by Francis Ray
“No, you can’t,” she said as Adam’s mother got up. “Please. I’m sure I can find a dress or suit at the mall that will do just as nicely.”
“It’s almost the end of May. Summer merchandise has been picked over for graduations, weddings, you name it.” Eleanor lifted one regal brow. “Chya, the salesperson, told me they received the suit you tried on three weeks ago, but due to the narrow cut of the jacket sleeves, no one had been able to wear it until you.”
“I can’t afford it.”
“How much did it—”
“Adam,” Lilly said, cutting him off. “I’m not letting you or your mother buy me the pantsuit.”
He leveled his dark shades at her for a long time. “Actually, knowing how stubborn and independent you are, I was thinking more of helping you earn the money.”
Lilly didn’t understand, but Eleanor did. “Fifty pies should allow her to have a clear profit margin and get shoes and a bag.”
“I seem to remember you remarking the other day how good business was,” Adam said.
“It is, but I have no intention of spending that kind of money on a suit that I’ll only wear once.” She rose. “This discussion is over. I’m sure I’ll find a dress at the mall. I’m going upstairs to change. Thanks for taking me shopping, Eleanor. Sorry if it was a waste of your time.”
“It wasn’t. Besides, your hair looks lovely.”
“You got your hair styled?” Adam stood and reached out to explore.
Lilly averted her head. “Just curly. I’d better go up and change so I can start on dinner.”
Adam listened to Lilly’s running steps on the stairs. “I never would have thought that of her.”
“What?” Eleanor said, coming to stand by her son.
“That she was too perfect to touch.”
“That’s not Lilly and you know it. She’s probably just nervous and anxious about finding a dress.” She hooked her arm though his. “Can I get you anything before I go to the cottage? I need to work on Jonathan’s painting.”
“No, thanks. I think I’ll go work on the computer with the voice recognition program.”
“Did you get it to read the book I bought?”
“I didn’t try. Lilly does a better job.”
Eleanor lifted a regal brow. “Does she now?”
“Yes. I’ll see you at dinner.” Kissing her on the cheek, Adam headed for his study, unaware of his mother’s speculative gaze.
Adam booted up the computer and got into the software program but not much else. He couldn’t forget Lilly pulling away from him. She’d never done that before. Her action surprised and bothered him.
He would have expected that from Nicole. She never wanted to be less than perfect. Picking her up for a date, he was always aware that she didn’t like to be mussed. He hadn’t minded because he’d liked having a beautiful, elegant woman on his arm. How shallow he had been.
Adam reared back in his chair. Perhaps that’s what Lilly aspired to be. He hoped not. He much preferred the woman who sat on the foot stool by his chair and read with such empathy and depth.
“Adam, dinner is ready.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” Moving his right hand to the arrow keys, he shut down the computer, located his cane, and went into dinner. But he soon discovered he had no appetite.
“Please excuse me. I think I’d like to take a walk.”
“If you’ll wait until I clear the table, I’ll go with you,” Lilly said.
“No. Stay.”
Lilly watched him leave alone. That was another of the routines they had together, a walk after dinner. Then they’d come back and clean up the kitchen. Last night she had talked him into drying the plates.
“You think he’s all right?” she asked, staring after him.
“I thought so earlier, but now I’m not so sure.” Eleanor answered.
Lilly turned sharply toward her. “What do you mean?”
Eleanor’s eyes narrowed. “He reached out to you today and you rejected him. Why?”
“I didn’t ...” Her voice trailed away; her head lowered. That’s exactly what she had done.
“Adam is at a vulnerable point in his life now. You, more than most people, understand that.” Eleanor stood and began clearing the table. “I’ll take care of this if you have something else you need to take care of.”
Lilly’s head came up. She understood completely. “He may not want to talk with me.”
Eleanor’s smile was gentle. “Thank goodness that never stopped you before.”
Rising, Lilly went outside. It was a moonless night. As soon as she was ten feet from the porch, she was in total darkness. “Adam, where are you? Adam?”
She walked farther down the path toward the front gate. “If you make me break my neck, who’ll fix you those high-calorie meals you secretly love? Adam?” She heard the desperation in her voice and didn’t care. “Adam, please answer me.”
“You walked by me. I’m on the porch.”
She whirled, squinting her eyes and going back up the steps, then peered into the darkness. She didn’t see him sitting in the swing until she was almost on him. “Why didn’t you answer sooner?”
“I didn’t think you wanted to be bothered.”
“Oh, Adam.” She sat down heavily beside him.
He put the swing in motion. For a long time there was just silence and the two of them in a world by themselves.
“The stars are out. They fill the sky. No moon. You can feel the breeze, smell the mixed scents of the flowers. It’s peaceful here. Mother Crawford would have loved Wakefield Manor.”
He didn’t say anything, just kept the swing moving.
She leaned back in the seat. There was no way around this, so she might as well get it over with.
“The first time I saw your mother and Kristen they looked perfect. Then Nicole walked out of the house and she looked perfect. Hair, skin, teeth, perfect.” She looked at him. “You look perfect.”
The swing stopped.
“It’s natural to you, the way you move, dress, act.” She sighed. “If I had gone into that boutique by myself, not one of those women would have paid me any attention. They couldn’t do enough for Eleanor.”
“I’m not perfect, Lilly.”
“This has nothing to do with sight. My hair is coarse. Do you know I started wearing gloves and Vaseline each night to try and help my hands become softer? Your hands are softer than mine, your hair a better grade, your clothes fit better, your—”
He laughed and grabbed her hand, holding it tight when she would have pulled away. When she started to get up, his hand curved around her shoulder. “I’m not perfect and neither is Mother or Kristen or Nicole. We all have flaws. I probably have more than all three of them put together. I hate this darkness, but it’s taught me that what’s on the inside is much more valuable than what’s on the outside.” His thumb grazed across the calluses on her hand.
“You used these hands to help me in countless ways. Perhaps soft hands couldn’t have done that. You are who you are, Lilly, and, to me, a wonderful, caring woman. You can’t ask any more of yourself, and others shouldn’t.”
His words touched her heart and soothed the jagged places in her soul. “You didn’t eat much dinner. If you come inside I’ll fix you a plate.”
“You’re always trying to fatten me up.”
“You have to eat.”
“I’d rather sit here for a while.”
Disappointed and trying to tell herself she understood, she swallowed and said, “I’ll leave you alone.”
His thumb brushed across the top of her hand. “I meant with you unless you have something else to do.”
“No. No, I don’t.” Nothing was more important than being with Adam.
He settled back, setting the swing into motion, his hand still holding hers.
Lilly relaxed against the rattan back of the swing. Their bodies touched from shoulder to knee and she gave no thought to moving away and thought the nig
ht was just about perfect.
Eleanor wasn’t a nosy or interfering mother. She kept telling herself this as she cleared the table, loaded the dishwasher, and put the leftovers in the refrigerator. But it was hard not to go outside and see what was happening. Obviously, Lilly had found Adam, but what had happened afterward?
Eleanor debated briefly whether she should take the circuitous route to her house to find out the answer to her question, then decided against it. She cut off the overhead light in the kitchen, leaving only the recessed light over the sink on. Lilly and Adam seemed to do well without her interference; she’d just have to contain her curiosity. Opening the back door, she went down the back steps and took the well-lit path to the cottage. Going inside, she went to her room to change into a smock. She needed to finish Jonathan’s painting.
Standing in front of the watercolor of his boat, Lady Lost, she frowned. When she started the painting she had thought it was perfect. Now, she wasn’t so sure. Perhaps she should have chosen flowers, she thought, then shook her head. Jonathan needed a stronger image, and the Lady Lost riding the crest of a wind-tossed sea was that image. At the helm, legs spread, his big, strong hands gripping the helm, stood Jonathan.
Eleanor dipped her sable brush into the paint. Perhaps painting him would help her stop wanting him.
Lilly was at the mall the next morning when it opened. With a map of the stores clutched in her hand, she started at one end and worked her way to the other. Some of the stores only required a cursory glance to know what they carried was too girlish or garish. By midafternoon, she had tried on more dresses than she had previously in her life. Although a few had possibilities, none of them brought the sparkle to her eyes that the suit in the boutique had.
Sitting on a bench, her purse in her lap, she admitted that she wanted to look good, for herself, for Adam, for his family. She wanted to make Nicole’s eyes pop. That wouldn’t happen in a dress from JC Penney. Adam’s world was one of the senses. He wouldn’t be turned on by a midprice polyester knit. Not that she wanted to turn him on, she quickly told herself.
She admitted she was lying to herself when she thought of the perfume she had spritzed on earlier at Foley’s. But her money was for her to start a new life. She couldn’t stay with Adam forever. Odette would return and where would that leave Lilly? Adam was gaining his independence more and more each day.
She had to be ready financially, if not emotionally, when she had to leave. The orders were growing for her pies, and selling them had increased her savings. Squandering the money on a dress seemed wasteful. She’d always been sensible and frugal.
A young couple strolled past her, arm in arm, hugging and stealing kisses. Lilly’s mind went to Adam, the feel of his taut thigh against her, his elegant fingers on her arm. She absorbed him through tactile senses as much as he did her. Long after she left, she’d have memories.
Standing, she headed out of the mall with determined steps. Occasionally you had to throw caution to the wind. If she saved the money and Myron’s lawyer got his hands on it, she’d kick herself. She was buying that pantsuit.
If she could find the shop.
Luckily she remembered the name, but she had to stop and ask directions three times before she pulled up in front of Loretta Blum’s. The name was written in gold script on the awning leading past neatly trimmed shrubs and on the half-glass door. Inside, Lilly went immediately to the rack where the suit had hung. It wasn’t there.
“May I help you?”
Lilly glanced around at a different woman from the one who had helped her the day before. She swallowed. “I was in here yesterday and there was a three-piece suit in washed sand with straight trousers.”
The young blonde’s face fell. “That’s sold. Perhaps I could help you find something else.”
“Sold?” Lilly repeated numbly. “But–but it was just here.”
“I’m sorry. A messenger picked it up this morning.”
“I see.” Shoulders slumped, she started from the store.
“You could look at some of the other fashions,” the woman offered hopefully.
Lilly kept walking. “No, thank you.”
Disappointed, she climbed into the car and drove home. It didn’t help her mood that she became lost on the freeway again. She arrived home after three that afternoon, tired and irritable.
Walking up on the porch, she saw Brent and Adam rounding the corner of the house. She waited until they reached the steps. “Hello.”
“Hi,” Adam greeted her, a smile on his perspiration-dampened face. “I was beginning to worry about you. You find a dress?”
“No.”
“You can go back tomorrow,” he told her, coming up the steps to stand by her. Behind him, Brent nodded his approval of his student.
“I don’t think so.” Lilly barely kept from sighing. “Either of you want anything to drink?”
“I’ll take a rain check, Lilly,” Brent said. “See you one last time before you go to your sister’s graduation,” he said to Adam, opening the door to his beat-up green Volkswagen. “I don’t want you making me look bad.” Getting in the car, he drove off.
Taking her arm, Adam started inside the house. “Now, tell me about this shopping expedition.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“I think there is.” He led her to the breakfast nook and pulled out a chair. “You wearing a new perfume?”
Her eyes rounded. “I–I just sprayed a bit on at a store.”
“I like the other one better.”
Lilly sank heavily into her chair. Her one luxury. She’d liked the crystal bath salts she’d found in her bathroom so much that she had bought some for herself.
“You want lemonade or iced tea?”
She was up in an instant. “I can—”
“So can I.” He was already moving toward the glass-fronted cabinet. “Lemonade or tea?”
She tried to think of which pitcher was closer to the front. “Lemonade.”
He reached the cabinet, opened the door, then reached inside. “Dishes. Glasses in the other one, right?”
“Right.” Yesterday, when she and Eleanor had gone shopping, she’d left his plate, glass, and utensils on the table.
He took down one glass, then another. Clutching them to his chest, he went to the refrigerator. Locating the glass brace in the ice dispenser, he pushed. The motor whirred. Ice cubes clinked in the glass. He did the same with the next glass. Opening the refrigerator, he set one glass on the shelf and felt until he came to a round pitcher. Filling one glass with lemonade, he took it to the table, then returned and repeated the process.
Lilly had her hands clamped together as he slid triumphantly onto the seat beside her. “You’ve been practicing.”
“While you were gone. I may need to get another motor for the ice maker.” His hand shook a little as he lifted his glass and drank. “It was Brent’s idea to put lemonade in the fat, round pitcher and tea in the skinny one. Now drink.”
Bossy, she thought, but drank deeply. “The best lemonade I’ve ever tasted.”
He smiled and relaxed more in his chair. “Then you’ll tell me why you didn’t sound too happy when you came home?”
She leaned on the table and wrapped her hands around the tall glass. She could evade the question, but why bother? She told him everything. “The Bible says ‘Pride goeth before a fall.’ “
“I believe it also says ‘Seek and you shall find.’ “ He set his glass aside. “If you’re up to it, I’d like to hear the ending of The Third Hour.”
“Sure.”
“Tell me about your drive into town,” he requested as they climbed the stairs together.
Lilly was happy to oblige. She loved the riverboats with their tall masts and the throngs of people there taking a chance with the roll of the dice or the pull of the lever. Life was the same way. You never knew what lay ahead. She had taken a wrong turn and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to her.
&nbs
p; Adam paused in front of her door.
“I’ll get the book and be right out.” She opened the door and came to a dead stop. Her breath hissed out. She spun toward a smiling Adam. “It’s the suit!”
“Do you think I wouldn’t let you have your heart’s desire?” he said, his hand lifting to touch her cheek.
Without giving herself time to think, she hugged him. Immediately his arms came around her. She felt the shock of her body pressed to his all the way to her toes. Wonderful and exciting. Because she wanted to keep holding him, because she was just realizing what her heart’s desire was, and it was not a pantsuit, she stepped back. “Adam, thank you.”
His arms drifted from around her waist with obvious reluctance. “Mother had the saleslady put it back. A special-delivery messenger brought it out while you were in town.”
“I’ll pay you back; I promise.”
“We’ll talk about it later. Aren’t you going over there and ooh and aah?” he asked, still smiling.
His hand in hers, she went to the suit on the bed. “It’s beautiful,” she said.
“I bet you’ll be beautiful in it,” he said.
She squeezed his hand, her heart shattering. She’d never be beautiful. “I’ll get The Third Night.”
A tug of his hand stopped her. His free hand cupped her cheek. “Never let anyone define who you are, Lilly. Promise me?”
With his hand on her face, she actually felt beautiful, so it wasn’t difficult to say, “I promise.” The hard part would come when he wasn’t there to reassure her.
This was it, Lilly thought, and got out of her car. Her hand fluttered briefly to her hair; then she started toward the administration building of Shreveport Junior College. Each step closer, her nervousness increased. All around her, students of various ages and races hurried from place to place.
“Application, transcript, Social Security card, driver’s license, or some form of photo ID,” the woman behind the elongated table asked without even looking up.
Silently Lilly handed the woman the manila folder in her hand. Thankfully, when she’d left Myron, she’d taken her college transcript and other important papers. She’d already checked with her lawyer and learned there was no way Myron could trace her from her Social Security card.