by Wallace, Amy
1. Charles Hallahan’s head detaches itself from his body, sprouts spider legs, and scurries around all over the damn place in John Carpenter’s version of The Thing (one of three or four scenes from The Thing that could be on this list).
2. A lawyer gets sliced in half by a sliding glass door—then, for fun, the front of his body slides down the glass so we can see into the back half of his body—in Thir13en Ghosts.
3. Bruce Campbell cuts off his own possessed hand, and yet the little bastard keeps coming, in Evil Dead 2.
4. John Hurt gives birth to an adorable baby alien—through his stomach—in Alien.
5. A straight razor cuts open Simone Mareuli’s eye in Un Chien Andalou (from 1929!!).
6. An almost completely decapitated zombie jolts his body forward so that his head flips back up like a Pez dispenser’s to bite an unsuspecting victim in Land of the Dead.
7. James Kirk (not the Captain) is flattened Wile E. Coyote–style (only a lot bloodier) by a falling pane of glass in Final Destination 2.
8. Bill Moseley gets all Jim Henson-y on Kate Norby when he taunts her by using her husband’s face as a puppet, and then forces her to wear it as a mask, in The Devil’s Rejects. The nut!
9. Eihi Shiina gleefully saws off Ryo Ishibashi’s foot with piano wire—for a good long while—in Audition.
10. A lovable zombie baby plays peekaboo with a woman’s face in Dead-Alive (laugh away—it’s only funny till it happens to you).
11. A falling church steeple crushes Adam Buxton’s head into his body, yet he continues to stumble around for a few moments (presumably looking at his own intestines), in Hot Fuzz.
12. Cerina Vincent shaves the hair—and skin—off her legs in a super-squirm-inducing scene in Cabin Fever.
13. Paul McCrane, in Robocop, is doused by toxic waste, making his body all soft and pulpy, so that he explodes like a wet paper bag when he’s hit by a car.
14. Michael Ironside uses his kick-ass telekinetic powers to make a dude’s head explode in Scanners (and, oh, did I fantasize about having those powers when Dr. Callici would drone on endlessly about erosion in my high school earth sciences class).
15. Samantha Eggar eats the placenta from the bloody fetus growing out of her torso in The Brood.
16. Travis Bickle uses a gun to blow off a deserving scum-bucket’s hand in Taxi Driver.
17. A North Korean ice skater attempts the difficult “Iron Lotus,” only to accidentally decapitate his partner, in Blades of Glory. (Why do I feel like I’m going to be the only dude mentioning Blades of Glory in TheBookofLists:Horror?)
18. An unhappy housewife uses steel wool to scrub her lips until they’re bloody, then uses scissors to cut them off in the short film Cutting Moments.* (This scene almost made me faint when I saw it at Montreal’s Fantasia Film Festival in 1997.)
19. Albert Dupontel uses a fire extinguisher to bash another dude’s face into pulp—in one glorious, awful shot (almost certainly the most violent shot in movie history)—in Irréversible.
*The editors note that Cutting Moments, written and directed by Douglas Buck, can be found on the DVD Family Portraits: A Trilogy of America.
TIM SULLIVAN’S THIRTEEN FAVORITE
“SPLATSTICK” MOMENTS
Tim Sullivan began his career pumping fake blood for the horror flick The Deadly Spawn (1983).In1990, Tim moved to L.A., where he worked in development at New Line
Cinema for five years. It was there that he first encountered Detroit Rock City (1999), which he eventually coproduced, finding himself yet again pumping fake blood—though this time for Gene Simmons of KISS. Having formed New Rebellion Entertainment, Tim made his directorial debut with the horror-comedy 2001 Maniacs (2005), followed by a complete flip in vibe, Driftwood (2006), a character driven supernatural teen thriller described as “Stand by Me meets Ghost Story.” Next up was a double dose of 2001 Maniacs: first, the graphic novel from Avatar Press, followed by Beverly Hellbillys, the film’s much-anticipated sequel.
Horror and comedy have brushed shoulders for quite some time, be it the subtle gallows humor darkly shading the films of James Whale, or the not-so-subtle hijinks of Abbott and Costello’s raucous encounters with Frankenstein, Dracula, the Wolf Man, and so on. For my buck, however, it wasn’t until “Godfather of Gore” Herschell Gordon Lewis came on the scene in 1964 that death became the actual punch line of a murderous joke, giving birth to what I’ve always referred to as splatstick.
It’s just a joke, ye would-be offended viewers and critics alike! Vaudeville with violence! Burlesque with blood! A gruesome illusion, not unlike the mustachioed magician sawing his nubile assistant in half. Blood, boobs, and laffs, decidedly not drawn out in cringe-inducing sequences of realistic torture—but cartoonish blasts of splat where the victim “dies” before he or she even knows what hit ’em!
And then the boulder falls and crushes the unsuspecting lovely lady below! Drum roll please . . .Groan. Laugh. Badabump!
I’ve always preferred this type of mayhem in my horror, hence the homage to Herschell with 2001 Maniacs. But between HGL’s original and my remake, many others have left a bloody mess on the silver screen with their own brand of splatstick. In chronological order, here are my personal favorites. . . .
1. Two Thousand Maniacs! (1964) Directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis
Okay, okay. An obvious choice, I know, but c’mon! How could this list not begin in Pleasant Valley?! Although Blood Feast was Herschell’s first foray into this warped turf, it is here that he perfects and defines the splatstick genre with creatively gory setups and payoffs right out of a Warner Brothers Road Runner cartoon. Blood-soaked and feather-plucked, of course.
Highlight splatstick moment: The Barrel Roll, complete with railroad spikes to “tickle ya a little on the way down.” And for those diehards who missed this scene in 2001 Maniacs—don’t’cha worry yourself none! We’ve got ya covered in the sequel, Beverly Hellbillys. Yee haw!
2. I Drink Your Blood (1970) Directed by David Durston
Though it was no doubt hard to laugh through the turbulent and tragic tail end of the sixties, this delirious grindhouse classic, produced by the aptly named Jerry Gross, offers drug-induced splatstick as a shocking antidote to the real-life horrors of the likes of Charlie Manson. For doubters and haters, you might want to take the advice of the film’s villain, the one and only Horace Bones: “Satan was an acid-head. Drink from his cup. Pledge yourselves, and together we’ll all freak out!”
Highlight splatstick moment: Between rabies, meat pies, dead goats, stray electric carving knives, and hippie maniacs, it’s kind of hard to choose just one, but ever since I saw this on a double bill with IEat Your Skin at my local drive-in as an impressionable youth, the image of that skinny old man in his nasty long johns puking up his dirty dentures while being choked to death remains burned into my brain like a bad trip. Not that I would know . . .
3. Theatre of Blood (1973) Directed by Douglas Hickox
William Shakespeare plus Vincent Price equals . . . splatstick? You bet your bum! There’s definitely something rotten here in Denmark—the foul stench of Price’s victims in this delicious British delight that masterfully combines wit, intelligence, and some of the most gruesome splatstick ever seen in a studio film, astonishingly, made by highbrow talent both behind and in front of the camera.
Highlight splatstick moment: For anyone who ever doubted that Billy Shakespeare was a sick bastard, check out the scene inspired by his play Titus Andronicus, where Price force-feeds glutton Robert Morley the creamed corpses of his dead, beloved poodles. Hmmm. To bleed or not to bleed. Is there really any question?
4. Dawn of the Dead (1978) Directed by George A. Romero
Ten years after his own über-serious, groundbreaking Night of theLivingDead, the ever-socially aware George Romero injected a heavy dose of humor into his follow-up, a “goregasm” of blood-drenched levity much welcomed as the seventies came to a close, a decade scarred by both the aftermath of Vietnam and
Watergate, as well as celluloid exorcists, omens, and Amityville horrors inspired by “true-life stories.” Both metaphorically and on screen, Romero literally threw a pie in the face of his zombies, taking movie gore to never-before-seen levels and to a height of popularity that would make a superstar out of FX artist Tom Savini, spawn the birth of horror’s New Testament, Fangoria magazine, and single-handedly set the stage for the most prolific splatstick decade yet—the eighties.
Highlight splatstick moment: Hands down, the helicopter decapitation. Fucking classic. If you don’t know the scene, you’re probably not reading this book! One wide shot with no edits and no CGI. This is how they do it old school, folks. It worked then. It works now. And it’ll work forever. Bless you, George.
5. Motel Hell (1980) Directed by Kevin Connor
A twisted tale that could truly have come straight from the crypt, this was a breath of fresh air in the wake of unimaginative Halloween rip-offs. Kicking off the eighties’ Golden Era of Splatstick, this quirky, colorful, perverse treat threw down the gauntlet and raised the bar for inspired mayhem. To this then 16-year-old, bored by a routine diet of kitchen knives, machetes, and hockey masks, this gourmet feast of Farmer Vincent Fritters was one helluva Happy Meal!
Highlight splatstick moment: Brother and Sister Vincent and Ida lovingly and meticulously harvest their “crop”—a garden of shell-shocked victims buried neck-deep in the dirt, their throats slit so they can’t scream for help! And all in the new process of Ultra Stereo! Are we having fun yet?
6. An American Werewolf in London (1981) Directed by John Landis
Hands down, the greatest horror comedy ever made, this film gives it to you both ways, with serious scares that jolt you out of your seat and comic moments that make you piss your pants. Either way, you’re on the floor in this one-of-a-kind return to “Monster Movie” territory helmed by a filmmaker as equally a Master of Comedy as he is a Master of Horror. And if that ain’t splatstick, what the hell is?
Highlight splatstick moment: In an unforgettable scene that manages to be gross, frightening, and funny, hospital patient and werewolf victim David Naughton is visited from beyond the grave by his wisecracking best friend Griffin Dunne: “You ever try being a corpse? It’s boring!”
7. Return of the Living Dead (1985) Directed by Dan O’Bannon
Looking back, it’s easy for me to see that no single period has had more impact on the type of movies I wanted to make than from the release of this film in summer of 1985 to the release of Evil Dead 2 in 1987 a mere two summers later. From Dead to Dead, these two years were virtual nirvana for me, an adrenalin rush provided by filmmakers outdoing and out-grossing each other, pushing the genre to new heights of inspired bad taste in order to shake audiences out of their numb immunity to repetitive on-screen horrors. Simple knife slit ain’t doing it for ya? How about chasing and chopping up a naked corpse? No? Okay, what do ya say to a living severed head actually giving head to a spread-eagled hapless chick? Still don’t grab you. Okay . . . how about an eyeball popping out of its socket and landing in the wide open mouth of a gaping, shocked onlooker? Nope? Okay, Mr. Kaufman—I think it’s up to you. You got Toxie with ya? Bring ’em on! You get the picture . . .
Highlight splatstick moment: For me, O’Bannon’s film is the most consistently splatstick flick from beginning to end. There are so many highlights, it’s hard to pick one. I can say that the Best All-Time Splatstick Performance Award goes to James Karen. That tireless old-timer truly understood what film he was in. And the gusto and glee he brings to the role is exactly what the splatstick vibe is all about. But forced to pick one, the classic moment for me is the zombie attack on the fleeing cops; that awesome overhead shot of the cops rushing in—only to run away as the zombies enter the frame, followed by a lovely bloodbath of flesh eating, then . . . wait for it . . . culminating in the alltime classic splatstick line of dialogue: “Send . . . more . . . paramedics!”
8. Re-Animator (1985) Directed by Stuart Gordon
As if Return of the Living Dead wasn’t enough to make one bust a nut in 1985, this gem came along and introduced us to Stuart Gordon and Jeremy Combs, while reacquainting us with goo master H. P. Lovecraft. Surely the most sexual splatstick, the gleeful depravity of Gordon’s vision is both unsettling and seductive—which is just as it should be!
Highlight splatstick moment: Yeah, yeah, yeah—the aforementioned “head” scene is surely the first thing that comes to mind to most who have experienced this flick, but for my money (and God knows I have spent quite a bit of it over the years rebuying “new and improved” versions of this one!), the scene that completely won me over and made me a lifelong fan is the post-decapitation scene, where a petulant and annoyed Combs unsuccessfully tries to prop David Gale’s severed head upright in a specimen tray before nonchalantly impaling it on a metal spike. Head on his shoulders and head on his desk indeed!
9. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) Directed by Tobe Hooper
Just as Romero reinvented his Living Dead baby with Dawn, here Tobe Hooper takes the solemn documentary tone of his original Massacre and gives it an eighties makeover. Anyone who expected a serious horror film and complained afterwards should be ground into chili. Didn’t the movie’s ad campaign, brilliantly parodying The Breakfast Club, give ya a clue? This was splatstick thru and Grue, where flesh was meat and Dennis Hopper was over-the-top and the counterculture was dead and Reagan was President and anyone who thought Steven Spielberg really directed Poltergeist deserved a slap in the face!
Highlight splatstick moment: Hmmm . . . Leatherface masturbating with his chainsaw or Bill Moseley’s seminal Chop Top picking at the metal plate in his head with a molten wire hanger. I’m gonna piss off Joan Crawford and go with the wire hanger.
10. Toxic Avenger (1986) Directed by Lloyd Kaufman
If Herschell is the Godfather of Gore, then Lloyd is its perverted uncle. You know, the kind that showed you and your buddies stag movies when your parents weren’t around? And even gave you lube? Oh—that never happened to you? That’s a shame . . . What can one say about a man who has made a lifelong commitment to splatstick, not just by churning out film after film, but by forming a company (more like a religion), Troma, whose sole agenda is to spread the Gospel of Splatstick throughout the world like some sick Scientologist with Apostles such as James Gunn and Joe Lynch? One can say—thank you, and embrace the world of Lloyd Kaufman and kneel at the feet of Toxie, the Son He has sent to live among us. As Keith Richards is to rock ’n’ roll, Lloyd Kaufman is to splatstick, and when all the others have come and gone, Lloyd will still be there making us vomit with laughter.
Highlight splatstick moment: The moment I personally will always try to top in terms of milking a moment dry: the car crash. Gruesome, shocking, and outlandish enough as it is, but to then take it even further up a notch by having the witnesses, just when you are expecting them to help, instead whip out a Polaroid camera and begin snapping photos of the flattened victims? Genius. Fucked up, but genius nonetheless.
11. Evil Dead 2 (1987) Directed by Sam Raimi
Ah . . . the two-year bliss comes to an end with this, a truly screwball splatstick that has given many, myself included, whiplash from the sheer velocity of gore-rific pandemonium on display. Yes, Virginia, Sam Raimi once made films besides Spider-Man, and this masterpiece is a monument to his studio-unencumbered edge. With Bruce Campbell playing Johnny Depp to Sam’s Tim Burton, there are few films that are such perfect incarnations of themselves. Everything works, and it all works without bloated computer effects and intruding studio executives and a fivemonth shooting schedule. It’s organic. It’s real. It’s “on the spot” and it’s eternally fresh. What punk rock is to music, EvilDead2 is to horror. Dead by Dawn? Never.
Highlight splatstick moment: Hands down (bad pun intended): the sequence where Ash wrestles with his own severed hand. Jim Carrey, go home!
12. Dead-Alive (1993) Directed by Peter Jackson
Proving Americans don’t ha
ve the edge on mental illness, this import from New Zealand shows, like EvilDead2 does, that budding filmmakers with dubious imaginations can go on to make multimillion-dollar movies and be awarded Oscars. So next time some preacher/teacher/parent wags their finger at you for playing with latex guts and Karo syrup in your basement and filming it all with your cell phone camera, just tell them to go talk to Sam Raimi or Peter Jackson!
Highlight splatstick moment: Guess I’m just a sucker for a scene of mayhem gleefully documented by a loony onlooker (see Toxic Avenger highlight), but my favorite Dead-Alive scene is at the zoo, when the rat monkey tears apart a guest—then cut to, of all people, Uncle Forry “Famous Monsters” Ackerman, zealously taking a picture with his outdated Brownie camera. Talk about a Kodak moment.
13. Slither (2006) Directed by James Gunn
Anyone notice the gap between this splatstick and the last? Yep, thirteen years, folks. Thirteen years. Never has there been such a dry spell. (Sorry, but although so many of Freddy’s nightmares and Jason’s Fridays feature inspired splatstick deaths, the tired rehashes just don’t rate “Top” anything, as Freddy and Jason were never intended to be silly or parodic.) After such an explosion of creativity in the eighties, the well ultimately dried up, yielding to an unfortunate nineties philosophy that horror was dead, and that the only way to approach the genre was with selfaware satires starring pouty Fox and WB starlets who had a week off from filming Melrose Place (thanks, Kevin Williamson). Talk about a cock tease—with their corporate studio fear of offending and a ruining desire to “play it safe,” these flicks gave any cardcarrying splatstick fan a bad case of blue balls.