by Darla Baker
“Hi, I’m Britney. I’ve been coming to the meeting for two months, and I’ve been out for four months.”
“Hi, I’m Thalia. I facilitate this meeting and have been doing so for five years. I’ve been out for thirteen years. All right, thanks everyone for the introductions. Who would like to start?”
Reanna is the first to speak up. “Charley, I’d like to hear more of your story. I came here for nearly a year before I worked up the courage to come out. You come here after being out for eight years and tell us that you aren’t a lesbian! Well, then why the hell are you here?”
Thalia holds her hand up to quiet the group. “Reanna, may I remind you that there is no judgment in this group. If Charley wants to talk about herself, she is welcome to do so. But I won’t tolerate any disrespect. Everyone in this group has struggled with their sexual orientation. And no two people struggle with it in exactly the same way. If you have something to share about your journey, please continue. Otherwise, yield the floor.”
Reanna gives both Thalia and Charley a glaring look but then softens when she sees tears rolling down Charley’s cheeks. “I’m sorry, Charley.”
Charley wipes her face and then begins to speak. “Thank you. My dad is dying, and my parents are pressuring me to get right with God before he dies. They purchased a house for me so I could move out of my home with Robin—that’s my wife. They’ve sent me to a therapist in Lexington, who specializes in conversion therapy. They want Robin to see him too.”
Linda chimes in. “How old are you?”
“Thirty-three.”
“Girl, that is too old to be taking that shit from your parents. They’re supposed to love you unconditionally. Not make you feel ashamed for who you are.”
Thalia frowns and steps in again. “Linda, I know you’re trying to be supportive, and I’m sure Charley appreciates it. But could you dial it down a bit?”
“I’m just saying that shit ain’t right.”
“Thank you for sharing, Linda. Who else would like to share?”
Britney begins, “I can sort of relate to Charley’s situation. I came out four months ago. I’ve known since puberty that I was attracted to girls. But like practically every other lesbian in this area, I dated boys to cover it up and fit in. My parents are holy rollers, which means they roll over and crush anyone who disagrees with their interpretation of the Bible. My parents and I haven’t spoken since I came out to them. That is until this past weekend. Our church is having a tent revival, and they asked me to go to the service. I thought I’d be a good daughter and suck it up and go with them. But when the service started, I found out it was a trap. The revival minister called me up to the front and started chanting and gyrating and babbling. Then he laid his hands on my forehead and pushed me down to the ground shouting for the devil to release his hold on me. I was mortified! I got up off the floor and ran out of the tent. I called a friend to come pick me up. I cried the whole way home and for a couple of hours afterward, too. How can people who say they love you treat you with such disrespect and cruelty?”
Thalia shakes her head. “Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry your parents set you up. It is inexcusable. I’m proud of you for getting out of there quickly and taking care of yourself. Certainly, within our lifetime, we will continue to encounter people who wrap hatred inside of religion for all sorts of prejudices, not just lesbians. Being a victim of such abuse will never and should never get easier. All we can do is avoid direct attacks as much as possible, make sure we have a good support system and support advocacy as much as we are able.”
“Thank you for telling that story, Britney. It helps to know I’m not alone,” Charley says while looking down at the floor.
“I’m glad her story resonated with you, Charley. That’s the purpose of this group. We so often think we’re alone, and no one else experiences the same pain or fear. But we’re not alone. We have each other.”
Thalia listens as several of the others in the group respond to Charley’s story as well as update the group on what’s new in their lives.
“Okay, this was a good meeting. Thanks everyone for coming, and we’ll see each other next week.”
Thalia stands up to go over to Charley and encourage her to come back next week. But she was gone before Thalia could reach her. She waves goodbye to the others in the group and heads out to go home. She’s had another long and intense day.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THALIA WAKES UP Sunday morning realizing today’s the day. It’s been a week since she’s seen or spoken to Amara. But she’s been on her mind almost constantly. The barbecue starts at two o’clock. The family horse farm, located south of Lexington, is only an hour from Somerset, and they’ve made plans to meet at noon to give them plenty of time to travel.
Sammy is going to watch Sassy and Grace while she’s gone since it’ll be a long day, and she doesn’t want to leave them home alone that long. Thalia will pick them up Monday morning and take them into work with her.
Thalia decides on a white tank top and olive cargo shorts for the barbecue. She’s opted to forego the Skele-Toes for a nice pair of Skechers sandals. René would be proud of me.
Thalia tends to get a bit nervous when introducing herself to new people. In her experience, there are typically two types of reactions people have when she tells them she’s a sex therapist.
The first is the avoider. She watches as the person’s eyes widen and then pull into a squint as if assessing her for the truth of the matter. If they are shaking hands, they will sometimes withdraw it and perhaps even wipe it on their shirt or pants leg. Then they start shuffling their feet and suddenly become hungry, thirsty, or in desperate need of a restroom. Thalia enjoys watching them retreat, mentally checking off a tally of those who find food, drink, or a restroom versus the ones who don’t.
The second and vastly more entertaining is the over-sharer. Before the words ‘sex therapist’ leave Thalia’s lips, this person is launching into a woe of some sort. Erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness either before or after menopause, vibrator reviews—nothing seems to be deemed too private to discuss in a public setting with a virtual stranger.
While she’s not conducted scientific research on this, her anecdotal evidence suggests, while both men and women are relatively equally represented in the first group, the vast majority of people in the second group are women.
Thalia finds this all rather amusing. Of course, there are times when she wishes she had a ‘normal’ occupation.
So why is Thalia thinking about this right now?
She’s not met any of the members of Amara’s family. So when Amara invited her to the barbecue, her mind conjured up all sorts of embarrassing scenarios. Now, with the barbecue drawing near, she finds herself trying to come up with a different job title that’s not so… interesting or is contemplating making up a job title just to avoid the inevitable.
Just great! Now I’m an avoider.
Thalia looks at her phone to check the time. She has about an hour and a half before she has to leave to drop off the dogs and meet Amara at the marina. She decides to sit down at her computer and work on responding to some Ask Thalia questions. Hopefully researching and concentrating on answering the questions will settle her nerves.
THALIA ARRIVES AT Sammy’s with plenty of time to spare before she has to leave to meet Amara.
Sammy leads Thalia and the dogs to her back deck where the dogs take off into the big, fenced-in back yard while they sit in a couple of Adirondack chairs overlooking the woods. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No, thanks. How are things with you?” Thalia wiggles her eyebrows. “I half expected to find you with company this morning.”
Sammy rolls her eyes and slaps at Thalia’s arm. “Don’t be silly. We had a great time Saturday night. But we parted ways at the animal shelter. I haven’t slept with her yet. I’m not like you and Janice, you know.”
“I know. I was just teasing. So are you going to see her again?”
Sammy nibbles at her fingers. “We spoke on the phone yesterday briefly. We made a date for next Friday, and I’m kind of nervous. I haven’t been seeing Dr. Masters very long. Should I talk to her first?”
“You see her on Wednesday, right?”
“I moved the appointments to Tuesday. I don’t like missing Wednesdays.”
Thalia smiles. “We missed you last week. I’m sure Janice and Annie did too. So, talk to her on Tuesday.”
“What are your plans today? Are you going out with that hottie I saw you with on the dance floor? Oh wait, you don’t do seconds,” Sammy says sarcastically.
A flash of pain rumbles through Thalia’s chest.
“Actually, no. You remember Amara, right? She paid ten thousand dollars to kiss me,” Thalia brags.
“I remember. You’re going out with her?”
Thalia tilts her head upward and gathers her thoughts. “I am. We spent the day together out on the lake last Sunday, services for payment received.” Thalia grins. “I didn’t sleep with her. I mean, we didn’t have sex.”
“Yeah, I know what ‘sleep with’ means.”
“I know. But I hate euphemisms for sex. If I mean sex, I should say sex. It’s that simple. Anyway, I’m stalling. We spent several hours together talking. Just talking. Well, we did share a few kissing sessions and a little bit of groping.” Thalia laughs. “But we agreed to date each other exclusively and hold off on sex until we give this… whatever this is between us a chance. Sammy, this is different. Different from Diane. Just different. I’m terrified but excited too.”
Sammy touches Thalia’s forearm. “Oh, Pro, that is wonderful news. Just wonderful. I’m so happy for you.”
“Let’s curb the enthusiasm till we see where this goes. I’m meeting her family today. They’re having their annual barbecue. And we’ll be late getting back so thanks for keeping Sassy and Grace overnight.”
“No problem.”
“Thanks. I love you.”
“I love you too. Now scoot on out of here and go spend time with Amara. I’m cheering for you.”
THALIA ARRIVES AT the marina and parks at the bottom of the hill to wait for Amara. She looks toward the row of houseboats, hoping to feast on her beauty without getting caught staring. She decides to step out of the car so the view is less obstructed.
Amara steps onto the dock and looks up toward the parking lot. She spots Thalia’s Corvette coming down the hill, and tingles run along her skin. Thalia climbs out of the Corvette and leans against the open door, her foot resting on the edge of the opening. She’s wearing sunglasses. Amara can make out the white tank top stretched over her ample breasts. Thalia can’t see her yet. She’s obstructed by the other boats along the dock. Amara stops for a moment to take in the sight of her and bask in the way gazing at Thalia makes her feel. Just as she starts to move again, she sees a smile cross Thalia’s face.
Thalia sees Amara turn the corner, and a smile erupts across her face. Oh, God, she is breathtakingly beautiful. No wonder her parents named her
‘The one who will be forever beautiful.’ Thalia’s chest is rising and falling at a rapid pace. What’s wrong with me? I’m practically hyperventilating just gawking at her. Get a grip, Thalia.
Amara is wearing a floppy, khaki-colored, wide brim straw hat with a band around it that matches her dress. She’s wearing big, almost square sunglasses and her hair is pulled up into a bun that’s tucked into the hat. She’s dressed in a sundress the colors of the sunset. Its spaghetti straps are showing off her beautifully sculpted shoulders. Her perfectly manicured toenails painted a flattering coral are peeking out of her sandals.
Amara reaches Thalia and pulls her into a sweet embrace and then plants a firm kiss on her lips. “Are you ready to go?”
“I’m ready. Are we taking your car or mine?”
“Yours. I have my motorcycle here. And I’m clearly not dressed to ride it today.”
“A motorcycle? I would never have guessed. When you came to my office for your appointment, I was sure you were driving a truck.”
“Thalia dear, I’m a woman of many surprises. Yes, I was driving a truck that day. Sometimes I need to haul things for the farm.”
“A beautiful and mysterious woman. I could get used to this. I know what you mean, though. I love my Corvette. But it isn’t conducive to transporting my kayak. I was hoping we might go horseback riding today. You aren’t exactly dressed for that either. Not that I’m complaining about your attire. It is very sexy.”
“I can say the same about you,” Amara says as she inserts her index fingers into Thalia’s belt loops and playfully tugs her close. “I have plenty of riding clothes at the farm. We’re definitely going to ride today.”
“Excellent! I have a change of clothes and shoes in my backpack. So, are you ready to head out?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
The ride to the farm goes by quickly as Amara shares stories of her family and quizzes Thalia on various details to give her an advantage when she meets them in person. As they talk and laugh during the hour-long journey, she finds their fingers often intertwine of their own accord on numerous occasions. Amara’s hand in hers is like coming home. She finds herself imagining what those soft hands would feel like touching her, caressing her.
“What do you think, Thalia?”
“Huh? I’m sorry. My mind was wandering. What do I think about what?”
“Care to share your thoughts? I was just asking if we could go back to your place after the barbecue.”
“I was just thinking about how much I’m enjoying our time together so far. And yes, I would love for us to come back to my place after the barbecue.” Thalia shoots Amara a dimpled smile.
“We’re here. Take the next right. I’m so excited for you to meet my family.”
Thalia pauses to take in the spectacular site. Grand white oak trees line the perimeter of the estate. A driveway forms a semicircle around the front of the house and frames a beautifully landscaped area dotted with flowering dogwood trees and a carefully chosen mix of annuals and perennials. A large fountain provides a focal point in the center. Thalia parks the car, and they exit the vehicle and approach the massive entrance held up by large columns on each side. The stairs lead to an oversized front door that looks to be over a hundred years old. “Holy Antebellum! Your family’s home is like something out of a movie.”
“Thank you. I’m so glad you like it.” Amara grabs Thalia’s hand as they head inside. “Come on. Let me show you around.”
The front door opens into a grand entryway. A large chandelier hangs over the foyer that is easily twenty feet wide and forty feet long. A wide staircase leads to the second floor. She sees a formal living room on the right and a large dining room on the left. A baby grand piano sits in one corner of the living room. “Do you play?” Thalia gestures toward the piano.
“I took lessons when I was a little girl. But I wanted to be outside, not inside practicing.”
The dining room table looks like it will seat twenty people comfortably. Amara leads Thalia down the hallway and tugs her into a bedroom.
“This is my room. What do you think?”
Thalia takes in the room—a four-poster king-sized bed and working fireplace with two Windsor chairs sitting opposite an antique table with a marble chess set arranged on top. There’s a private entrance leading onto a porch. “Is that how you sneak in your lovers?”
Amara smirks and whacks Thalia on the arm. “But of course, darling. You better get used to finding your way to this door in the dark. We can practice later.”
Turning to her right, she sees a door that looks like it leads to an en-suite. The walls are papered in a beautiful sage that has a period feel to it, and the bed is clothed in an intricate sage and burgundy quilt in a classic Lone Star design. “Amara, it’s very lovely in here. But how can you relax? It looks like it belongs in a museum.”
“Nonsense. I love to be surrounded by beautiful pieces. I sleep qui
te well here when I’m not at the houseboat. Come, let’s continue the tour.”
Amara tugs on Thalia’s hand, and they follow the hallway to a large, modern, gourmet farmhouse kitchen. Thalia and Amara find three women preparing food. One looks to be an older version of Amara. The next woman looks perhaps a little bit younger than the first, and there’s a definite family resemblance. The third woman is older than the other two by probably twenty or so years. Mother, aunt, grandmother.
Amara lets go of Thalia’s hand and pulls one of the women into a tight embrace and kisses her cheek. “Mom, it smells wonderful in here.” She moves around the kitchen making the round of hugs and kisses. She motions Thalia over to her side and takes her hand. “Mom, Grandma, Aunt Rhea, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend, Thalia.”
Thalia gives Amara a sideways glance, surprised at the boldness of both the revelation and presumption of using the term ‘girlfriend’ to describe their relationship to her family.
Her grandmother responds first. She takes Thalia into her arms and places a kiss on her forehead and then holds her cheeks firmly in her hands. “Thalia, what a delightful Greek name. You are named after the Goddess of Festivities. Your parents have blessed you with a joyful life.”
Aunt Rhea is the next to offer Thalia a hug and kiss and then her mother.
“Thank you for inviting me today. I’m looking forward to meeting everyone. Is there anything I can to do help?”
Aunt Rhea answers, “Yes. You and Amara can get out of the kitchen so we can talk about you.”
Amara shoots her aunt an intense stare. “Come on, Thalia. I have more to show you.”
Amara leads them out the back door, which opens to an expansive view of the horse farm in the distance. The miles of perfectly placed, crisp white fence line reminds Thalia of a magazine spread. And the large red barn off to the left in the distance completes the image. The heavenly aroma of barbecue hits Thalia’s nose, and she finds the source to her right. Two men in red and white striped aprons are tending to a giant barrel grill filled with ribs and chicken. There are picnic tables lined up for the food, condiments and utensils, and another row set up for the guests, each adorned with bouquets of brilliantly colored zinnias, sunflowers, and bells of Ireland.