by Marni Mann
Then—and only then—she can have my cock.
“Mmm,” I groan. “I hope you do.”
Andi
The cab driver gives me a knowing look in the rearview mirror. How I let myself get lost the way I did, I have no idea. Never in my life have I been touched so intimately in public. Brooks always told me to keep quiet and that sex wasn’t as much for me as it was for him.
For the first time in my life, I don’t want to rush through it or numb myself. I want to get lost in Adrian’s body without fear that he’ll push me too far—because whatever he wants, I want it even more.
After he pays the driver, Adrian takes my hand and leads us inside. The lobby is empty, but if anyone were within five feet of me, they’d be able to smell the whiskey still lingering on my skin. When he had stood between my spread legs, all I wanted was for him to strip me bare and show me what it was like to completely submit. For him, I’d do it, no questions asked.
“I want to know what you’re thinking,” he says as the elevator doors open and we step inside the empty cart.
Despite the warm Miami air, I’m instantly covered in goose bumps, just from the sound of his voice. “I’m wondering if you’re going to continue where we left off or if you have something else in mind.”
He hears me but doesn’t answer until the doors part and the condo is unlocked. Hands on my hips, he ushers me backward over the threshold. A devilish gleam forms in his eyes as he closes the door and reaches for the deadbolt, turning it with a click. “Go in the kitchen, and find the whiskey.”
We’re starting where he left off.
I feel his eyes rake over my ass with each step I take toward the marble countertop. He has me so worked up, I can’t remember where we keep the alcohol. Maybe that’s what he wants—for me to look through the white cabinets while I think about what he’s going to do to me. Because, once I do find the bottle, my heart races so fast, I have to take a minute to get my shit together.
“Adrian?” Met with silence, I kick off my flip-flops and hug the bottle against my chest. The dampness of my T-shirt has me trembling in anticipation.
As he stands in the doorway of the bedroom, Adrian’s hands are holding on to the wood trim above his head. His eyes are smoldering, and when his tongue darts out and licks his lips, I know he’s imagining tasting me.
“Come here, Andi,” he says without moving a fraction of an inch.
Though he’s blocking the bedroom and standing in a position of power, I’m not the least bit afraid. I try my best to walk toward him with confidence, but I fumble the bottle of whiskey and almost drop it on the floor. Tightening my nervous grip, I hand it to him before I shatter it.
“Do you know what I’m going to do with this?”
Even though I shake my head, I have a pretty good idea it’ll go like it did at the bar. And I’m more than okay with him pouring the liquid all over my body. The thought alone has warmth pooling between my legs.
“Tell me,” I whisper breathlessly.
After he hears the desire in my voice, his chest rises and falls faster. Still, he doesn’t say a word—not yet. Instead, he works the button on my jeans, never once taking his eyes off mine. When he lowers my pants, he ends up on his knees in front of me. Nipping at the top of my panties with his teeth, he firmly rests his hands on my hips while his mouth hovers dangerously close to my throbbing pussy.
“Red is definitely your color, Andi.”
His breath against my already swollen flesh is almost too much to handle.
“Take them off,” I practically beg.
He has a satisfied smirk on his face. He enjoys getting to me as much as he likes me bossing him around. I’ve never been bold in the bedroom, but Adrian makes me want to try. For him, I’ll do just about anything.
“What else?” he whispers as the silky fabric slides down my thighs.
I’m naked from the waist down, and his appraisal only makes me want him more.
I glance at the bottle of whiskey, my curiosity getting the best of me.
“That’s what you want?” he asks.
“Yes. I want you to finish what you started at the bar.”
“I’ll finish it. But first…” He looks up at me through his dark lashes as he flattens his tongue and licks the length of my pussy.
My hips buck from the warmth of his tongue, but he doesn’t slow down or stop. If anything, he presses harder before sucking my pulsing clit into his mouth.
If he wasn’t holding on to me, I’d probably fall on the floor. The only thing to latch on to is the back of his head, and though I yank on the strands of his hair harder than I should, he doesn’t seem to mind.
Kissing me madly, he buries himself inside me, his tongue hitting just the right spot. The harder he sucks, the tighter my thighs clench around his face. Nothing has ever felt this good.
“Adrian.”
The sound of his name spilling from my lips only increases his pace. Like he can’t get close enough, he grabs my ass and dives back in. I’m completely spread and at his mercy while his mouth consumes me in the most delicious way.
Over and over, he brings me so close to the edge, I want to scream, but just when I think I might come, he pulls back and changes his pace. He’s teasing me, so I grind harder against his face, praying I can make up the difference on my own. Again, he slows even more and eventually stops entirely.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“Wrong?” he questions. “Baby, nothing about you riding my face is ever wrong.”
For a minute, my insecurities bubble to the surface. I was riding him, and he’s been so intimately close that nothing will ever be the same. But I don’t want it to be the way it was; I want it to be even better.
“Why’d you stop?”
He holds up the whiskey and smirks again. “Because, as much as I want you to come, I want to watch it happen. And all I can think about is soaking this shirt and sucking your nipples until you scream.”
“I don’t think—”
He presses a finger to my lips. “Shh, less thinking. Do you trust me to make you feel good, Andi?”
“Completely.” It’s the honest truth.
Slowly, he rises from his knees and takes my hand. Leading me into the bathroom, he sets me on the edge of the countertop. The marble is so cold on my bare skin and swollen clit, I almost jump back into his arms. That’s exactly why he set me here.
Unscrewing the cap, he holds the bottle of whiskey above my chest and lets a little bit of the amber liquid drip down my neck. He waits until the drops meet the fabric, not trying to lick it off me this time. He simply waits and watches, pouring more whiskey a little at a time, until I feel my nipples harden into stiff peaks beneath the drenched cotton.
Flashes of light flicker in front of my pupils. That’s how close I am; that’s how good it feels, watching him soak me in his favorite liquor.
“Now what?” I ask him when my chest is thoroughly drenched.
“Now, I suck you dry.”
Before I can blink, his mouth is wrapped around my nipple, sucking so hard that my back arches and a deep moan escapes. I’ve never been this vocal during sex, but with Adrian, he makes me feel free enough to let go. That, no matter how loud I am or what I say, he won’t laugh at me. He’ll just turn it into more pleasure—never pain.
“That feels so good, Adrian. Your mouth is amazing.”
He lessens the suction to swallow the whiskey in his mouth, but he barely pauses. Already, he’s searching for the next spot to attack. And, when he does, it’s even better now that I know what to expect. Again and again, he sucks on the fabric around my breasts until he can’t get any more whiskey out of the cotton.
My T-shirt is wrinkled in little patches where his mouth was. It’s stretched out and hanging loosely from my body. I pull it over my head, and he watches as I toss it on the floor.
Painstakingly slow, his eyes trace a path from the tiled floor up my bare leg, across my clenched stomach muscles, and
toward my heaving chest. Like he’s making love to me with his eyes, he caresses each curve of my body like I’m a treasure. I don’t remember ever feeling so wanted.
My hands are still shaky, but I slide them under his polo, teasing him with the tips of my nails. “You’re overdressed, Adrian.”
“Yeah? What should I do about it?”
“Take your clothes off. Let me see you.”
Before I finish my sentence, his fingers are working the button on his jeans. Leaning forward, he presses his lips to mine. I can taste myself on his tongue. It’s so erotic, and I deepen the kiss, pulling his bottom lip into my mouth and sucking hard.
He kicks his pants off and pulls the polo up and over his head from behind, making me laugh when we get stuck inside.
“Stay where you are,” he tells me.
Like I’d ever leave.
The sight of him completely bare, standing in front of me like I could take whatever I wanted and he’d be okay with it, is so incredibly freeing.
With one look, he senses how bad I need to touch him and takes my hands, placing my palms against his chest.
“Adrian, your heart is pounding.”
“That’s what you do to me, Andi. When I’m around you, you own every inch of me.” He cups my face, dragging his thumb back and forth across my cheek. Tenderly, he whispers, “Whatever you’re doing to me, I don’t want you to stop.”
“I won’t,” I whisper back. “Tell me how to make you feel good.”
“All I need is you, baby. Just you.”
I hook my leg around his hip and pull him closer. When we’re nose-to-nose, he lets his lips brush against mine, but neither of us tries to take it further this time. Instead, he breathes me in, and I get lost in his strong arms.
“Wrap your legs around my waist, and don’t let go until I tell you.”
When my arms are around his neck and my legs are around his torso, he carries me out of the bathroom and lays me in the center of the king-size bed. Landing on the fluffy blankets is like landing in heaven. Adrian is lodged so deeply in my heart, I don’t want to ever let go.
He stares at me with so much emotion lurking behind his eyes, my chest aches.
“Are you okay?” I ask him.
“I’m more than okay. But I need you to be sure about us, Andi.”
Here I am, with this amazingly protective man who uses his body for good instead of evil, and he’s worried I don’t want him.
“I could never regret you.”
Though he looks relieved to hear that from me, he still says, “I just need you to be sure you want to do this.”
In the past, I might close up and rob myself of a moment like this, but if Adrian needs my words, I’ll give him every bit of honesty I possess. Because the independence he’s offering and the second chance he’s promising are exactly what I need in my life.
“You saved me,” I tell him.
“Don’t be with me out of obligation. You owe me nothing.”
“I owe you everything, but I want you because, when we’re together, I can breathe. It’s been so long since I’ve filled my lungs with air and looked forward to tomorrow.”
“Don’t talk like that, Andi. The thought of you leaving this world scares the shit out of me.”
“I’m staying—with you. I promise.”
Closing his eyes, he takes a moment to absorb my words. When his lashes part, a new resolve is staring back at me. He’s accepted my answer, and he needs me just as much. “Are you on the pill?”
I hesitate, wondering if he expects that of me. Brooks never wanted anything between us. I hid the fact that I was on the shot because, if he knew I got one every three months, he would have lost his mind. We weren’t ready for marriage, let alone a family, but sometimes, I got the impression it was some kind of game to him—that if I stayed off birth control, I wouldn’t seek comfort elsewhere. It was one of his many ways to control me.
Camille took me to the clinic and got me the shot without insurance. There was no way I could risk mail from the insurance company passing through Brooks’s hands. She knew it, too.
“I’m on the shot,” I tell Adrian. “But if you want to use more than that, I’m okay with it.”
“Andi, regardless of what the gossip sites say, I’ve never really slept around. I’m clean.”
I hate that he automatically went there, that he assumes I think he’s a player. He’s never once given me that impression.
At the bar tonight, he was telling the female patrons he was taken—not leading them on and making them believe they stood a chance.
“That’s not what I meant,” I tell him. “But I’m clean, too.”
I make sure to get tested regularly—also done with Camille’s help. I never trusted Brooks to stay faithful. I was an obsession for him, and with his addictive personality, he could have had others.
Maybe Adrian was thinking the same thing, maybe he wasn’t, but his shoulders relax a little, and the worry line disappears between his brows.
“You’re my girl, Andi. It’s probably shitty of me to ask, especially after all you’ve been through, but I just want to feel you around me—without a barrier. I swear, I’ve never said that to anyone else in my life.”
“I believe you.” And I do. Sex means something to Adrian.
Raising my hips, I brush against his length, showing him how much I trust him. He hesitates because of my rib but lowers himself on top of me. Once we’re skin-to-skin, I wrap my arms around his neck and hold on—not moving, barely breathing.
The second I say, “I’m yours,” I know I’m finally free.
My heart might always be a little cracked. My mind might always go to dark places when I don’t want it to. And my soul might always carry the burden of the past, but my body will no longer be broken and afraid. With every ounce of who I am, I give myself freely for the first time in as long as I can remember.
The war in my heart is over.
Adrian is my choice.
And I’m never looking back.
When he pushes inside me, showing me how a real man takes care of a woman, I dig my nails into his back. He groans from the bite as my warmth surrounds him, exactly like he wanted.
“You feel so fucking good, Andi. Better than I imagined.”
A hot tear slides down my cheek. As soon as it lands on my shoulder, he raises his head and stops moving. Assuming I changed my mind, he starts to pull out.
“Please, don’t stop,” I tell him even though no man wants to make love to a woman in tears.
“Baby, don’t cry. It kills me.”
This isn’t at all how I wanted our first time to go—me breaking down and completely ruining the moment. But, as he continues to resuscitate my heart, I continue to fall apart in his arms. My shoulders shake, and my sob is loud enough to wake the dead. It makes me wish I didn’t have scars that cut so deep.
I can tell he wants to end this, but when he tries to pull out of me for a second time, I realize it would hurt ten times worse if he did.
“Stay. Please.”
He pushes deep inside me but rolls onto his back, so he can cradle me against his chest. All while I let years of rage and sadness explode. And it’s an explosion that rocks me to the core.
No matter how bad the aftermath might be, I’m not scared.
I won’t lose Adrian for being weak.
He won’t yell at me for crying.
And he won’t hit me when I can’t stop.
When I’m ready, he’ll kiss my temple, and we’ll make love the way two people are intended to—with mutual care, dignity, and respect.
The next time I open my eyes, I’m so hot, I can’t stand it. Adrian’s wrapped around my body, holding on to me for dear life. That’s when I remember the crying. God, there was so much crying. I can tell my eyes are puffy, and my nose is all stuffed up. Nothing about the way the early morning ended was sexy.
I fell apart. Completely apart.
Like he can feel me staring at him,
Adrian opens his eyes and tries to judge my mood.
“Did we…” I ask him, making sure my memory isn’t failing me again.
“No,” he says with a scratchy voice as he combs his fingers through his hair. It’s sticking up all over the place, probably from me grabbing and pulling it so hard.
I’m so embarrassed I got him all worked up and then checked out, letting my emotions get the best of me. I untangle myself from his arms and legs and slide out of bed.
“Where are you going, Andi?”
“I’m sticky,” is all I say before walking to the bathroom and closing the door behind me.
With my back pressed against it, tears prick my eyes. How could I let that happen? I’m stronger than crying during sex. I had my shit together; I was sure of it.
Brooks still crosses my mind every day, but I’ve been looking forward to this new life with Adrian. So much that I’ve let my guard down. I’ve let him in. To think I might have ruined that terrifies me.
Why can’t I just be normal?
Maybe I’m so far gone, I don’t know what normal is anymore.
Before I break down again, I turn the faucet as far into the red as I can stand it before moving under the spray. At first, the coldness shocks my system, but as soon as the water warms, I let it beat against my chest, washing away the whiskey and any traces of Adrian. If I messed up, I don’t want any reminders of where he’s been.
I’m not sure how long I stand like this, but after a little while, a waft of cold air washes over me when Adrian pulls the glass door open and steps inside.
“Jesus, Andi.” He reaches for the dial and takes away the stinging pain. He spins me around and runs his fingers over the reddened skin across my chest. “You’re burning yourself.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him with my arms dangling at my sides and my eyes trained on the tiled wall.
This is what happens when I’m weak. I’m riddled with guilt, and I feel like I’ve let everyone down.
“Don’t do this, Andi.”
“Do what?”
“Don’t check out. Stay with me. I need you.”