by Lisa Harris
She ran her fingers against the smooth bark of the fallen log. Silvia’s words played in the back of her mind. She glanced up the hill and into the lighted barn. There was no denying that she’d seen the haughty expressions on people’s faces when she’d gone into town. They might never consider her to be as good as they were, but she wasn’t going to believe the lies anymore. What she’d told Silvia was true. She was an American and she was Polish. And she was proud to be both.
There was one other thing that was true, as well. If anything were to ever happen between she and Adam, he was going to have to accept her for who she was.
Adam scanned the crowd wondering where Lidia had gone. He felt as if he’d let her down. He’d never been much for parties and felt out of place tonight. He’d enjoyed working on the construction of the barn because he was good with his hands and knew he’d contributed significantly to the project. It was another story, though, when it came to dancing. He might as well try to swim across the Atlantic. He’d attempt that before trying to keep up with Lidia in one of the traditional Polish dances. And he’d never told her about what had really happened the day Samuel died. He knew now that nothing could ever happen between them if he didn’t tell her the truth.
Grabbing another cup of punch, he took a sip, frustrated because he couldn’t find her. She’d looked so beautiful tonight, wearing the pale green dress he’d admired several times before. It might not have been as fancy as some of the other young girls’, but its simplicity had only managed to set her apart. Her long hair had been pulled up, leaving tiny curls that framed her face and ran along the base of her hairline. He couldn’t deny it anymore. He was in love with her.
He’d also seen something change within her tonight. He knew she still grieved over the loss of her brother. It was an emotion he understood all too well, but he hadn’t missed the joy in her eyes as she’d stood beside her friends and danced. He loved to see her smile and wished that he had been the one to make her smile.
“Are you looking for someone?”
Adam turned around and tried to place the young woman who stood beside him.
“I’m Silvia Dolny. We met at church recently.”
“I’m sorry. Of course.”
“I only ask because you were looking a bit lost.”
“Actually, I was looking for Lidia. Lidia Kowalski. Do you know her?”
“Of course.” The young woman pushed a strand of her honey blond hair away from her cheek and smiled. “I’ve known Lidia for years.”
“Have you seen her recently?”
She rested her fingers on his forearm. “I saw her slip out with someone a few minutes ago. Rufin, I think his name is. He’s a tall redhead. You might have seen him tonight. He’s quite a dancer.”
“No. I don’t think I’ve met him.” Adam shook his head and tried to follow the young woman’s implications. “I’ve been introduced to so many different people.”
“Rumor has it they’re engaged, or about to be anyway—”
Engaged?
Adam swallowed hard.
“I don’t understand. How can Lidia be engaged?” It was a stupid question. He had no claims to her. Every time he’d been with her, he’d only managed to push her away. She certainly didn’t owe him an explanation. He’d just thought … What had he thought? That saying he was sorry would erase all the pain that had piled up between them?
“Well, they’re not technically, I suppose, but she just told me she was expecting Rufin to ask for her hand any time. Perhaps even tonight. It’s the perfect setting, you know, so romantic. Apparently Rufin’s been in love with her for years, but it’s only been recently that he had the courage to tell her how he felt. Lidia’s a sweet girl and all, but unfortunately she’s been forced to work out—”
“I know. Lidia works for my parents.”
“Well, of course you know then. I suppose they’ll have to find someone to take her place before long, unless Rufin doesn’t mind her working out. Some men don’t mind their wives taking in menial jobs to help support the family, though personally—”
“If you’ll excuse me.” Adam ignored the shocked expression on her face and hurried to the other side of the barn.
He’d been a fool for so long. Pride had stopped him from forgiving Lidia’s brother. It had caused him to turn against Lidia and her people. Pride had even stopped him from dancing with her tonight, afraid he’d make a fool out of himself. Now he was afraid that because of his pride, he might have lost her forever.
fourteen
Adam strode out of the confines of the barn and stared into the darkness. A light breeze blew across his face but did little to erase the beads of sweat forming on his brow. He felt sick to his stomach. Surely there was nothing to the rumor that Lidia was engaged … or practically engaged to someone else. He should be the one courting her.
Lively music continued to play in the background while he scanned the path that meandered toward the Nowaks’ darkened home. He looked for signs of Lidia and the redheaded Rufin, but there was little movement outside save the slight swaying of the trees that lined the walkway.
Shaking his head, he leaned against the side of the barn. Why should he be surprised if Lidia had given her heart to someone else? He didn’t deserve her. She needed someone who wouldn’t let her down the way he had. Someone who wouldn’t make the same mistakes. Knowing he’d changed simply wasn’t good enough.
“Adam?” His father stepped outside to join him, a bowl of stew in his hands. “I saw you leave. Trying to escape the celebrations?”
“You know I’ve never been much for parties. I needed a bit of fresh air.” The spicy scent of the rich broth would have been tempting any other time, but at the moment, the thought of food soured his stomach.
His father took a bite of the thick stew. “Your leaving seems a pity with all those pretty girls inside, not to mention the great food.”
Adam tried to laugh, but his voice rang hollow and empty. There was only one girl he cared about, and more than likely he’d lost her. He studied the other end of the yard where a number of tall trees were scattered over the terrain. If he ever did find this Rufin fellow, he had a few choice words he planned to say to the chap.
Adam’s jaw tensed. “What do you know about a man named Rufin?”
“Rufin?” His father shook his head. “The name’s not familiar. Who is he?”
“I don’t know him personally, but I thought you might have seen him around the house. He’s courting Lidia.”
“What?” His father dropped his spoon into the bowl. “That’s news to me. There haven’t been any young men around our place looking for Lidia that I know of—except a certain son of mine.”
Adam kicked the toe of his boot into the dirt. Why hadn’t he done things properly from the beginning? He could have been the one courting Lidia. He could be the one holding her in his arms beneath the glow of the full moon. Instead he’d let her slip away.
“I just spoke to Silvia Dolny.” Adam folded his arms across his chest. “She told me that Lidia was being courted by this Rufin. That he was going to ask her to marry him.”
“Marcus Dolny’s daughter?”
Adam shrugged. “I think so. I met her a few weeks ago at church.”
“And are you sure she was telling the truth?”
Adam’s brow rose in question. “What reason would she have to lie to me? I don’t even know her.”
“Has the thought ever crossed your mind that you’re one of the area’s most eligible bachelors, Adam Johnson?” His father cocked his head. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the way Silvia and the other single women look at you.”
He hadn’t noticed anyone since he met Lidia.
“I could be wrong,” his father continued, “but from what I’ve heard about Silvia, I wouldn’t discount the idea that her comments regarding Lidia were nothing more than a ploy to get you to turn your affections away from Lidia— and onto her.”
Adam frowned. “That’s ri
diculous.”
“Maybe not. I just know that if I were in love with someone, I certainly wouldn’t gamble my future on the words of a stranger.”
His father was right.
Adam tugged on the collar of his shirt. “If you’ll excuse me then, I’m going to find her.”
His father nodded, and, not sure where else to go, Adam followed the path toward the house. Whether or not Rufin’s intentions were valid didn’t matter at the moment. He wasn’t prepared to lose Lidia without a fight.
Adam stopped when he caught sight of her in the distance. She stood beneath the canopy of a large tree with Rufin, he presumed, who had his arms around her waist. Adam’s fists clamped together at his side, and his teeth clenched together. Silvia had been right all along. Lidia was going to marry Rufin.
Lidia tried to push Rufin’s hands off her waist; then she took a step backward. She never should have agreed to allow him to walk her toward the house to get her coat and bag. Lidia shoved against the man’s broad chest with all her might, but the stocky man was too strong.
“Come on.” His grip tightened around her waist. “I’ve seen the way you look at me. We could sneak down to the river and have a little fun tonight—”
Bile rose in her throat. “I have no intention of doing any such thing.”
She could still hear the lively strains of the fiddle, but they were far enough away that she feared no one would hear her if she screamed. She’d been a fool to leave the celebrations alone. Rufin pulled her tighter, then pressed his mouth against hers. She jerked her head back and screamed.
Please, God …
Lidia closed her eyes and swung a fist upward hard.
“Ouch!”
“Adam?” Her eyes opened at the sound of his voice, and she sucked in her breath in horror.
Rufin’s grip on her loosened.
With one hand nursing his jaw, Adam drew back his other fist and hit Rufin square in the chin before the thug had a chance to react.
Adam watched Rufin slide to the ground. The man was out cold and hopefully wouldn’t awaken any time soon.
Rubbing his jaw, Adam turned to Lidia. “I never imagined you’d have such a solid swing.”
“I can’t believe I missed him and hit you instead.” Lidia shook out her sore fingers, and from the look on her face Adam wasn’t sure if she was going to laugh or cry. “How did you find me?”
“I was out looking for you and saw you struggling to push him away. I thought I could pull him off from behind. That’s when I got in the way of your punch.”
This time she chuckled. “I really am sorry. I didn’t see you at all.”
“It doesn’t matter. He’ll wake up and hopefully have learned a lesson. What were you doing out here with him?”
“I was talking to Silvia, and …” Lidia paused.
She’d been talking to Silvia? He didn’t like where this was going.
“I needed some fresh air and decided to go to the house to get my coat. Rufin offered to walk with me. I’ve talked to him a few times at church, and he’d always seemed decent enough—”
“Until he decided to take advantage of you.” Adam frowned.
“I was such a fool—”
“No, I’ve been the foolish one.” He reached out to push back a strand of her hair that had fallen into her eyes. He wanted to pull her into an embrace and never let her go, but instead he tucked her arm into his and guided her back toward the festivities. They left the stirring Rufin to manage on his own.
“What do you mean you’ve been the foolish one?” She looked up at him as they headed back toward the barn, her eyes wide with question.
“Silvia had a talk with me, as well. She told me that Rufin had been calling on you.”
“What?” Lidia stopped midstride. “That’s ridiculous. I barely know the man.”
“So there’s no chance that you’re engaged?” The question might be absurd, but he had to know for sure.
“Of course not. I wouldn’t have let the man court me.”
Adam let the music wash over him like a soothing balm. He’d already waited too long to state his intentions.
He took a deep breath and gathered her hands into his. “I haven’t been the same since I kissed you that night beneath the stars. I’ve made a mountain of mistakes, but I have to know one thing.” He stopped, trying to gather his courage. “Is there any way you’d give me a second chance? Give us a second chance to see what might happen.”
“I …” She pulled away from him.
“Lidia, please.” He strode after her, wishing he could read her mind. “I can’t deny any longer how I feel about you.”
“It would never work, Adam.” She looked straight ahead, avoiding his gaze. “I appreciate your saving me from Rufin, but we’re two different people. I saw you in there tonight. You’ll never be comfortable with who I am.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?”
Surely he’d heard her wrong. He hadn’t come this far to give up now.
“Lidia, stop for a moment. Please.” He gently grasped her shoulder and turned her toward him. “If it’s Samuel—”
“No.” Lidia shook her head but this time didn’t move away from him. “You don’t understand, do you? It’s not about Samuel anymore. It’s about who I am, and how you see me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Close your eyes and listen.”
Not sure of why she wanted him to do it, he complied. The upbeat strains of a fiddle met his ears. Laughter and shouts radiated from the barn as people kept up with the traditional Polish folk dance. The smells of freshly cut wood and sawdust drifted through the night air, competing with the faint scent of her perfume.
He opened his eyes. The moonlight cast a ray of white light across her face and caught her pained reflection. He couldn’t let things end between them this way.
She reached out and touched the edge of his sleeve before drawing her hand away, as if she was hesitant of what she was about to say. “This is who I am, Adam. I’ll never be like your sisters or any other Yankee girl. People will always look down on me because of my heritage, and nothing you can say or do will ever change that.”
“That’s not true, and even if it is, it doesn’t matter to me anymore.”
“It matters to me.” She took a step back. “I’ve spent my entire life trying to be someone else—an American. I’ve finally realized that I don’t need to be like them. I’m proud of who I am. God’s been speaking to me lately. Reminding me that He chose me from the beginning—”
“And that He loves you for who you are.” Adam finished her sentence with a half smile.
Lidia nodded. “Yes. How did you know?”
“God’s been telling me the same thing lately.”
“Really?” Her gaze penetrated his soul. It was more honest, searching, than anything he could think of. He could feel its pull.
Adam dug his nails into the palms of his hands. He’d almost decided not to tell her the truth. But there would never be a chance for anything to happen between them until he did. “There are things that took place the day Samuel died that I never told you. Things I’ve never told anyone.”
“It’s not too late. Tell me now.”
Adam tugged on his ear lobe and forced himself to tell her. “I doubt if you heard about it at the time, but there was a series of events that happened right before my brother was killed. The sheriff had to handle more than the usual number of petty thefts, vandalism, and looting of stores. A Polish man named Artur was arrested for breaking into several of the stores in town, and most of us began to blame the incidents on the immigrants who had been flooding into town during the previous months.”
He cleared his throat before continuing. “The day Samuel died, he and I had gone into town for supplies. On the boardwalk I overheard your brother saying something offensive to one of the shopkeepers. Jarek’s accent made it obvious that he wasn’t an American, and I made the comment to Samuel t
hat … that it was high time the immigrants were sent back to Europe on the next cargo boat.”
Adam winced at his own harsh words. How long had he prayed that he could erase the past? Yet it was something that could never be done.
Lidia’s eyes darkened. “Tell me the rest of what happened.”
“Your brother overheard what I said and pulled me into one of the side streets where he shoved me against the wall. Samuel had always been quick on his feet, and he tried to defend me. I pushed Jarek back, only to have Samuel throw the first punch. Before I knew it, things escalated out of control … and Samuel was dead.”
Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment. “I’m sorry, Adam. I really am.”
“Don’t you see?” Adam’s jaw tensed. “Samuel’s death was just as much my fault as it was your brother’s. If I hadn’t been filled with such bitterness for those coming into the area and spoken out of turn—”
“It’s over, Adam.”
He heard her words but didn’t miss the pain in her voice. He knew what she was thinking. Would two lives have been spared if he’d had the sense to keep his bitter words to himself?
Lidia shook her head. “It’s time you truly forgive yourself for what happened that day and go on with your life. You can’t take back what you said any more than Jarek can erase what he did. It’s time we all go on with our lives.”
Adam took her hands in his. “If what happened is really in the past, and if you can totally forgive me, then let me court you properly. I can’t let you go.”
Lidia shook her head, and her eyes welled up with moisture. “I said I forgive you, and I meant it, but it’s too late for us, Adam. There are simply too many obstacles standing between us. I saw how uncomfortable you were tonight. My people accept me for who I am. I’m finished pretending to be someone else.”
For an instant, he saw the love he felt for her reflected in her eyes. He hadn’t been wrong about her. She did care for him. If only he could get her to trust her heart.
He squeezed her hands. “Don’t you see? I don’t want you to be anyone else but Lidia Kowalski. Polish, American … Chinese … it doesn’t matter to me. It’s you I care about.”