He waves his arm towards the right side of the mural. I shine my light on the area and.... Motherfucker!
"He had no fucking right!" I yell.
Jimmy chuckles.
"It's not funny!" I yell at him.
"Yes, it is. Besides, he did a jam up job fixing your face. You're a fox."
I punch him in the shoulder and turn on my heels.
"Where are you going?" He asks from the alleyway.
"To get my paint!" I lie.
Jimmy cackles behind me.
I march two blocks to Johnny's apartment. I can't believe he fucked with my art. Well, it's mine and Jimmy's, art. The point is I can't just walk into the Louvre and paint a fucking mustache on Mona Lisa's face!
"Noely?" I hear my name as I approach his building.
I turn around to find him behind me, quickly approaching.
"Fuck you, Rome."
He stops dead in his tracks, pushes a hand through the hair on the top of his head, and sighs.
"I know I deserve a lot of those, but you want to enlighten me on what this particular one is for?" He asks.
"I saw the mural. Your tag is on it."
His jaw flexes, "I'm not apologizing for that one."
Then the asshole walks around me and into his building, which only serves to piss me off even more.
I follow behind and jump into the elevator with him. He looks up with surprise in his eyes.
"It wasn't yours to fix!" With both hands, I push into his chest, forcing him a step back.
"It wasn't your art!" I push again.
"It wasn't ready to be fixed!" My hands dive into his chest once more.
"That once again wasn't your decision to make!"
I try to push him again, but he grabs both my wrists, spins me around, and pins me in the corner. His face is close as his eyes search mine.
"It was mine to fix,” he grinds out between clenched teeth.
"No, it wasn't," I throw back.
"Too god damn beautiful to have a smeared face. You've been one of us a long time. Just as long as anyone else in our crew, you earned your fucking place on that mural. But I'm glad you smeared it, because you didn't do you justice on that wall."
I open my mouth to say something and then close it at a loss for words. My anger still boiling at the surface, but his words tug at my heart strings.
Before I can muster a decent response he crashes into me. His tongue dives into my mouth like he hasn't touched a woman in years and is starving for it. I kiss him back with the same amount of energy. His hands tangle in my hair and I push one of my hands through the long blonde hair on top.
The elevator chimes and Johnny hoists me off the floor, places a firm hand on my ass, and locks my legs around his waist. He walks through his hallway without breaking the kiss or his hold on my hair.
My back lands against the door and his hand leaves my ass to dig his key out of his pocket. He breaks the kiss long enough to open the door and then slam it with his foot. Then he's back on me and we're moving to his bedroom. He sets me on my feet and in a frenzied craze we clumsily pull each other’s clothes off and reattach at the mouth.
Fuck the man can kiss. It might not be a big deal to some people, but I've had a man stick his tongue in my mouth and move it stiffly from side-to-side. A great kiss is the prelude to the good stuff.
He picks me up and throws me on the bed, which is... Hot as fuck. Maybe I'll get porn star sex this time. His hand opens his night stand, he pulls out a condom, and has it on in record time.
Johnny crawls between my legs, hooks his hands around my hips and jerks my body toward him. He thrusts inside of me with no warning and I almost come unglued.
He wastes no time getting into porn star mode, and I swear on everything holy the girl’s stories were right all these years. He fucks and bucks like a god damn stallion. His hand slides underneath my head and he grabs a handful of hair before he pulls it hard.
"I'm not sorry about the mural,” he says.
"It wasn't your fucking place," I respond and bite down on his lip.
"You never used to get mad, but you're fucking hot when you're pissed. I like it. I want to fucking spank your bare ass sometimes. You drive me insane,” he grits out.
"You fucking know everything don't you? You're such an asshole!"
With that he pulls out, flips me over like a rag doll, and forcefully pulls my ass in the air.
He plunges in again.
"Fuck!" I shout.
"You always have such a hard time letting people care for you. Stop that shit!" He says between thrusts. "I'm tired of it Noely... And I'm fucking dying."
His voice cracks and he stops moving, but remains inside of me. After moments of silence, he leans his body over my back and wraps his arms around my stomach. He places kisses on my upper back.
"Fuck, I'm sorry, Noely baby." He kisses my shoulders and remains still inside of me. "I'm so sorry." His voice so full of emotion, it sounds like he's close to tears. "Please stop shutting me out. I know I fucked up. I won't do it again." He rests his face against my back. "You're killing me with the distance and silent treatment. It's fucking killing me."
I want to forgive him so badly. I really do, but I'm not ready. My name is out there for the world to see so the guys could get a slap on the wrist for their assault charges. Nobody asked me before they leaked my name and it never would've happened if he'd kept his mouth shut. I lost a job I loved, a job I was great at because of him.
I'm not ready to forgive or forget.
The thought to pull away from him and get the hell out of his apartment finishes crossing my mind when he moves inside of me again. It's selfish, but I won't leave this if he's going to finish.
"I'll give you this,” he whispers as if he read my mind.
He moves with purpose, but it's slow and damn if it isn't emotional. I never understood chicks who said they cried during sex, but maybe I'm starting to catch on.
I won't cry though. I swallow the urge down and focus on his hands, his lips, and the amazing feeling between my legs. His hand reaches around and rubs against my clit, creating more friction than I can handle. He pulls us up on our knees and from this angle he can reach around better and it's my undoing.
"There..." is all I get out before my world explodes in bright colors and my body surges with adrenaline and pure fucking ecstasy.
I lean my head back on his shoulder and let go.
"I'm with you,” he says and then pulses inside of me.
I can feel his heart beating against my back and the rapid inhale and exhale of air. Sweat drips down his chest and my back.
Johnny pulls out and guides me down to the bed, but I keep my head turned away from him.
We shouldn't have done this again.
Fingertips feather over my spine and every so often he leans down and places a kiss on my shoulder.
As he leans down and presses his lips to my shoulder one last time he whispers against my ear, "How am I supposed to ever turn back from this, Noles?"
The regret and confusing feelings I've been fighting rushes through me swiftly and with such great intensity I choke on a cry.
"Noely,” he says my name so softly and with such reverence.
"No," I choke out and spring from the bed.
I frantically search for my clothes as Johnny comes up from his bed.
"Don't do this Noely,” he begs.
"We can't do this again," I tell him as I step into my panties.
"Noely, don't leave like this."
"I'm still fucking pissed at you! You can stick your dick in me a hundred times and it won't change a damn thing!"
I slip my jeans on and then hook my bra.
He grabs my wrist and stills me from picking up my shirt, "You got it in your head that you're just another one of those groupie bitches I fuck with after the show! News flash, babe, we haven't been at a show either time. If you can't figure that
out, then I don't know how else to explain it to you. But just so we're clear, I'd take you home every night of the week over ANY of them!" He ends with his voice nearing a yell.
I yank my wrist away, "Flattery doesn't fix what you did. You have no idea how bad you've really fucked things up for me by doing the one thing I told you I didn't want."
His face softens, "Then tell me."
I pull my shirt over my head and slip my feet into my shoes.
"If you don't tell me I don't know, Noe."
I head towards the door.
"Don't send me out there without you like this, " he implores. "I won't make it out there if I leave with us like this."
I spin around, "Don't leave you like this?!! Are you fucking kidding me?!! You, you, you! It always comes back to you! You fucked me and left me! Then you didn't call!"
He attempts to interrupt, "I can explain..."
"Would you shut the hell up? The time for explaining has passed. You told practically everyone I know what Tony did to me. You knew how ashamed I was and you told them anyways, because that's what you wanted. Then you let your manager leak not only the story, but my name to the press to gain sympathy for you, not me. Then you got me fired because of the fucking story about your arrests! You did all that! So I'm really fucking sorry if I am leaving you in a pinch, but I've got bigger things on my plate than how you feel. I have to find a fucking job now!"
"I didn't know,” he says and slightly hangs his head as he rubs the back of his neck.
"You've been a great friend to me for years Johnny. All of you have. And I've always been at your beck and call because I felt obligated. For all the great things you've done for me, I have to say you're still somehow one of the most selfish pricks I've ever met. Maybe while you're out on the road, you'll do some soul searching about you and what you expect of the people in your life. I lost my job so you could skip jail time. I was humiliated, so you could tell everyone you aren't a bad guy, you're the knight in shining armor. Meanwhile, I'll be here in Brooklyn picking up the pieces of my life while you go play rock star."
I stand there for several moments, but when there's no reply I walk out of his door.
Chapter Seven
Saturday
I remain in my apartment for the last few days. I relived the harsh words I spewed at Johnny. While I'm sorry I said them the way I did, they were full of truth.
Jimmy, Ryan, and Rich have text several times to ensure I'm meeting them in the studio parking garage to see them off. I wouldn't miss it for the world, I just wish I wasn't in such a low place. Even more, I wish I was in a different place with Johnny.
His pleas for me not to let him go on tour with our friendship in shambles haunt me. I go back and forth with myself, wishing I'd not been so vulnerable the first night he kissed me. I could've stopped him, played it off, and we'd still be the Johnny and Noely we've always been. The other half of me is somewhat glad things came to a head between us. I'm grateful for all the things my friends and their families have done for me, but I'm tired of feeling indebted. I've done anything those guys ever asked of me.
I've held the girl's hearts they've broken so they didn't have to deal with the drama. I've held each of those men when their own hearts were broken whether by a woman, death, or life. I've bailed them out of jail. I've made sure they got home when they were too drunk or high to know where they were. I've always put them first. Their wants and needs have always come before my own. So much so that my entire life was centered around them.
I'd like to say I was selfless, but there was always an underlying fear for years of their good deeds being thrown in my face. It's not that I think they would as much as I fear the unlikely, because the unlikely would result in me being all alone. I'd be on my own. I have no blood family to speak of and my fear of losing these guys has made me a doormat. That's my fault.
I would've most likely continued being a doormat the rest of my life if Johnny hadn't crossed the lines he did. They weren't minor infractions that a simple apology erases. So for a few days I've been torn. I've done some soul searching. I've asked myself questions adults do when they go through life crises.
What do I want to do in life?
What do I want out of life?
What's really important?
What am I passionate about?
Who am I?
The answer to the last question leaves me sullen. Maybe I don't know who I am at all.
I'm passionate about building things and watching them grow. I managed Blood Feather's career until recently. I created their marketing plans, booked their shows, handled their publicity, and designed their graphics. I loved every minute of it, but then I graduated college and could only devote half the time I had originally devoted to their efforts to make it big. I went to work in what the guys call "the real world". Jimmy stepped in to help me and over the last four years I taught him everything I knew. We were both passionate about their music and we believed in them more than we believed in anything else.
Jimmy was their tour manager and booking agent now. Leo was, a viper, but he was also their manager. I didn't trust him as far as I could throw him, and I felt that way since the moment he opened his mouth and smiled at me with his wolfish grin. Him eye fucking me didn't help the snarled vibe I got from him.
With my friends leaving on tour, I don't know who I am without them. Maybe their impending departure is just another invisible domino in the stack that was so delicately placed, only to all fall apart at once. I'm not their manager. I'm not the college graduate who got the job she thought she always wanted. I'm not their biggest fan who can go see them perform two or three nights a week anymore. They're leaving. I'm not just Johnny's friend anymore. We crossed a line, and then he shook my world upside down with heartbreak.
The problem is I'm not sure what broke my heart the most. Is it the way he touched me? Maybe it was that he was gone the next morning? I'm sure the tears in his eyes the day I was fired is a part of it. I walked away from him when he needed me and it broke my heart, but I had to leave him there. I'd never left him before. Was it the exposed truths he promised to keep for me? The humiliation of the world discovering what Tony had done to me is a huge part of the equation, but it all leads back to those hidden truths that were supposed to stay buried between friends. Unemployment is another bullet to add to the list. The words he said the other night reached deep inside of me, but I didn't realize it until hours after he'd uttered them.
I'm fucking dying.
Fuck, I'm sorry Noely baby. I'm so sorry. Please stop shutting me out. I know I fucked up. I won't do it again. You're killing me with the distance and silent treatment. It's fucking killing me.
How am I supposed to ever turn back from this, Noles?
You got it in your head that you're just another one of those groupie bitches I fuck with after the show! News flash, babe, we haven't been at a show either time. If you can't figure that out, then I don't know how else to explain it to you. But just so we're clear I'd take you home every night of the week over ANY of them!
Don't send me out there without you like this. I won't make it out there if I have to leave with us like this.
I arrive at the garage five minutes early, but a whole gaggle of people is there to see them off. It seems like half of Brooklyn came out to show their support. It makes me smile. I really needed the pick me up.
I hang in the back of the crowd and watch on as our friends help the band load the small RV. It's bittersweet to watch them leave. They made it, even if they're just starting out. They worked hard for years for this very moment, but I'll miss them like hell. Even Johnny. Brooklyn will seem empty without them.
My phone chimes.
Jimmy: Where da fuck you at?
Me: I'm here.
Jimmy: You aren't up here.
Me: There's a lot of people.
Jimmy: Fuck that.
Then he yells out over the crowd, "Noely baby!"
I raise my hand so he'll see me. A smile brightens his face the moment he finds me, and as he marches through the crowd, they part like the Red Sea for Brooklyn's renowned brawler.
When he reaches me he asks, "You fucking kidding me?"
I look up at him in confusion. He leans down, picks me up, and throws me over his shoulder. Whoops and whistles fill the air at his caveman antics.
He finally sets me to my feet when we reach the front of the crowd.
"Nobody puts Baby in the back."
I chuckle, "It's the corner, Jimmy. Nobody puts Baby in the corner."
He shrugs me off, but Ryan scoops me up into a hug before I can rag him any further.
"Come with us, Noles," Ryan gives me puppy dog eyes.
"And do what?" I ask.
"Be our muse, sell merch, be our hype woman, and kick Leo's ass to the curb."
"I think I'll stay in Brooklyn for a while," I smile.
"You coming to any shows?" He asks
"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I promise.
The crowd thins out as Jimmy loudly tells them, "Show's fucking over. We gotta get these boys on the road. Thanks for coming out. See ya in six months."
I tell Ryan goodbye with a hug and a request for all the details. I don't want to miss the good times they have.
Eventually, the guys begin to load into the small RV, Johnny is last. He turns around at the last minute, backs out of the door, and walks straight to me. When he reaches me he doesn't say a word, but stares at me for some time.
"Under the cornerstone, Noely,” he says.
"What?"
"One day I'll explain."
Then he pulls me into a hug and holds me tightly. He rests his chin on the top of my head.
"One day you'll see,” he whispers.
We stand there for what seems like an eternity, both of us afraid to let go of the other. No one rushes us, instead they pretend we're not there. They give us these few moments.
I break away from him and see the hurt on his face.
I smile up at him, "You're going to be great. Stay away from the hard shit and remember who you are. Brooklyn will be waiting on you."
Under the Cornerstone Page 5