He leaned into me, his hands on the edge of the counter. “Nope, but it’s high time I take you out for a proper meal. This week?”
“You mean like a real date?” I ran my fingers through his wet hair, smoothing it away from his face.
“That’s exactly what I mean. Dress nice, good food, you and me.”
“Then my answer is yes. Speaking of clothes, I need to go home tonight. I don’t have anything to wear tomorrow. Plus, I’m pretty sure only the people in the will get to hear the reading of it. My mother wants us to go to brunch afterwards.”
He stood up straight and said, “Are you planning to work tomorrow night?”
“Yeah, I don’t want to lose my shift at Tap 42.”
“Will you come back here afterward?”
I touched his arm. “Do you want me to?”
He leaned in again and said, “I want you in my bed every night.”
“Those are some dangerous words, mothafucka.”
Pushing off the edge and turning toward the refrigerator, he mumbled, “Don’t I know it.” He scrambled up eggs, sautéed spinach, tossed in cheddar cheese, and produced the perfect omelet while frying up hash browns in another pan.
I cut up a ripe cantaloupe I found in the fridge.
We sat on the deck, watching the sunset as we ate our meal, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
Once I finished, I wiped my mouth with a napkin. “That hit the spot. Thank you.”
Tate glanced at me and smiled.
“How did your classes go?”
“It seems some of the female students picked up on my agitation.”
I frowned. “How do you mean?”
He shrugged. “They seemed extra flirty.”
“Are you trying to make me jealous?”
“Not at all. Since we’ve been...”
“Fucking, dating, fraternizing? Pick one, for fuck’s sake.”
He chuckled at me. “Fraternizing? I like that one. Women seem to be noticing me more.”
“Maybe you’re just now noticing them notice you.”
He shook his head. “Nope, I’m sure of it.”
“Maybe it’s because you aren’t walking around with a scowl all the time.”
“Hmmm. You’re probably right.” His bright smile floored me.
“Wow. I could live in that smile,” I said, removing his plate from his lap and replacing it with myself. “Kiss me.”
And he did, over and over again.
I finally pulled away when I felt the wind whip up around us and the sky darken. “So, I’m going to head home now.”
“Can I come see you at work tomorrow?”
I stood up. “Definitely.”
Tate followed me into his bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed, and watched me change.
“Can I leave this here to dry?” I held up my damp bikini.
“Sure, and I’ll wash our robes, too. Blue, before you go?” He held his arms out to me.
I stepped in between his legs and held his head to my chest.
“Don’t give up on me.”
Tears filled my eyes. I peered down at him and said, “I won’t.”
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
Now don’t break my heart!
♥♥♥♥♥
Back at my apartment, it felt odd to be alone. I sorted through my mail and stacked the bills to the side. Other than rent, my student loans took the largest portion of my income.
I sat, pulled my computer onto my lap, and quickly checked my email. Then I remembered that I hadn’t had my phone with me while at Tate’s.
Fuck! Three calls and five text messages. I swiped the screen and listened first.
“Hi, Jude, it’s Mom. Please make sure you’re on time tomorrow. I wanted to warn you that Matt will be there too. Well, I guess I’m going to hang up. Daniel’s going to fix brunch at the house, instead of going out. See you tomorrow.” Beep.
Fucking hell in a hand basket! What the hell did Helena leave for Matt?
The next voicemail came from Samantha. “Hey, girlfriend. Just wanted to see if you’re doing okay. I know you’re dealing with a lot. I hope all is going well with the hunk. Call me if you need me. Love you.” Beep.
I listened to the last message from Bond. “Do you want me to go with you tomorrow? I left Red’s for my place and will be staying here tonight. Jacqs and Red are both pissed off. I decided to leave them alone to work it out. It’s a fucking mess. I miss you. Call or text me.”
The text messages were from Cat, Bond, Jacqs, Lane, and Stay.
I pulled up Jacqs’s first.
Jacqueline: I’m sorry for dumping that on you. I’m mad at Bond, and Red’s mad at me. It’s a royal clusterfuck. Can you imagine how it’ll be if I am? Enough about me. Let me know if you need some support tomorrow. I’m sure it’ll be a hard day. Love you.
Me: I have so much stirring in my brain, that’s one thing that is thankfully on the back burner and safe with me. I’m sure Red will calm down. I guess I’m not sure why you’re mad at Bond. Because of me? Rory?
I responded collectively to Lane, Stay, and Cat.
Me: I was at Red’s for most of the day and spent the evening with Tate. I’m hanging in there and not looking forward to tomorrow. I’ll check in after I have brunch with my mother. Love you guys!
To Bond I texted:
Me: I’m back at my apartment. It’s hard to sort through everything that’s happened in the last few days. I think I just need to focus on getting through tomorrow. My brother’s going to be there.
While I waited for Bond to respond, I sorted through the clothes in my closet. I decided two things: one, I would wear nice jeans and a blouse to the reading, and two, I needed to go to Lainie’s shop for a dress for my upcoming real date with Tate.
My phone vibrated and I swiped the screen. Instead of receiving a text from Bond, I had one from Tate.
Tate: I miss you already.
Me: You’re not allowed to say stuff like that. It might mean you CARE too much.
Tate: Come back over and let me show you.
Goddamn him. My nipples tightened and my heart twirled in my chest.
The phone vibrated again.
Bond: What the fuck, Blue? I’m coming with you. Why will he be there?
Me: I’m assuming Helena left him something. No point in coming along.
Jacqueline: I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much. I know Red and I will be fine. What about you and Bond?
Me: Bond and I are good. I’ll touch base with you tomorrow.
Tate: Or I can come there.
Me: That’s a very sweet offer and my bed seems much larger than it used to. But I think it’s good for us to take a break. My vag is kinda sore.
Bond: Of course there is. I can punch out your brother.
Me: Dude, what happened, happened 16 years ago.
Tate: This wasn’t a booty call.
Me: Are you pursing those full lips of yours?
Tate: How can you tell?
Me: Text tone. So easy to read.
Bond: Doesn’t make me any less interested in breaking his nose.
Me: Dude, no. I’ll text you after the meeting.
Tate: Let me come and you can read my tone all night long.
Me: You make it hard to say no.
Tate: You make me hard. Period.
Me: You and your cock will have to sleep alone in your own bed tonight.
Tate: Blue?
Me: Yes, Tate.
My phone rang, so I answered it.
“Please call me tomorrow, for any reason,” Tate said, his deep gravelly voice full of emotion. “I know you have your friends, but I want to be there for you. Let me.”
“I will. Can you hang on for a sec?”
“Sure.”
I ran to the bathroom, quickly got ready for bed, and then climbed under the covers. “Okay, I’m back.”
“What were you doing?”
“Peeing
without you in the bathroom and generally getting ready for bed.”
He laughed. “I like knowing I’m the last voice you’ll hear before going to sleep.”
“I’m stressing about tomorrow.”
“Why?”
I adjusted my pillow under my head. “My brother’s going to be there.”
“That makes sense. Not that that makes it any easier. Sorry, kiddo. Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you?”
I sighed. “No, I’ll be fine. I just have to get through it. I can’t fathom what she’s left for him or for me, either. I guess I just assumed she hadn’t kept in touch with Matt.”
“I wish I could be hugging you right now. One of these days we should try eating breakfast for breakfast again.”
I yawned. “That sounds great. I’m going to hang up, set my alarm, and crash. Thanks for calling me.”
“Sweet dreams, Blue.”
“You too, Tate.”
I clicked out of the call and set the alarm.
My mind flitted from Helena to Matt to Bond to my mother to Tate to Jacqs’s potential pregnancy and back again. So much to deal with, the grieving process seemed to be at a standstill. I drifted off, wondering what it would be like to see Matt again. Maybe I would punch him myself.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Teardrop
by Massive Attack
I parked across the way from the attorney’s office at eight-fifty. The view of the door allowed me to watch my mother and Daniel walk inside the office along with three other women I didn’t recognize.
A shiny black truck pulled into the lot, and I saw my brother step out. I had never seen the man version of him before, not in person and not in pictures. He appeared tall and lean. Using the driver’s side mirror, he tightened his tie and smoothed his dress shirt. He seemed uncomfortable. Whether it was the situation or the clothes, I couldn’t tell.
He glanced across the way and caught me staring at him.
My heart pounded and my breath stayed lodged in my throat.
He seemed to wrestle with walking over to me or staying put.
I wouldn’t make the first move.
One foot in front of the other, he quickly closed the gap between us.
I opened the door to the Jeep and hopped down.
“You look the same,” he said. He didn’t seem to know what to do with his hands and stood awkwardly in front of me.
“You look completely different,” I said, realizing the inanity of our conversation.
He looked away and scratched the back of his neck. “Listen,” he said, his eyes finding their way back to me. Blue eyes just like mine. “I tried to get in touch with you for years, but mom wouldn’t let me know your number or where you worked.”
“Why?”
“I regret what happened with Chandler. I wanted to apologize and try to repair our relationship.”
I didn’t feel shocked. I honestly didn’t feel much right then. “Have you been in touch with Helena?”
“Not for years now. No. I’m not sure why I’m here.”
I had an idea why. “How’s Dad?”
“Dad’s the same. An unhappy dick of a man. You have two half-sisters, different moms.”
Whoa! “When was the last time you saw Mom?”
“Four years ago or so. She came to my wedding. So did Helena, come to think of it.”
“You’re married?” I asked incredulously, my mouth wide open in shock.
“Was. It didn’t stick. I’m thirty-three now, not seventeen.” He stuck his hands in his pants pocket and looked down at the ground between us.
“Yeah, I know that. Sorry about your marriage.”
“You?”
“No. Not sure marriage is in the cards for me. I don’t seem to attract men who are interested in the long-term. Are you still in touch with Chandler?”
“I never spoke to him again after that night.”
“What?” I said, with my palms out and facing him.
“I tried to get him to stop when I realized you weren’t into it anymore. You seemed to be at first, but then, I don’t know, something changed, and he wouldn’t stop.”
Was he rewriting history? “I don’t remember it like that at all.”
“You were hysterical while I was trying to pull him off you. He knocked me to the ground and finished. Then I beat the shit out of him, and he left the house bleeding. I’m so sorry I ever allowed the situation to start in the first place.”
I shook my head back and forth, not able to ascertain the truth.
“Kids, it’s time,” Mom yelled and waved from the door.
Matt turned to go.
“Wait.” I touched his arm. “This makes no sense. Did you tell Dad I wasn’t a virgin anymore?”
“Of course not. I was embarrassed that I let Chandler... I thought you wanted it.” He stared down at his shoes.
“But you watched and—”
When he looked up, I saw tears in his eyes. “That night is the biggest regret of my life. We’d been drinking, all of us, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I’ve had to live with what it did to you. What I did to you, and it caused me to lose you forever. You were the only person I loved and you were gone too.”
I broke down, crying as he hugged me and I let him. “Apology accepted.”
“Just like that?” He held me away from him, scanning my face.
“All you had to do was ask and mean it.”
“I want us to try—”
Our mother called again, and I pushed away from him. “This is a lot for me to wrap my head around. We better get inside.” I wiped my eyes on the back of my hands and tried to force my emotions under control.
Inside, we entered a wood-paneled office with five chairs around a large desk. My mother occupied one chair, and two women I didn’t know occupied two others. Matt and I took our seats.
The attorney began to read:
“This is the reading of the Last Will and Testament of Helena Adams of West Palm Beach in the State of Florida, being of sound and disposing mind, memory and understanding, do hereby make, publish, and declare this my Last Will and Testament, hereby revoking any and all Wills or Codicils heretofore made by me.”
I zoned out for much of the jargon, thinking about Matt and the past. I liked his version much better, but how would I ever know if it was the truth?
The attorney spoke of personal representatives and I figured the primary and substitute were the two women to the left. I didn’t clue back in until I heard my name.
“I give, devise, and bequeath unto Judy Radford the sum of seventy-five thousand dollars with the hopes that she will use it to chase her dreams.
“I give, devise, and bequeath unto Matthew Radford all the contents in my garage, including the antique 1947 Harley-Davidson WL with sidecar motorcycle.”
Then I zoned out again, thinking about the seventy-five thousand dollars. Holy yay!
Once the attorney finished reading the will, he said, “The will is still in probate, so it could take several weeks for everything to be distributed. Helena has requested there be no service and that come springtime, her ashes be used to plant a Royal Poinciana tree. Also, Helena left a letter for each of you.” He passed over envelopes to us.
I stared at Jude written across the front of it and zoned out again.
My mother shook my shoulder. “I saw you talking to Matt earlier. Is it okay if I invite him to brunch?”
“Yeah,” I said, standing up and following her.
“Feel free to invite Tate if you’d like.”
“Where are we going?” I asked, once we got outside.
“I told you in my phone message. The house.”
“Right, sorry. I’m ... I’m dealing with a lot.”
“We all are.”
“Right. I’ll see you there in a bit.” In a daze, I managed to make my way to the Jeep. I desperately did not want to be alone and yet, I wasn’t clear whom I wanted with me. If I called in Bond, Tate wouldn�
�t be happy. My mother invited Tate, not Bond. I felt so torn and confused. What I really wanted to do was beat on Red’s chest some more. With all the recent revelations, I couldn’t even process that Helena had left me a small fortune.
I hit my steering wheel with the side of my hand and cried, grieving not only the loss of Helena, but also my whole fucked up life. Eventually, the tears subsided and I woke up my phone and found two texts.
Bond: Did you punch your brother for me? Just say the word and I’m there.
Tate: Thinking of you. Hope you’re hanging in there.
I decided to text them both. I knew they would see each other’s names on the joint text. Truth be told, I needed them both and couldn’t choose between them.
Me: Can you meet me at my mom’s house?
Bond: Coming.
Tate: On my way.
I texted them the address, started the Jeep, and pulled into traffic. On my way, I stopped at Publix to pick up a dessert. My mother had drilled it into me never to show up at someone’s house empty handed. I thought about buying alcohol but then recalled my previous behavior and decided against it. By the time I made it to my mother’s house, both Tate and Bond were waiting for me outside. Tate seemed to be smiling, so I let out a sigh of relief.
Bond gave me a warm hug. “How did it go?”
Then Tate scooped me up, lifting my feet off the ground. He kissed my lips and set me down. “Tell us,” he said.
I leaned against Bond’s car. “I talked to Matt. His version of that night is different from mine and frankly, I like his better. Still can’t wrap my mind around it. He seems very regretful.”
“That must feel good,” Tate said.
I squinted up at him through the bright sun. “Not really. If what he says is true, I lost sixteen years with my brother, and I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to the friendship we once had. Before that night, he was my best friend in the world.”
“Damn, Blue. With everything you’re dealing with, your heart must feel torn up,” Bond said, crossing his arms over his chest.
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