out of it to feed to the dogs. You dare not touch Nandini again! You understand, you asshole?’
Zara held on to Rihana’s arm to pull her back from Harish and tried to pacify her. ‘Are you insane, Rihana? This man is drunk. He won’t understand a thing you say right now.’
‘He better understand.’
Zara let go of Rihana’s arm and put her hands on her waist, saying, ‘So you’re going to mete out justice now?’ Zara hoped that Rihana would direct her fury towards her and they could get out of there.
But Rihana was single-minded in her focus. She pulled Harish by the collar of his shirt and shook him hard. He was only half-conscious and swayed like a rag doll. Rihana then pushed him to the ground.
Kanhaiya had been a silent witness to all this and knew well that Rihana meant every word she had said. The girl had spunk and would not back down when she needed to teach a lesson or two to such male chauvinist pigs.
‘If your rescuing is done, can we get back to the house now?’ Zara pleaded.
Rihana picked up the bucket and hurled
it at Harish for good measure before walking back to the house. Gudiya had never been prouder of her association with Rihana. She felt vindicated for all that her mother had endured. Her two brothers were too young to understand and seemed pretty scared by what had been going on. They had all seen enough violence for a day.
Kanhaiya ran ahead with his set of duplicate keys and unlocked the main door. Exhausted by the night’s events, Zara and Rihana sat at the dining table while Kanhaiya left after depositing Tiger in his cushioned dog-bed. Zara announced that she was going to make some coffee but Rihana didn’t say anything—neither a yes nor a no. So Zara planted a kiss on Rihana’s cheek and gave her a tight hug. Rihana relaxed visibly at that and smiled her dazzling smile. It seemed to Zara that Rihana’s smile lit up the room along with her world.
Her tone softened when she said, ‘Rihana, I hate to break this to you, but you must come to terms with the fact that Nandini will never leave Harish.’
‘But whyyyy ?’ Rihana said exasperatedly, throwing her hands up in the air.
‘She is used to this humiliation. She has lived with this long enough to not mind it now. Haven’t you heard of that lab experiment with the frog?’ asked Zara.
Rihana shook her head.
‘If a frog is thrown into boiling water, it dies. But if it is put into water and then the water is heated, it slowly acclimatizes to the rising temperature,’ Zara said, handing over the mug with the hot coffee to Rihana.
‘But that is no way to live—to acclimatize! And that too with an ape like Harish! Also, all frogs are not the same, nor are humans. Look at you, for instance. Just the thought of you boiling in a pot of water would kill you.’
‘Uff Rihana, why don’t you get it? Leaving her husband is not an option for Nandini. The man may be completely useless, someone who does more harm than good, but he is a symbol in society. Unfortunately, in this world that you and I belong to, penis worship is the order of the day. For a female, an alcoholic husband sprawled on the floor is still useful, because till she is a “wife”, no one will bother her too much . . . simply because she has a man,’ Zara reasoned.
‘Then the enemy lies within the house, not outside! I was just thinking: If she gets rid of this drunkard, she could live with us . We will deal with intruders from outside and all the others who bother her. That man just beat her within an inch of her life and you say she should keep him as a symbol of protection. A tad ironic, isn’t it? He calls her a whore at whim. There is only so much a woman who works all day can take,’ Rihana said as she took a sip of coffee from the mug.
‘How do you know she isn’t a whore and isn’t sleeping with other men? Harish might have a reason for behaving that way,’ said Zara, in an attempt to see the flip side of the picture.
‘Even if she is whoring around, that doesn’t give Harish a reason to beat her black and blue and leave her half-dead. Whatever be the reason, hitting a woman like that is just not justified . . . even if she has been sleeping with another man. They can amicably separate, or maybe talk about it. Going by your logic, even if Nandini has a lover, Harish could have driven her to it. You never know . . .’ Rihana responded.
‘The world is smarter than you think, Rihana, especially the working class, because they see the world not through books and the Internet, but through experience and actually doing things. Nandini will get beaten, tortured, even molested, but she still won’t leave Harish.’ Zara sounded unreasonable in some ways, but reasonable in others.
‘But why? That’s what I am trying to change here.’ Rihana wasn’t convinced.
‘Most of the Indian population, especially the ones who aren’t self-dependent, suffer from Stockholm syndrome. And when I say “self-dependent”, I don’t mean in the financial sense. Self-dependence could be social, mental or emotional too,’ Zara philosophized.
‘Stockholm syndrome?’ Rihana was curious.
‘When someone falls in love with his or her abuser. The term came about when there was a hostage situation in Stockholm and the hostages took a sympathetic view of their oppressors. Psychiatrists found that the hostages saw the bad guys as extremely nice because they gave them food and water during the ordeal. The phenomenon has been in existence ever since the evolution of mankind. You get trapped in a vicious cycle of abuse and torture with small deeds of kindness and appreciation thrown in the mix, sometimes even sex. After all, pain and pleasure coexist.’
Zara had started to make some sense to Rihana now.
‘Money and children only make that “trauma bonding” deeper and more intense. Nandini has both these reasons. Harish is governed by blue-collar standards—he owns an acre of land in his village, and despite the fact that he abuses Nandini both physically and mentally, he also earns enough to pay for the family’s needs. By their standards, Harish is a “successful” man. Nandini has conveniently chosen money at the cost of being abused. Mark my words, she will be doing everything her husband demands as soon as she is back from the hospital,’ Zara challenged Rihana, but Rihana’s thoughts were wandering elsewhere.
‘I think the liquor industry is also based on the Stockholm syndrome,’ Rihana said, lost in thought over her coffee mug.
‘What?!’ Zara said, appalled at Rihana’s statement.
‘Yes! I think I’m in love with my abuser: alcohol.’ Rihana had taken the conversation to an altogether different tangent.
Zara had been very worried about Rihana’s drinking. Just like she hadn’t opened up to Rihana about what had triggered her depressive thoughts, Rihana too had never confided in her about what drove her to drink like a fish.
‘I think we should sleep. I have a long day tomorrow,’ Zara said, placing empty cups in the sink.
‘Why don’t you call in sick tomorrow? It won’t take too much convincing either,’ Rihana said with a naughty sparkle in her eyes.
Zara understood that Rihana was back to her humorous mode. ‘No, I can’t! I’ve called in sick way too many times.’
‘Call in horny, then?’ Rihana teased.
‘Are you crazy?’ gasped Zara. ‘Only you could pull off something like that. Besides, you are such a lucky soul. You can sit at home all day and brush a few strokes on your canvas. And on the pretext of needing inspiration, do all sorts of crazy things. I think that even brushing my own teeth would be a more productive activity than what comprises your entire day.’
Rihana said, ‘You’re right! I am crazy. Because I thought of associating the word “horny” with you. I mean, why would anyone preserve their hymen? It’s not quite something you pickle and store for the future, you know? And can you imagine if you died and I’m asked what should be inscribed on your tombstone, I will have to say, “She died a virgin . . .”’
Zara burst out laughing at this, and Rihana promptly joined in. If there was one endearing thing about their friendship, it had to be all the laughs they shared.
Tiger had been too busy tilting his head towards whoever was talking till then, pretending to follow the conversation. But when the girls broke into sudden laughter, he was taken aback. He decided these two were not his type and sauntered off into the kitchen to drink some water.
Rihana squeezed Zara in a hug and admonished her, ‘Go have some fun, girl. Don’t lose out on your life—lose your virginity. One obnoxious moron and you give up on men! A bit harsh on yourself, aren’t you?’
Zara shook her head, not ready to accept any of this. ‘I don’t know about virginity, Rihana, but I surely lost my innocence.’
Zara picked up her mobile phone, set the alarm for five in the morning and then retired to her room. She was more tired than sleepy. Sleep was an illusion, and trying to catch an illusion was a futile exercise. She knew she would have to depend on the usual: sedatives. She could have bet her life that if Rihana were to dream while sleeping, it would be about sleeping. As easy-peasy as that!
Rihana had always pestered Zara to come out with the truth behind what was bothering her, assuring her that it would de-stress her and l
ighten the burden, but Zara was like a closed, padlocked box. No one had been able to get through till now, not even her therapists, because Zara had locked the key to her secrets somewhere inside her heart. It could bleed, but would not open up and allow her to bare her pain.
Zara’s mother, Shaheen Andrews, had gotten her married when she was only twenty-one. She was a reluctant mother and had thought that marrying off her daughter would end her responsibilities towards Zara. Shaheen, herself a Muslim, had made up her mind to divorce her husband, Joseph Andrews, a Catholic, around the same time. Shaheen had already decided that she would walk away from the marriage with a big alimony and that Zara needed to be ‘settled’ before this unsettling arrangement came to be executed.
Joseph and Shaheen had married very much against their respective families’ wishes. In the beginning, they were sure that love would be enough for them to live happily ever after. But love soon flew out of the window, and their differences over their religions became too much for the relationship to sustain. They would argue over every little thing. Even the fight over choosing a name for Zara had gone on for weeks, as each of them had wanted a name that matched their faith. Between Zohra and Zita, they had chosen Zara after much deliberation.
Shaheen tried to escape the confines of this failed relationship by turning to meditation, leaving Joseph miserable and bitter.
All this affected Zara deeply. Sadly, her own marriage, which she felt from the beginning was a mistake, broke down in only a few months. She felt she was completely surrounded by failed marriages. The only difference in her case was that she was much younger than her folks.
Love Bi the Way Page 2