by Gini Koch
Rave reviews for the Alien novels:
“From alternate realities to alternate galaxies, Koch takes us on the wildest adventures. But it is the camaraderie between the characters that keeps the over-the-top tale grounded and compelling.”
—RT Book Reviews (top pick)
“Koch still pulls the neat trick of quietly weaving in plot threads that go unrecognized until they start tying together—or snapping. This is a hyperspeed-paced addition to a series that shows no signs of slowing down.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Aliens, danger, and romance make this a fast-paced, wittily written sf romantic comedy.”
—Library Journal
“Gini Koch’s Kitty Katt series is a great example of the lighter side of science fiction. Told with clever wit and non-stop pacing . . . it blends diplomacy, action and sense of humor into a memorable reading experience.”
—Kirkus
“The action is nonstop, the snark flies fast and furious. . . . Another fantastic addition to an imaginative series!”
—Night Owl Sci-Fi (top pick)
“Ms. Koch has carved a unique niche for herself in the sci-fi-romance category with this series. My only hope is that it lasts for a very long time.”
—Fresh Fiction
“This delightful romp has many interesting twists and turns as it glances at racism, politics, and religion en route . . . will have fanciers of cinematic sf parodies referencing Men in Black, Ghostbusters, and X-Men.”
—Booklist (starred review)
“I am a huge fan of Gini Koch, and this series. I adore the world building. I love the sarcasm, banter, romance, mystery, action, and a slew of superhero-like characters that stand up against evil wherever they go.”
—Gizmo’s Reviews
DAW Books Presents GINI KOCH’s
Alien Novels:
TOUCHED BY AN ALIEN
ALIEN TANGO
ALIEN IN THE FAMILY
ALIEN PROLIFERATION
ALIEN DIPLOMACY
ALIEN VS. ALIEN
ALIEN IN THE HOUSE
ALIEN RESEARCH
ALIEN COLLECTIVE
UNIVERSAL ALIEN
ALIEN SEPARATION
ALIEN IN CHIEF
CAMP ALIEN
ALIEN NATION
ALIEN EDUCATION
(coming soon from DAW)
Copyright © 2016 by Jeanne Cook.
All Rights Reserved.
Cover art by Lindsey Look.
Cover design by G-Force Design.
DAW Book Collectors No. 1741.
Published by DAW Books, Inc.
375 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014.
All characters and events in this book are fictitious.
Any resemblance to persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.
If you purchased this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may have been stolen property and reported as “unsold and destroyed” to the publisher. In such case neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this “stripped book.”
The scanning, uploading, and distribution of this book via the Internet or via any other means without the permission of the publisher is illegal, and punishable by law. Please purchase only authorized electronic editions, and do not participate in or encourage the electronic piracy of copyrighted materials. Your support of the author’s rights is appreciated.
Nearly all the designs and trade names in this book are registered trademarks. All that are still in commercial use are protected by United States and international trademark law.
Ebook ISBN: 9780756411442
DAW TRADEMARK REGISTERED
U.S. PAT. AND TM. OFF. AND FOREIGN COUNTRIES
—MARCA REGISTRADA
HECHO EN U.S.A.
Version_1
To Kenny—welcome to your own personal Alien Nation.
We’re glad you’re a part of our Alien Collective.
Contents
Praise for the Alien novels
Also by Gini Koch
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Chapter 86
Chapter 87
Chapter 88
Chapter 89
Chapter 90
Chapter 91
Chapter 92
Chapter 93
Chapter 94
Chapter 95
Chapter 96
Chapter 97
Chapter 98
Chapter 99
Chapter 100
Excerpt from Alien Education
About the Author
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
It’s that time again—time to say “thank you” to the many people who make both writing and the career that goes along with it worthwhile.
Infinite thanks to Sheila Gilbert, the most patient and excellent editor anyone could have and same again to my wonderful agent, Cherry Weiner, neither of whom screame
d “Finish the book already!” once, even though I’m sure they both wanted to multiple times. You’re the bestest in the Westest to my super critique partner, Lisa Dovichi, and the fastest beta reader around, Mary Fiore, both of whom, Lisa especially, screamed “Finish the book already!” multiple times. Couldn’t have made it through this particular challenge in deadline extension without all of you, and I’m grateful that I get to work with all of you all the time.
Love and thanks to Alexis Nixon, Kayleigh Webb, and the other good folks at Penguin Random House and everyone at DAW Books, especially Josh Starr, Sarah Guan, and Katie Hoffman for being excellent and awesome all the time. Same again to all my fans around the globe, my Hook Me Up! Gang, members of Team Gini new and old, all Alien Collective Members in Very Good Standing, Members of the Stampeding Herd, Twitter followers, Facebook fans and friends, Pinterest followers, the fabulous bookstores that support me, and all the wonderful fans who come to my various book signings and conference panels—you’re all the best and I wouldn’t want to do this without each and every one of you along for the ride.
Special love and extra shout-outs to: my wonderful assistants, Colette Chmiel and Joseph Gaxiola for continuing to fight the good fight of keeping me reasonably calm, on schedule, and somewhat coherent; Edward Pulley for continually allowing me to steal Joseph away all the time with good grace; Al Barrera for doing such a great job of helping me with social media; Kathi Schreiber for many things including being the light at the end of the tunnel; Museum of Robots for making such awesome licensed products of my works; Chrysta Stuckless, Kevin Bowman, Craig & Stephanie Dyer, Jan Robinson, Marsheila Rockwell, Anne Taylor, Koleta Parsley, Missy Katano, Erica Singleton, MJ Nicholson, Lynn Crain, Terry Smith, and Richard Bolinski for lovely and delicious prezzies that always make me feel like the Queen of the World; Joseph Gaxiola, Edward Pulley, Brad Jensen, Kathi Schreiber, Al Barrera, Megan Nash, Julie Hargraves, James Wilson, Chris & Anette Hansen, Vicki Kung, Duncan & Andrea Rittschof, Javier de Leon, and Chris “Delicious” Swanson for help, sweat, and support at cons; Summer Brooks and Slice of SciFi for giving me things to review so I still get out of the Casa, into the world, and continue to experience popular culture; Doug & Gen Cook for the opportunity to be “home” and eating well while on book tour; Kelly Mueller for keeping me apprised of things I would never see or know about and therefore ensuring I know about them; Javier de Leon for being there and Robert Palsma for ensuring that he could be; Chris “Delicious” Swanson for awesome concert experiences; Scott Johnson for still having the best little B&B in San Diego and adding on best turkey meatloaf maker to his already impressive list of skills; Michele Sharik, Brian Pituly, and Brianne Lucinda for going long distances to see the me all the time; Adrian & Lisa Payne, Duncan & Andrea Rittschof, and Hal & Dee Astell for always showing up and making every event all the better for your presence; Dan & Emily “Amadhia” King for constant love and support; the Authors of the Stampeding Herd—Lisa Dovichi, Barb Tyler, Lynn Crain, Hal Astell, Terry Smith, Sue Martin, Teresa Cutler-Broyles, Phyllis Hemann, Rhondi Salsitz, and Celina Summers—I literally would not have finished this book without the competition with and support from all of you, and I’m proud to pound hooves with every one of you (psst, buy their books); and last but not least, Matt Rich, Mark Settell, and all the good folks at Right Toyota in Scottsdale for being the place I get the most writing done (true story) and for not only letting me stay at the dealership all day long, but encouraging me to do so even when my cars don’t need servicing.
Last in the listings but always first in my heart, thanks to my husband, Steve, who listened to far too many songs on continuous repeat without complaint, and our daughter, Veronica, and her brand new husband, Kenny, for giving me one of the best reasons in the world for being distracted. May you two be as happy as Kitty and Jeff and save the world all the time in your own ways.
“DON’T TREAD ON ME” is a great rock song from Metallica. However, it’s about to become the third rock from the sun’s theme song.
There’s never been a more exciting time to be living on Earth, by which I mean never have so many different alien species of varying intelligence and talent levels been more interested in our lonely little blue marble. It’s as if Earth just became the galactic vacation hot spot, formerly only known to a select few but now offering special getaway packages on the cheap.
Of course, it’s also nice that we’ve been invited into the galactic community as a whole. We’re getting help with interstellar ships and all sorts of weapons and other really cool stuff. I’m certain there’s going to be a price to pay that we can’t afford down the road, but right now, it’s all great.
Well, other than the fact that all the anti-alien hysteria is really ramping up. And, seeing as I’m married to the current Alien of Aliens—aka Jeff Martini, whose parents were born on Alpha Four of the Alpha Centauri system and who is now, despite his wishes, the President of these United States—that means we have a whole lot of hysteria going on worldwide.
On the plus side, much of that hysteria is focused on the Z’porrah, our very own dino-bird boogeymen from far, far away. They’re real, they hate us, and they make great fall guys. Of course, I know the price for this is also going to come due later on, right when we least expect it and can’t handle the balloon payment, but, as with so many other things, that’s a worry for another day.
On the not plus side, the rest of the hysteria is focused on us, on American Centaurion, Centaurion Division, and all of our various allies, especially those allies from other solar systems. So, you know, business as usual.
On the other plus side, we’re certainly living in interesting times. Yeah, I know, it’s a Chinese curse for a reason. But, as experience has enthusiastically taught me, things can always get worse.
In other words, once again, I should probably strap everyone in for another bumpy ride. And cue up some music. “Ready, Steady, Go” by Meices sounds about right. Though Panic! At the Disco’s “Ready to Go (Get Me Out of My Mind)” might be more appropriate.
Because any version of “Leave Me Alone,” be it by Shaggy, Jewel, Pink, or The Veronicas, is not a song that anyone—friend, enemy, frenemy, or uninterested casual bystander—ever pays attention to in my particular patch of the multiverse.
CHAPTER 1
“IS IT A GOOD DAY for America and the world at large? In addition to the Stars and Stripes, we now have a flag from an alien nation flying at the White House. Does this mean that President Martini values an alien planet more than Earth?”
The newscaster had a total Serious Face on. Which was hilarious in one sense, because when said newscaster had been live at our scene, he’d been pretty darn thrilled.
“It’s not ‘flying,’” my husband, Jeff, aka the President of These United States fumed, as pictures from the treaty signing we’d done the day before flashed onto the screen. “It was in one room and it was standing there. And since when have I not valued Earth? I’ve risked my life to protect Earth!”
Managed not to say that I’d mentioned that the flag’s photo op might be problematic. I’d been overruled, my first career being in marketing or no. Now wasn’t the time to toss out a big Told You So to the room.
“Not only is the flag of Alpha Four flying at the White House, but it’s also been added to the United Nations,” our Serious Newscaster shared. The image changed to the outside of the UN. Sure enough, there was the black and white flag of our people flapping in the wind, right next to the American and Australian flags. I had no idea if this was a new position for the flags or if ours had just been inserted into the regular lineup, but it probably didn’t matter.
“It’s not even the flag of Alpha Four,” Christopher White, Jeff’s cousin, added, while glaring at the TV monitor. “It’s our flag, the flag of our people, and a flag we created when we went into exile here, so it’s the flag of the A-Cs of Earth.”
A-Cs loved their black and white so much that not
only did they wear it practically 24/7 in what I called the Armani Fatigues—black Armani suits and ties with crisp white shirts for the men, black Armani slim skirts with crisp white oxfords for the women—but their flag was black and white, too. Sometimes wondered if they couldn’t see colors, but experience showed me that they could.
The flag was definitely an homage to the Stars and Stripes. It was set up in a similar fashion, with thirteen alternating bands of black and white and a square in the upper left-hand corner that had one large gray star on a black background, with twenty-one white stars superimposed over this big one, going from smaller to larger in a spiral pattern. The stars were to honor the original families who’d broken off from the main Alpha Four religion way back when. For a monochromatic theme, it was quite attractive.
“Who approved that?” Jeff asked the room at large. “I didn’t approve that! I haven’t even heard from the UN!”
“No one at the White House approved that,” Rajnish Singh replied. He was Jeff’s Chief of Staff and, like Jeff and Christopher, talented above the norm.
Jeff was an empath, most likely the strongest one in the galaxy, meaning that he probably had his blocks set to high so that he didn’t collapse from feeling all the tension that was currently in the Large Situation Room. Unless people in here were wearing emotional blockers or overlays—created by our enemies to keep Jeff and all the other empaths in the dark about bad guys and their plans—which I doubted.
Christopher was an imageer, meaning he could touch a picture and know everything about the person in the picture. Or he could have, before our enemies snuck in a virus that had dampened or destroyed the talents of most of our imageers.
Raj, however, was a troubadour—someone who could affect people with his voice, facial expressions, and body movements. Early on in my time with the Gang from Alpha Four I’d been told that troubadour talent was useless. I’d found out, however, that it was the best stealth talent around, and since our enemies were indoctrinated into the mindset that troubadours didn’t matter, no one had attacked their talents yet. I hoped that would last.