by Tracee Ford
Her blank eyes turned to Matt. It felt like she could hear his thoughts. In his eyes, questions overwhelmed him. She could see all of the overwhelming questions dancing in his mind. She knew he wondered if she would ever truly recover. The blaze in her heart had been extinguished by the loss.
It surprised no one when Robin sank into a deep depression after the loss of the child. She took an extended leave of absence from work and isolated herself from her friends, family, and most of all, from Matt. The majority of the time was spent in bed. She contemplated her own death and how carefree it might be. She rarely ate and even when Matt brought food to her, she couldn’t finish anything on the plate.
Matt struggled himself. His anger outweighed his sadness. His positive outlook at possibly trying for another child diminished as his wife continued to isolate herself into her own personal hell. He, too, felt that Bryan was stolen from them by the darkness in the house. Bitterness sprung up within him. Yet, when he looked at Robin all he felt was love. He empathized with her, but because she had built a fortress around herself, he couldn’t show her how much he understood.
Wendy came over at least every other day, but Robin stayed in bed. Katie O’Bryan constantly brought food. Others from the hospital tried to help in any way they could as did agency employees.
The month of April arrived. Matt discovered that he healed quicker than he expected. The optimism resurfaced for having another child, but he was still sleeping on the futon in the basement because Robin preferred to be alone in the bedroom at night. The intimacy spiraled downward. He knew he was being shut out.
****
The rain poured outside the window as Robin lay in bed looking out at the dark spring sky. Her eyes were sore from crying again. Again, she went the entire day without food.
Olivia sat on her floor meditating as she listened to the rain hitting the roof. She felt an emotional nudge and instantly knew what needed to be done. So, she stood, walked into the master bedroom and sat down on the floor. She looked up at her stepmother. Blankly, Robin glanced down at Olivia and then looked back out at the gray sky.
She took Robin’s hand as it hung off the side of the bed.
“You taught me everything that you could about helping people; about what happens when we die and how we can help whoever is left behind. So, let me help you,” she pleaded.
“The spirit guide that is supposed to be making you happy when you’re sad is really sucking right now,” she blurted out.
For the first time in months, a smile found its way to Robin’s lips.
“I know you’re sad about Bryan, but the guides tell me he is okay and that he is in the light. That’s exactly where he’s supposed to be. I don’t have to wonder if what you’ve taught me up ‘til now is true. I can feel it. I see things all of the time where ever I go. I see them all standing waiting for someone to help them understand, but I think my job right now is to help you understand. My job right now is to help you the same way you’ve always helped me.”
Tears brimmed in Robin’s lonely brown eyes as she continued looking at Olivia.
“You’re a very special girl, Olly. Do you know that?”
“I didn’t know how special until you came into our lives. My dad loves you so much. I love you. We just want you to be okay again. And you will be because Baby Bryan is safe. He’s happy. Robin, he was an old soul.” She spoke with such adult authority. “My guides tell me he has been on Earth many times before. They tell me he was needed some place else for now.”
“But, I miss him,” she said as her tears continued soaking the pillow.
“You don’t have to miss him because his spirit is always watching over you. That’s what you’ve always taught me. I believe that’s true. He doesn’t want you to be sad.”
Olivia saw it. The spark in Robin returned.
“You hear it don’t you?” Olivia asked.
Truly, she did. The inner voice once again spoke; faint at first, and then overpoweringly. Robin nodded. Olivia touched Robin.
“I speak peace to you,” she said quietly.
Warmth from her touch filled Robin’s face and peace swept over her as if someone had covered her with a blanket. The warmth spread throughout her body and the tears in her eyes dried. The power of the Creator surrounded both of them. A divine healing occurred and Robin’s broken heart mended.
Robin let go of Olivia’s hand and sat up on the side of the bed.
“Do you feel that?” Olivia asked. “It’s joy.”
“Yes, Olly, I feel it. It feels like I can reach out and touch it.”
She nodded. “Exactly.” She paused. “You need to go talk to Daddy now. He is so worried about you.”
“I will get a shower first and then I’ll be down,” she replied.
Wrapping her arms around Robin’s neck, Olivia sighed.
“We’ve missed you.” She stepped away from her and then walked out the door.
Robin stood in the shower amazed by the miracle. Afterward, Robin dressed and walked downstairs. Matt sat on the couch watching television. She sat down on the other end of the sofa. He glanced over at her. Her wet hair dampened the fresh white v-neck shirt she wore. Her pajama pants smelled of fresh linen. She smiled.
“Well there’s something I’ve missed,” he said.
“I’m sorry Matt,” she said dropping her head.
“About what?”
“I’m so sorry that I’ve been a zombie. The guilt was crippling, but I just know what happened with Bryan wasn’t an accident. I’ve been really angry about that. And your daughter, for the record, is an amazing little person,” she said with a smile. He smiled back. “She helped me realize that I needed to heal. And it’s a miracle. The peace I feel is a miracle. Olly has a part in that.”
Matt scooted over to her and put his arm around her, pulling her close. She felt the warmth of his body against hers. What a wonderful feeling; a feeling she missed over the last few months.
“I want to stop what is happening in this house,” she continued, “but in all honesty, I don’t know if I even want to live here anymore.”
“Losing Bryan was not your fault,” he said as he kissed her damp hair. “I believed what you said in the hospital when you told me you were pushed. It wouldn’t surprise me at all.” Silence fell. “I’m with you. I don’t know if I want to be here either. I want to put the house up for sale Robin. I want out, too.”
“Are you sure?” She looked up at him. He nodded as she continued. “I’ve always been ready to throw my hands up, but you… you’ve hung in there like a champ.”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
She sat up waiting for further explanation.
“I’ve thought about it a lot since we lost Bryan,” he said. “I don’t want to live like this anymore. We’ve done everything we can. I can’t stand the torture I’ve watched you endure. It’s been one thing after another, but seeing you mourn yourself to death nearly killed me. It was torturous.”
“I don’t think we’ve done everything we can yet.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I still have the number to the Midwest Ghost Hunters. Why don’t you call them?”
“Are you serious?” he asked.
“It’s the last thing we can do.”
“I guess you’re right.” Matt conceded “If that doesn’t work, then we’ll sell the place.” He paused. “But before we do anything, I want us to take a trip; we need to get away for a while. I want to take you on that much needed honeymoon. When we get back, then we’ll tackle this thing head on.”
“That’s fine. I’ll go gladly,” she said with a grin. “As long as it’s warm and there are beaches and ocean, I’m in.”
“I’ll call the cruise line and book it. I’ll see if the O’Bryan’s can keep Olivia,” Matt concluded.
Chapter Sixteen
Small Worlds
The cruise fit perfectly into the month of May for a number of reasons. Robin and Matt could celebrate the mon
th they met just as they had in previous years as well as Robin’s birthday. The weather would be perfect near the islands, too.
So much had happened since Robin first laid eyes on Matt in the crowded, busy E.R. It seemed like a lifetime ago. They had grown together in so many different ways, but because of Bryan’s death, Matt and Robin hadn’t been close physically. They both looked forward to regaining their closeness. Still, Robin felt awkward and unsure.
Matt booked a five day cruise to the Caribbean. Leaving from Miami, the first port of call would be Grand Cayman. From there they would go to Cozumel where they would stay two days. After an entire day at sea, they would arrive back in Miami.
Robin didn’t plan any of the vacation because Matt took over every detail. In Grand Cayman, he planned to take Robin to Margaritaville. She would be able to shop and Seven Mile Beach would definitely be on the agenda. Cozumel’s adventures would consist of a hike to the Mayan Ruins on the coastline, shopping, and then a day of relaxation on a private beach. When they docked back in Miami, Matt would take Robin to the Miami Seaquarium.
Waiting patiently on the airplane, Robin looked out the window at the hustle and bustle of the airline employees. The sun shone beautifully in Dayton, but she looked forward to someplace even sunnier. Vacations made everything brighter.
“So, are you ever going to tell me what you’ve got planned for this vacation?” she asked Matt as she took a pamphlet out of the seat pocket in front of her.
“Not a chance,” he said with a smile.
“At least you can wear your tropical shirt and your shorts,” she smiled.
“And you have your hat and bathing suit, right?”
“Absolutely,” she replied.
He leaned over and whispered in her ear.
“I can’t tell you how glad I am that we’re doing this.”
His breath on her skin sent a current throughout her body. She closed her eyes and answered,
“Me, too.”
They arrived at the dock in Miami at 2:00 p.m. Several lines of passengers stood in the terminal waiting to be checked in. Robin felt a little overwhelmed as she pulled her luggage behind her frantically trying to keep up with Matt as he led the charge. A man dressed in khakis and a white polo shirt with the cruise line’s logo on it intercepted them. He glanced down at Matt’s luggage with the yellow tag on it.
“Sir,” he began, “the V.I.P. lounge is right this way.”
“Thanks,” Matt said as he put his aviator sunglasses on top of his head.
“V.I.P.?” Robin asked with surprise in her tone.
“Only the best, my dear,” he replied with a sly smile.
After they were given a number, they sat in the lounge and watched as it filled with other passengers all with yellow tags on their luggage. Many of them drank alcoholic beverages. Some waited patiently with their children. Others were already inebriated.
Robin ordered a strawberry daiquiri and joyfully sipped on it as she enjoyed watching the other people. It had been an eternity since she’d drunk anything with alcohol in it. She laughed at herself.
A clerk called out their number and then offered to check them in. Afterward, they were directed to the gangway where they walked onto the luxurious ship. Everything sparkled with an upscale and modern flair. Robin pictured a boat similar to Titanic when Matt told her they would be going on a cruise, but the ship’s neon lights and shiny brass put that theory to rest.
An open bar sat in the middle of the entrance deck. Matt walked up and asked for a beer. Robin wanted another daiquiri.
The sounds of announcements came across the sound system. Art shows were announced along with other interesting and entertaining events. The final announcement directed all passengers to the pool deck for the boat drill.
The Florida sun certainly differed from Dayton’s shiny ball of fire in the sky. Robin knew this to be completely impossible and untrue, but the idea of it made her smile. With the warm, positive energy surrounding her body, she felt sure she could radiate light at any moment.
Dressed casually in khaki Capri pants, brown flip flops, and a beige graphic t-shirt, her hair twisted on the back of her head in a messy bun with strands flying about her face in the ocean breeze. She felt eyes on her. She turned her head to see Matt’s smile and his messy dark hair flying about. His arms were folded as he tried to listen to the safety presentation, but failed miserably. He wore a navy blue polo shirt with sleeves tightly fitted around his biceps with his dark brown shorts and his leather flip flops. She felt her insides suddenly burn realizing she wanted him desperately. Yet, her feelings of vulnerability and self-consciousness trumped her once steady confidence.
At check-in, Robin and Matt were given their keys, so after the presentation, they found their assigned deck. They neared their room and as they did, Matt stepped in front of Robin.
“I want you to close your eyes,” he said sweetly.
She sighed and smiled. “If you insist doctor.”
“I insist. Now close them,” he said.
He walked behind her and covered her eyes with his hand.
“I’m going to unlock the door and then we’re walking in. I won’t let you fall, okay, but you have to promise to keep your eyes closed.”
She nodded with her eyes still closed, his hand still tight over them.
“I promise.” She said.
They walked into the room and the smell of flowers engulfed her senses.
Matt removed his hand and whispered in her ear,
“Open your eyes.”
The sight overwhelmed her. Matt had reserved an enormous suite, complete with a balcony and hot tub. Champagne and glasses waited on the balcony table. Vases sat everywhere in the room filled with red roses. Rose petals peppered the floor. One of the vases caught Robin’s attention. A card hung from one of the rose stems.
She smiled at Matt and then walked to the vanity where the vase was.
She picked up the card and opened it. In Matt’s handwriting the card read,
“To the love of my life, my beautiful wife, Robin. You are my inspiration and the reason I exist. Love you forever, Matt.”
Turning to him, she beamed.
“Thank you so much for this,” she said.
Matt walked to her and took her into his arms. She fit in them flawlessly as always.
“This is all perfect,” she continued.
“I want you to relax and have a good time. I’ve booked a spa appointment for you this evening. They are going to pamper you and make you feel like a million bucks.”
“You shouldn’t have…”
He raised his finger to her lips.
“No, no. There will be no ‘shouldn’t have’s’ or anything like that on this trip. You’re going to get the royal treatment.”
“You are too good to me.”
After a relaxing hour on their balcony, they went to the top deck. The ship finally set sail. The horn blew loudly as the passengers shouted and waved at everyone standing on the dock.
Robin planted her body up against a railing and looking out at the ocean ahead of them. Matt snuggled in behind her and kissed her neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist. To feel him close against her made her yearn for his touch. She forgot what it felt like to desire him so very much.
Robin enjoyed a relaxing three hours at the spa. She got a facial, a manicure, a pedicure, and a massage. It was a little piece of heaven.
She opened the cabin door and found Matt on the balcony. She walked to the balcony door and went out. The darkening sky sparkled on the water.
“The spa was wonderful,” she said.
She leaned against the railing and sighed. Matt stayed seated in one of the metal chair with his feet propped up on the railing. Then he stood and leaned in beside her.
The sun was right above the water. In her ear, he whispered quietly,
“Did you know that you can hear the sun sizzle when it hits the water?” He paused. “Just listen.”
As she
listened, it certainly sounded as if the water swallowed up the hot sun as it gradually fell beneath the surface. But, the brilliant colors of purple, blue, red, orange, and yellow made it clear the sun still existed over the horizon.
“Have I ever told you how hopelessly romantic you are?” she asked.
“I think you’ve mentioned it once or twice,” he replied as he kissed her ear.
Her face turned toward his. For some reason she felt as if she hadn’t kissed him before; as if it were new in some odd way. She remembered how she had felt and how she once battled with herself in the beginning of their relationship, constantly worrying about his impression of her; his perceptions and expectations. They had come such a long way since then, but the feeling of euphoria felt brand new to her.
His lips gently touched hers, but then he pulled away and looked into her eyes as he leaned into the railing. He caressed her face. The passionate fire filled her body. She didn’t want to fight the flames anymore. The heat could only be extinguished by his touches and kisses.
“I would love to stay here and keep doing this,” he started, “but we have a dinner we’re expected at in about a half hour.”
“Wow. That feels like déjà vu,” she said remembering when they first kissed at the concert.
“It does, doesn’t it?”
“So, what do I have to wear to this dinner?” she asked curiously.
“Well, we dress for dinner each night. I brought a couple of suits for myself. Wendy let me borrow some of her cocktail dresses for you.”
Matt left Robin to prepare for dinner. He sat at the bar on the main deck drinking a beer while he waited patiently. From the corner of his eye, he saw a woman making her way down a set of spiral stairs from the deck above him. Her features, soft and delicate, she wore a short teal cocktail dress. The straps were thick and the front gathered perfectly around the woman’s breasts. The shoes were teal opened toed 3 ½ inch heels with black accents. Her hair pulled back perfectly and twisted up with some wispy curls hanging around her face.