by K. G. Reuss
“Please,” I whispered. “Don’t.”
“You turn me on so much when you beg me,” he chuckled darkly. “But, you already know that. I think that’s why you do it. Secretly, you want this. You’re like your whore mother. Always playing games with me.”
I snapped my mouth closed. He took my hand and pressed it to the front of his boxers—the only thing he was wearing. “Feel that? You do that to me.”
I gagged, trying to pull my hand away from him. He let out a soft laugh, the alcohol from his breath engulfing me. “Take off your clothes, or I’ll do it for you.”
“No,” I said defiantly. In an instant, he pulled my pajamas over my head leaving me in me in my bra and panties. He pulled my stiff body up against his and breathed out in contentment.
His lips found my neck, my ear, my cheek. He finally stopped kissing me when he reached the corner of my lips.
Roughly, he pushed me onto my back and crawled on top of me.
The lake. Ice cream. My favorite book. Puppies. Lots of puppies! Breathe, Maggie! Just breathe!
I went to my happy places as he ground his body against mine, our underwear the only barrier to his assault, his head buried in my neck.
“Oh, fuck,” he groaned as his grinding grew faster. I squeezed my eyes tightly together.
Summers in the park. Laughing. Sunshine. Dewy rose petals. Brax.
Alan emitted a deep moan against my neck, his body slowing down. He lay on top of me for a moment, his breathing heavy and ragged before he finally spoke in a soft, husky voice.
“If you ever tell anyone about this, I’ll kill your mom.” He kissed my forehead gently. “I’ll kill the person you told.” He planted another kiss on my eyelid. “And then I’ll fuck you long and hard before I kill you. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I whispered, the ugly tears back as they silently trailed down my cheeks.
“Good girl.” He kissed the corner of my mouth before rolling off me. I didn’t open my eyes until I heard the click of my bedroom door closing.
Rolling over and curling into a tight ball, I cried myself to sleep, his face painting my nightmares red.
Chapter 10
I didn’t go to school in the morning. I was so sick from my night with Alan that I’d heaved my guts into the toilet until mid-afternoon. My hatred for him grew exponentially. I found myself praying for his death more than once as the day wore on. He’d taken things to a whole new, frightening level. And I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone had been in my room last night. I knew it couldn’t have been Alan. He’d have done more despicable things to me if it had been him. Resigning to thinking it was just my stress levels at an all-time high, I opted to push the entire idea out of my head. Maybe, I was finally cracking and going insane.
Alan left for work, and my mom was out doing God knew what with God knew who, ignoring our problems in the only way she knew how—alcohol. The only time she tried to be sober was when we went to church. She wanted to keep up appearances. Even Alan smiled and played nice on Sundays. I enjoyed church. I loved Sundays—the only day of the week when I knew I couldn’t be hurt because my parents were both too busy being hypocrites to focus on me. A small gift from God. Or at least, that’s how I looked at it.
I was lying in bed, wishing my life away, when my phone buzzed with a text from a number I didn’t recognize.
It’s Brax. You OK?
My heart sped up. He was thinking about me? I stared down at the message, desperately wanting to spill my guts to him, to anyone. But I knew better. Alan’s words from last night echoed in my mind. Finally, I messaged back, Yes.
I was surprised when he replied again.
I have your homework. I’ll see you in 15.
I sat up, my heart now dancing wildly in my chest. He was coming here? I jumped up and raced to the bathroom. Quickly, I washed my face and attempted to put coverup over the bruise on my cheek. I ran my brush quickly through my hair since it was a snarled mess.
Then I went back to my room and began fixing things up. A few minutes into it, there was a knock on my door. He was fast. I raced downstairs and stopped in front of the door and drew in a shaky breath. He made me nervous, but there was a pull to him that I had a hard time denying.
Another knock.
“Brax,” I pulled the door open, my heart stuttering in my chest. The blue of his eyes was brighter than yesterday. His black hair fell across his forehead. The leather jacket he wore was open, exposing the tight black t-shirt beneath it. His fingers instinctively came out and brushed against my cheek, surprising me.
“What happened to your face?” His voice was concerned, his eyebrows knitting together as he gazed back at me.
“I-I fell. Tripped on the cat,” I lied, blushing to the roots of my hair. He raised a disbelieving eyebrow at me but said nothing. I let out a small breath of relief. For a moment, there was an intense pressure in my head that caused me to frown. It felt like someone was trying to push through it, making my head feel heavy. I shook it off. It was just nerves.
“Is anyone here?” he asked, looking frustrated.
“No,” I bit my lip, warring with myself on whether or not to let him in. I needed someone to talk to and a distraction from my horrifying thoughts. “You can come in for a few minutes if you want.”
“You should wear more black,” Brax commented as he stepped inside and turned to look at me.
“I’m guessing you like your girls in short, black dresses and high heeled boots?” I laughed nervously as I moved past him.
“Actually, that’s just something I want to see you in,” he replied easily, tossing me a carefree wink and smile. My insides felt like jelly whenever he looked at me, that moment no exception.
“I’ll, um, keep that in mind,” I said, not knowing how to respond to him without feeling silly. “So… homework?”
“Yes. Here.” He handed me my work. “I don’t mind helping you with it.” I looked down at it, contemplating it. If I brought him to my room, he could sneak out the window like Lance did when Alan came home early. If we stayed downstairs, there wasn’t really a way he could escape without being seen.
Deciding that my bedroom was the best course of action, I motioned for him to follow me. We made our way up the stairs and entered my room.
“That didn’t take much.” He grinned impishly at me.
“I just think it’s easier to talk in here.” I felt the flush creep onto my skin, betraying me.
“Where are your parents?” Brax asked, looking around my room with interest.
“Alan is at work until five, and my mom is picking a few things up at the store,” I answered softly, not entirely lying. She probably was picking some things up. Booze. Cigarettes. Hopefully, a new stepfather.
Brax’s eyes lingered on me, a small frown on his lips.
“Why didn’t you come to class today?” he asked gently, his eyes traveling to the bruise on my cheek that I’d apparently failed at covering with my makeup.
“I-I wasn’t feeling well,” I answered, sitting on my bed and clasping my hands nervously in my lap. I swore he could see right through me.
“Anything I can do?” He sat beside me—close. Really close.
“You’ve already done enough,” I replied, gesturing to the homework.
“I could do more,” he offered, his voice low. Suggestive.
“Do all the girls just fall for you?” I asked, swallowing hard. He had me unnerved. I knew he was the kind of guy who left a trail of heartbreak behind him.
“Yes,” he answered without a bit of hesitation or uncertainty. “So, what’s your deal? Lesbian?”
“No!” I nearly shouted, surprised at his words. Heat flared in my face again. I quickly got to my feet, angry for feeling embarrassed.
“I was only kidding,” he laughed lightly, his eyes not leaving me.
“I-I like guys,” I said firmly.
“Then I’m sure you know Lance is into you. What’s the deal with that? Not a fan of f
ootballers?”
“I don’t know,” I mumbled. “I like Lance enough. He’s a nice guy. We’ve been friends for ages, but I don’t really feel that pull for him.” It was weird to admit it out loud.
“Pull?”
“Yes. You know that feeling that you get in your chest. . . when your heart flutters whenever you’re near someone you like?” I rushed on, explaining to him exactly how I was feeling in that moment, the confusion for the emotion making me feel unnaturally panicked. “It-it feels like a million butterflies are set free within you. Your breathing slows, your lips part, your soul sings for that person, and you just know—you know you can’t be without them even for just a moment because that moment is an eternity. It’s-it’s magnetism.” I breathed out, sitting down. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear to hide my nervousness.
“So, love?” Brax asked softly. “You know, you can’t love someone without knowing them. Maybe your argument here is invalid.”
“I don’t believe that’s true.” I looked at him straight in the eyes, wanting to pour the truth out to him about how he made me feel without us even knowing one another. “Maybe it’s the unknown that sparks a fire, you know? It’s the mystery. The intrigue. The enchantment in the possibilities. I could love for all of those reasons.”
“An unconditional love regardless of knowing someone?” He looked at me like I was insane. And maybe I was. Besides, what did I even know about love? Just that it didn’t exist, or at least not in the way I dreamed it did. The only thing I knew about love was that it hurt and disappointed. But boy did I crave it.
“I suppose you could call it that,” I answered half-heartedly. “I think the world needs a little more love in it without all the knowledge that knowing someone brings. I think it would create a more compassionate world. If we loved before we hated, we’d live in a very different place. Don’t you agree?”
“You’re an incredible person, Maggie.”
A blossom of excitement inflated in my chest. He thought I was incredible. It was hard to keep the happiness off my face.
“Anyway, I know Lance likes me,” I breathed out, beginning to feel more at ease around him. His intensity hadn’t wavered. It came at me just as hard as before. But I was starting to like the way it made me feel—uncontrollable, unpredictable, free. “He asked me out.”
I hadn’t told anyone that Lance had asked me out. And not just out on a date. Out as in he wanted me to be his girlfriend. At the time, I wanted to say no, but now. . .I needed an escape, and he was offering one. My time of being able to keep myself safe from Alan was coming to a close. It wouldn’t be long before he took what he wanted. And I didn’t want him to have it. God, I didn’t. I wanted to know what it felt like to feel loved and cherished before he ruined it for me. If that was even a thing.
“Did he?” Brax frowned, his blue eyes darkening, his voice tense. “What did you say?”
“I didn’t say anything,” I answered softly. What if Lance found out about how bad it was with Alan? I had to protect him just like I had to protect my mom. If Lance found out, I knew he’d do something reckless. But God, I wanted that escape. Even if it wasn’t meant to last.
“Not yet, anyway,” I continued. I paused and closed my eyes for a moment as I tried to gather my thoughts. My next words tumbled out of my mouth in a hurry. “You see, my stepfather doesn’t want me to date. He thinks I should stay focused on school and-and church.”
“And what do you think?” Brax’s face twisted in distaste. He really hated church. I wondered if he’d lost his way after his parents died. I knew it was a struggle to hold onto faith after a tragedy. I’d been living the nightmare since my father had left me. But to have both parents murdered? I shuddered, my heart going out to him. I wished I could take all his pain away.
“I think it would be nice to be normal,” I laughed softly. “I never go out and have fun. I’m always cooped up studying or at church. And Lance… he’s safe, I guess.”
“Safe?” Brax snorted loudly, shaking his head. “Where’s the fun in that?”
“I don’t know,” I answered, suddenly feeling lost. All I wanted was safety. I couldn’t tell him that. It would open up a whole new conversation I wasn’t prepared to embark on.
“Don’t you want to be bad just once? Be with someone you can let loose with?” His eyes focused on mine making me shiver. There was that intensity I’d been thinking about.
“I don’t let loose. I’m not even sure if I’d know how,” I admitted, nibbling my lip.
“There’s a party this weekend at Andrew’s house,” Brax stated, those eyes still boring into my soul. “You should go. Tell your parents you’re going to stay with Jess. I know for a fact that she’ll be there. Go have some good, unclean fun. If you’re lucky, maybe I can show you how to let loose.”
“You’d really want to hang out with me when you could be hanging out with anyone else?” I asked, my damned low self-esteem pouring out of my mouth. Why would a guy like Brax Shepherd ever be interested in anything I had? God, if he only knew what a horrible creature I was. I was disgusting. My own stepfather had laid claims to me long ago. I wasn’t something anyone could ever want and manage to stay with. Alan’s sneering face flashed in my mind. “You’re a worthless whore. No one loves a whore. You’ll end up like your mother if you keep it up.” I’d heard it so often I believed it to be true. How could it not be?
“Maggie,” Brax’s voice was soft and sweet creating a stir of butterflies in my stomach. “As far as I’m concerned, there’s no one more important than you to hang out with.”
My heart skipped a beat at his words. He seemed sincere as he gazed at me, his eyes searching my face.
“Maybe I’ll go.” I nodded, nearly choking on the lie. I couldn’t go. It would hurt me far too much to go, but I continued speaking anyway, “It might be fun.”
“It will be fun,” Brax corrected me with a smile, sinking to my bed. His hand twitched on his lap. I thought he was going to touch me. I hoped he would. My body demanded to feel something other than Alan’s hands. I wanted Brax to make me forget. But he wasn’t here for that. I had to get those thoughts out of my head. He probably had a thing for Jess. All the guys did. She always gave them what they wanted.
“Brax?” I asked softly, deciding to be brave.
“Yes?”
“Are you. . . I mean, do you like Jess?” I held my breath as I waited for his answer.
“She’s all right.” He shrugged indifferently, his eyes narrowing into blue slits as he peered curiously at me.
“She seems to really like you,” I continued, trying to appear thoughtful and supportive. What I really wanted to do was to tell him to run in the opposite direction of her. “I think she really wants to be with you.”
“Be with me?” His laughter was soft and deep. “She can want whatever she wants.”
“And-and would you? Would you be with her if she asked you to be? I-I know she wants to get into your pants—”
“Did you just say what I think you said?” His eyes opened in shock.
“You know I did,” I answered, feeling embarrassed at my boldness.
“Maggie Westbrook, you dirty-minded girl,” he admonished playfully, making my heart leap. I laughed at how easy-going he was. He grinned back at me. His smile was like looking at a child on Christmas morning. He was breathtaking. A pang shot through me as I watched him laugh. I’d never know what it would feel like to be that carefree.
“What do you think?” he asked, his blue eyes sparkling. “Should I let her in my pants?”
“I think you should do whatever makes you happy,” I answered softly as I tried to maintain a happy outlook.
“I must admit, letting a hot chick into my pants is an enticing idea.” My heart plummeted with his response.
“Would it make you happy, though?” I studied him, hoping to find a glimmer of hope to cling to.
Don’t be like Alan. Be kind. Be gentle.
“You know, I’m
not sure anymore,” he answered, his voice soft. His shoulders sagged forward, and he gave me a sad smile. “Things feel like they’re changing.”
“Change can be good,” I breathed out. “Especially if it makes a positive impact on your life. Even unexpected change can be good because it can be a learning tool. It can change you into something else.” I was a testament to how things could change a person. Once I was a happy person. Now, I was just lost. I was broken. Busted. Unrepairable.
“You’re right,” he answered.
“I know,” I sighed sadly. I gave him the best smile I could muster. He leaned toward me a bit with a strange look on his handsome face. I sucked in a soft breath as his smell wafted toward me. It was just as intoxicating as it had been before—all him and only him. No one else in the world smelled the way he did.
“I should go,” he said abruptly, shutting down whatever magic he’d been weaving. He got to his feet and stared down at me, a frown on his face as if he was warring with himself. “Take some chances, Maggie. You might enjoy the benefits they reap.”
I stared up at him wide-eyed. Taking chances could end me.
“Is that what you do?” I asked, getting to my feet and making a bold move as I approached him. “Take chances?”
“I take whatever I want,” he murmured, his eyes gazing down intently at me, igniting a fire deep within my belly. How could he do that to me? No one ever made me feel the way he did.
“I’m afraid,” I admitted in a whisper, my eyes sweeping over his face, praying silently for him to give me a solution.
“Don’t be,” his voice was low and husky, making those damn butterflies in my gut flap rapidly. I took another step toward him, one I knew I shouldn’t but feeling drawn to him anyway. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to know if his skin was soft. If his hair felt like silk between my fingers. If his heart thumped madly in his chest like mine did whenever we were near one another. God, I wanted to know this beautiful man. I wanted to feel that rush all the time. The feeling of losing control. Of losing myself.