by Raven Scott
Nia paused, wondering if the words were really explaining how she had felt.
“And how do you feel now?” Lianne asked.
“I’m able to separate things now,” Nia concluded.
“What about Nigel? He was like a brother to you, right?”
“I thought so. But now I’m not sure if I ever knew who he really was. I think I just saw him as some kind of hero who came to my rescue when no one else did,” Nia replied. “And I felt this huge sense of guilt and responsibility for what he went through.”
“But, you weren’t responsible for his actions any more than you were to blame for what Colby and Kyle did,” insisted Lianne.
“I know that. Rationally, I know that. But I don’t think I ever let myself believe it. And now I just feel sad for him.”
“What about Colby?”
“I don’t feel anything about Colby. I should feel vindicated I guess, but it doesn’t matter one way or the other. I believe in karma, and I always figured his actions would catch up with him eventually,” Nia explained. “I reached out to Hailey a few days ago. She told me that Kyle had joined the Marines after high school, and then was injured in Afghanistan on his second tour. He’s lost both his legs.”
The women looked at each other.
“So that just leaves Evan,” Lianne concluded.
“I woke up a couple of day ago and I couldn’t remember why I was angry at him, why I didn’t trust him. Not right away. I just missed him. Then, I remembered something he had said to me about the things he had learned from his dad. A sense of justice and to protect your family and country.”
“That sounds noble,” Lianne replied.
Nia looked down at her hands.
“I think he was telling the truth, Lee. I think he was honest with me about who he was while we were going out. I think I know him at his core. And I do trust him.” She looked up at her friend and trained therapist. “Is that crazy? He lied to me from the moment we met, and now I’m saying that I trust him.”
“What do you trust him with?”
“My safety, my life, my well-being. I trust him to be honest about anything important.”
“Maybe that’s what’s relevant, Nia. Do you think he will lie to you again?”
Nia smiled.
“I’m sure he will, if he thinks it will protect me. Or if his job requires him to.”
“Well, from what I know about his career, that might not be a bad thing.”
They both chuckled a little.
“So, if you trust Evan, why don’t you just tell him that? What’s holding you back?”
“I don’t know how. I can’t figure out how to take that step. I’m scared, and I’m stuck.”
Lianne nodded in agreement.
“That’s what Evan said the day he left Boston the first time, and he’s right. I’m scared and I’ve used everything else to convince myself that love and relationships aren’t worth the risk.”
“Are you saying you’re not scared anymore?” asked Lianne.
“No, I’m still scared,” Nia admitted with a sad smile. “But I think I’m more terrified about being stuck in this isolated spot, walled off from any real emotions. I thought the worst feeling was to be hurt or betrayed by someone you love. The emptiness and loneliness of missing them is so much worse.”
“I’ll let you in on a little secret, my friend,” Lianne stated, patting Nia’s leg. “We’re all scared to really fall in love. Maybe you just needed to find someone who made it worth the risk.”
Nia smiled, feeling pounds lighter.
“So, what happens now?” asked Lianne. “What are you going to do about Evan?”
“I don’t know, really. I still have some things to work out. Maybe I’ll write another couple of songs,” she added with a shy grin. “Turns out it’s pretty therapeutic.”
“Is that all it is, or is there something more?”
Nia shrugged, almost too excited to say the words out loud.
“It’s only been a few weeks, but I’ve been thinking about how to put music back in my life. In a real way.”
“Like how?” Lianne probed, her facing lighting up.
“I don’t know. Maybe volunteer for an art center or music school? Write for a community-based theater? Maybe even perform some of the songs I’ve written. I have to look into the options, but I just know it’s what I really want to do with my life.”
“What about your job?”
“I can’t give that up anytime soon. I still have bills to pay, shoes to buy,” Nia quipped. “I think I’ll be back in the office within a week or so, once I have my final follow-up at the hospital. Then the summer auction is only a few weeks away. All of that is really important to me too. But I still want music back in my life in some way.”
“Nia, I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to hear you say that. You deserve to be happy and fulfilled, and if songwriting or performing is what you want to do, go for it!” Lianne told her as they stood up. “I’m just hoping I get to hear something of yours soon! You could even do an open mic night. Like at that place we went Memorial Day weekend.”
Nia giggled at the idea, even as a bubble of excitement settled in her chest. The friends hugged tight.
“Maybe,” Nia teased when they parted. “Thank you for this, Lianne. I really needed it.”
“You’re welcome, anytime. And you don’t need an appointment! You’re my best friend and I love you. The advice will always be the same. Now, how do you feel about staying out for dinner? The pub down the street has happy hour with half-priced appetizers. ”
By the end of the evening, the idea Lianne had planted was developing in Nia’s head. Maybe the only way to get unstuck was to do something drastic. Take a leap so big, there was no going back. And, maybe she could kill two birds with one stone.
After a little bit of research and lots of time psyching herself up, Nia called Evan on his cell phone, suddenly anxious to hear his voice.
“Nia? Is everything okay?” he had quickly answered with concern.
“Hi, Evan. Everything is good,” she replied, certain her voice was shaking. They hadn’t spoken since he had left.
“How are you?” Nia asked.
He had paused before replying.
“I’m okay. How are you feeling? Agnes tells me you’re getting better every day.”
That had surprised her. Nia hadn’t realized the housekeeper was providing updates.
“I’m feeling good, stronger.”
“Good,” he stated, firmly.
She took a deep breath and jumped in.
“Listen, I’m planning to be in Arlington sometime next week, and I wondered if you’d like to meet for dinner.”
“Yeah, of course, Nia. When will you be here?”
Nia grinned, feeling a thousand pounds lighter.
“I’m not exactly sure yet, but can I give you a call back to confirm?”
“Sure, call me anytime.”
“K, bye.”
“Bye, Nia.”
She hung up the phone, and covered her mouth, wanting to shout out with excitement and fear. Then Nia went back to planning her surprise. A few days later, most of the details for her trip were ironed out. She just had to catch a flight to Virginia in order to pull it off.
Chapter 30
“I wish I could be there too,” declared Lianne.
It was Thursday afternoon, almost a week since they had talked in Lianne’s office. Nia smiled at the wistful tone in her friend’s voice over the phone.
“Next time, I promise,” Nia committed. “And I’ll make sure the whole thing is recorded, okay?”
“I guess that will have to do. Are you nervous?”
“I’m freaking out a little,” Nia admitted. “I told you, I haven’t performed in front of anyone since I was fifteen.”
“Well, this is a little bit like ‘go big or go home,’ Nia. Are you sure you’re ready for this? There are other ways to tell Evan how you feel. Less public ways,” her fr
iend suggested. It wasn’t the first time Lianne had made that argument.
“I know. But I need to take the leap, throw off the shackles. This way, there will be no backing out or going back.”
“How long are you staying in Arlington?” asked Lianne.
“I’m booked into the hotel until tomorrow. Then it depends on what happens with Evan, I guess.”
“Would you stay if he asked you?”
“Eventually, I think. But there’s so much we’d have to figure out before that. The auction’s coming up, and there’s still lots of work to do for it.”
“It will work itself out, one way or the other,” Lianne assured her.
“Thanks, Lee. I know. I better get going. Evan will be picking me up within the hour and I still need to get in the shower,” Nia finally explained.
“Okay,” Lianne sighed. “Good luck tonight. I’m sure you’re going to be great. And don’t forget to record everything!”
“I won’t, I promise.”
They hung up, and Nia spent a few minutes relaxing on the bed of her hotel room, thinking through the evening she had planned. She was actually going to perform her songs live, with Evan in the audience.
A secret smile played on her lips. Once the idea had formulated in her head, Nia was surprised at how easy it had been to execute. The biggest challenge had been to find a venue willing to let an amateur artist perform, relatively close to Evan’s home in Alexandria. As Lianne had suggested, Nia wanted a place like Moody’s in Boston that they had gone to with Eddie and Eddie’s brother, Kevin. It was the perfect kind of venue, casual and intimate with great acoustics and an appreciative audience. So Nia set out to do a search for places similar in the Washington, D.C. area.
To her surprise and delight, Moody’s was a small chain of clubs on the east coast, including a location in the city of Arlington, less than half an hour from Evan’s place. The second hurdle was to get on their stage. While they didn’t have a formal open mic opportunity, the manager, Bud, was willing to put her on during a slow night with the resident band. He just needed to listen to her perform first. Nia managed to convince the manager to let her audition by submitting a video recording. Then, with some help from Agnes, she went to the Dorchester community centre on Saturday to record a session and sent the file to the club manager that afternoon. On Monday, Bud booked her for Thursday to do three songs.
Now, the evening was here. Nia was as ready as she ever would be. Her only hesitation was with Evan. After that initial conversation last Friday, they had spoken several more times. Just short, casual conversations to confirm their plans. Each time, she could tell he wanted to ask her more about the unexpected trip to Virginia, and she wondered whether to tell him about the real reason she would be there.
At first, it seemed like fun to surprise him, watch his reaction to her onstage as she poured out everything in her heart. Now, Nia realized that she had only been buying time. The performance tonight would take her life on a new course. Once she performed these songs to Evan and the rest of the audience, she could never take back the words. Everything she wanted and felt would be completely exposed. It was what she needed to do in order to move beyond the fear that had kept her frozen. Now, onstage tonight, she was all in.
It was also the first step in living her dream, one that had lain dormant for years, only stirred by the impact of Evan in her life. It had been awakened, taken form, and was impossible to suppress. Now, she had to make a decision. Did she grasp the opportunity to pursue the aspiration of being a songwriter? Or continue safe and secure in a well-paid day job.
Loving Evan had taught her that you can’t have what you really want without taking a risk, and it was worth it in the end. So tonight, she would conquer her fears and go after the two things she wanted most.
By five-thirty, Nia was ready for whatever happened next.
She wore a long dress, in softly textured cotton. It had a sexy, bustier-inspired bodice with delicate raised stitching, while the full skirt draped loosely to the floor, creating a more casual look. The butter-yellow color reminded Nia of the dress Evan had bought for her some weeks ago. She hoped he liked this one as much. Nia added chucky wedge-heeled sandals. She played with her loose hair and finished touching up her new, berry-red lipstick before heading into the living room.
A few moments later, there was a knock at her hotel room door. She opened it to find Evan standing there, looking as strong and imposing as ever. He wore dark jeans and a white cotton shirt.
“Hi,” she said, finding it hard to believe it had been almost four weeks since she had last seen him. It suddenly felt like an eternity.
“Hi,” he replied. “You look beautiful.”
She smiled self-consciously.
“Let me just grab my purse, then we’ll get going.”
She was back within a minute, and they headed down to the lobby.
“Is there anything in particular you’d like to eat?” Evan asked when they were in the elevator. “There’s a really great Vietnamese place down the street.”
“Well, I actually have somewhere in mind,” she admitted coyly.
“Okay,” he replied, shrugging with an indulgent smile. “Whatever you want.”
They walked outside to where his glossy white Aston Martin was parked. Nia gave him the address to Moody’s and they arrived there a short drive later, parking on the street nearby. As they walked inside, Evan looked around speculatively, and she wondered if he suspected what she was up to. But there was no way he could have any clue.
The plan was for them to have a quiet dinner, just the two of them within the hour before the show started. At seven-thirty, Nia would get onstage and open for the resident band, singing her original songs while playing an acoustic guitar, borrowed from the club.
They made it until their meals arrived with polite conversation before Evan asked some of the questions she could feel in his eyes.
“You look great, Nia. How are you feeling?” he asked, his concern clear in his expression.
She smiled softly.
“I’m good, Evan. How are you?”
He shrugged and looked down at his plate briefly.
“I’m okay. But better now that you’re here,” he stated. “I’ve missed you.”
Nia reached out to touch his left hand as it rested on the table.
“I missed you, too,” she admitted.
He nodded, and they ate in silence for the rest of the meal.
“So what brings you to town?” he eventually asked.
It was now seven-fifteen, and she knew the other guests for her performance would be arriving soon.
“Other than dinner with you?” she teased, liking the dimples that flashed on his cheeks. “I have a few things to take care of.”
“How long will you be staying?”
Nia couldn’t resist.
“That depends on you.”
Evan paused, recognizing the words he had told her on their first date. But he was then distracted as Raymond entered into the small club. Evan watched the agent walk across the room toward them. Raymond slapped Evan on the shoulder when he arrived, and then bent low to kiss Nia on the cheek before he sat down at the large empty table beside them.
“What’re you doing here?” Evan asked, relaxing back in his chair, his expression unreadable.
Raymond looked around with a straight face.
“I’ve been meaning to check out this place for a while. I hear the music’s pretty good.”
The two men looked at each other, communicating something Nia couldn’t read.
“How are you feeling, Nia? You look great,” Raymond said to her.
“Thanks,” she smiled. “I feel pretty good.”
“No complications, huh? That’s a relief,” he replied, nodding. “I’ve heard of people getting serious head injuries, then developing completely new personalities. Or suddenly discovering they can do things they’ve never even tried before. Like speaking another language, or something.”
Nia burst out laughing, followed by one of her snorts. Raymond raised his eyebrows, trying hard to suppress a grin. Evan looked back and forth between them, trying to see what was so funny.
“Nope,” she managed to reply after a few moments, still grinning. “Still the same me as before.”
“Good. I’d hate think that gorgeous ballbuster I had met was gone. Ice here needs someone to keep him in check.”
Nia burst out laughing again.
“Really, Raymond? Watch your mouth,” Evan shot back with annoyance, sitting forward in his chair.
“What?” Raymond claimed, blinking innocently. “It was a compliment.”
“That’s how I took it,” Nia assured him.
Raymond winked back at her and Evan clenched his fist, working his jaw back and forth.
The others arrived in the next few minutes. First Tony and Michael, then Lucas and Sam, no women in tow this time. They all slapped Evan on the shoulders and the back of the head, kissing Nia on the cheek or forehead.
“What’s going on?” Evan finally asked, turning to face the table full of his friends and team.
“We’re not allowed out for the night?” Lucas replied flippantly as the others ordered drinks from the waitress.
Evan looked at Nia with narrowed eyes, but she was saved from any interrogation as Bud, the club manager, stepped on the stage to talk into the mic.
“Hello, everyone, welcome to Thursday nights at Moody’s. We have a great night of entertainment planned for you. Before our resident band, The River Boys, take the stage, I’d like to bring on a special guest with us this evening, all the way from Boston. Please give a warm Arlington welcome to Nia James!”
That was it, the moment she thought would never come. Nia was about to perform live, in a club for the first time ever.
The other guests were clapping while the Fortis crew was cheering loudly. Taking a deep, calming breath, she looked at Evan briefly, but his expression didn’t tell her anything. It was too late to have second thoughts, so Nia stood and walked through the maze of tables on to the front of the room. The borrowed guitar was now beside a chair in the front center of the stage.