by Marni Mann
“You’ll get there again,” Andi says. “I’m sure of it.”
She knows what I’m thinking.
I run my fingers over the colored rings and think about all the practice and strength training it will take to get there again. It won’t happen this summer. I’ve missed the trials, and the team has already been chosen. But my attorney has submitted my case to the Olympic committee, and she’s almost positive they’re going to lift my ban.
“Four years is a long time from now,” I say. “Maybe I won’t even want to compete by then.”
“You won’t be saying that once you get in the pool.” She points at the door. “Now, go swim.”
I lean down and kiss her cheek. “Come watch me.”
“I’m going to do some things in the office—”
“You’ve never seen me swim, Andi. Please come watch me.”
She smiles as she nods. “I’ll be right there.”
I bring the suit, goggles, and cap into my favorite room of the house. It’s an addition I put on as soon as I bought this place, and it’s the only room that I wanted full control over the design. The decorator worked with the contractor to make sure it was exactly what I wanted. And what they built was better than what I’d pictured in my mind.
The walls, including the ceiling, are made entirely of glass. The floor shimmers in tan tiles, as though they’re grains of sand. In the middle of the room is the pool, three lanes wide and Olympic-size in length. There are blocks to dive from and lane lines and a state-of-the-art timing system.
I punch a few buttons on the wall to turn on the music and strip off my clothes. The jammers fit snugly like they’re designed to, the cap slides over my shaved head, and the goggles mold to my eye sockets.
It’s like putting on an old pair of sweats.
I step onto the block and wiggle my toes across the rough surface until the fit feels right. My toes then hug the edge. My arms touch the block near my feet, and I lean back and take a deep breath.
The chlorine, the blue water, the tiles at the bottom of the pool that form the T, the white disks of the lane lines—I’ve missed them all so fucking much.
With Andi’s eyes boring into me, I kick off the block. In the air, I extend my arms out and arch my back before the tips of my fingers touch the water. Now that I’m fully submerged, I streamline my body, dolphin-kicking three, four, five strokes until I break through the surface. I turn my face to the side, fill my lungs, and straighten my back out to take a stroke.
It’s like I’ve been cramped in a ball for months, and this is the first time I’ve been able to stretch. Each dip and pull through the water elongates my body and expands my muscles. And, even though I’m pushing them, straining them, testing their endurance, I’m completely relaxed.
At the tiled T, I take three more strokes and tumble forward, driving my feet onto the wall and pushing into my flip turn. I streamline again, my head tucked under my arm, and I kick through the water until I surface.
I don’t count the meters I swim. I don’t check my split times. I just glide back and forth across the pool until my muscles burn and my lungs feel tight from the quick breaths. When I eventually stop and look up beyond the water, I see Andi.
She is sitting on one of the benches behind the blocks, her arms spread around her bent knees. “You’re a beautiful swimmer. I saw videos of you on the Internet, and I’ve seen the pictures in your house, but they’re nothing like what I just saw. You’re so—”
“Come here.”
Her brows rise. “Want me to get you something to drink?”
I growl, moving to the edge of the pool. “No, I need you. Take off your clothes, and get in here.”
She doesn’t hesitate. She doesn’t even appear to think about it.
Damn, that’s something I love about her. Always down for anything, especially when it involves what I want to do to her body.
She lifts the sweater over her head and kicks off her knee-high boots. The jeans come off next. She doesn’t move as fast while she unclasps her bra and drops her panties. It’s as though she’s trying to tease me. And it works.
That fucking body.
Exactly the way I remember it. And as perfect, as smooth, as curvy as I want it to be.
She sits on the side of the pool, her feet dangling in the water, and I take off my goggles and cap as I swim over to her.
“You’re so warm,” she says as my arm rests across her thighs.
“The water shouldn’t feel cold. It’s temperature controlled.”
“I can’t feel anything but you, Adrian.”
I slip out of my jammers and pull her in without warning. Her laugh echoes throughout the glass room, and I spread her legs around me, holding her against the wall of the pool.
“Wow, that didn’t take long.” She’s referring to my hard-on, which she grinds her pussy over. “It feels like you missed me.”
“You have no fucking idea,” I growl.
I kiss across her neck and up her cheek and stop at her mouth. I don’t give her my tongue. I just press my lips to hers and breathe her in. She releases the softest moans as she rubs her clit over the crown of my dick.
“Stop teasing me,” she says.
“I want to eat your entire body before you get my cock. First, with my tongue. Then, with my teeth.”
Her neck tilts back, and I lick up her whole throat.
“No.”
“No?” I question.
“No.” She chews on her lips until she has my full attention.
It’s hard to drag my eyes off her tits, but I do.
“You can eat me later. We have all night and every night following for the rest of our lives. Right now, I want your cock, and I’m begging you to give it to me.”
“Fuck, how can I say no to a demand like that?”
I press my dick against the entrance of her pussy, and the tip slips inside. I hiss from the warmth and tightness, and she drives her hips forward, so I can give her more. When I don’t move, she runs her nails over my head.
“I want your long hair to grow back,” she groans.
I arch my back and feed her another inch.
“And your beard.” Her hands move to my face, rubbing the stubble that has grown since this morning.
“You miss the roughness?” I run my whiskers over her chest, grazing across each nipple. Then, I soothe each one by sucking the hardness into my mouth.
“I miss everything about it, especially the way it felt between my legs.”
I fucking love when she speaks that way, when she tells me what she wants me to do to her body.
“More,” she begs.
“Shit, Andi.”
I rock my hips back and plunge in halfway. The deeper I go, the more her pussy stretches to fit me. I haven’t forgotten how good she feels. But, now that I’m fully in, the tightness, the wetness, the hotness that closes in around me is so much more intense than what I remember.
“Yes,” she breathes. “Finally.”
She trembles against the side of the pool while I pump in and out of her, digging her nails into my shoulders, closing her legs around me. The way her pussy clenches my cock tells me how close she is. I don’t want her to fight it and wait for me to come. So, I press a finger against her clit. She bucks as soon as I circle around it.
“Tell me how good it feels,” I demand.
“I’m…” Her teeth stab my bottom lip. “Oh God.”
She shudders against me, moaning out her release, her pussy turning so tight that she clutches my dick as she comes.
“Tell me, Andi.”
“You make me feel so incredible.” As her hips still, her arms move around my neck, and she brings me in closer. “Your turn.” She runs her tongue over my lips. “And don’t hold back, Adrian. I want it as hard and as fast as you can give it to me.”
I keep my hand on her clit and circle that tight bud to build her back up again. With my other hand, I squeeze her ass, pushing against it to bring her in
deeper and pulling back to tease my tip. Then, I drive in once more, twisting my hips to reach that sensitive spot.
“I’m so close,” she groans into my mouth.
As my orgasm nears, my thrusts become harder. I’m fully buried, using punishing, strong strokes, and her pussy begins to milk everything out of me. I don’t pull out. I shoot straight into her, listening to her get off, feeling her tighten, working her clit as hard as I’m working her hole.
“Whoa,” she sighs, slowly panting into my chest. “You are something else, Hat Boy.”
I growl and kiss my favorite spot just below her ear.
“Are you hungry?” she asks. “I could make us—”
“You’re all the food I need today. Don’t even think about moving.”
She laughs. “So, you do plan on eating me?”
I lift her onto the edge of the pool and pull myself out of the water. Then, I lean down and pick her up, wrapping her legs around my waist again.
“After I carry you to the shower and get this chlorine off our bodies, that’s exactly what I plan to do.”
She leans into my neck and kisses it. “That was what I was hoping you’d say.”
Andi
Adrian presses me against the wall just inside the front door of his Colorado home. Being here with him has been the closest to living as we’ve gotten. Though we’ve mostly stayed behind closed doors, the last couple of months have been busy with endorsements and training. I’ve slowly been slipping back into writing, working on my first novel—a personal story I’m not sure I’ll ever have the courage to publish.
“God, Andi, I hate that I can’t go with you,” Adrian says as he runs his knuckles across my cheek.
The way he’s looking at me, like I’m his most prized possession, makes my legs weak and my pulse thump. I’ve dreamed about our freedom, and now that we finally have it, I don’t want to let go. Not even for a second.
“I won’t be gone long. Just a couple of days. By the time I get back, you’ll have your commercial taken care of, and we’ll do something special.”
He gives me one of his lopsided grins, and all I can do is laugh. I don’t need any clues to know what he’s thinking. Just from his expression, I can tell he’s picturing me dropping my clothes at the side of the pool and sliding into the water with him. Other than our bed, it’s been his favorite place to play.
“You’re right; we will do something very special,” he says as his lips barely brush against mine. There’s so much promise in his almost kiss, it makes me want to stay even more.
As much as I want him, he still senses my nerves, and I feel some of his in return.
“You’re scared,” he says as he cups my jaw and forces me to look into his eyes.
It’s not a question, rather an observation I can’t hide, no matter how hard I try. I thought I was doing a good job of convincing him I was ready for this. I guess I was wrong.
“Do you know what it’s like to want something so badly and not be sure if you can ever have it?” I ask him. It’s only after I say the words that I realize I shouldn’t have.
From the way Adrian’s looking at me, he’s assuming the worst. There’s sadness and so much seriousness in his expression. “Yeah, Andi, I do.”
“Oh,” I whisper. “I didn’t mean…” I don’t know what I meant.
He presses my face into the crook of his neck and holds me there. “We’ll never have to worry about that again. You’re mine now—forever.”
I thought about how I would feel if Adrian ever said those words. No amount of imagining could compare to the actual moment. And nothing could have prepared me for what he was going to say next.
“Andi, you’re going to get a ring and the wedding of your dreams and as many babies as you want. I’m going to give everything to you. Just promise me one thing…”
“Anything,” I tell him, meaning those three syllables more than ever.
“Promise me you’re coming back.”
Going to Florida for the end of Brooks’s trial won’t be easy. I’ve been listening to Camille go through the daily proceedings and cataloging all the information she’s been force-feeding me. I’ve been dreading this day, and now that Adrian thinks there’s a chance I might not return to Colorado, well, that completely devastates me.
Even though I already told Brooks to fuck off, I have no choice. I have to show my face, speak my piece, and then walk away one last time.
“I’m ready to do this, Adrian. I’m ready to put Brooks behind me, to put Florida and all the bad parts of New York behind me. I’m ready to move on with you.”
This is what I’ve wanted—to be free of Brooks. But, to be truly free of him, I have to walk into a courtroom full of strangers and look darkness straight in the eye. I have to prove that, while I was knocked down, battered and bruised, I’m still standing tall. That nothing Brooks did could permanently break me even though he came close.
There’s always a chance I won’t be able to look at him. There’s a possibility I’ll feel like a coward when I’m too petrified to stand up for myself. It would be so much easier if they could put him on trial without me. Then, I wouldn’t have to let the memories creep back in, especially when I’ve been working so hard to keep them away.
But then I stop and think about what could go right, and that, no matter how unnerving this process is, it’s my closure. I have the opportunity to showcase my strength. My heart isn’t useless anymore. It’s pumping to the beat of Adrian’s, and we’re perfectly in sync.
I give Adrian one last kiss and a reassuring squeeze on the back of his neck. “This trip is for us. I promise, I’m coming back to you.”
He closes his eyes and presses his forehead to mine, soaking up my promise and trusting it. “I believe you,” he finally says.
Plucking his navy Yankees hat off his head, I slip it on and tuck my hair behind my ears. I can’t bring myself to say good-bye, so I settle for, “See you soon.”
He’s quiet as I walk away, so quiet the ache in my chest returns.
“Hey, Andi!” he yells when the driver takes my bag and opens the car door for me.
I don’t have to shield my eyes from the sun; the hat does it for me. But it’s not the sun I have to worry about; it’s Adrian’s blinding smile. “Yeah?” I say with a smile to match.
“I love you.”
The ache is replaced by warmth. “I love you, too.”
Flying first class is a new experience, one I wasn’t expecting. Leave it to Adrian to upgrade me without telling me. After I send him a text, thanking him for splurging, I sit back in my seat and close my eyes.
The next time they open, the plane is landing in Miami. I didn’t realize how exhausted I really was, but I’m thankful that I was able to sleep without nightmares.
After letting Adrian know I’ve safely landed, I pull my suitcase behind me and wait on the other side of baggage claim for Camille to pick me up. Cars, taxis, and shuttle buses flood the roadway, and for a minute, I worry I’ll never be able to find her. But standing on the sidewalk a few feet away, my best friend is holding a sign that says Mrs. Dillon.
My cheeks flame as I walk toward her and her silly sign. “You’re going to jinx us by doing that kind of stuff,” I tell her even though I’m not the least bit bothered by her gesture.
“Oh, come on,” she says. “You’re already halfway down the aisle. It’s just a matter of time.”
“So he says,” I tell her. “I guess we’ll see.”
I’ve learned not to get my hopes up when it comes to commitments. I’ve always had the wrong love at the wrong time. As strongly as I believe I could finally have the right love at the right time, I’m not letting my mind go there until Adrian’s down on one knee, waiting for me to say yes.
I get butterflies just thinking about a proposal, and Camille spends the entire drive telling me all the reasons why it’s going to happen—sooner rather than later. I let her get it all out, even playing along with her fairy tale. By the
time we have dinner and I lay my head on the pillow in the hotel, I realize our fairy tale is all I have to hold on to now that Adrian’s arms aren’t around me.
Come morning, I give myself a little pep talk in the shower. By the time I’m dressed and done with my hair, I’m feeling almost as good as I was last night.
Despite the traffic, the taxi gets us to the courthouse in plenty of time. But, as usual, my timing sucks. Brooks is being ushered into the courthouse the same time I’m stepping out of the cab. A little bit of my confidence disappears, and I worry this is just the beginning.
His eyes lock with mine, and the pang low in my gut makes all the coffee I drank slosh around in my stomach. It mixes with the vile grin he gives me, like he still believes he has all the power, and I almost gag.
“Just keep walking, Andi,” Camille tells me as she links her arm through mine, leading us inside.
I put one foot in front of the other, all while Brooks’s eyes bore a hole into the back of my head. He might not be able to touch me, but the promise in his hateful expression is enough to send me back to the floor of the closet in his condo. He’s hovering over the top of me with his fist in the air, ready to strike. The bone in my cheek aches from where his knuckles made contact.
“I think I’m going to throw up.”
Camille makes a detour to the ladies’ room, and I’m thankful she hasn’t tried to convince me that I’m okay—because, right now, I’m not. My thoughts are playing games with me, mean and nasty ones, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Brooks’s hate lives inside me, and it always reminds me at the worst possible times how little control I really have.
With my palms pressed against the countertop, I want to scream.
Don’t let him do this, Andi.
Breathing the way Adrian taught me, I ignore the ache in my chest and the lump in my throat. It’s not going to slow me down. Neither will the headaches, the scars, or the doubt.
“Am I going to have to talk to Brooks?” I ask Camille as I let the cold water run over my wrists. It’s the only thing that helps me calm down. A little trick I learned when I was having dizzy spells on a daily basis.