by Mari Beck
Brenda glanced over at the counter where the fiancée and best friend were sitting, whispering to each other and picking at their plates while taking quick looks over at Riley. The girl couldn’t take her eyes off Riley and the one second that she and Brenda locked eyes accidentally she was sure that what she saw there wasn’t the pain of lost love as much as it was pity and something else she couldn’t quite place. Brenda felt a knot in her stomach. She knew how much Riley would hate knowing that the girl and maybe everyone else in that place pitied him. Before she knew it she had reached out and taken his hand. It startled him and at first when he looked up he frowned but when she smiled at him and squeezed his hand again, he seemed to understand and his face softened. They held hands that way for a while and from the increase of whispers around her she was sure that they had set tongues wagging again. She didn’t care. Riley didn’t deserve their pity. Nevertheless, she had to check her own emotions because she didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Did she pity him too? Is that why she had reached out to take his hand? No, she decided. She had taken his hand to show her support. She knew what it was like to live in a fish bowl with strangers, family and friends all staring, all wondering what to say and what to do and in the end unable or unwilling to do or say anything that could ever make the pain go away. She wanted him to know that she cared and that she understood.
When it was time to pay the check an elderly man, whom Riley seemed to know, came over to the table. There were tears in his eyes. He laid a gnarled hand on Riley’s shoulder.
“We’re so glad to have you home, Riley. If you get the chance you stop by the VFW meeting on Saturday next.You’re one of us now and we want to welcome you proper. The boys and I have talked it over and we want to have a special community dinner in a couple of weeks and we want you to be the guest of honor.”
“I don’t know, Mr. Gelding. I appreciate it but I don’t know if I can.”
“Of course you can. You’re an Army man just like me. That makes us brothers. Me being the older brother of course.” He shot Riley a big smile. Then just as suddenly returned it to a solemn one. “We’ll be expecting you.” The old man said sternly and then straightening himself up as much as his old bones would allow he brought his other weathered and wrinkled hand up in a shaky salute. It almost brought Brenda to tears. Riley looked uncomfortable but after a moment he returned the salute and Mr. Gelding swiped up the bill from their table and slowly made his way up to the register. Brenda turned to look at Riley and saw that his own eyes were glistening. She pretended not to notice.
“Well, what do you think? We’ve had a long enough break haven’t we? Time to get back to work. Those fence posts aren’t going to set themselves.”
“No, mam. They’re not.” He said looking relieved and standing up he said a quick goodbye to Doreen and made his way out of the café without even glancing at the counter. Brenda hugged Doreen.
“Thanks for bringing him in,honey.” She said squeezing Brenda tight.”Things got tense for a minute there, didn’t they? I’m so glad you were here with him though.”
“Me too.”
“All right, well next time why don’t you call ahead and I’ll let you know if the coast is clear. Otherwise I’m afraid Riley will never step foot in here again. I’ll make sure things go easier next time.” She said in a slight whisper to make sure the couple at the counter didn’t hear.
“That sounds like a good idea.” Brenda agreed.
“Everything else going well out there with you two?”
“Absolutely. Riley is a hard worker.”
“Gets that from his grandpa. What about. . .” Doreen paused and Brenda knew she was curious about the other things she and Louis had warned her about.
“It’s all been fine. He keeps to himself a lot and isn’t overly chatty and no nightmares, at least not so far, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Brenda said and Doreen exhaled. She looked relieved. Looking past Doreen, Brenda saw that Riley was already sitting in the car.
“I’d better go he’s waiting and we’ve got a lot of work to do before it gets dark.”
“Sure, honey. You go now and take these.” Doreen handed her a couple of bags as she walked toward the door.
“Supper?”
“Cinnamon rolls. I made a big batch for breakfast. He used to love ‘em as a kid.”
“Thanks, Doreen.” Brenda said as she past the front counter and the couple sitting there. Following Riley’s lead when he left she avoided making any eye contact and went out the door. But as she headed out she couldn’t help but feel that at least one half of that couple at the counter was staring at her intently as she left and though Brenda couldn’t be sure it seemed like the look was less than friendly.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The Ride Home
The ride home back to the farmhouse was quiet and uneventful. Neither he nor Renae said anything until they were back working on the posts.
“I’m sorry.” She said.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”He tried to reassure her.
“I’m the one who insisted we go into town.”
“Doreen insisted, you just wanted to help out.”
“Something like that, I guess. I had no idea that she. . .that he. . .”
“Misty and Brandon?” How much did she know, he wondered?
“I overheard Doreen talking one time when I was working.” She said and he frowned.
“She means well.” Riley said, his jaw clenching.
“I think she does too.” Renae agreed. Riley sighed and went back to work. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He could feel the familiar stab of pain and the tightening in his chest.
“What about you?” He heard himself ask and he could tell she was confused. Maybe even offended by his question.
“What do you mean?” She said in a clearly defensive tone. He decided to let it go.
“Nothing.”
“Come on, Riley. You asked the question. What do you mean?” Why wouldn’t she let it go too?
“Nothing, I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s just. . .” Dammit. Shut up, he warned himself, before he said something really stupid.
“It’s just what?”
“It’s just I can’t figure it out. You offer me a place to stay. I’m a complete stranger. You hire me to help you fix this house. You know things about me. . .”
“Are you saying you don’t trust me?”
“I’m saying I don’t really know you.” There he said it. It’s what he’d been thinking for the longest time at least the times when he felt that his own life was out there naked for her to see. He realized that while they talked about him he knew hardly anything about her. Her eyes went wide with surprise or maybe it was hurt, he couldn’t tell which. But as quickly as the emotion flashed in her eyes it disappeared and she looked away so he couldn’t see anymore.
“Maybe it’s better that way.” She whispered almost too softly that he didn’t hear.
“What?”
“I said maybe it’s better that way.” She repeated this time in an almost defiant tone. It took him by surprise and he shook his head.
“I wasn’t trying to start a fight.” He said.
“We’d have to know each other better to start a fight. Isn’t that what you mean?”
“Maybe. I don’t know what I mean. Look don’t get offended. It’s just that what happened back in town. . .”
“I get it. I even get that you’re kind of taking it out on me.” Their eyes met. Riley felt bad. She was right. He wasn’t mad at her he was mad at himself.
“I’m sorry.” He said.
“Apology accepted.”
“Good. But it’s true you know.”
“What?”
“I don’t know that much about you.”
“I thought we just agreed that it was better that way.”
“No. I agreed that I was being an asshole about what happened in town.” He grinned and the tension between them seemed to dissipat
e for a moment.
“You’re right, we do agree on that.” She answered and he wasn’t sure if she was kidding. She smiled and it put him at ease.
“I mean it. I don’t know that much about you.” Was it just him or did she look nervous? She didn’t say anything right away.
“There not much to tell.” She offered reluctantly.
“Is there anything?”He asked not really knowing why he was wanting to know but he did.
“Sure. But nothing that you’d be interested in.”
“How do you know what I’d be interested in?” He asked without looking up and he could have almost sworn she was blushing. He could feel the heat coming from her face. He started to feel nervous himself.
“Are you thirsty? It’s really hot out. I’m going in the house to get something to drink, you want anything?” She took off her work gloves and stuck them in her jeans pocket. She’d managed to change the subject but he decided to go along.
“Sure.” He said and watched her walk back into the house. As he did, he couldn’t help but think that since he’d agreed to move into the farmhouse and agreed to work with her, for her, he corrected himself, that he really didn’t know that much about her. In all the conversations they’d had he’d learned very little about who Renae Messersmith really was besides the very basic facts and even those were not very specific. She’d come down to help out a friend, whose family owned the old place, found it a mess and decided to fix it up so the friend could sell it? It sounded strange to say the least but not anymore than taking in a complete stranger with a complicated life like his.
“Is this okay?” Renae called from the porch as she held up a cold can of pop up for him to see.
“Yeah.” He said and she bounded down the stairs with the drinks. He stopped working, took of his work gloves and reached for the can she was handing him. They both stood under the hot afternoon sun and drank their pop.
“So where are you from originally?” He asked. He couldn’t help it now that it was on his mind.
“Here and there.” She answered which in his opinion really wasn’t an answer at all.
“What state is that in?”he asked and she laughed. He really liked the sound of her laugh.
“What’s so funny?” he teased.
“Why so many questions all of a sudden?”
“I was thinking that maybe you’re right. If we’re going to have any chance of fighting properly we need to know each other better.”
“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.” She said but she was still smiling.
“So why don’t you tell me something about yourself.”
“Like?”
“Where are you from. . .really?” He asked again and this time the smile left her face.
“The Midwest, Texas and Tennessee to name a few.”
“You move around a lot?”
“You could say that.”
“Was your family in the service?” He asked and watched her flinch. Her face took on a sadness he’d never seen before. He was almost sorry he’d asked. She didn’t answer right away and took another drink of pop, sighed and shrugged.
“Yes.”
“Which branch?”
“Army.” She whispered. He raised an eyebrow.
“Army?” He repeated and she nodded.
“You know we should probably get back to work.” She changed the subject again but this time he had to know.
“Is that why?”Riley asked slowly.
“What?”
“Is that why you took me in?” he watched her face very carefully for any clue that would help him understand.
“Maybe.” She reached out and took the can out of his hands. “Are you done?”
“Don’t change the subject, Renae.”He tried to keep his voice calm.
“I’m not.” She was nervous again and agitated. “Look, it’s not something that I like to talk about.”
“Bad memories?” There was that sad look again.
“You could say that.” She turned and walked away quickly before he could say anything else. Watching her go in the house Riley couldn’t help but wonder one thing. What secrets was she hiding?
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
The Question
Brenda set the pop cans on the counter and used her hands to steady herself. She had been so close to asking Riley Favreau the questions she needed to ask. So close! He’d given her the perfect opportunity and then at the last minute she couldn’t bring herself to do it. What was wrong with her? She could feel the tears well up and she knew she had to fight them. The last thing she needed was for him to see her breaking down. She wasn’t ready for that not just yet. She wiped her eyes and went over to the sink. Splashing some cool water on her face she took a deep breath and decided she had to go back outside before he came looking for her. She turned around to go and literally bumped right into him.
“Are you okay?” he asked and it was a moment before she realized that she hadn’t moved. He was inches away from her but she couldn’t bear to look up or to walk away.
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t seem fine.”
“ I am really.” She wondered why she kept lying? Why couldn’t she tell him who she was, ask him what she needed to know?
“I’m sorry if I asked the wrong questions.” He said and this time she looked up. There was concern in his eyes and it seemed genuine. “I know what it’s like when people ask about things you don’t want to answer. Guess I forgot that when I asked you a bunch of questions.”
“It’s okay, really. Maybe we can call it even for everything that happened today.” She said and this time she turned away going back to the counter.
“I told you what happened today isn’t your fault.” He said and Brenda couldn’t help but feel guilty anyway and like a coward all at the same time.
“Riley. . .I. . .I want to tell you something.” She began.
“What?” he asked and she wondered if she would really do it this time. Could she tell him the truth about who she was? Her mouth was dry and there was a giant lump in her throat that wouldn’t go away.
“I’m. . .I’m. . .” Tell him. Tell him! She felt his hand on her shoulder, gently turning her around to face him.
“What do you want to tell me?” She wanted to tell him, needed to tell him.
“I’m ready to call it a day. Do you think that would be okay? I have a headache and I’d like to lay down.” Coward!
“Of course. I’ll finish up outside and then I’ll fix us something for supper.”
“Sounds great.” She said and started to walk past him when he grabbed her arm.
“Is that what you wanted to tell me. Really?” His eyes were fixed on hers and she found it impossible to look away. Could he tell she was lying?
“Yes. I think it’s the heat.” She said trying to ignore the heat of his hand on her arm. He let go and she made her way through the living room and up the stairs to her room. Throwing herself on the bed she began to cry.
She must have fallen asleep at some point because when she opened her eyes the room was dark. Brenda had no idea how long she had been in her room but it was long enough for her to feel hungry. She hadn’t heard Riley call her down to supper so she assumed he had eaten on his own and left her to her own devices. She decided to go downstairs and see if she could find something to eat in the kitchen. Opening the door she noticed that the hallway was dark and there was no light coming from Riley’s room. She guessed he was probably asleep. Descending the stairs to the kitchen she went to the fridge, opened it and found a plate inside with a small piece of paper attached to it with a piece of tape. It had her name and a sandwich on it. She smiled. After a few hours of being holed up in her room she wanted to get some fresh air so she took the plate, a pop and went outside. Brenda let the warm summer breeze fill her lungs as she sat on the porch swing she and Riley had hung the week before. The stars were out, rolled out like a carpet of diamonds spread against the black velvet sky. She lo
ved it here and she could understand why Shane had wanted to come back. Shane. How often had she thought of him as she worked side by side with Riley? What would he say about her decision to ask the man who was on that road outside of Baghdad with him at the end to help rebuild the home to which Shane would never return? What was she doing? She couldn’t help but ask herself that question over and over. Suddenly, she heard a noise. Someone was nearby. Brenda put down the plate on the swing and slowly and carefully stood up. Her senses were on high alert and she tried to make her eyes adjust to the darkness faster than they would go. When she saw a figure making its way up the gravel drive her heart stopped. She began to panic and looked toward the door wondering how long it would take her to make it from the swing to the door without making any noise. But before she could execute her plan someone called out her name.
“Renae?” It was Riley who was coming up the drive. She breathed a sigh of relief.
“You scared me!” She said as he stepped onto the porch.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep. I kinda like to walk when that happens.”
“Does it help?”
“Not really, but it’s something I do.”
“How late is it?”
“Late enough for both of us to be sound asleep. I made some sandwiches but you were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“I had no idea I was that tired.” She said and meant it.
“Do you mind if I sit?” He asked and she moved her plate so he could take a seat next to her on the swing. They sat in silence until slowly they began to swing back and forth, unevenly at first and then in unison.
“The nights are so beautiful here. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars before and never this bright.”
“Not even in the Midwest, Texas or Tennessee?” He teased and she could just make out his face in the starlight enough to see that he was smiling.
“Well, maybe I’m exaggerating a little but it seems especially beautiful and bright here.”