by Mari Beck
“Riley! Riley! It’s me! Open the door! Dammit, Riley, open the door!”
He struggled to focus on the sound of the voice. It was familiar. It was help. He wanted to yell out but the hands around his throat were too strong. Then suddenly, the hands released him and he found his voice. He screamed. He screamed bloody murder and he was sitting straight up. He was no longer immobile.
“Riley! What’s going on? Goddammit open this door” Pounding followed by more pounding. He opened his eyes and found that he wasn’t anywhere near the bed. He was on the floor, facedown near the door. His breaths still came in rapid spurts and he was drenched in sweat. What the hell happened? The screaming had stopped and slowly he forced himself to reach up with his hand and grab onto the doorknob. He used it to pull himself up, undo the top lock and slowly, painfully open the door. He found Renae there, panic, worry and fear painted across her face. He could imagine what he looked like to her. This was something he had never wanted her to see.
“My God, Riley, are you okay?” She asked opening the door and walking in. She noticed that he was barely clinging to the door, unsteady and shaky.
“I heard you screaming. I thought you were being murdered in here!” she exclaimed and reached out her arms to support him as he slumped back down to the floor.
“Do I need to call 911?” she said flipping on the light switch.
“N-N-No” he stuttered.
“Riley, what’s wrong? What happened? Are you sick? Are you hurt?” she said kneeling beside him. She laid a hand on his forehead and felt how clammy and cold it was.
“Riley, please, what can I do to help you? Tell me!”
“N-Noth-ing. B-B-ad-d-re-am.” He said, his teeth chattering. He felt he had broken out in a cold sweat.
“There has to be something.” She said and sat behind him, wrapping her arms around him as best as she could.
‘P-P-P-P-lease g-g-g-go.”
“Why would I do that? No, Riley, I think we should call someone.”
“N-N-N-No.” He shook his head and leaned against her weakly.
“Why not? Riley, something is wrong with you. What is it?”
“N-N-Nothing.” He said in barely a whisper. Renae said nothing but held him to her chest.
“I heard you all the way in my room. It woke me up. The screaming.” She said and Riley didn’t try to say anything. He just laid in her arms and tried to catch his breath.
“Can you tell me what it was about?” she asked quietly. Riley shook his head slowly.
“No?” He heard her sigh. No, he thought emphatically and closed his eyes for a moment. The image of the disfigured girl was still fresh in his mind. He cringed inwardly wanting to forget every hellish moment of this last episode. The fatigue he felt was tremendous.
“Can I help you back into bed?” she was asking, but her voice sounded so far away. His eyes felt so heavy but he was afraid to close them. What if the little girl came back? He didn’t know if he could take another round. But Brenda was already getting to her feet and struggling to pull him up with her. Before long he was sprawled back on the bed. He lay there and tried to forget what it must all look like to her, what he must look like to her. He felt the bed move. What was she doing?
“Scoot, soldier.” She said and pressed on his back with her hands. They were warm on his skin. He made an effort to roll over to the far side of the bed. She was covering him with the sheet and bedcovers. Then she got in the bed and lay next to him. He panicked.
“W-w-w-what are y-y-you doing?” he whispered weakly.
“I’m bunking with you for the night.” She answered.
“N-n-n-no.” he protested.
“Why not? You’re not looking too good and you won’t let me call anyone. So, I’m staying where I can keep an eye on you.”
“N-n-n-no.”
“Riley, I’m not leaving you by yourself. I promised I’d look after you, didn’t I? I told you you’d be fine.”
“N-n-n-no.”
“Are you worried about me sleeping in the same bed with you? Don’t worry I’m not planning on taking advantage of you. Obviously.” She said. He was too tired to argue about it. It took too much effort to form the words. Then he felt her gently stroke the back of his head.
“I’m just worried about you. That’s all.” I’m not worth it. That’s what he wanted to tell her. But the fatigue fell on him like a weight. The darkness was coming and he was praying that it would be the kind that gave him dreamless sleep. His eyelids closed and as they did, he felt her reach over and press herself up to his back, hug him with one arm, while placing her other arm up near his head and stroking his hair.
“I’m here, Riley. You sleep. I’ll take care of you.” He heard her whisper as he drifted into the darkness.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Escape
When he awoke the next morning, she was still wrapped around him. He could hear her soft breathing and felt the warmth of her body next to his. He vaguely remembered the events of the prior evening and tried to forget them once they became clear. His head had a slight ache pounding in the back at the base of his neck. He reached back to massage the area and felt prickly strands of her hair next to his on the pillow, grazing his shoulders.
He ran a short strand through his fingers. It felt like satin in his hands. He wondered what he should do now? He could only imagine the questions she would have once she woke up and realized what had happened. He felt the heat of shame flush over his face. Everything was so messed up. He couldn’t do this. He wouldn’t do this. He tried to sit up but her arm was firmly wrapped around his waist. He didn’t want to wake her up but he couldn’t be here when she did. Slowly he pried himself loose and managed to slowly sit up and leave the bed without disturbing her. He took a moment to turn around and watch her for a minute, laying there, curled around the spot where he had slept without another dream. There was a part of him that gnawed with a distant longing as he looked at her. What if. . .no. He stopped the thought abruptly and turned back to the chair where his duffel bag lay. He grabbed jeans, a t-shirt, boxers and fresh socks. He quietly stepped in to the bathroom and put everything on, stuffing everything else back into the duffel.When he came out he saw that she was still sleeping.He felt the tug of desire once more but fought it, put on his ball cap and made his way to the door. He wondered for a moment if he should leave her a note. Something. Apologizing? Explaining? For what? His hand was on the doorknob. He took a deep breath.Coward. That’s exactly what he was. He had never thought any different. Now it would be apparent to Renae too. That bothered him a little more than he cared to admit. But he was too confused by everything. Losing Misty, finding Renae. . .waiting for the moment that someone would figure out the truth. And they would too. He knew it. It was just a matter of time. As he left the motel room, there was a part of him that was screaming for him to turn around and go back. To go back and take her hands in his, look her in the eye and tell her everything. Everything. Let the cards fall where they may and wait for it all to come tumbling down around him. But that part was easily silenced by the nightmares, episodes and heartaches that filled him like a jar full of marbles. They rattled inside him cold and hard. He tried to forget everything that had happened in the last few months. During the trip up he had gotten a better look at the Renae he thought he knew. He expected her to be the sassy, vibrant brunette that worked the counter at the café but the stay in South Dakota had changed that and she became someone entirely different; a person battling her own demons, trying to soothe her own scars, discovering her own potential. For a while, he was able to forget his own darkness and bask under her light and it was a relief. Now, he wasn’t sure of anything. So he would do the only thing he knew how to do anymore; he would walk away. By the time she woke up, Riley would be on a Greyhound to anywhere that wasn’t home. And, if he saw her again, which wasn’t part of the plan, he wouldn’t try to give her any reason to come looking for him anymore. He’d let her see the darkness and let it be a
warning to her to avoid him. He couldn’t handle anymore. He couldn’t let anybody else in, not now and not ever. Goodbye, he thought as the taxi pulled up in front of the motel. Goodbye.
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Gone
He was gone. The peaceful sleep she had experienced the night before that followed Riley’s horrific nightmare had been disrupted by his sudden escape. At first she thought he had gone out for a walk, although she desperately hoped that he hadn’t, especially in an area that neither of them knew very well. But when she went to inquire at the desk about possible places she could search she was told by the clerk that Riley had left of his own accord and that they had ordered him a taxi. He was headed to the Greyhound station over in the next town. That was all the clerk knew. Frantic, Brenda called Louis Montgomery and explained what had happened.
“You start for home. I’ll go through his file and see if there’s anyone he knows from the service that he might reach out to or any place I can think of that he might have gone. You call Doreen and see if he’s made it back. If we don’t find him after all of that we’ll call the police and file a missing persons report, okay?”
“Louis, I’m so scared for him!”
“Can you remember anything at all that might have set him off?”
“I don’t know if it set him off but when we got here we went to a local bar and they recognized him. Tried to get him up on stage that sort of stuff and then last night he had a nightmare.”
“What sort of nightmare? Be specific.”
“I don’t know. But it was loud, he was screaming something about fire. I went though the door to our adjoining room to see if I could help him.”
“Did you?”
“I know what you told me about the nightmares. He wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was paralyzed. He couldn’t move and he was scared. So scared!”
“Calm down. That’s the best thing you can do for yourself now, okay? You get home and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Okay.” She agreed. When they hung up Brenda couldn’t help but think of the worst case scenarios where Riley was concerned. She felt so badly for the part of him that was still stuck overseas and for the broken parts of him that he was trying to put back together. Brenda played the conversations and the moments from the previous night over and over in her head. What could she have done differently? How could she have helped him? What could she have said to prevent him from running away like this? But the more she thought about it the more she was at a loss.
She called Doreen as Louis asked and did her best to calm the older woman down. Before long they were both crying and Brenda knew that they had to find a way to focus on finding Riley. That’s what mattered most. When she finally made it back to town she saw that Louis was waiting for her and as soon as she parked she jumped out of the car and ran to him.
“It’s going to be okay.” He reassured her but she wasn’t so sure anymore.
“Have you heard from him?” she asked and he shook his head.
“He hasn’t been gone long enough to report him missing yet either but the Sheriff’s been nice enough to go out looking anyway. Doreen called him right away and he and a group of guys from town are at the café right now making a plan to search some of the more obscure places.”
“Do you think we should go down there?” She said and started to pull away so she could go back to the car.
“Not just yet. Look, we need to talk.” Louis said and his voice took on a serious tone. Brenda stopped and looked at him. Something about his whole demeanor had suddenly changed.
“Louis, what’s wrong? You look like something’s wrong. What is it? Tell me.” She said and he cleared his throat, fidgeted a little with his hands and then looked her directly in the eye.
“I got a call.”
“A call? About what? Riley?”
“About you.” He said and she got quiet. She stepped back and waited. Louis Montgomery looked away for a moment and then he continued.
“Someone named Jon Procter called my office this morning.” Brenda’s blood ran cold at the sound of Jon’s name. She stepped back further and crossed her arms in front of her.
“Really?”
“Yes. He was looking for Riley but he said he was doing it on behalf of someone else.”
“Who?” She asked even though she knew the answer. Brenda was starting to shake and she put her arms around herself to stop it.
“Captain Shane Jenner’s widow and did I know anything because she was eager to thank him for trying to save her husbands life.”
“Louis. . .”
“I didn’t know it was you he was talking about. Not at first. I found out when I looked up your name on the internet and there you were with your boys. Hair color’s different of course. It’s shorter too. But I never forget a face.”
“It’s not what you think, really.” Brenda started to explain but the older man interrupted her.
“It doesn’t matter what I think. At the end of the day I’m not the one that needs the explanation, Renae, or should I say Brenda?”
“Please, Louis. I wanted to. . .help.” She wished even now she could tell him the whole truth.
“I believe you, but why couldn’t you tell Riley the truth? Why this big charade?”
“He doesn’t want anything to do with what happened that night. It’s a big burden. He never would have talked to me if he’d known who I was and I needed him to talk to me.”
“Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell him anything. It’s not my place. I see the good that you’ve done for him although I’m not sure how he or everyone else is going to feel about the fact you lied to them.”
“I know. I’ve thought it from the moment I got here, but you see, I never expected him to be here. That’s why Jon Procter called you. I asked him to search for the soldier who was with my husband that night. I never dreamed in a million years that I’d find him here. I came here because my husband’s family owned this farm and I needed to get away from the media and take some time to think. Then, I went into the café and I offered Doreen some help waiting on tables and there he was! The person I was looking for and things just snowballed from there.”
Louis’ eyes softened as he looked at Brenda.
“I’m not going to give away your secret. I don’t pretend to understand it all but then who can?” She felt immensely relieved. “But you’ve got to tell him sooner or later. It’s the right thing to do you know that. I’ll help if you want but it’s got to be done.” She nodded in agreement.
“What did you tell Jon Procter?”
“That I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to know for reasons of privacy. He didn’t fight me too hard on it.” Louis said. Of course he wouldn’t.
“So now what do we do?” She asked and Louis looked up at the house.
“I pulled up just before you did so if you don’t mind why don’t we go in and see if he didn’t change his mind and came home. It happens sometimes. They run out of money or they just see reason. Let’s hope for that.” He said and she took the steps up the porch to the door taking the key out of her pocket. She sincerely hoped he was right because the thought of Riley out in the elements, homeless or in a shelter somewhere broke her heart. If something happened to him out there she wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to forgive herself. She had come to care for Riley much more than she ever could have imagined.
They went through the entire house and found nothing. Finally, Brenda decided to take a look outside.
“Is there someplace he could be hiding on the property?”
“Well, I don’t know about hiding but he did have sort of a makeshift workshop out in the old barn.”
“Let’s take a look.” Louis said and followed Brenda out the side door leading from the kitchen into the backyard. There were large flagstones that made a path from the edge of the rickety old steps to the door of the barn. Brenda made her way to the door and opened it.
“Brenda, wait!” Louis called at her from the
steps just as she felt a rough pair of hands grab her and yank her inside.
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
The Barn
"Get down!" Riley was yelling as he motioned with the barrel of the gun. Brenda was stunned. What was happening? How did he end up back here at the farmhouse? He had grabbed her, pulled her inside and thrown her on the floor just as Louis had tried to warn her not to go inside. She had been in such a hurry that she hadn’t waited for him and now she was in a terrible predicament.