by Mari Beck
“Jon?”
“Yes?”
“Did Shane know?”
“About what, Brenda?”
“About us?” It was her turn to startle him with a question. He looked straight ahead and kept driving.
“Jon, did he know?”
“Yes.” He said barely above a whisper and she gasped out of shock and grief.
“How?”
“He told me.” He admitted and she felt as though she was going to pass out. “The last time he came home Shane made an appointment to see me. He wanted to talk. I could tell he was struggling with something.”
“What did he tell you?”
“I thought he was going to tell me about the last tour. The usual stuff. But instead he wanted to talk about his family. Your marriage. He thought you were seeing someone.”
“D-did you tell him?”
“I wanted to. I was tired of sneaking around. I didn’t like lying either, Brenda. I thought he deserved to know.”
“But you didn’t?”
“No. It wasn’t my place.” He said and she wrapped her arms around herself to keep from breaking apart. “He wasn’t angry, Brenda. He thought it was his fault. Being gone so long, not being to talk about everything that happened to him. And then there was the wear and tear of being together for as long as you two had been, the cracks were starting to show. He didn’t know what to do.”
“Is that why he reenlisted without talking it over with me? He didn’t know what to do?” She felt a sense of anger rise up inside against her husband.
“I don’t know.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that he knew? Why?” she demanded.
“I didn’t want to hurt you and I was hoping that we would figure out were we were in our own relationship.”
“You should have told me! You had no right to keep it from me!”
“You’re right.” He admitted somberly. “Sometimes I wonder if I had if it would have made any difference. Would you have told him yourself? Maybe you would have worked it out. But where would that have left me? It was selfish. I know that.”
“He might still be alive!” she screamed at him.
“Maybe. Maybe not. There’s no way of knowing that.”
“He tried to tell me that last night.” She cried. “But we got into a fight over the reenlistment. We didn’t have the chance to talk about anything before we got cut off. . .”
“I loved you then and I love you now, no matter what.” Jon interjected.
“No! How can you say that? After what you did?” she said then stopped herself. Is that what Shane would have said if she’d admitted her affair with Jon? What a hypocrite she was! She was condemning Jon for his actions without taking her own into account. How messed up her life was! She didn’t know what she felt anymore.
“I’m sorry, Jon. I’m sorry for everything. I know I keep saying it but it’s true. You’re a good man.”
“But I’m not the man you want to be with.” The resignation and sadness permeated his voice. She reached and touched his shoulder.
“I’m not sure I’m ready to be with anyone right now.” She replied and they drove the rest of the way to the station in uneasy silence.
Once they arrived Brenda opened the door and ran to the station entrance. Entering, she saw an older woman sitting behind the front desk.
“I’m here to see Meagan McGuinnis.”
“She’s finishing up an interview. She’s not taking any more appointments this evening.”
“You don’t understand. She’ll want to see me. Tell her it’s Brenda Jenner.”
“I’m sure she will. But she gave explicit instructions that she not be bothered as she’s trying to make a deadline.”
“I have to see her. It’s an emergency!”
“What kind of emergency?” The older woman made no effort to get up or notify the reporter of Brenda’s presence. Brenda looked around and spied a small hallway leading off to the right. She guessed that it would lead either to a set of offices or the studio. Either way it was the only way she was going to be able to reach Riley and stop the interview.
“I’ll let her know I’m here myself, thank you.” Brenda said and ran past the front desk leaving the receptionist yelling after her to stop.
“Wait! You can’t go back there!” The lady yelled. Brenda ignored her hoping that the hallway was short and that the studio was located at the end of it as she guessed it was. As she made her way past the small groupings of cubicles and offices she could clearly see a door marked studio and a large glass window that looked inside with a bright ON AIR sign hanging over it. The ON AIR sign was off but she could clearly make out Meagan McGuinnis and the dumpy looking cameraman she recognized from her own interview inside the room. The reporter was dressed impeccably and was sporting her signature blonde bob, bright red lips and heavy eye makeup. It was her live interview look and as Brenda made her way to the studio door she could see Meagan McGuinnis was busy scribbling away on her yellow legal pad, stopping momentarily to tap her pen against her brilliant white teeth. Brenda grabbed the door handle and pulled. It was locked. She banged on the door. The reporter and cameraman both looked up but the room’s soundproof walls seemed to muffle Brenda’s pounding. The cameraman shrugged and Meagan McGuinnis returned to reviewing her notes with the tip of her French manicured index finger. Desperate to get someone’s attention Brenda moved to the large glass window looking into the room. She slapped her palm against the thick glass until the cameraman turned around. He looked confused and then he turned and said something to the reporter. When Meagan McGuinnis looked up this time she was clearly shocked. She stood up and placing her pad of paper down on the chair went to the door and opened it.
“Well, well. Must be my lucky day. First the soldier and now you.”
“Where is he?”
“Riley Favreau?”
“Yes!”
“He’s gone”
“Did, did he do the interview?”
“So you know about that?” Brenda nodded. “Hmm. Well, he told me he hadn’t told you he was doing it.”
“He didn’t tell me.”
“So it was your other soldier? Captain Procter?”
“Leave him out of this!”
“I wondered if he’d tell you I called.”
“Why did you?”
“I needed to verify some facts.”
“Some facts? Or did you want to exploit him too?”
“Touchy, touchy.” Meagan Mcguinnis said stepping outside of the studio and closing the door behind her. “Why don’t we step into my office? It’ll make for a more private conversation.”
“Since when do you care about privacy?”
“Look, Brenda. Riley Favreau came to me. If you recall I offered him a generous opportunity to tell his side of the story. It was the same offer I made you. You turned it down and he took me up on it. I respect your choice but I’m not going to turn away from a story when it comes walking in.”
“Why are you doing this to us? What did my family ever do to you?”
“Nothing. It’s not personal. It never was.”
“It is personal. You made it personal. You threatened my family! You hounded Riley! Now you want to parade us all out on national tv for your personal benefit!”
“That is not what’s going on here!” The reporter shot back. “If that was the case, I would have exposed your little affair right after our interview. But like I told Riley, I’m not in it for the headlines. I want the career. I want longevity. I won’t get that if I treat this like some tabloid story. I could have-but I didn’t.”
“Then what do you want?”
“The truth but I realized, while I was looking for you after you disappeared, that maybe, I was chasing the wrong story.”
“The wrong story? What does that mean?”
“Something happened to your husband on that road, Brenda. Something awful and the only person who knows what really happened couldn’t tell anyone.”
&
nbsp; “What are you talking about? Are you saying Riley knows something? He doesn’t remember.”
“That’s not exactly true.”
“No! You’re lying!”
“If anything I’m the only one that wants to help you and your family learn the truth.”
“What did he tell you?”
“I don’t even know where to begin. . .”
“You’re twisting everything around. You just want to make a name for yourself. You’d say anything. . .”
“Why don’t you see it for yourself? It’s all on tape. I was getting ready to edit it but I don’t think it would make much of a difference if you saw it just like he told it to me.”
“No!”
“Riley remembers bits and pieces and what he remembers is not what everybody thinks happened.”
“Stop it!” Brenda was backing away.
“He did it for you, Brenda. And your boys. He wanted to set the record straight. He cares about you very much.”
“Where is he? Riley!” Brenda called out for him. Where was he? She had to find him.
“He’s gone. He did the interview and then he left.”
“How long ago?”
“15-20 minutes ago. He went out the side door. There.” The reporter pointed and Brenda began to walk toward it. The reporter was following after her. She was still talking. Brenda wanted to shut her out but couldn’t.
“I can’t stop the interview from coming out, Brenda. I promised him. There’s an investigation going on surrounding what happened and I have to get the interview on the air before they shut us down. Do you understand? You need to prepare yourself and your family. He loves you, Brenda. I promised him I would tell you if I saw you again that he did this because he loves you.”
Brenda could barely see through her tears as she ran through the door and out into the cold night air with Meagan McGuinnis’ words following her into the darkness.
He loves you, Brenda. He did this because he loves you.
CHAPTER SIXTY
The Truth
She ran out of the station and into the darkness looking around the parking lot hoping she would catch up with him before he left. But she didn’t see him anywhere so she ran around to the back of the building and there he was walking away in the distance.
“Wait!” She yelled after him but he kept walking. Brenda ran faster. “Riley! Wait!” She finally caught up with him down an adjacent alley but had to grab onto his sleeve and yank him around. He seemed shocked to see her there.
“Wait a damn minute!”
“Brenda…”
“What were you doing in there?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I came to stop the interview.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t have anyone else get hurt, especially you. Riley, what were you doing with Meagan McGuinnis?”
“I did the interview.”
“No!”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
“Of course you did. Riley, why did you do it?”
“It was something you said to me. You said I was a coward. And you were right. It was time to do the right thing.”
“I’m sorry for what I said that day, Riley. I am. I said so many things I didn’t mean.”
“No. You were right and I want to give you what you want.” He said as the snow began to fall but they both stood there and made no effort to go back inside.
“No. You don’t owe me anything. I was wrong to say that.”
“Yes. I want to tell . . . give you the truth.” He said and Brenda watched as the wet snow began to plaster his shirt to his body. In that moment she felt like she was looking at a kid like her son Callan and not a 35 year old war veteran. He looked like a child-a scared child. Brenda felt ashamed of herself.
“I’m sorry for what I did, tricking you into believing I was someone I wasn’t, Riley. That was wrong. You were right. It wasn’t an accident that I was in Bess. I asked a friend to find you. I came looking for you.” Brenda walked toward him but he put out a hand and she stopped.
“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. I’m ready. I’m ready to tell you the truth. I should have told you before I came here to talk to the reporter, but I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. I thought it was my only chance to say what I had to say. But I’m glad you’re here. I should look you in the eye when I tell you.”
“Riley. . .”
“Please, Brenda. Please let me say it. Ever since it happened. . .no one-no one-wants to let me say it. The truth that is-I tried. I tried to tell them but that picture. . .that goddamn picture made it impossible.”
“Look, why don’t we go somewhere and talk. Anywhere you want just not here, not out here in the cold.” She pleaded but he shook his head.
“I might not have the courage to say this twice. I have to do it now.” He paused. “It happened when I came to see you. I was talking to Callan.” He looked up and Brenda looked into his worn, pale face.
“I know you talked to Callan, Riley. He told me.”
“We were sitting in the family room and he asked me.”
“What did he want?”
“The truth, Brenda. He gave me the perfect opportunity to tell, to say what really happened. . .but, he’s just a kid. Captain Jenner’s kid is not who I should be telling. He’s just a kid and when he asked me. . .when he asked me. . .”A sob escaped his lips.“He asked me how it happened. He’s a smart kid, Brenda. He doesn’t believe the bullshit they printed about his dad. . .or about me. He sees right through it. And. . .he had this look on his face. . .this look and . . .and . . .” Riley hid his face in his hands. Brenda felt the cold seep straight into her bones. She felt stricken as she imagined Callan asking Riley about his dad’s final moments. In the end, her son had found the courage to ask the questions she had not.
“I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted. . .”
“No.” She heard herself say.
“But. . .I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell him. I could never tell him, Brenda. I couldn’t do that to him.”
“Please, Riley, let’s go inside.” Riley ignored her.
“He asked me about his dad. He wanted me to tell him. . .to describe exactly what happened to him, how he died, what he said, whatever I could remember.”She felt a catch in her own throat.
“But I told him I didn’t remember anything. I told him I knew as much as he did, as much as everybody did after seeing that picture. But. . .”
“But what, Riley?”
“It’s a lie.”
It’s a lie.
She felt her entire body go cold from the inside out.
“What’s a lie?” she managed to ask.
“The whole thing, Brenda. It’s a whole goddamn lie.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I remember. I remember everything.” He cried. “Every single moment, every detail, every smell, every terrible thing. I could never forget it. I still can’t because I see it all the time. In here.” He tapped the side of his head with a finger.
“No. I don’t, I don’t want this. I don’t want this.” She heard herself repeat over and over.
“I can’t hold it in anymore. I can’t. I have to tell you what happened and then. . .”He reached inside his jacket. That’s when she saw the gun.
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
The Children
It’s time to end this. It’s time to tell the truth. Riley could barely look at Brenda. The shame was too great.
“I have to tell you what happened.” He said and he tightened his hand around the handle of the gun. “This time I won’t mess it up. I’m only sorry I couldn’t tell you before and that it has to be like this.” Her heart was racing. She tried to think about what she could do,who she could call out to,but they were standing in the middle of a dark deserted alley with no one in sight. They were too far from the station for her to get help.
“It doesn’t have to be like that, Riley.” She said hoping she could talk
him into changing his plan.
“You don’t understand. I shouldn’t be alive. I should have died on that road with the rest of them.” Brenda took a few steps toward him and he grasped the handle of the gun even tighter.
“Don’t come any closer!”He screamed at her then lowered his voice to a whisper. “Please.” Brenda remained where she was.
“Riley, shh. Shh now. Everything’s going to be okay.”
“Don’t! Don’t tell me to be quiet! Please don’t or goddammit, I swear I’ll pull the trigger right now!” He said pulling out the gun and pointing at his head.
“No! Riley, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! You can tell me anything, I promise.”
“I’ve lost it all anyway. Everything. And it’s all my fault.”He cried.
“No, Riley. That’s not true.”
“My grandpa’s dead, Brenda. The stress of taking care of me, of cleaning up after all of my shit. . .He trusted me to drive him into town that day. I killed him. And Misty. . .” He sobbed again.
“It’s not your fault.” She tried to reassure him but how could she understand?
“Is that why she’s having Brandon’s baby? No, Brenda. That’s my fault. If I’d just told the truth, yelled it so everyone knew about. . .about what I did. . .” He cocked the gun. The click made Brenda jump. She put out both hands and tried to keep his attention on her.
“Riley,I’m listening.”
“The truth?”
“Yes. Yes, tell me the truth. It’s okay to tell me. It’s okay.”