Everything was still, and she didn’t want to wake Brandon in case his bourbon binge had led him to sleep. After a few minutes of searching, the calm of the shower was gone as she realized the only place both Cash and Brandon could be was the master bedroom.
Chapter Seven
Brandon leaned back against the padded headboard and watched Megan patter about the darkened living room. He crossed his legs at the ankles and enjoyed the view as she searched the place for something while wearing the sexiest nightgown she owned—and given her collection that was saying something.
With the French doors of his bedroom open, he could clearly see her as she rummaged around, but he couldn’t think of what she might be looking for. He was nearly past the point of thinking at all. A few more drinks and he might actually be able to sleep. Megan was right in that he hadn’t been much of a drinker before she left, but since she’d been gone he’d taken to having a glass or two each night as he stared at a door that never opened.
It used to be that he never knew when she’d show up. Sometimes he’d come home to find her playing show tunes on the piano in the living room, other times she’d bound in tipsy from a party and demand a proper nightcap. He liked it best when she’d wake him out of a sound sleep with her mouth. It was almost worth falling asleep just for the possibility. But given the state of things between them, the probability was nil.
She moved to his doorway, peeking in as if she didn’t belong. Brandon blinked to make sure he wasn’t imagining it, and then realized that she couldn’t see him. He’d drawn the drapes, so his room wasn’t showered in moonlight the way the rest of the penthouse was. She took a tentative step inside and his cheeks tightened in a smile.
“Too scared to sleep?” he asked, setting his half-full glass on the nightstand.
She jumped at the sound of his voice, placing a hand on the exposed skin of her chest before she turned towards the bed. “I didn’t know you were up.”
He wanted to make a comment about her nightgown causing his current state, but couldn’t. In the dark she didn’t know, and they weren’t in that place anymore.
She cleared her throat and looked around again. “Is Cash in here?”
“He’s asleep in the loft. His bed is next to Money’s.” When she turned, he could no longer see her face, just the shadowed curve of her body. Somehow he’d escaped hell, only to land in purgatory.
He caught the smile on her face as she turned. “You have his bed? I thought it must still be at Kimberly’s.”
“Oh, it probably is. I got a smaller version of the one I have for Money. He seemed to like it.”
She inched closer to the bed and it took everything in him not to grab her, pull her to him and convince her of where she needed to be. “Thank you for taking him in. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost him.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling.” His throat tightened with emotions he didn’t want to feel and words he couldn’t say. He couldn’t tell her he was angry at the way she’d abandoned Cash, couldn’t tell her he was hurt at how she’d left him as if he were nothing, couldn’t even tell her how stupid she’d been about where she’d chosen to live. He couldn’t say a thing, because if he did, she’d walk right back into harm’s way.
“Where is Money?” She stepped closer to the end of the bed, the slight shift from one foot to the other telling her nervousness.
“Malibu.” He tilted his head, wishing he could see more than her outline. His Megan had only been nervous a handful of times in her life, always barreling through life with confidence in spades. This creature radiated anxiety, not that he could blame her after the events of the night.
“You don’t keep him with you?”
“I was gone this week, so he stayed with the dog walker down there. Once it’s light out I’ll go get him.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll let you get some sleep.” She turned to go.
“I’m not going to sleep, Megan.”
She turned back towards the bed. “We could play backgammon if you want. I’ll even let you win.”
“I don’t want to play games anymore.” His voice thickened as his throat grew tight. “Come here.”
“I don’t want—”
“Yes, you do.”
She hesitated only slightly before coming around to her side of the bed and pulling back the sheets. She climbed on and slid her feet beneath the covers as she scooted towards the middle. He pulled her to him, his body finally beginning to uncoil as he held her close. The terror of the night had wound him so tight, he’d wondered if he’d ever relax again.
Her hair was slightly damp beneath his chin, her feet cold against his leg, but the reality of having her home and safe warmed his soul. He laid his cheek against her head and played with the strands of her hair.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered in spite of himself.
He felt her nod as her arms wound around him. “I miss me too.”
He smiled until he felt her shudder against him, a warm wetness against his bare chest. “Hey now, you’re safe.”
“They ruined everything I had left.” She choked out the words around sobs, the sound so pitiful it softened his anger.
“You’re safe. That’s all that matters.”
“I don’t know why they would do something like that. I never did anything to them, and now I have nothing. Not a single thing.”
“You have Cash.” He massaged her scalp, choosing his words carefully. “You can have me.”
She gasped, then let out a slow breath. The deep breaths that followed as she calmed herself lasted for long moments where he mentally kicked himself for pushing. He wanted to convince her that he knew what was best for the both of them, but he couldn’t risk pushing her away.
“I don’t want you to go back there.”
“Me either.” She shifted against him, lifting her hand to wipe her eyes.
“I want you to stay here.” The statement hung heavy in the air.
“I don’t know if I can do that. I need to work and—”
“So work for me.” She stiffened in his arms so he talked faster. “You could take care of Money for me and go to school, or you could get a job at the hotel. That’s why you got your GED, right? So you could do something other than serve people drinks?”
“Yes, but I can’t depend on you for everything. I owe you too much already and I have no way to ever pay you back. The only thing I have that you want, it makes me, it’s just…” Her chest rose and fell with her heaving breaths as she struggled for words.
“Were you with me for the last seven years because of my money?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I never even thought about it. But now—”
“Now you need to realize that I’m not going to have any less money and you’re not going to be any less sexy. It is what it is, Megan. It hasn’t mattered for the last seven years and it doesn’t matter now.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It’s not that complicated. Either you want to be with me or you don’t. Our bank balances never had a place in it before, and they don’t now.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You have everything. You’re the one with all the control. I have nothing to offer and so it’s like putting a price on my soul.”
“For the last seven years you’ve dictated when and where we’d be together. You had all the control. For a long time I thought it was the ideal arrangement because I didn’t have to share you. When we were together, there was never anyone else around, no distractions, no competing for your attention. But when I wanted more, wanted you to move in here and stop sneaking around, you played it off like a joke. For God’s sake Meg, I asked you to marry me.”
“That didn’t count.” She shifted against him, but he held her closer, not wanting her to get away before he had an answer one way or the other.
“It counted for me.”
“Brandon, we were together when you asked me.”
“Of course we were together.”
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“No, I mean, you were inside of me every time you brought it up. I can’t take you seriously if you only mention it during sex.”
He couldn’t help the laugh, and he couldn’t stop it even when she punched him in the shoulder. He’d always assumed that was romantic, that one day someone would ask her how he proposed and she’d give him a knowing look and they’d get back home as soon as possible. “When was I supposed to ask you? We didn’t go anywhere together except the Malibu house, and whenever we were together the odds were that we were making love. We’re very good at it, remember?”
He pressed his lips to her temple, peppering tiny kisses down the side of her face. She lifted her head and he leaned in to kiss her, but she stopped him with a finger against his lips.
“Brandon, why is it sex is all people see in me?” Her raw whisper tore through his heart. “It’s always been that way, and I never understood it, so it scared me. But tonight with the guys at the party and then the gang at the apartment, it all crashed down.”
He framed her face in his hands, smoothing the wetness on her cheeks with his thumbs. “It wasn’t you they saw, baby. They saw vulnerability and opportunity and wanted to take advantage of both. They didn’t see you holding your head high in a room full of people who would have rather written you off than faced their own mistakes. They didn’t see your determination to make something of yourself on your own terms, or how you’ve shouldered the responsibilities of an entire family on your own. They didn’t see all you’ve accomplished. They only tried to find where you were exposed and exploit it. They didn’t see you at all.”
“Thank you.” She pulled in a shaky breath. “But isn’t that what you’re doing? Taking me in at a weak moment and expecting some payoff? It’s not as ugly on the outside, but it’s not as pretty as your words either. We’ve only been here a few hours, and yet we’ve fallen back into bed as if the last few months never happened.”
He shook his head, for the first time seeing it from her side and cringing because she had a point. “We’ll always wind up back here, no matter what happens. It’s where we belong, Megan. I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t want you, but I’ll be fine as long as I know you’ll be sleeping beside me at night. It can be just that simple until you’re ready for more. As long as you agree to stay here, I won’t push for anything else.”
She turned her face into his hand and kissed his palm. “It’s hard to believe you after what’s happened, especially when I know you can convince anyone to see things your way.”
“You don’t want to hear my reasons for doing what I did, so all I can do now is show you that you’re first with me. I don’t care how long it takes for us to get back on track, as long as that is where we’re heading.”
“But what if we don’t work anymore? I’m different now. I don’t even feel like myself most of the time.”
“You’ve been a fish out of water, and until you find what you want to do, you will be for a while longer. But we can either grow together or grow apart. Because even if you think you’ve changed, there is a part of you that is still that sassy, sexy Megan Carlton I fell for, and I don’t want to risk losing her ever again.”
“Good.” Beneath his hands, he felt her cheeks lift in a smile he couldn’t see in the dark. She turned away, settling herself beneath the covers and lying back against the pillows.
Brandon sat still for long moments, trying to decide if he really could do it, really could simply sleep next to her and not try for more. He probably would reach for her in his sleep just out of habit, and then she’d never believe he hadn’t planned it.
Her hand reached out and rested on his thigh, his pulse spiking at the contact. Maybe she meant to torture him with teasing touches for the next few days. That was fine. He’d give her a couple of days to settle in and then seduce her properly.
“Brandon?”
“Yeah?” His pulse ticked higher at the sound of her voice. He pushed a hand through his hair and wished a certain part of his body didn’t respond so enthusiastically to such little encouragement.
“I can’t sleep.” Her fingers curled around his leg and all he could see in his mind was the last time they curled around his cock, and he was really starting to wish he hadn’t gone for the last drink because reining in his desire was as hard as he was right now.
“Just try.” His voice sounded like it had been dragged over gravel.
“I think it’s that I don’t feel like me. Before I always thought it was because I was so out of my comfort zone, but I’ve always been comfortable here.”
“You will be again.” He covered her hand with his and lifted it to his mouth for a quick kiss. He laid their hands on the bed between them, not trusting the temptation of her hand anywhere on his body.
They’d never been very good at this part, the companionable silences and chaste moments. Keeping their relationship private meant they never got to be together as much as he would have liked, so every instance felt like making up for lost time. He tried to think of the last time they’d shared a bed without making love, and he only came up with lurid moments of falling into bed in a post-coital haze.
He sat up straighter, trying to ease the throbbing ache in his groin. His mind might be having an easier time with her safely ensconced in his bed, but his dick was not interested in the intellectual reasons why it would be stuck behind pants for the foreseeable future.
All the experiences of his misspent youth had taught him to live in the now and take advantage of opportunities as they presented themselves. Not for the first time, he was glad he’d been wild enough to warrant a stint in military school. That training was the only thing keeping him on his side of the bed.
“Can I tell you a secret?” she whispered like a schoolgirl.
“Sure.” He swallowed, trying to decide if finishing his drink would help or harm his current situation.
“I miss sex.” She let out a sigh that sent what little blood was left in his brain south. “The excitement and the pleasure and the absolute freedom of it. I hadn’t thought much about it lately, but as I’m lying here it’s all I can think about.”
“Let me know if there is anything you need my help with.”
“I always figured I was a pretty sexual person,” she said as if she hadn’t heard his offer. “But that part of me kind of shut down. Maybe it’s just the availability that gets me going.”
He cleared his throat. “Megan, I said I’d wait and I’m trying to mean it. But you have to cut me a break here. I haven’t had sex since August twentieth, so I need you to either go to sleep or talk about something else.”
“August twentieth, huh?” He felt the bed dip as she propped herself up on her elbow.
“I may have looked it up a few times.”
“Maybe that’s my problem. I’ve hit some kind of three-month alarm.”
“The only alarm that should be going off is the one that tells you to stop teasing me unless you actually want me to make love to you until you’re so exhausted you can’t even lift your head.”
Her laugh was a wicked temptation, and completely Megan. “You’ve only managed that twice, but I should leave that as an open invitation. I’d have to turn in my credentials as a woman if I didn’t encourage that kind of attention at any opportunity.”
“Babe, this is your last warning. Stop now or I won’t be able to until one of us passes out.”
“Really?” She sat up and he wished he could have seen her as she pulled her nightgown over her head and tossed it to the floor. Before he could reach for her, she’d straddled him, her hands wrapped around his biceps to keep his arms still. She leaned forward just enough to dart out her tongue and lick the seam of his lips. “My bet is that you go first.”
“I’m just as sure that you’ll come first.” He leaned in to fulfill the promise of the kiss, but she leaned back.
“You did buy condoms, right?”
Reality flickered into his mind just long enough for him to remember the s
trategic locations he’d placed them throughout the penthouse. “So many I think the clerk thought I was heading to an orgy.”
The naughty laugh was back, and so was his Megan. She met his kiss with a playful passion of her own. The only thing missing from the moment was light so he could see her bare body. Though, given his current state of near-painful arousal, the visual of her naked might send him over the edge.
He lifted his hands, loving the way her fingers curled around his biceps as he cupped her breasts. He squeezed her, remembering the weight and textures before he rolled her nipples between his fingers. She moaned in pleasure and covered his hands with hers.
She started to rock her pelvis against his erection, so he slipped a hand between them and palmed her. The silky, slippery softness of her made him groan. He’d wanted to make sure she came before he even got the condom opened, but it was next to impossible not to flip her to her back and bury himself inside of her.
Megan’s lips trailed over his jaw and down his throat, her voice weaving through the erotic haze. “Where?”
“What?” He tried to think, but couldn’t get beyond how amazing she felt, so soft and smooth and the head of her clit seemed longer and thicker than usual.
Her legs started to tremble and her fingernails dug into his shoulders as she cried out in pleasure. She leaned forward, pressing the heel of his palm against her clit as she rode out the waves of her orgasm. Brandon tried to feel the relief of knowing she’d gone first, but couldn’t get beyond his own need and how amazingly sexy she felt against his skin.
She hummed and licked his earlobe and his body twitched in response. “Find a condom now, or else.”
“Or else what?” He reached to the nightstand, pulling open the drawer and finding the box inside.
“Or else I use you like a toy and you get nothing.” She lifted herself off him and roughly pushed her hands into the waistband of his lounge pants, shoving them down over his hips. He tilted his hips to help her, rewarding her with a condom packet and a smile when she straddled him again. But she couldn’t see either because she wrapped both hands around his engorged cock and squeezed.
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