Drowning: An Angsty Standalone

Home > Other > Drowning: An Angsty Standalone > Page 21
Drowning: An Angsty Standalone Page 21

by Marni Mann


  This is my last bit of freedom.

  So, she has to know. She has to hear me say the words.

  For the first and final time.

  “I love you, Andi.”

  Andi

  “Adrian,” I whisper as I hold on to him with everything I have.

  It’s like we’re the only two people in the room, the cops, Brooks, and Russell all fading away. It’s just me and him, our hearts beating wildly, as we find the way back inside our indestructible bubble of trust.

  “I’m so sorry, Andi. I never should have let you out of my sight.”

  I see the guilt in his eyes, but it doesn’t matter how much he thinks he has let me down; he didn’t.

  “It wasn’t your fault. I’m the one who ran.”

  When I think about how differently this day could have gone, regret seeps up my throat, making it hard to swallow. If I hadn’t gotten overwhelmed by all the people on the beach and let anxiety control my actions, I wouldn’t have taken off for the hot dog cart. I wouldn’t have been running straight into enemy territory, and I wouldn’t have put us both in danger.

  “I should have known he was coming for you. But being in the water with you was so perfect. I just wanted to give you normal, and I got sloppy.”

  “It’s not your fault,” I tell him again even though he’s already taken the blame.

  Wishing he would see that I could never be angry, I claw at his shirt, desperate for him to hold me the way I love so much.

  He can’t.

  Because his arms are restrained behind his back, all he can do is push his chest against me and tilt his head, so I can nuzzle in the crook of his neck. It’s not enough, and I hate that they won’t let him touch me.

  When I spot the cuts on his arm, I run my fingers over the raised markings, trying to soothe away the swelling with my clammy fingertips. “Is this from Brooks or the window?”

  “Probably the window.”

  “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

  “I should be asking you that,” he says with a pained expression. His brows are pulled together, creating deep worry lines that I want to kiss away.

  So much worry.

  So much pain.

  All because of me.

  With the cuffs on, he’ll only go crazier if I tell him about my time with Brooks. He can’t punch a wall or Brooks’s face. He can’t hold me or touch me.

  Other than Brooks’s hand wrapped around my throat, the sweltering heat in the back of the van was my biggest obstacle today. “I’m okay. Nothing happened. I promise.”

  “I want to kill him, Andi. I should have when I had the chance.”

  “No,” I tell him before he can elaborate, especially with the authorities standing so close. “That wouldn’t have solved anything. I need you, Adrian. I need you to answer their questions and cooperate, so we can go home.”

  “It’s not going to be that easy. Too many people want to see me pay, Andi. Important people with a lot of money they can use to destroy me—once and for all. I’m going to get arrested once they figure out who I am.”

  “I won’t let them. Do you hear me? They’re not taking you down.”

  For a minute, I see Clay peeking out from beneath the newly hardened exterior of Adrian. The guy I first saw on the train who said the hell with my attitude and fought back, giving me exactly what I needed when I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t realize how much I missed him or how much I wanted to be just like Clay.

  “I’ll fight, Adrian.”

  “Baby, don’t worry about me. I got myself mixed up with the wrong people. Trusted when I shouldn’t have. I’ll do the time and figure it out.”

  He doesn’t mean that. The guy I fell for doesn’t back down. He doesn’t listen the first time, not even the second. Not until he is comfortable with the situation and has a plan in place. He’s calculated at all the right times, always thinking a step ahead to avoid situations like today. But he’s human, and as perfect as he is to me, he’s flawed. And I love every single imperfection. They make him real—so real that I’m determined to do the saving this time.

  “I’ll make you proud. You’ll see.”

  “Andi,” he says again, somewhere between a whisper and a groan.

  He knows how vulnerable I can be, but that piece of me will soon be behind bars.

  “You’re going to let me do this, Adrian. This is my choice. That’s what taking down Brooks gave me—choices and options. You gave that back to me, and I’m making sure my first taste of freedom is justice.”

  “I want you to live your life. Without my problems holding you back.”

  As soon as the words leave his mouth, my eyes snap toward his. “My problems are sending you to jail, Adrian.”

  “I wouldn’t be going anywhere if it wasn’t for Ravi. But things are going to change now. I can’t protect you from prison. Hell, I can’t even touch you now, and I’m kneeling right in front of you.”

  “Don’t say that. This isn’t how it ends. Not for us.”

  He’s already talking about us like we’re over. Like I wouldn’t stand by his side after all he’s done for me.

  No matter how hard I stare at him, he won’t look back. Instead of letting me in, he starts the painful process of pushing me away.

  “Don’t do this, Adrian. I need you.”

  “Miss, I need you to come with me.”

  I hear the officer, but if he expects me to follow his demands, he’s going to have to let Adrian come with me. He can’t separate the two of us, not when I just got him back.

  “Uncuff him, please,” I beg. “He didn’t do anything wrong. This is all a mistake.”

  “You’re both going to the station.”

  “Then, I want to ride with him.”

  The officer doesn’t even consider it. Until this gets sorted out, Adrian remains one of the bad guys. It doesn’t matter that I’m begging to stay with him. All they want is proper protocol.

  “If you don’t come with me, I’ll have no choice but to cuff you, too.”

  “Then, cuff me,” I spit back. “Adrian saved me. Do you hear me? He’s the good guy.”

  “Andi, look at me,” Adrian says with a voice so serious, I almost stop breathing.

  Gone is the soft, soothing compassion I’ve grown to love. In its place is a cold, hard stranger. One who thinks pushing me away is protecting me. He has it all wrong, too. Nothing he does or says will make me turn my back on him. He’s in trouble because of me. He put himself in the spotlight to keep me safe. And, now, he’s going to go down for a crime he didn’t commit.

  In the eyes of the law, running automatically makes him guilty.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him as I cling to his shirt. “I’m doing this with or without your support. I’ll make them understand.”

  “No, baby. I want you to take your freedom and be happy. My case is going to bounce around the courts for a long time before anything is settled. I’ll be behind bars, and I don’t want you associated with that or anything from my past.”

  “If you hadn’t called the police, you would be free, too.”

  For how long, I’m not sure. But we were managing. We were finally living—even if we had to constantly look over our shoulders. Life with Adrian made the pain bearable. Because of him, I could breathe again. That’s all being taken away.

  “I made that call because it was the right thing to do. Whatever happens now, I’ll deal with it. As long as you’re safe and Brooks can’t touch you again, I’ll be happy.”

  Doesn’t he get it? It’s not okay. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow in a world where he doesn’t exist.

  “I’m not going anywhere without you. Nobody can make me. Not even you.”

  Again, he goes right back to ignoring my feelings. “Stay with Russell. You can trust him.”

  “I don’t want to go with Russell. I want to be with you.”

  The officer ushers Adrian out of the motel room, and Russell grabs my arm, so I can’t go after him.

/>   “No!” I yell as I struggle to break free.

  But the more I struggle, the harder Russell holds on to me.

  “It’s okay, Andi,” Russell says as he pulls my back against his chest.

  Wrapped securely in a bear hug, all I can do is watch the officer help Adrian into the back of the squad car. “Let him go. This is a mistake.”

  The door slams shut, and Adrian keeps his eyes on the seat in front of him. He doesn’t even try to turn his head toward me. No matter how loudly I yell for him and how hard I struggle against Russell, nobody cares.

  “Please, don’t leave me, Adrian.”

  Adrian bows his head and closes his eyes. Like I just jumped into a freezing cold pool of water, I feel the regret. The pain. The agony that he can’t give me what I need.

  My mistakes have ruined his plan. Too many times, he had to slow down, change course, and wait for me. If I had let him go on without me after the train crash, he wouldn’t be on his way to jail. He’d still be free, trying his best to blend into a world that hated him.

  My stomach aches as I watch the taillights fade away. I’m not the one being taken this time, but I wish I were. I wish Adrian had never found me in this shitty motel. I wish his conscience hadn’t forced him to call the police.

  Russell lets me stare at the brake lights until they’re out of view. Only then does he turn me around and make me look at him. “We’ll get through this, Andi. I promise.”

  “I can’t live without him.” My lashes meet, and a lone tear slides down my cheek.

  Russell uses his thumb to swipe it away, like Adrian has done so many times. I wish he hadn’t. I want to feel the salt sliding down my skin. It reminds me of the ocean—the one place Adrian and I were free.

  They cuffed Adrian like a criminal. Soon, he’ll be in a cage like an animal. I’ll have to tap on the glass to get his attention, press my palm against it to pretend we’re touching.

  There will always be something between us.

  Lies we’re not responsible for.

  Betrayal we have no control over.

  And a past that keeps calling the shots whether we’re ready or not.

  Another police officer arrives at the scene, this one a female. Carrying a blanket in her arms, she wraps it around my shaking body, all while trying to comfort me with a single look of pity. I might look like hell, but I don’t want her pathetic glances.

  “Andi, I need you to come with me,” she says in a hard yet approachable voice.

  “Why?” I ask her. “You have what you want.”

  She takes a step closer, and I take one in the opposite direction. I’m afraid to get too close. For all I know, they want to hold me captive, too—all because I was with Adrian. They don’t care that I was safe with him or that I was the happiest I’d ever been. They don’t know about the train or the accident or that he saved me. All they see is a girl wearing next to nothing, looking like she belongs on the streets with Charlie.

  A runaway.

  A nobody.

  A fool who got mixed up with the wrong guy—twice.

  Though her blanket is warm, not at all scratchy like the one on the bed, I still cling to Russell. I don’t think I can take being restrained in cuffs or put in a cell with no sunlight or air. I can’t become someone else’s prisoner again.

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “To the station. We need a formal statement.”

  I realize I have no choice. She wants words on a piece of paper. Once she wraps up this case, I’ll become a file folder jammed in a cabinet next to a bunch of other forgotten nobodies.

  “I’d like to call my lawyer,” I tell her before I take a single step in her direction.

  Russell nods, agreeing with me. I’m sure Adrian has one of his own he’ll call, but I want Camille to be here for the both of us. She’s the only one who knows our story from start to finish.

  “You can call your lawyer at the station.” She points to Russell and says, “He can ride with you.”

  Russell’s car still sits in the lot in front of the broken window. He’ll have questions of his own to answer, but they’re not hauling him out of here in cuffs the way they did with Adrian.

  Self-defense is easier to claim when you’re not on the run, when your face isn’t plastered all over the news on a daily basis as you try harder and harder to hide behind a beard and shaggy hair. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?

  Russell starts leading me toward the car, but my feet won’t move.

  “Come on, Andi,” he says softly when my hands start to shake.

  “I’m scared.” Glancing over my shoulder, I make sure Brooks really left when Adrian did. For some reason, I can still feel his eyes burning through mine, searing my heart.

  He’s a monster, I remind myself.

  But then he has to go and open his mouth. “I love you, Andi. Don’t let them do this. You can make this go away.”

  Can I?

  Do I?

  I can.

  But I don’t want to.

  Because, when I look at Brooks, I don’t feel the same loss I felt when they were taking Adrian away. Watching Brooks sputter and panic is what I’ve always wanted. Only it doesn’t feel as good as I thought it would. I can’t enjoy this moment until I know that Adrian is okay, that nothing bad is going to happen to him because of me.

  One foot in front of the other, I walk toward the cruiser where Brooks is seated. The officer still has his hand on the door. Before he has a chance to close it, I wrap the blanket around me a little tighter and stand face-to-face with Brooks one last time.

  The next time I see him, we’ll be in a courtroom where Camille will do everything in her power to bury his ass. And I’ll let her because nothing about his love is love. It’s so many things—terror, heartache, confusion, and helplessness, all wrapped in guilt and served with his fist.

  “Andi, sweetheart, don’t cry. This will all be over soon. You’ll tell them the truth, and we’ll go home.”

  “The truth, Brooks? That’s what you want?”

  Squirming in his seat, he looks back and forth between me and the officer. “Baby,” he says before I cut him off with a hard stare. One that slices through him as painfully as the migraines he’s left me with.

  “Fuck you, Brooks. Fuck your lies, your broken promises, and your guilt trips. You never deserved me.”

  “Andi,” he says in his usual warning tone.

  “What? What are you going to do? Threaten me some more? Because you sure as hell can’t hit me this time.”

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean, Andi.”

  “I mean every word of it. Adrian is the best thing to ever happen to me—not you.”

  When they lock Brooks up, it’ll be because of what happened tonight. Everything that happened before today, that’ll be my word against his. A jury might feel sorry enough for me that they’ll believe me, but Brooks is a successful man in the business world. He comes from a good family with prestige. A family without criminal records and wrongdoings.

  I’ll look like the dirty one. The girl who ran off with some guy she barely knew.

  But that’s not who I am. Not even a little bit. But I’ll never stop fighting.

  I might not have a clue about what’s going to happen with my own case, but I’m determined to solve Adrian’s.

  Turning away from Brooks, leaving him calling after me like the pathetic loser he is, I slide into the cruiser. I think back to what I found on the Internet and remember something about the Detroit Free Press. I have a feeling Jacob Davis is going to be our saving grace. I just have to figure out how and why.

  “Russell, I’m going to need your help.”

  Clay

  Whenever I thought about returning to Colorado, I pictured coming back here as a free man. My name cleared. Driving down the streets to the Olympic Training Center with my car windows open, smelling the crisp, fresh air and checking out the mountains, surprised by how much I missed it all.

>   I never expected to arrive at the Denver airport in a plane that had chain-link fencing that separated the pilots from the inmates, my hands cuffed to each side of the seat, my feet bolted to the floor. I didn’t think my first and only stop would be the county prison.

  But it was.

  I’m now inmate #9648762 within the Colorado Department of Corrections system. I live on the fourth floor of the jail of the east side of the building, and I sleep on the top bunk of our twelve-by-twelve cell. Below me is Jackson, my celly, who’s serving fifteen years for armed robbery. We’ve been living together since I arrived a little over three weeks ago.

  The only things I have in here are a brush, bottle of shampoo, bar of soap, toothbrush, and toothpaste—everything the state gave me after I was processed. It all sits on the shelf above our sink. The TV, hot plate, box of ramen noodles, and the Bible are all Jackson’s. He told me he’d earned it all from trading with other inmates. There’s a hierarchy in here, and deals are done through trades. He said it’d be a while before I earned that kind of trust.

  Time’s something I have.

  According to my attorney, I’ll be in here for six months before my trial and several years following it. Unless my attorney scores me a deal to lessen my sentence.

  A bullshit plea for a crime I never committed.

  I roll onto my stomach and look in between the bars of our only window. Our view is of the yard where we’re allowed to spend one hour a day. I spend most of it playing basketball or lifting weights. But the one hour of recreation was taken away from us today. There was a fight on the yard yesterday, and one of the inmates was shanked.

  A week of no yard is our punishment.

  Being in here apparently isn’t punishment enough.

  We’re told when to eat, how loud we can talk, and to make our beds. Our mail is opened and looked at before it’s given to us. We’re escorted to the showers, and I’m watched whenever I shave.

  I’m treated like a goddamn animal.

  But inside these cages aren’t your average house pets. These are animals that belong out in the wild.

  I hear screaming. Fighting. Banging. Fucking.

  I see death. I see blood. I see hate.

 

‹ Prev