by K. G. Reuss
“I’m serious,” Lance snarled. “Stay away from her.” He didn’t wait for an answer. He tugged me away, his strides long and fast. I struggled to keep up with him. When we finally stopped on the school lawn, his chest was heaving with fury, his face red.
“I don’t want you talking to that guy. He’s trouble,” Lance breathed out heatedly, not looking at me.
“Lance, I didn’t mean anything. He was just—I don’t know. I’m sorry,” I apologized.
“And you shouldn’t go around blabbing to people about what we do or don’t do. Do you think any of this is easy?” He turned and stared at me, his face a mask of anger and hurt.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, bowing my head, a tear slipping out of my eye.
“Just…” Lance let out a frustrated sigh. “Just try to stay away from him, OK?”
“OK,” my voice was barely audible. Another tear leaked out. I hurriedly wiped at it.
“Come on.” Lance took my hand and led me back into the school.
“Lance?” I asked, sniffling.
“Yeah?” he grunted as we walked through the hall.
“Why are you so mad?”
“Why?” He stopped abruptly and turned to me. “Are you serious right now? How do you not know?”
“Are you mad because I was off with another guy?” I asked meekly. It sounded bad in my head, but even worse as I said it.
“I can’t believe you don’t get it!” he growled, his eyes flashing angrily. His hand raised slightly in his frustration.
I immediately bristled and covered my face for protection, falling back against the cold brick wall, a knee-jerk reaction to years of trauma and abuse. “Please. I’ll be better!”
“What? Maggie?” The anger immediately melted away from him as he stared at me horrified. “What’s wrong? Come here.” He held his arms open for me, a pained look on his face.
I looked at his face, my arm falling slowly away from my own, my eyes prickling with more tears. My face burned with humiliation.
Stupid girl! Stupid! If he thought you were screwed up before, what’s he going to think now?
“I-I need to go—”
“Maggie, no. Talk to me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m just really frustrated. I was so worried about you. Heidi works in the office during her free hour. She heard the principal was going to call your parents. I know you and Alan don’t get along.” He looked me over quickly, that muscle working along his jaw. “I didn’t want you to get into more trouble.”
“I-I’m scared,” I whimpered.
“What are you scared of?” he asked gently, taking a tentative step toward me and moving in cautiously to hold me. “Please tell me what’s going on in your house, Maggie. What is happening to you?”
“H-He’s going to be mad at me. I’ll be in t-trouble.” I wept, burying my head in his chest as I succumbed to his efforts.
“I’ll come with you. I’ll keep you safe—”
“You’ll just make it worse,” I mumbled miserably. His arms tightened around me as he let out a soft sigh.
“I’ll keep you safe,” he repeated softly, firmly. “It’s my job.”
“No.” I pulled away and shook my head. “It’s my mom’s job. But sometimes she’s not very good at it.”
“Maggie, just come stay with me. I won’t let him near you. You know I won’t.”
“We both know that won’t work. I have to protect my mom—”
“You aren’t protecting her, Maggie. You need to stop worrying about everyone else and worry about you. You, Maggie. You matter. I hate that you have this view of yourself like you’re nothing. I just want to see you happy. Safe.”
“I’m both those things when I’m with you,” I answered softly. His eyes softened as he looked at me.
“You’re my guardian angel,” I breathed out. “You’re always with me.”
He gave me the smallest of smiles before giving me another hug.
“And I always will be.”
Chapter 27
I spent the remainder of the morning in a state of turmoil and panic. If they did call my parents, it would be Alan they got. And he would be mad. So mad. The thought of my fate resting in his evil hands made me sick to my stomach. I lost count of the number of times I sent silent prayers to God to just let me die. To have a bus hit me on my way home from school, or suffer an allergic action to something, or just to give me the strength to kill myself.
Lance was by my side at every turn. He met me after class and walked me to my next one. At lunch when I walked out of the room, he was leaning against the wall waiting for me. He took my hand in his and led me wordlessly to the commons. I think he knew how stressed I was because he didn’t talk much. He knew me well. He knew I liked to keep to myself when I was worried. And it made me feel a little more for him.
“We have a big fucking problem,” Brax growled as he stalked toward our table, pulling Lance out of his seat. With apprehension, I stared at them. I was already anxious and didn’t need this. I didn’t want them to fight. Why couldn’t everyone just get along? I’d been so focused on my own issues that I’d failed to ask Lance what was going on between him and Brax. Suddenly, I felt like the world’s worst girlfriend. I needed to pay him and his problems more attention. He’d always been amazing with me and mine. He deserved that back.
Lance looked around at everyone quickly, his eyes landing on me last. Something flashed in them—fear? Sadness? Pity? A mixture of all three? He didn’t say anything. He only nodded and followed Brax away.
What was going on with them?
One minute they were beating on each other, and the next they were sharing some kind of secret. I watched them as they spoke. Lance ran his fingers through his hair, clearly exasperated while Brax spoke to him. Brax’s normally blue eyes seemed darker, and his body language suggested he was clearly upset about something. Lance’s face soured as Brax continued to speak. When Lance spoke again, he looked passionate about what he was saying. All Brax did was look sick while shaking his head.
Brax shouted something at him that I couldn’t hear. Lance’s hands curled into fists as his chest heaved angrily. I knew that look. He was mad.
Don’t fight again! Please, don’t fight!
Brax spoke again, and Lance’s stance loosened. He shook his head at Brax before turning away from him and coming back to me.
“Everything OK?” I asked, watching as Brax disappeared back into the school.
“Not really, but it’s nothing for you to worry about.” Lance gave me a tight smile.
“What’s going on with you two?” I pressed.
“Nothing. He just needed help with something. We were just clearing the air. No worries.”
I frowned. He wasn’t going to tell me. In that moment, it struck me that Lance tended to lie to me. A lot. Brittney, Jess, this. The instances ticked off in my mind. I’d been pushing the reality of it away. I knew it all boiled down to him not wanting to hurt me, and while I understood that he cared, he was hurting me by keeping things from me. Maybe this wasn’t a big deal, though. Maybe it really was none of my business.
Maybe I shouldn’t be such a hypocrite. I didn’t tell him all my issues!
We finished lunch in silence. Tension rolled off him. I knew he was still upset over the Corbin deal.
Somehow, I managed to make it through class. Each minute that crept by reminded me that I’d have to contend with Alan soon.
When I got home from school, I stood in my driveway for a moment and stared up at my house. It was pretty. White picket fence. Manicured lawn. Beautiful flower beds. It looked warm and inviting.
But I knew differently. I knew that just beyond that front door was hell. My hell. Swallowing hard, I drew in a deep, shaking breath and went to the front door.
Be brave! No matter what, be brave! And have faith. The pain won’t last forever.
Pushing open the front door, I stepped inside. Alan was standing in the living room, his back to me as he look
ed out the picture window to the backyard.
“Hi,” I said softly, stepping into the room, my backpack still on. His eyes flitted to me for a moment before he looked down at the glass of alcohol in his hand.
Oh no! He’s been drinking! Already.
“Have you spoken to your mother?” he asked, still looking at the glass.
“N-not really,” I answered. “Not today.”
“So then you don’t know she won’t be home this evening?”
“No.” I swallowed hard, my body trembling at the information. How could she do this to me? How could she just go off on a binge somewhere and leave me with this monster? Why?
He grew quiet again. When he finally spoke, his eyes traveled up and down my body.
“I got an interesting call from the school today.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. It was a huge misunderstanding—” He crossed the room in just a few strides, his finger landing on my lips to silence me.
“Did you leave school with some boy?” he asked in a dangerous whisper.
“Yes, but it’s not like that—”
“What’s his name?”
“C-Corbin,” I stammered, watching him nervously as he circled me. He lifted my hair and smelled it, his eyes closing. My stomach twisted. This wasn’t going to be good.
And it wasn’t. The gentle touch disappeared as his large hand fisted my hair, causing me to whimper in pain as his grip tightened on my ponytail.
“Which one are you fucking? Lance or Corbin?” he growled in my ear.
“Neither.” I shook, trying to hold my tears in.
“Why not?”
“I-I don’t want to. I-I’m not ready to do that with anyone,” I answered, terrified. I thought it was the right answer. I wanted him to know I was saving myself. That I was a good girl. That I wasn’t the whore he said I was every time he’d been in my bedroom.
“Why don’t you want to? Are you afraid?”
“Yes,” I breathed out. I was afraid. I was afraid of a lot of things, him included.
“Do I need to break you in for them?” His lips brushed against my cheek as a tear slipped out.
“No.” I trembled again as he pressed himself up against me.
He laughed a sinister laugh, his hot breath blowing across my neck. In a flash, he shoved me hard to the floor. My backpack bounced up my back and struck me in the head, causing me to see stars. He didn’t hesitate to start tugging on my bag, stripping it from me. He kicked it aside with a barking laugh as I feebly tried to scramble away, my head aching.
“Tell me. Why do you think you can keep secrets from me?” he shouted, reaching down to grab my ponytail again. “Huh? You’re like your mother! She thinks she can keep secrets too!”
“Please,” I pleaded, fat tears rolling from my eyes and scattering onto the dark hardwood floor.
“Please, what?” he hissed in my ear, tightening his hold on my hair.
“Just kill me. Please. Just do it.” I wept, my body shaking uncontrollably.
“Is that it? You want to die?” he shouted, his face apple red as spit flew from his mouth. I let out a shriek of pain as he tugged my hair roughly and pulled me across the floor to the stairs. He didn’t stop. With inhuman strength, he continued to haul me up the stairs, me screaming in agony as they collided with my back and ribs.
When we got to my room, he dropped me unceremoniously onto the floor before stomping over to my closet where he rummaged around inside and brought out my cheerleader uniform.
“Cheerleading?” He chuckled darkly. “Your picture was in the paper. Did you think I wasn’t going to find out? Do you think me a fool?”
“I’m sorry.” I wept softly, my body aching as I struggled to sit up. “I-I didn’t want you to be mad about it. I know you don’t like me doing those things. I just really wanted to try it—”
“Bad girl,” he admonished, kneeling in front of me and lifting my hair and laying it over my shoulder. “You lied about cheerleading. You lied about where you’ve been at night. What other little secrets is my dear, sweet stepdaughter keeping from me? Hm? I think you deserve to be punished for lying to me. Don’t you?”
“No,” my voice shook. “I don’t think I deserve to be punished. I’m just a girl. I just want to be normal!”
“Normal?” he growled, his hand shooting out to clamp tightly around my neck. Gasping, my hands clawed at him trying to force him to release me. “You are normal.”
“I-I’m not,” I choked hoarsely. “T-this isn’t normal! We aren’t n-normal!”
“We are normal,” he breathed out harshly, his lips against my ear as he hissed into it. “And you are mine. You do what I say. And I say for you to believe this is normal. It’s us, baby. Me and you. And it always will be. Do you understand?” He gave my neck a rough squeeze, gagging me.
“Do. You. Understand?” he repeated.
“Y-yes,” I rasped out.
“I don’t think you do.” His eyes searched mine for a moment before he released me. I fell back against the wall, weeping as I rubbed my neck and pulled in gulps of air. Horrified, I watched as he pulled a lighter from his pocket and lit a cigarette.
“I think you need a little reminder, darling,” he said after a moment, the dark smoke encircling his head like a tarnished halo. I let out a scream as he came at me. I tried scrambling away. I knew he was about to kick my punishments up a notch. And I knew that cigarette had something to do with it.
“No! No! NO!” I screamed as he caught my ponytail and pulled me roughly against his body, my neck twisted painfully.
“You’re only going to make it worse. Is that what you want? Do you like it rough, Maggie?” he asked breathlessly.
“Please don’t, Alan. Please. Please. Please,” I repeated over and over again as I tried to reason with him. “Please. Please. Please. Please! Don’t do this! Please, don’t do this to me!”
“Take your dress off, Maggie. Now,” his voice was dead calm. He lifted the cigarette back to his lips and took a drag. With shaking hands and tear-soaked cheeks, I did as he commanded.
“Get on the bed. Turn around.”
“Please, Alan. I-I’ll do better. I’ll be better! I swear, just don’t do this to me! Please!”
He wasn’t listening. He’d checked out. And if I didn’t do what he wanted, it would only make it worse.
I lay on the bed, my back up. The jingling of his belt filled my ears, so I squeezed my eyes together tightly and started to pray.
Please help me, God. Please send me an angel. Send me a protector. Send me hope. Just please make the hurting stop. Please. Please. Please! Save me. Please, God, save me.
The bite of the belt on my skin made me cry out. He struck me over and over, each snap of the leather on my flesh making me whimper louder. My hands dug into the comforter as he beat me, the tears dampening my face and blanket.
I lifted my head, and with a deafening scream, I wailed in agony as he pressed the lit cigarette into the delicate skin on my back right below my ribs. Another bite from the belt. Another burn.
He was starting to breathe hard, the excitement of my agony getting him off. He started hitting me faster, harder. He must have dropped his cigarette in his excitement because he stopped that torment on me, but the rest continued, and I ground my teeth tightly as I tried to focus on my happy place. The place that only existed in my dreams.
The lake. Sunsets. Ice cream. Brax.
“Roll over,” Alan rasped, cutting into my thoughts. I let out a gasp of pain as I rolled onto my back. Alan’s face was red, excitement glinting in his eyes. His tongue darted out as he looked down at me in my bra and panties.
He brought the belt down onto my abdomen, causing me to double up in pain. The belt whipped at me as I tried to curl into a ball, tearing at my flesh, leaving me with wide, ugly welts.
“Please!” I begged. “P-please stop!”
“Don’t. Ever. Lie. To. Me. Again.” He hit me harder with each word, striking me over and over. Ha
rder and harder. I saw the blood seep from the wounds he was inflicting on my body. I couldn’t take it. I slipped away into the darkness that was falling on me, thanking God for taking me away and begging Him to keep me.
Chapter 28
I woke up in the dark. Alone. I wiggled my fingers then my toes. Everything hurt. I tried to sit up but was unable to as the pain from my beating seared into every fiber within my body. I lay in bed with tears trickling down my cheeks.
I finally fell asleep again. When I awoke, sunshine was streaming in through my bedroom window. I didn’t bother to get out of bed. I didn’t answer my phone when it went off. I didn’t eat. I didn’t drink. I just lay there, hating myself. That was how I spent the entire weekend.
On Sunday night, after missing church, I was lying in bed with my back to my window. A breeze entered the room, and the air shifted.
Lance.
My bed shifted from his weight as he sat beside me.
“Maggie,” he called out softly. His fingers brushed my hair back. I reached out for him wordlessly, and he slid into bed beside me, facing me. I cried as he held me. “Shh. It’s OK. I’m here. It’s OK.” He kissed the top of my head fiercely, rocking me gently.
“Please don’t leave me,” I choked out softly through my tears. “Please stay with me.”
“I won’t leave you, sweetheart,” he murmured. I cried into his chest, feeling so much discontent that I thought I was going to choke on it.
“What happened? Why haven’t you talked to me? I’ve been worried sick,” Lance asked gently, tilting my chin up so I was looking at him.
“I’ve just had a bad few days,” I whispered. “I got into trouble for missing school.”
“Did he hurt you?” Lance asked, his eyes searching mine.
“He always hurts me,” I sniffled sadly.
“I’ll kill him. I swear I will, Maggie. I want you to tell me everything he’s done.”
“He-he,” I wanted to scream his atrocities to the entire world. I wanted everyone to know what kind of monster he was! But I also didn’t want Lance to hurt him. Because I knew he would, and I had to keep Lance safe. “He’s just not nice. H-he yelled at me. Please don’t make me tell you more, Lance. He’s a bad man who does bad things.”