by Lois Richer
“Sure. We’ll be praying.”
“Thanks.” Once again Wade cancelled his appointments and took the afternoon off. He stopped by the house to change his clothes and print out Jared’s email with all the details about Max’s home. Connie and Silver were in the backyard, hanging a Christmas piñata.
“It’s supposed to be a javelina pig,” Connie explained as Silver raced up to him, shoe bells merrily tinkling.
“Connie said me and Darla can break it on Christmas, Daddy,” Silver explained.
“That’ll be fun.” Wade swung her into his arms and held on, praising God for this beloved blessing.
Silver hugged him back then wiggled free. “Did you come to help us?”
“Not right now. I have to run some errands.” He glanced at Connie, who averted her gaze. Embarrassed? Ashamed? Or did she just want to avoid him? “Hang up some mistletoe too, will you, Connie? Christmas and mistletoe go hand in hand.”
She peeked a quick look at him, blushed a rich, dark red but finally nodded.
“What’s mistletoe?” Silver wanted to know.
“You tell her. I have to go.” Wade kissed Silver and on impulse leaned over to smack a quick kiss on Connie’s cheek. “See you later.”
“Later,” she murmured, one hand touching the spot where he’d kissed her.
He was nervous and hopeful and scared—and filled with anticipation. If only Connie felt half of what he felt for her.
God?
Wade left it in his Father’s hands, trying to trust while he concentrated on his mission to give Connie the best Christmas present he could think of.
Unfortunately, Max didn’t see it that way.
“Look, I told that fellow yesterday, I’ve gone to a great deal of trouble to make sure my daughter couldn’t find me. What right do you have to come here and ruin everything?” The old man’s face contorted with pain as he shifted in his chair.
“Ruin?” Wade glared at him. “Connie has been searching for you ever since she left her foster home. She’s desperate to see you again, to tell you she loves you.”
“And to ask me a bunch of questions.” The grizzled head shook from side to side. “I don’t want to get into that. I wish you hadn’t come here digging up the past. Let it die.”
“Let you die, you mean.” Wade struggled for a way to reach him. “Do you have any idea how she feels? You left here there. You never told her why or explained that you were sick. You just dumped her.”
“I didn’t dump her,” Max sputtered indignantly. “I arranged it all very carefully, and then I got out of her life. I thought it would be easier for her to bond with a new family.”
“Exactly how would that work?” Wade demanded, echoing Connie’s words to him. He was angrier than he’d been in a long time. “Was she supposed to just forget you?” he demanded.
“Yes.”
Fury gripped Wade at the pain Connie had endured because of his decision. He was about to verbally lambast Max when an inner voice chided him. Isn’t that what you were going to do with Silver?
Shame suffused him. Sorry, Lord.
“Look, you aren’t a father,” Max said, defeat dragging down his shoulders. “You can’t imagine how it would be to have Connie see me like this—useless, dying.”
“Actually, I am a father,” Wade said, amazed as a rush of pride filled him. “And I was going to do the same thing as you, send my daughter away because I thought she would have a better life with another family. And then I realized that God had given her to me for a reason—because He thought I was the best father she could have.”
Max stared at him, his gray eyes, so like Connie’s, glimmering with the faintest spark of hope.
“I understand why you did it,” Wade said quietly. “I understand your pride. You didn’t want her to watch you suffer through treatment, never knowing if you were going to be able to be there for her when it was all finished. You wanted the best for Connie.”
“I still do,” Max muttered, but sadness was written all over his face.
“And you gave it to her. She had people who truly cared for her, made sure she understood that she was loved.”
“Then why does she need to see me?” Max asked.
“Because you’re her dad.” The truth penetrated Wade’s heart even as he said the words. How stupid he’d been not to recognize it long ago. “Connie needs to know that she has a place deep inside your heart that no one else can take—that to you she is always loved.”
“I told her all that before I left her,” Max murmured.
“She has another family now.”
Wade’s anger drained away. How could he point fingers when he’d been guilty of the same faulty thinking?
“She could have had ten families. That wouldn’t alter your place in her life. Connie needs to hear that you will always be her dad, that you will always love her.”
Max stared at him for a long while.
“Why does it matter to you?” he finally demanded.
“Because I care about Connie,” Wade told him. “Someday you’ll have waited too long, and you won’t be able to tell her the things she needs to hear. I don’t want there to be any regrets for Connie. I want her to know that her father loved her.”
I want Silver to know I love her, too.
Max lowered his head to his chest, clearly thinking about his words.
“I suppose you expect me to see her,” he said finally.
“Did you bring her here?”
“No, I wasn’t sure how you’d react.”
“Good. Because I don’t want her to see me like this. I can’t be her father anymore. I can’t even look after myself.” Max’s face hardened into a grim line. “Just leave me alone, will you?”
“I’ll go if that’s what you want,” Wade agreed. “But I need to say something first.” He stared at the man and saw himself, except for the grace of God. “You will always be Connie’s father, Max. Your illness, time, money, embarrassment, shame—none of it changes that fact. Only God knows how long you have left to be a father.”
Max didn’t respond.
“You have a chance to make up for all the Christmases you missed. You could come to my place on Christmas morning. Connie would love that. So would I.” He held out an envelope. “My address is in here. If you call the number beneath it, someone will come and pick you up and take you to Connie. All you have to do is say the word. You’re welcome to stay at my place as long as you want or need. The decision is up to you. But please think about what I’ve said.”
There was nothing more he could say or do, so Wade left. As he drove home, he prayed that God would show Max what He’d shown him—that being a father had little to do with blood and everything to do with love.
Just one more thing Connie had taught him. If only he could give back to her a fraction of what she’d given him.
Christmas Eve morning, Connie woke up with the birds. She dressed quickly then hurried outside to replenish the seed she’d been putting out for the finches. The greedy little yellow birds darted in for a quick bite while she restocked the hummingbird feeders.
She hummed Christmas carols as she worked, bolting in surprise when she turned and found Wade watching her.
“Is the dollhouse finished?” she asked, trying to cover the awkwardness she always felt around him now. Surely he couldn’t tell how much she wanted his kisses to be real?
“Come and see.” He led the way to his workroom and flung open the door.
Last night when he’d returned home, Connie had handed him a bag with the things she’d made then quickly scurried away lest he think she was waiting to be kissed again. Sometime in the interim, Wade had arranged everything in the dollhouse exactly as she would have done. The final effect was stunning.
“It’s perfect,” she whispered. “Silver’s going to love it.”
“I hope so. And if she does, it’s due to you, Connie,” Wade insisted. “I couldn’t have made it look nearly as homey without your help. Th
ank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She shifted uncomfortably. When his attention stayed on her instead of the dollhouse, she couldn’t comprehend the message his eyes were sending. Or was afraid to.
“Any last minute errands to run today?”
“I thought I’d take Silver out for lunch,” Connie told him.
“She’s so excited about tonight that she’ll probably want to put on her angel costume as soon as she gets up.”
“Can I join you?” Wade asked with a smile. “I’m pretty excited myself.”
“Sure.” Connie ignored her brain’s objections. She was leaving after Christmas. Why not treasure the last few shared moments with him? “Shall we leave about noon? Or would you rather meet us somewhere? I know you have work to do.”
“I want to make a couple of calls to South America,” he said. “I’m waiting for a letter, but Amanda and I gave everyone else the day off.”
“Oh.” South America? The hairs on Connie’s arms stood up in warning. Not before Christmas, Lord, please? Let them have one happy Christmas together.
“What if I met you at Franco’s? It has things kids can do while we wait for our meal.”
“Okay.” Puzzled by the speculative light in his brown eyes, Connie hurried away to prepare for the day. She needed to get an early start, because she did not yet have a suitable gift for Wade.
She had made him a sweater, but now, on second thought, it seemed too personal. Maybe a book would be better—or candy. Cora said he had a sweet tooth.
Round and round she went in her own mind until Connie grew frustrated. The time she’d spent helping him with the dollhouse had brought dreams of being part of his family. That was impossible, because Wade had made it perfectly clear from the day he arrived that he was not interested in a relationship. Despite those kisses, Connie was certain that hadn’t changed.
Maybe he’d been lonely when he kissed her. Maybe he’d needed someone to be a friend. Whatever his reasons, Connie could not delude herself that there was anything more to his embrace, no matter how much she wanted it. Allowing herself to trust a man with her emotions would only make her vulnerable again.
And she’d learned that lesson. Twice.
So this Christmas Connie wouldn’t get either of her wishes—not a reunion with her father nor reciprocation of the love that had begun to blossom inside for Wade.
That hurt, but Connie stuffed down her feelings and concentrated on Silver.
“Do you mind helping me with a bit of last-minute shopping?” she asked.
Silver was delighted, so they trekked through store after store, fighting the crowds while Connie searched fruitlessly for just the right thing. With only minutes to spare until they met Wade, she finally selected both chocolate and a book and then hurried toward Franco’s.
“Hi, Daddy.” Silver held up her arms to be picked up, and when her father did that, she pressed her lips against his cheek. “We’re all finished shopping. Aren’t we, Connie?”
“Completely finished,” she agreed, dredging up a carefree smile that would stop that penetrating look Wade was giving her.
Lunch was delicious and fun as Wade kept Silver laughing and Connie smiling with his stories about Christmas in South America. In fact, she was so entertained that Connie stared at her watch in amazement.
“We have to get home,” she said. “Silver needs a bath and her hair done and—”
“Whoa.” Wade held up his hand and grinned. “Go ahead,” he said. “I’ll take care of the check and see you later.”
“You are going to come and see me be an angel, aren’t you, Daddy?” Silver’s anxious face peered up at him, desperate hope glimmering in her eyes.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, honey,” he said. Then he brushed a kiss against the top of her head and returned the hug she gave him. “Not for anything.”
Connie gulped down her emotions. At last, she thought. At last he’s allowing himself to express the emotions he feels for this child. He loves her dearly. I know he does. He just needs some time to come to grips with what that means.
She drove home with Silver sitting quietly in her seat—too quietly.
“Is something wrong, honey?”
Silver said nothing for several minutes. Connie glanced in the rearview mirror. Silver’s big blue eyes didn’t glow with their usual spark. They were passing a park so Connie pulled in, knowing the child needed to say what lay on her heart.
She unbuckled Silver, helped her out of the car and then led her to a park bench. Silver flopped down, and Connie crouched in front of her.
“Please tell me what’s wrong, sweetie? Did you forget a gift for someone?”
“No.” Silver studied her for several minutes before she spoke. “Do you think my daddy loves me, Connie?”
If she said yes and the unthinkable happened…Connie stalled.
“Why are you asking?”
“Sometimes I think Daddy loves me very much—like today when he hugged me. He squeezed really tight, and I could hardly breathe,” Silver explained. “But sometimes I think Daddy doesn’t want me to be there. Sometimes I think he wants me to go away.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Connie gathered the sweet girl in her arms and soothed her as best she could. “Sometimes adults get busy and they forget that little girls need attention. But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about them.”
Silver thought it through for several minutes, nestled on Connie’s lap. Then she looked up, blue eyes shining.
“’Sides, I asked God to help Daddy love me,” she said, her faith ringing true. “And God heard me, didn’t He, Connie?”
“He sure did, sweetie. He sure did.” She hugged the little girl, relishing the precious moment, knowing they would soon be over when she left.
“Too tight, Connie.” Silver wriggled free, skipped a few steps and then returned to grab Connie’s hand. “We hafta go home.”
“Yes, we do.” Connie belted her in and drove home accompanied by Silver’s rendition of “Silent Night,” the carol the children would perform at the concert.
Back at home, Silver raced upstairs to prepare for the bath Connie insisted she take. Connie paused by the front hall table, her eye on the mail.
Christmas is almost here, Father. Please let there be something about my dad.
She sifted through the letters stacked on a glass plate.
And froze.
Santiago Investigations. Postmark—Rio de Janeiro.
Her fingers flirted with the thick envelope as Connie recalled Wade’s comments about a letter. Regarding Silver’s parentage? Wade was close, so close to fully accepting Silver as his daughter. Christmas was just hours away, a time when the Abbot family could finally reunite, as a family should.
This letter could ruin everything, make him doubt his right to Silver.
“Anything about your father there?”
At the sound of Wade’s voice, Connie slid the envelope inside her jacket. Just for a few hours, Lord. Just so they can have one happy Christmas together, she apologized.
“Connie?” His hand touched her shoulder. He pressed, urging her to face him. His brown eyes were soft, filled with compassion. “I’m sorry. I know you were hoping for information,” he said quietly. “But you know the mail is always slower at Christmas.”
“I guess.” Guilt suffused her. Wade was being so nice and she was tricking him. Shame filled her, but she couldn’t give him the letter. She loved him and loved Silver, too. She desperately wanted them to be united as a father and child should. “I’d better go. Silver’s waiting,” she whispered.
“Okay.” He touched her arm. “You’re always telling me to trust God. Maybe this is one of those times when you have to trust Him, too.”
“Yes.” She moved toward the stairs.
“Connie?”
“Yes?” She turned, wondering if he’d guessed. She felt her cheeks grow hot.
“Did you get that mistletoe?” he asked, grinning.
“I
spoke to Hornby about it. He said mistletoe was his job, and he’d hang it where he thought best.” Why was Wade looking at her like that?
“Ah. A secret. That will be fun.” He winked at her.
“What time do we leave for the concert?”
“It starts at seven o’clock. We should be there half an hour early,” she told him.
“Okay. I’ll tell Cora we need to eat early.” He walked toward the kitchen.
Connie glanced both ways and then raced to the study, wondering where she could hide the letter so that it wouldn’t be found until after tomorrow. Wade had files spread across the desk. Would he move them tonight? She hesitated.
“Checking email?” he asked, standing in the doorway.
“I was going to.” She pressed her jacket to her side, holding the letter there. “But I think I’ll leave it for now. Maybe I’ll look later tonight.” Silver’s lilting tones called her. “I’d better get to work.”
“Keep the faith, Connie. Isn’t that what you’re always telling me?” Wade grinned, and her heart took flight.
“I guess it is.” She forced herself to smile back then hurried away.
The letter burned against her side. She slid it into a drawer, but she couldn’t stop glancing at it, checking, wondering if anyone would have noticed. Had Hornby brought in the mail? Would he tell Wade that it was missing?
“Connie? Aren’t we going to have my bath?” Silver stood in the doorway, frowning at her.
“Of course we are.” Connie got busy at her job, but when she changed her own clothes later, she couldn’t help checking to see if the incriminating envelope was still there.
Thief, her conscience complained.
“I’m not stealing it,” she defended herself. “I’m just hanging on to it until Christmas is over.”
The words did nothing to ease her guilt, and she couldn’t think of anything to say all through dinner or on the way to the church. Thankfully, Silver chattered excitedly, covering the awkward moments. Wade said little, though he kept looking at her as if he knew something wasn’t right.
Silver was unusually calm as Connie helped her into her angel costume. She waited patiently for the gossamer wings to be buttoned on and never complained a bit when Connie fumbled putting on her headdress.