by Tracee Ford
“Yes. I’m sure.”
The finality in his expression finally built some confidence in Robin.
Leaning in, he kissed her thoughtfully and then began to sway again.
After leaving the club, they went back to Robin’s apartment complex. As Robin sat in the cab of the truck staring up at the dark windows of the building, a battle raged within her. She wondered if Matt had ill intentions; whether he would push her into physical intimacy.
“Do you mind if I walk you to your door?” he asked.
“Not at all,” she answered.
He hopped out of the truck and opened the passenger side door, offering his hand to her.
Slowly they walked up the stairs to her door.
“Tonight was great,” he said.
“Yes it was.”
“I’ll be at your next softball game if you want me to be, but I’ll only be there under one condition,” he started.
“A condition?”
“Yes, a condition. You have to keep coming to Wednesday night bowling,” he concluded.
“Of course I will.” She said with a smile.
Robin’s nerves overtook her, but not for long. Matt romantically leaned down and kissed her lips thoughtfully. The tip of his tongue ran across her lips as she put her arms around his neck to feel him close to her. Slowly, he pulled back, her arms still around his neck.
“I will text you when I’ve made it home,” he whispered.
She nodded, trying to catch her breath. She released him and watched him walk to his truck.
****
Monday as Robin sat at her computer in her office, she became lost in her thoughts. She reminisced about the weekend and how wonderful it was. She remembered fondly the way Matt’s lips felt on hers and the way his hand cupped her face perfectly. She remembered the warmth in his touch and how he felt against her body when they embraced. But a knock on her door snapped her out of her dream world.
“Come in,” she said pleasantly.
A familiar face appeared; it was Colin Baker, the deputy with the insane crush on her. His smile brightened the room.
“Hey there,” he said as he walked in and sat down in the vacant chair beside her desk. He wore his uniform, so she assumed he needed to talk to her about a case.
“So what’s up?” Robin asked courteously.
“Can’t a friend come by and talk? Just because I’m here doesn’t mean that I’m going to beg you to do work.”
They laughed. But his dropping by wasn’t a normal occurrence.
“What’s the real reason you’re here Colin?” she continued.
“It’s about your new boyfriend.”
“Okay.” All at once, she felt sick in the pit of her stomach fearful of what would roll out of Colin’s mouth next.
“I just want him to be good to you. You’ve been through a lot. I have been there with you, you know, when all that stuff went down. I promised you then I’d make sure you were okay… always. Remember?”
Robin couldn’t forget. Her mind flashed back to that fateful evening and the events played out in her head like a horror film. The entire experience seemed like a dream; it was as if she had been outside of her body watching everything happen around her. She remembered sitting in the corner of the apartment as Brett paced with the gun in his hand. She remembered feeling the barrel against the back of her head. She remembered how agitated he was. The smell of alcohol was unforgettable, too.
She remembered the tone of his voice and his words:
“You won’t leave me!”
In her mind’s eye, she saw the gun pointed in her face and heard his voice again shouting,
“I won’t let you leave me!”
She remembered sitting on the concrete step of the apartment after Brett had been taken away in cuffs. She remembered feelings of helplessness and violation. She remembered feeling Colin’s arm around her trembling body as the blood poured from her wounds. She was frightened and cold, but that night when her eyes met Colin’s, she saw kindness. Her fondest memory of the horrible situation was Colin’s reassurance that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. It was then that their friendship began. He had kept his promise all of this time, too.
Shaking back into reality, she looked at Colin’s expression.
“I remember all of it,” she replied.
“You haven’t dated a lot since then and I want to keep my promise. I don’t want to ever watch you go through something like that again. You’re a good person, Robin. You deserve the best.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about Matt.”
“I checked him out. He’s clean, but Brett was nice, too.”
“Please, Colin,” she said throwing up a hand. “That name…”
“I know. I’m sorry. But really… be safe. I will be watching to make sure he is who he says he is.”
“Really, I think things will be fine.”
“I’m just saying.”
“I appreciate it Colin. Really, I do. You’re a good friend.”
“Friend…” He sighed. “I guess that is what I really came to talk about. I’m too late. I waited too long, I know. You always intimidated me.”
She tilted her head with disbelief.
“Intimidated you? What?”
“Yes,” he began as he shrugged. “So, I never really… I… um… Wow. I didn’t dream it would be this hard. I just need to spit it out, don’t I?”
Robin waited as she rocked back in her chair.
“Listen, I know this is probably in bad taste and really poor timing,” he continued, “but let me take you out. I’ve wanted to for a really long time. This Matt guy… he just beat me to it.”
“I’m really sorry Colin, but I really like Matt and want to make a go of it with him. You are a wonderful man, but…”
He dropped his head.
“I’m too late. I know.”
“I’m really sorry; sincerely I am.”
“It’s my own fault,” he smiled shyly. “You don’t need to be sorry for anything.”
Robin felt terrible about rejecting him. She learned a valuable lesson with Colin’s visit though. Colin had been silent all of this time, never talking about his feelings or what he truly wanted. His opportunity passed by. Determined not to make the same mistake, she knew she wanted Matt and going for it with him is what she planned. Nevertheless, she doubted his motives and her own ability to trust. She wondered if she could love someone again.
****
Robin talked to Matt daily. Each spare moment was spent either on the phone, texting, or chatting online. Every Tuesday night, Matt attended the softball game and every Wednesday night Robin met Matt at the bowling alley. On the weekends that Matt’s daughter didn’t visit, Robin spent time with him. They walked, talked, laughed; each moment of togetherness fashioned a sturdy brick fit especially for the foundation of their relationship.
She continued to carefully avoid intimacy with Matt. She observed Matt’s patience. Relieved that he seemed okay with the lack of intense physical contact, she admitted to herself how difficult it was becoming for her. Still, kissing here and there, hand holding, and snuggling in front of a movie kept him at a safe distance. But above all else, she enjoyed his company.
July meant fireworks, picnics, and family reunions. It also meant the supervisor’s position was up for grabs. Robin applied at the end of June. Decisions from upper level management were in the works. For now, however, her department remained leaderless. Luckily, caseloads calmed after the dismissal of the local schools.
Robin rode in the car to Matt’s July 4th barbeque with his family. Excited to meet his mother, brother, and sister-in-law, she hoped to make a good impression.
Middletown hosted a large fireworks display each year. She looked forward to that also.
Immediately, after meeting everyone, she drew close to Matt’s mother, Doris. A strong, confident, and independent woman, she taught her boys respect and the importance of honest, hard work.
“You know,” Doris began, “there’s something special about you, dear.”
Confused, but pleased, Robin replied, “Thanks.”
“My son has been devastated, you know,” Doris said, turning her attention back to the traffic. “He’s been hurt beyond words. I watched him when he tore himself apart after his marriage failed. I watched him suffer when Sheryl tried to keep Olivia from him. Truly, he has been tormented. But, you… you seemed to have erased all of that I think. He utterly adores you.”
“I care so much for him, Doris,” she started. “It’s strange, and I know this sounds very cliché, but I feel like he’s always been a part of my life.”
“That’s how it should be. Matt’s father and I, well, it was just destiny. We met when he was discharged from the service. Oh, such a handsome chap. He had a glow about him, almost as if he were divine in some odd way.”
“That’s so romantic.”
“You have that same glow. I can see it. I know Matthew can, too. He sees the soul; right through to it. He just got a little lost with Sheryl. And I think medicine and science have clouded his ability to think about the bigger picture, too. We’re certainly not alone in this life journey, are we?”
“I know I’m not alone. But, I do think we all get lost from time to time. That way, when we finally do find our truest self and our dearest love, we appreciate it more. It makes the journey’s end that much sweeter.”
“I think you’re right.”
****
The Friday after the 4th dragged at work as Robin shuffled through paperwork piled on her desk. Two new sexual abuse cases sat staring at her as she continued to sort through paperwork.
As grueling and horrific as they were, sexual abuse cases intrigued Robin. Robin had been trained as the agency’s sexual abuse specialist. She had been taught interviewing techniques, early warning signs, healing suggestions for the survivors, and appropriate ways of testifying in court.
Many of the other cases on her desk were fraudulent claims. Numerous times, individuals called into the agency with false allegations. Unfortunately, the agency often found itself in the middle of feuding families and custody battles. Luckily, the state laws allowed for an escape and the agency calmly stepped away from those matters once such a discovery was made.
Robin’s desk phone buzzed. She assumed another client waited on the other end of the line. She picked up the receiver listening for the screener’s voice, but instead, Shawn Portman’s voice came through. He summoned her to the conference room on the third floor.
Shawn Portman had been the agency’s fearless director for many years. He had endured many public and political battles as he struggled to keep the agency’s integrity intact. Well trained and knowledgeable, he had always managed to emerge from sticky situations triumphantly.
Shawn’s assistant director, Monica Valence, filled the duties Shawn became overwhelmed with. Mostly, that had been personnel duties. As insightful as he was, Shawn depended on Monica to fight the public relations battles and the personnel conflicts. She had never disappointed him in her role.
Robin slowly pushed open the large wooden conference room door. At the table she saw Shawn and Monica and, to her surprise, Paul. Timidly, she walked to the empty chair at the end of the table and sat down.
Already, rumors circulated the agency about the candidates for the supervisor’s job. This would be Robin’s opportunity to find out whether the rumors were true. Jim told her he was brought to the conference room and given a verbal rejection. Terri said that someone in the juvenile ongoing department told him Shawn sent an email rejecting the simple inquiry into the job. Others who interviewed talked about the horrible awkwardness of the interview process. However, Robin was interviewed and felt no negativity regarding the experience.
Robin waited patiently as Paul spoke first. “Hello Robin.”
“Hi Paul.”
With a genuine smile, his eyes offered comfort.
Shawn began. “Robin, we carefully considered all of the candidates for Paul’s job.”
A long pause followed. Time seemed to stand still. The lump in Robin’s throat dropped to her stomach. Rejection; she knew that feeling.
“We’d like to offer the position to you,” Shawn continued.
“Really?” Amazement and delight filled her spirit.
“Yes,” Monica interjected. “You are very qualified and we took many things into consideration. You are well educated and came highly recommended.” She glanced at Paul. “Do you need time to think about it?”
“Not at all; I am very sure about taking the job!”
“It is a salary position, sixty five thousand a year,” Shawn continued.
Robin’s mouth started to drop but then she gathered herself and stayed composed.
“Sixty thousand is the base rate for the position and the five thousand is for the on call responsibilities. A year from now, Monica will review your progress and you’ll be eligible for an increase.”
Monica spoke up. “The on call duties are split between all of the supervisors. Your health and retirement benefits won’t change, of course. We’ll be sending you to training to make sure you’re prepared for leading your department. Each month we have an administrative brunch, which you’ll be invited to. They’ll be other things, of course, but we don’t want to overwhelm you.”
They all chuckled happily.
“I understand,” she said graciously.
“The important thing is that we feel the unit will be in capable hands,” Paul added. “Congratulations Robin.”
After walking out and pulled the door shut, the thrill made her stomach weak. Nonetheless, she calmly walked down to her office in the basement. Her phone lay on the desktop. She grabbed it and sent a text message to Matt: “I got it! I’m the new supervisor!”
Her phone buzzed to life as Matt’s call came through.
“Hello,” she began.
“I am so proud of you! Congratulations!”
“Thank you so much!”
“Beautiful, successful… what else could I ask for?” he said cheerfully.
“Really, you’re making me blush.”
“Well, it’s too bad I’m not there to see that. Just so you know I’m taking you out for a really nice dinner. I’m not telling you where I’m taking you either. Dress up though. I’ll come by your apartment at 6:30.”
“Matt, you don’t have to…”
“Will you stop? It’s not every day my girlfriend gets promoted.”
“I won’t fuss. I’ll be ready at 6:30.”
Frantically, Robin called Wendy. She knew Wendy had elegant dresses and she knew borrowing one would be no problem. Next, Robin emailed her parents and others who were rooting for her. Overcome with exhilaration, she stared aimlessly at the wall. Everything still hadn’t sunk in; more money, more training, more responsibility. There would be so much to do and consider.
The Ford Bronco Robin had owned for years needed to be replaced. Therefore, a new car quickly made the top of the necessity list. Student loans could be paid off. Bills and other debts could be wiped out.
Wendy gave Robin a black cocktail dress, simple and elegant. With that, a set of pearls and matching earrings rested on the dresser in Robin’s room.
She stood gazing in the mirror twisting her hair on top of her head. Because she detested panty hose, she chose a pair of her own black heeled sandals. So many thoughts found their way into her brain. Taking precedence was the lack of physical intimacy with Matt. She wondered exactly what he wanted from her. She worried that sex was the only reason he continued to pursue her. She felt lucky though. He continued to be patient and tolerant. Still, she pondered whether she should make the first move because she realized it was time to
move forward with their relationship. She prayed his intentions were good. She questioned if he felt the same way she did, however. She didn’t know how to answer that question because she knew the question wasn’t hers to answer. She feared if she pulled him into her arms, kissed him passionately, and began ripping the buttons off his shirt, it may scare him. She couldn’t deny how delicious he looked each time she saw him. The chemistry was strong and she didn’t deny that either. Deep down, the old fashioned values she had been raised with planted an intense fear of being perceived as immoral if she stepped forward.
The knock at the front door startled her. She grabbed the matching bag Wendy left for her and hurriedly walked down the short hallway. She opened the front door and to her amazement, there stood a man she hardly recognized. He wore a smart, black tuxedo and his hair was smoothed back. He smelled so good. She wanted to grab him, pull him in, and skip dinner, yet she resisted the impulse and smiled instead trying desperately to catch her breath.
“My, my Dr. Gregory,” she began calmly, “Don’t we look debonair tonight?”
He nodded as she saw his eyes move over her body. “You look ravishing,” he said softly.
“I’m surprised to see a tux. This must be special.”
“Are you impressed?” he asked with a sly smirk.
“Very.” She nodded.
“Are you turned on?”
“You could say that.”
“We have to do this more often then,” he said deviously grinning.
“Where are we eating?” she inquired.
“I told you, it’s a surprise. I’ve learned some of your tastes, I think, so I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.”
In the truck as they drove to the mystery restaurant, it was quiet with spots of chatter. Robin enjoyed holding hands with him and being close to him. As she looked out the window at passing cars, she felt his warm hand rest on her knee. She looked down at it and then up at him. In his eyes, she saw insecurity. It surprised her. Generously, she smiled to offer reassurance for his gesture.
It seemed like forever as they drove. Finally, they pulled into a parking lot with a large building adjacent. Robin had seen it before, but she had never been there. In fact she had always wanted to go there to eat.