by Grace Martin
And who was I? A nobody. Raised without a fixed home, without a fixed set of parents, without even the right to keep my name once the year was up.
‘Bach Chwaer, save us.’ ‘Bach Chwaer, save us.’
But was it really true? I'd repeated it to myself many times in the past. Caradoc had once said to me to stop calling myself ‘just a feather skin.’ The words we use about ourselves have power, he’d said.
Here I was calling myself a nobody, but there was a whole regiment of dying men calling out for me to save them and calling me ‘Bach Chwaer.’ I was a powerful mage, even if I was depleted right now. We’d been waiting three hundred years for the Bach Chwaer to appear, promised by Umbra. People had their hopes raised twenty years ago when I defeated Darragh, but I’d come back to my own time and disappointed them.
‘Bach Chwaer, save us.’ ‘Bach Chwaer, save us.’
Nothing I did now could turn the tide of the war. Nothing would bring these men back from the dead.
Unless, of course, I went back through the Portal and stopped it all from ever happening.
Behind me, I vaguely heard Ronan and Andras’s fight escalate to the point where the healers started to intervene. I had no space for them. I raised my arms.
The men stopped their chanting. In the silence, Ronan and Andras stopped fighting.
‘I will save you,’ I said. ‘I swear I will. I saved you from Darragh. I will save you again. You just have to trust me and be patient. I promise you; all this will be set right. I promise you.’
They cheered – of course they cheered. They would have cheered no matter what I said. I just had to open my mouth and all their hopes and dreams would fill the gap.
Ronan’s hand fell on my shoulder. I looked up at him – covered in mud and muck and blood, hair wild and threaded with beads. He finally looked Camiri. He looked so much like Caradoc it was uncanny. Maybe the wounded saw something in his face or something in mine and the cheering stopped like it was suspended.
‘I am the protector of the Bach Chwaer,’ he said. ‘It is my honour and my duty to keep her safe. She must leave now, for her own safety, and the hope of our great nation. I know that she will never forget you. She will not rest until all the Thousand Counties are once again at peace!’
They all cheered again. As they all spoke at once, the cheering began to develop a rocking rhythm that beat in time with my own heart. Ronan turned me around because I was frozen. He guided me forward because I couldn't see for the tears streaming down my face.
I’d made a promise. I knew how to fulfil it. All I had to do was give up everything that mattered to me.
Outside, there was a closed in cart, the type that Sparrow and I had often taken to Caillen and back for the exchange at the winter solstice. Ronan helped me up the steps.
Inside, Gwydion was lying on a stretcher in the centre. His face was ashen and he wasn’t conscious. Rhiannon knelt beside him, her hands lying gently on his brow. A gentle flow of energy spread along her fingertips to warm up his skin.
‘Is he –?’
‘He lives, but barely,’ she said. Her face was as grey as Gwydion’s, and her tattoos and brands stood out in strange relief against her skin. Kiaran sat next to Rhiannon. His hands had been loosened and one was on her shoulder. Of course – Rhiannon never had a great deal of power to begin with and she'd spent all of it healing me – was it only this afternoon? Kiaran was sharing his power with her.
Lynnevet sat on the other side of the cart, watching Gwydion die, horror writ clearly on her face.
Andras sat at the front, in the driver’s seat. There was a narrow, horizontal slit in the sides of the cart to allow for a limited field of vision. He was focused on the road outside and didn't even spare me a glance. His thumbs worked the reins where they slipped over his fists.
Ronan climbed in behind me and slid the door shut. ‘We’re in.’
‘And we’re off,’ Andras clucked to the horses as he shook the reins
‘Where are we going?’ I asked.
‘A safe place,’ Andras replied shortly. I gritted my teeth but didn’t say anything.
Except for the distant noise of the battle, I could nearly fool myself that I was still a little girl living in secret, on my way to another creepyguardian of the year. It was a useless and depressing thought, so I just turned and hid my face against Ronan. His arms came around me and we rested there together.
The cart went over some big bumps in the road. The thought haunted me that Andras was driving over the bodies of the dead, but I couldn't bring myself to get up and look over Andras’s shoulder through the narrow slit of the window and find out for sure.
It wasn’t long before Ronan and I both slid sideways and tried to sleep, curled around each other like we had so long ago in the forest, when we first escaped the Dragon Guards.
#
I woke when the cart stopped. Ronan gently disentangled himself from me and opened the door of the cart. He helped me out, then Rhiannon. Kiaran ignored his hand and stepped daintily down from the cart. My sleep had been fitful and I felt a hunger for the renewal of strength that would come with a proper sleep and for the renewal of my magic that would come from time under the moon.
It was still the middle of the night. All I could see was the hulking outline of a hive in front of us. Even with my short sleep, I could barely manage to put one foot in front of the other. Ronan and Andras were carrying Gwydion’s stretcher. Kiaran walked ahead of us and Rhiannon walked beside the stretcher, one hand on Gwydion’s shoulder. Her magic had to be completely gone by now, but she was still trying.
‘I’ve sent a message to my father,’ Kiaran said suddenly. ‘Wait here. He doesn't like strangers.’ We stopped. Andras and Ronan laid the stretcher on the ground.
I moved to Ronan’s side. His arm went comfortably around my shoulders. I leaned against him while Kiaran went ahead to talk to his father.
‘It’s taking a long time,’ I murmured when it felt like at least five minutes had passed. ‘Surely, all he’s got to say is, “these are my friends. Please take them and so they don't get killed.”?’ I didn’t stop to ask myself if we were really friends with Kiaran.
Ronan laughed. Neither Rhiannon nor Andras laughed, but then, neither of them had ever found me amusing. Lynnevet granted me a smile. I wished I could do something to take away her fear, but tonight wasn’t a good night for making reassurances. I hadn’t heard her speak since we’d been rescued off the roof.
‘He’s coming back now,’ Ronan replied, because naturally I grumbled about something only a second or two before it was resolved.
When he reached us, Kiaran didn't speak immediately. Instead, he sighed, which felt like a bad sign.
‘Out with it,’ I said.
‘He can’t take all of us. We talked about it. He won't budge. He knows some secret magi. He can get Gwydion to people who will heal him. He agreed to take Emer, too, since she is the one that people want to kill the most.’
Trust Kiaran to put it that way.
‘No,’ I said, twisting in Ronan’s arms to place a hand on his chest. ‘I won’t leave you. We've been parted too often already.’ I’d lost Caradoc, first to death, then to hard years. I couldn’t lose Ronan, who looked so much like him.
Ronan kissed me and it was a soft and sweet as starlight. ‘You have to, Emer. You have to be kept safe. You’re the Bach Chwaer. If you can stay safe, then I can find you again. Didn’t I promise I would?’ He kissed me again before I could argue. Afterwards, he leaned his forehead against mine so that when he spoke his breath whispered warmly over my face. ‘Emer, your safety is more important to me than anything. Do this for me.’
So, of course, I sighed right back at him and the tail of the sigh carried a cry. He let me go and I looked back at Kiaran.
‘Fine. But you’re helping to carry the stretcher.’
‘I don’t have to. Father has brought some of his magi friends with him. Let them carry it.’
In my defe
nce, it was late at night, I’d had one hell of a day and I had no idea where we were. Finally, though, what Kiaran was saying about magi started to sink in. but it wasn’t until we reached Kiaran’s father and recognised him that I knew what danger I was in.
‘No,’ I said, softly, then loudly, echoing against the side of the dark hive, ‘no! No, I won’t!’
‘Emer, you will,’ the Old Master said.
‘No, I bloody well won’t. I may not have any magic left, but if you or one of your goons touches me, I’m going to punch the whole lot of you in the face.’ And I couldn’t let them see Lynnevet. I had to keep their attention on me. She hardly made a noise these days. It wouldn’t be hard to be louder than her. The Old Master had always hated me. He’d watch me, so long as I put on a show, just to remind himself how he was justified in his hate.
‘Emer, what the hell?’ Kiaran cried. ‘I had to talk fast to convince him to save you and you act like an ungrateful little sod.’
‘Call me whatever you like, I’m not going with them.’ I didn’t even try to keep my voice down. By now it was a wonder the whole hive wasn’t awake. Ronan and Andras hurried to join us. Andras arrived first. ‘Why are you making trouble now?’ he demanded. ‘Gwydion needs their help. How could you be so selfish, Emer? After everything he’s been through!’
Just as Ronan drew level with me, Maldwyn stepped out of the shadows. ‘Let me look after you,’ he said. ‘I’ll look after your friend, too, just like he was my own son. I’d hate to hear of some poor boy suffering or dying on my account.’
I drew in a sharp breath. No one else here knew about David. They couldn’t possibly realise that Maldwyn had just threatened to kill my son if I didn’t go with him.
So, I didn’t even give Ronan a chance to speak. ‘I won’t make any more trouble,’ I said. ‘I was just startled. It’s been a big night.’ I turned to Ronan with tears in my eyes and threw my arms around his neck. I held him as tightly as I could and his fingers bit into my waist. I kissed him, hard, because this was the last good moment of my life. ‘I love you,’ I whispered against his lips. ‘I will be safe here. You don’t have to worry. But please-’
‘Anything.’
‘Go to Cairastel for me. Save my sister, both of them. And save-’ I couldn’t tell him to save Caradoc because even now that name felt too sacred to speak to Ronan. He understood anyway.
‘I’ll try to save them all,’ he said. His hand was gentle on my face now. ‘I’ll be inspired by the memory of the Bach Chwaer who could never resist heroics.’
One last kiss and we parted. Two creepyguardians took Gwydion’s stretcher. I took Rhiannon’s hands and kissed her cheek. She must have felt some warmth for me because she kissed my cheek in return, but in such a way that others wouldn’t notice. ‘Farewell, Rhiannon. Sister.’
She raised her brows, cutting the bee tattooed on her forehead in half. ‘Sister?’
I shrugged. ‘Turns out I’m Aine’s daughter, too.’ I reached out and took her hand and she let me. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t have a chance to get to know one another as sisters.’
Her lips pressed together very tightly. I wasn’t ready when she threw her arms around me in an embrace. I realised how much emotion was simmering inside Rhiannon behind her bland face when I felt how much she trembled. She drew back only a moment later, but that embrace healed another small space inside me.
Rhiannon folded her hands in front of her. ‘Until we meet again, Emer.’
And then Andras. I wasn’t going to kiss him. I would have loved to have given him a smack in the teeth. Instead, I just said, ‘Try not to be such a bastard, OK?’ but it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as a smack in the teeth would have been because he replied,
‘With all the respect due to your Highness, no.’
I rolled my eyes. Maldwyn took hold of my arm and that stopped the theatrics for a moment. With one last look at Ronan, I let Maldwyn push me forward.
We stopped when we were still outside the hive, but Kiaran and the others had flown away.
Chapter Twenty-One
The Old Master slapped me across the face.
‘What were you thinking? I have never in my long life seen a person so difficult to silence as you! I have spent twenty years ‒ twenty years! ‒ trying to keep you quiet, trying to keep you hidden and the first chance you get you abduct Maldwyn’s son, you use magic in front of the whole hive.’ He started ticking items off on his fingers. ‘You drew the attention of the White Queen, you used magic in front of her whole Court! You took a tour of the countryside to make sure the whole world saw your face and heard your name, and then you put yourself in the middle of a battle! I tell you, Emer, I am this close to just letting you kill yourself. You don’t deserve the protection and devotion that the whole Order has shown you your entire life. You might as well have spat on everything we stood for. And for what? Fame? Excitement? Sheer stubborn independence? Elisabeth is dead because of you! Ungrateful girl!’
I put my hand up to where he’d slapped me. It stung, but not as much as his words. I kept my mouth tightly closed to keep from replying.
Maldwyn laid a hand on the Old Master’s shoulder. ‘Please, Master. She is not worth such grief. Calm yourself. Perhaps all is not lost. Elisabeth is lost to us, but Emer remains. We are pledged to keep her safe, as we always have been since you started our Order.’
‘What do you recommend, Maldwyn? I tell you, truly, I can no longer bear the sight of this creature.’
‘Our customs remain. I won the lot this year. I will take her back to Cairnagorn with me, along with the wounded man. We will give him as much healing as we can here, and when we get to Cairnagorn I will harvest Emer to heal him fully. By the end of the year, perhaps Emer will have finally learned to be obedient.’
Not to speak then made me feel like my mouth was full of fire, but I kept it closed. He had David in his power. David had to come first. Caradoc was a warrior, had been since he was a child four years old. Sparrow was a mage. They could at least have a hope of saving themselves. David was only a little boy. He needed me to bear this. Instead of giving birth this time, I was giving life and I was just as frightened as I had been on the day he was born.
By the time the creepyguardians had done their best with Gwydion, it was the hour before dawn. Gwydion was sitting up, conscious, but dazed when Maldwyn had him loaded into a closed cart and we set off for Cairnagorn.
He didn’t speak along the way. It only made me dread what would happen when we arrived even more. The cart stopped.
‘Get out,’ Maldwyn ordered, and climbed over us so he could get out first. Gwydion had been doing his best to conserve his strength during the journey. He only had to be able to count to realise that there wouldn’t be enough hands to carry the stretcher. It was obvious that Maldwyn was not inclined to help and I couldn’t do it by myself.
It was a miracle Gwydion was even alive. There had been long hours when he lay gravely wounded with only the last relics of Rhiannon’s power to keep him from death. He even gave me a weak grin and patted my hands. ‘It may not mean much, Emer,’ he said, ‘but I’m here with you.’
He always was the best of us. So, I smiled and mustered up what courage remained and helped him out of the cart.
We were in Cairnagorn. I’d expected that. Maldwyn was already out of sight, but I guessed that we occupied the same house because there were few houses in Cairnagorn left habitable by the war twenty years ago. Today there was even more damage from the recent attack of the Queens as they’d tried to stop me going through the Portal. I didn’t even know if both Queens were still alive.
By the time we reached the house, Gwydion was a significant burden, leaning heavily against my shoulder. I managed to get the door open and shoved him through it. It wasn’t a large house, only two bedrooms, so I took him into the room Sparrow and I had shared and let him collapse on her bed. He was that terrible grey colour again and his breathing was laboured. I had no power to heal him, so I just sat besi
de him on the bed and patted his shoulder.
‘I didn’t think you’d come back.’
I looked around. The voice was David’s now, but I couldn’t see him. ‘Where are you, David?’
Close to my knee, the sheet that hung off the bed raised a little until I could see part of his face in the shadows under the bed.
‘There you are,’ I said with a brightness I didn’t feel. ‘You can come out now, my love.’
He crawled out from under the bed and lay down beside me so he could lay his head in my lap. ‘I wished and wished for you to come,’ he said.
I stroked his hair and felt him relax. I turned my face to lay against Gwydion’s shoulder and wept.
I was half drowsing when the door slammed open. I jerked upright and only then realised that Gwydion’s hand was resting on my head. David didn’t even look up, he just skittled off my lap and under the bed.
If anything happened to me, I knew Gwydion would look after David now. Of all the people in the world, he was one of the few I could trust. But he needed to regain his strength. I couldn’t be sure if he would even survive.
Maldwyn stood at the door. He looked happy. That made me less than happy. ‘Emer, with me.’
I got to my feet and followed him. He led me all the way out of the house. He took me through the widest of the tunnels ‒ I knew them well. I’d seen them nearly every day last time Sparrow and I were in Cairnagorn. I’d even seen them in the past, as grand and gracious hallways and in stark contrast to the rubble-strewn tunnels of today.
I went meekly, but I knew where he was taking me. I’d been so brave when he’d forced me to leave my friends and go with him. I was willing to sacrifice myself for my son. But what else was I willing to sacrifice? I’d possibly sacrificed my Sparrow and Caradoc. And now he was going to ask for the rest of the world. Could I really do it?
Maldwyn stopped before the big double doors. I was one of the few who was able to open them. Most magi required the use of a wand to focus their power. My magic was a natural part of me. All I had to do was command the doors and they would open.