by Wallace, Amy
17. You Can’t Cheat the Devil— It’s crazy to make a pact with the Devil—everyone knows the Devil always wins—but in story after story, people go ahead and do it anyway. Tedious variation on #16. Last really satisfying example: Christopher Marlowe’s Dr. Faustus (1588). Two notable exceptions: William Hjortsberg’s Falling Angel (from which, the film Angel Heart) and Stephen Vincent Benét’s “The Devil and Daniel Webster,” in which humanity triumphs at last.
18. Cannibals— Funeral ends with eating of the corpse, an isolated town barbecues unlucky strangers, an odd-tasting dinner turns out to be old Fred, etc. A cute variation that we ran at Twilight Zone, D. J. Pass’s “Anniversary Dinner,” had a couple of sweet senior citizens boiling a stoned-out-of-her-gourd young hippie in their hot tub.
19. Yankee, Go Home!— Modern-day urban paranoia. Visiting a sinister, isolated community—often, but not necessarily, a small Southern town—a traveler discovers that, despite the locals’ sleepy rustic smiles, some terrible rite is about to be enacted. Sometimes this turns out to be a variation on #18 (as in Richard Matheson’s “The Children of Noah,” a nasty bit of sadism set in coastal Maine), but it can also be a satanic mass (as in Algernon Blackwood’s “Ancient Sorceries,” in which a charming French hamlet is populated by witches with a penchant for turning themselves into cats) or some sort of age-old pagan sacrifice (as in the film The Wicker Man, set on an isolated Scottish island). Grossest example: the exploitation film Two Thousand Maniacs!, in which, as a sort of gory centennial, a resurrected town in Dixie slaughters several Yankee tourists in vengeance for the Civil War.
20. The Jaws of Sex— Still more paranoia. The hero or heroine (sometimes with dishonorable intentions) meets an attractive stranger, perhaps in a bar, and anticipates a night of romance. The shock comes when they climb between the sheets: The stranger turns out to be a vampire, werewolf, alien, squid, giant spider, or gelatinous mass—all the things we’ve feared in a one-night stand. Most famous example: William Sansom’s “A Woman Seldom Found,” whose arm snakes out across the room and switches off the light. Niftiest example: “Honeymoon,” by Joe R. Lansdale and Roy Fish, in which a murderer’s intended prey announces before bedtime that she’s going to “change into something more comfortable”—and reappears as a werewolf.
21. Gotcha!— Stories that end with “And then the great jaws opened,” “And then it sprang,” “And then it was upon him,” or “He had time for one final scream.” Cf. William Tenn’s classic “The Human Angle”: “Because her teeth were in his throat.” Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery”—a memorable variation on type #19—ends just as bleakly: “ ‘It isn’t fair, it isn’t right,’ Mrs. Hutchinson screamed, and then they were upon her.” Often the ending is a moral one: Mass murderer gets comeuppance when seemingly helpless victim turns out to be a monster (see #20, above).
22. The Punch Line— Beloved by Robert Bloch, this type of story carries a gruesome pun at the end. (The last line, as you might expect, is usually written first.) Examples: Bloch’s “Catnip” (“Cat got your tongue?”) and “The Night Before Christmas” (“Louise was decorating the Christmas tree”—with her organs festooned among the branches). Cf. lots of Fredric Brown short-shorts.
Most Familiar Horror Plot #22, “The Punch Line” (Illustration by Peter Kuper, used by permission)
23. It Was Only a Dream— Believe it or not, this one wasn’t retired with Alice in Wonderland. Variations are still being dreamed up. The most popular of them deserves a title of its own: I Thought It Was Only a Dream—But It Turned Out to Be All Too Real!
24. Trick or Treat!— Costumed Halloween celebrants turn out to be monsters, aliens, ghouls, dead kids, etc. Sometimes they take revenge on a child-killer, the sort who’d hide razor blades in apples. Cf. variations by Ray Bradbury.
25. Ho Ho Ho!— A UFO sighted over the North Pole in late December is taken for a Russian sneak attack—but it turns out to be Guess Who. Commonly submitted in winter. Most frequent ending: “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”
— Originally appeared in a slightly different form in Raising Goosebumps for Fun and Profit (Footsteps Press, 1989), reprinted by permission of the author
TWENTY GREAT ENDINGS IN HORROR FICTION
1. “The hammering and the voices and the barking dog grew fainter, and ‘Oh, god,’ he thought, ‘what a bloody silly way to die . . .’ ”
—“Don’t Look Now” by Daphne du Maurier
2. “ ‘You won’t know till afterward,’ she said. ‘You won’t know till long, long afterward.’ ”
—“Afterward” by Edith Wharton
3. “Shiloh doesn’t care.”
—Red Dragon by Thomas Harris
4. “I am legend.”
—I Am Legend by Richard Matheson
5. “Entertainment for the penguins.”
—Flicker by Theodore Roszak
6. “When Marge arrived tonight, she would watch over Dunlap while the one-armed man and the son in need of a father would ride out to check the steers, and in the meantime, Slaughter leaned back, smiling, as the setting sun cast an alpenglow on Lucas who rode straight and strong, and a colt veered from its mother, and they gamboled in the sun.”
—The Totem by David Morrell
7. “His unending fury.”
—Christine by Stephen King
8. “I have never, for one instant of her life, wished her harm.”
—The Lizard’s Tail by Marc Brandel
9. “ ‘It isn’t fair, it isn’t right,’ Mrs. Hutchinson screamed, and then they were upon her.”
—“The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson
10. “‘I’ll let you know immediately I get out of the wood,’ she promised. ‘It’s one of those things you have to live through until you emerge the other side.’ ”
—“Into the Wood” by Robert Aickman
11. “Well—that paper wasn’t a photograph of any background, after all. What it shewed was simply the monstrous being he was painting on that awful canvas. It was the model he was using—and its background was merely the wall of the cellar studio in minute detail. But by God, Eliot, it was a photograph from life.”
—“Pickman’s Model” by H. P. Lovecraft
12. “All of them had his face.”
—“Sandkings” by George R. R. Martin
13. “Roger tried to scream but his mouth and lungs were full of filth.”
—“The Bushmaster” by Conrad Hill
14. “God help me, it’s the doorbell.”
—“But At My Back I Always Hear” by David Morrell
15. “Then the beautiful house was no longer quiet, for there rang a bright freezing scream of laughter, the perfect sound to accompany a passing anecdote of some obscure hell.”
—“The Frolic” by Thomas Ligotti
16. “And let God sort it out.”
—The Scream by John Skipp and Craig Spector
17. “It was not until they had examined the rings that they recognized who it was.”
—The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
18. “It is no ordinary skeleton.”
—The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux
19. “I have no mouth. And I must scream.”
—“I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream” by Harlan Ellison
20. “Someone has already taken out a Minolta cellular phone and called for a car, and then, when I’m not really listening, watching instead someone who looked remarkably like Marcus Halberstam paying a check, someone asks, simply, not in relation to anything, ‘Why?’ and though I’m very proud that I have cold blood and that I can keep my nerve and do what I’m supposed to do, I catch something, then realize it: Why? and automatically answering, out of the blue, for no reason, just opening my mouth, words coming out, summarizing for the idiots: ‘Well, though I know I should have done that instead of not doing it, I’m twenty-seven for Christ sakes and this is, uh, how life presents itself in a bar or in a club in New York, maybe any
where, at the end of the century and how people, you know, me, behave, and this is what being Patrick means to me, I guess, so, well, yup, uh . . .’ and this is followed by a sigh, and above one of the doors covered by red velvet drapes in Harry’s is a sign and on the sign in letters that match the drapes’ color are the words this is not an exit.”
—American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis
— Compiled by S.B. and A.W.
CHAPTER 3
“They Did the Monster Mash . . .”
A LITTLE NIGHTMARE MUSIC
EIGHT HORROR NOTABLES WHO HAVE
DIRECTED MUSIC VIDEOS
1. John Skipp (author of The Long Last Call and coauthor of The Light at the End)
“The Disappearing Heart”—Also
2. E. Elias Merhige (director of Begotten and Shadow of the Vampire)
“Anti-Christ Superstar”—Marilyn Manson
“Cryptorchid”—Marilyn Manson
“Serpentia”—Glenn Danzig
3. John Landis (director of An American Werewolf in London)
“Thriller”—Michael Jackson
4. George A. Romero (director of Night of the Living Dead and Martin)
“Kick It”—Peaches featuring Iggy Pop
5. Jim Van Bebber (director of The Manson Family)
“They Dwell Beneath”—Necrophagia
6. Jörg Buttgereit (director of Nekromantik and Schramm)
“Die Neue Zeit”—Mutter
“Rise Up”—Die Krupps
7. Richard Stanley (director of Hardware and Dust Devil)
“The Body”—Public Image Ltd.
“Preacher Man”—Fields of the Nephilim
“Blue Water”—Fields of the Nephilim
8. Donald Cammell (codirector of Performance and director of White of the Eye)
“Pride (In the Name of Love)”—U2
“All You Zombies”—The Hooters
— Compiled by S.B.
DAVID T. WILBANKS’S TEN FAVORITE
DARK WORKS OF CLASSICAL MUSIC
When he’s not working his day job or listening to loads of music, David T. Wilbanks writes. He is the author of many nonfiction articles and short stories for various horror publications, has coedited the acclaimed small press anthology Damned Nation, and is the coauthor, with Mark Justice, of Dead Earth: The Green Dawn, a dark science fiction novella available from PS Publishing. Check out his Web site for more news at www.davidtwilbanks.com.
1. “Night on Bald Mountain,” by Modest Mussorgsky: A powerful tone poem depicting a witches’ sabbath. The Disney film Fantasia is one place to make its acquaintance.
2. “In the Hall of the Mountain King,” from Peer Gynt by Edvard Grieg: This music, written for the play, lives up to its title—complete with trolls.
3. “Der Doppelganger,” from the lieder cycle Schwanengesang by Franz Schubert: A man sees his tormented self outside the house of a lost love. A tragic song.
4. Dracula, by Phillip Feeney: This is music to a ballet about Stoker’s legendary creation. Put this on and enjoy the creepy atmosphere.
5. “The Isle of the Dead,” by Sergei Rachmaninoff: Another tone poem, this one based on the bleak painting by Swiss artist Arnold Böcklin.
6. “Danse Macabre,” by Camille Saint-Saëns: This famous work portrays dancing Halloween skeletons with Death itself playing a tune on the violin.
7. “Atmospheres,” by György Ligeti: Used to great effect in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey. If you like this, Ligeti has much more to offer for those with a taste for the bizarre.
8. Nocturne in F Minor, op. 55, no. 1, by Frédéric Chopin: A moonlit walk along a wet sidewalk with a bit of adventure along the way? Perhaps only in my mind. A haunting night piece by this sensitive composer.
9. “The Crusaders in Pskov,” from the Alexander Nevsky Cantata by Sergei Prokofiev: We’re not in Peter and the Wolf territory here. German invaders. Executions by fire. This is definitely not for the meek. The music was composed for the Sergei Eisenstein film.
10. The “Dies Irae” from Giuseppe Verdi’s Requiem: A terrifying piece for when you’re in the mood for something nearly overwhelming.
KIM NEWMAN’S TWENTY GREAT
HORROR MOVIE THEME SONGS
Kim Newman is a novelist, critic, and broadcaster. His fiction includes Anno Dracula, Life’s Lottery, and The Man From the Diogenes Club. His nonfiction includes Nightmare Movies, Horror: 100 Best Books, and Horror: Another 100 Best Books (both with
Stephen Jones), and BFI Classics studies of Cat People and Doctor Who. He is a contributing editor to Sight & Sound and Empire. Newman also wrote and directed the short film Missing Girl (available online at www.johnnyalucard.com/missinggirl.html), and has written radio and TV documentaries (BBC Radio 4’s Dicing With Dragons; Time Shift: A Study in Sherlock). His radio work includes a play for BBC Online (Mildew Manor). His Web site is www.johnnyalucard.com.
1. “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes,” written by John De Bello, performed by Lewis Lee for Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1980). An ominous march with strangled vocals, and even more strangled rhymes: “I know I’m going to miss her/a tomato ate my sister!”
2. “Ben’s Song,” written by Walter Scharf and Don Black, performed by Michael Jackson for Ben (1972). Not the least annoying aspect of the squeaky theme to this rat-movie sequel to Willard is that Jackson pronounces it “Bin.” Horrible as it seems, it was a hit.
3. “Black Leather Rock,” written by James Bernard and Joseph Losey, for The Damned (1963). Most obnoxious catchy chorus in pre-punk pop: “black leather black leather smash smash smash black leather black leather crash crash crash black leather black leather kill kill kill got that feeling black leather rock.”
4.“The Blob,” written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David, performed by the Five Blobs (actually Bernie Nee) for The Blob (1958). Probably the catchiest monster theme song, and an early work by authentic lounge geniuses. The semi-camp song must have been an afterthought, because the film itself is rather straight-faced.
5. “Burke and Hare,” written by Roger Webb and Norman Newell, performed by the Scaffold for Burke and Hare (1971). The 1960s novelty hit-makers (“Lily the Pink”) applied their sleazily jolly Liverpudlian style to a narrative song about the body-snatching team. Cheery refrain: “Burke and ’Are, beware of ’em/Burke and ’Are, the pair of ’em.”
6. “Carry on Screaming,” written by Myles Rudge and Ted Dick, performed by Jim Dale (allegedly) for Carry On Screaming (1966).
7. “Ghostbusters,” written and performed by Ray Parker Jr. for Ghostbusters (1984). The real justification for this record was to prevent “Ben’s Song” from being the biggest chart hit on this list.
8. “Green Slime,” written by Sherry Gaden, performed by the Green Slime for The Green Slime (1969). “People have looked into space with wonder/for thousands of years/wondering if life could be somewhere/and now it’s here!” And now join in on the chorus, “Greeeeen Sliiimee, ooo-ooo-oooh, Green Slime!”
9. “Hush . . . Hush, Sweet Charlotte,” written by Frank DeVol and Mack David, performed by Al Martino for Hush . . . Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964).
10. “He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask),” written and performed by Alice Cooper for Friday the 13th, Part VI: Jason Lives (1987). If Wayne and Garth had heard this, they’d have greeted Alice with, “We’re much worthier than you.”
11. “Look for a Star,” written by Mark Anthony and performed by Gary Miller during the high-wire act in Circus of Horrors (1960).
12. “Love Song for a Vampire (Theme from Bram Stoker’s Dracula),” written and performed by Annie Lennox for Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992). Like most modern theme songs, this was playing over the special effects technician credits after you left the theatre.
13. “Paper Angel,” sung by the Black Whole, in Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural (1973).
14. “Putting Out the Fire with Gasoline (Theme from Cat People),” written and performed by David Bowie for Cat People
(1982).
15. “Save the Earth,” written by Riichiro Manabe and Adryan Russ, for Godzilla vs. the Smog Monster (1971). An afterthought in the dubbing, this has the immortal verse “Save the Earth, save the Earth/There’s one solution/Stop the pollution.” Musically, a lot less pleasant than “Mosura-Yi,” the Mothra theme written by Yuji Koseki and sung by the Peanuts.
16. “Scream and Scream Again,” written by Dominic King and Tim Hayes, performed by the Amen Corner for Scream and Scream Again (1969). A rare use of a theme for scare purposes as the film cuts from Yutte Stensengaard about to be tortured to the Amen Corner belting out the screaming song in a club.
17. “Stay Forever My Love,” presumably by Orville Stoeber, from Let’s Scare Jessica to Death (1971). A genuinely creepy and oddly memorable ballad.
18. “Strange Love,” written by Harry Robinson and Frank Godwin, performed by “Tracy” for Lust for a Vampire (1970). Excruciating. On the whole, I’d rather listen to that theme song from The Lost Continent.