Cassandra looked at him with sudden comprehension. 'Was that why there was so little money to spare when Glenveil Toys began to run into trouble?'
'Yes. I was still paying off the overdrafts she'd run up.' Jared shrugged. 'Not that it really mattered. Adrienne and the boy were dead by then, wiped out by a drunken slob who thought he could drink and drive. Nothing seemed particularly important after that for a very long while.'
She bowed her head so that he couldn't see the sudden brightness in her eyes. How on earth could she ever have thought him a cold man? she wondered. He had loved that child so much that he had locked himself into a loveless marriage just so he could provide a stable home for the boy. Would an unfeeling man have done something like that? No, he definitely wouldn't!
'God knows why I'm rambling on like this,' Jared went on roughly. 'I don't suppose you're interested.'
At that, her head shot up again. 'How can you say that?'
'Because it isn't your problem. You don't have to live with the memories. Or try to find some very good reason for bothering to get up in the morning.'
'You get up because you have to keep going. And forward! You're the one who said you couldn't ever go back,' she reminded him. 'Remember?'
'I've said a lot of damned stupid things this evening,' he growled. 'Anyway, saying something is one thing. Doing it is something else again.' Without warning, he suddenly got to his feet. 'I've had enough for tonight. You'd better get back to your own room before I get completely maudlin.'
Cassandra got up but, instead of leaving, she went to stand in front of him.
'You shouldn't be on your own tonight,' she said in a steady voice.
Jared stared back at her with those queer silver eyes of his. 'I know that. But only a fool would volunteer to stay with me in the mood I'm in right now.'
She held his gaze unwaveringly. 'Then you'd better call me a fool.'
For an instant, his own eyes flickered and changed. Then they became deliberately blank. 'No, Cassandra.'
Infuriated by the way he was beginning to retreat from her again, she caught hold of his arms and shook him.
'Don't do that! You make me so mad when you just shut me out. What are you going to do? Live the rest of your life in this house in the middle of nowhere? Shut out the entire world? Never get involved with anyone again because it hurts when you love someone, and then have them snatched away from you?' She glared up at him fiercely. 'You said that boy of yours had guts. Well, it's a pity that the same thing can't be said for his father!'
Jared's face grew dangerously dark. 'How dare you say something like that?' he said, in a voice that was soft, and yet frightened her half to death.
She ignored the fact that her legs had begun to shake. 'Why not?' she challenged. 'Do you know what I think? I think that you're beginning to like me. That you let me stay because you enjoy having me around. Remember when you kissed me the other night? You said it was because I wanted it. Well, I think that you wanted it, too. Only you're too damned stubborn to admit it.' She paused and took a steadying breath. 'So—who's going to be the winner tonight?' she said more quietly. 'The past, or the present?'
'You don't have the slightest idea what you'd be getting into,' he said flatly.
'Then tell me.'
'I've had far too much to drink. And tonight, my nerves feel shot to hell. When I'm like this, I'm in no mood to be careful or considerate. I just take what I want—what I need—and to hell with everything else.' His eyes bored down into her. 'Is that really what you want?'
Cassandra couldn't give him an answer. No, she didn't want it to be the way he had described it. But yes, she did want to be with this man tonight. She didn't understand it, she couldn't explain it, but she knew without a shadow of doubt that her life had just completely changed course. Nothing was ever going to be quite the same again.
When she didn't reply, Jared stared at her for a very long time. Then he gave an oddly helpless movement of his shoulders. 'All right,' he said in a low voice. 'Let's try just one kiss, and see how it goes. But you'd better make up your mind pretty fast,' he warned. 'By the time we get to the second kiss, it'll probably be too late for you to change your mind.'
His mouth was as demanding as he had promised it would be—and she didn't care. As he moved forward more forcefully, she slid her arms around his neck to help keep her balance. His hair grazed the back of her fingers, and the light yet vivid sensation made her sigh softly with wonder.
Jared took a quick, deep breath, then raised his head. 'Scared yet?' he challenged softly. 'Want to back out?'
She gave a small yet definite shake of her head. She had the impression that Jared was both surprised—and pleased. 'Well, don't say I didn't warn you—' he growled.
With ease, he picked her up and carried her over to the bed. She shivered for an instant, but it was only because the sheets were cold against her skin. Jared's hands weren't cold, though. Nor were his lips. Her nightdress was disposed of in just seconds; then he slid easily out of his own clothes.
Her hand traced the outline of his body, as if it were something quite magical. He gave a brief shudder, and then caught hold of her wrist. 'No more,' he instructed a little roughly. 'From now on, I'll do the touching.'
And, despite what he had said earlier, he didn't move too fast or too greedily. Instead, he turned his exploration of her into a journey of tormentingly constant pleasure. Cassandra bit her lip, and tried not to groan out loud. She could hardly believe that this was happening, that she was sharing Jared Sinclair's bed. And most of all, she couldn't believe the shivering delight that he was forcing her to experience. His mouth ranged freely over her from head to toe, allowing her no privacy, tasting and taking, but giving generously in return.
His movements became more intense, and she felt his body stiffen with the delicious tension of holding back for far longer than he had wanted or intended. Making no concessions to her own inexperience, his tongue took outrageous liberties, while his hands roamed restlessly, causing total chaos among all her nerve-ends.
'Jared!' she muttered in sudden shock at one point. But he took absolutely no notice, and the new waves of pleasure that rushed through her body sent her tumbling into a breathless silence.
His breathing was harsh and fast now, and his own body slippery with sweat, so his skin moved easily against hers as he slid closer, letting his weight bruise and crush her. The different streams of fiery delight running through her began to gather together into one deep, growing ache which was fast becoming intolerable. But Jared seemed to know exactly how she was feeling—and he most certainly knew what to do about it.
She clung to him tightly, as if he were the only thing that was real in a world that had suddenly gone crazy. He didn't seem to care, though—in fact, he seemed to like it. Then he murmured something huskily in her ear. She didn't catch the words, but it didn't matter. His tone of voice was enough to tell her that he had already waited too long, that he needed her now—
And, if the world had seemed crazy before, then complete chaos reigned now as every part of her began to fly apart. Jared's own shivering response only added to the whirling tumult, which snatched away her breath, her sanity, and her very soul. Her body dissolved into his, sharing his flood of pleasure and echoing his groan of unbearable delight.
For a long while afterwards, she felt as if she were floating in an odd sort of limbo. And she had the impression that Jared was drifting right alongside her, oddly at peace for once in his life. It seemed to take for ever for everything to return to normal. Eventually, though, she felt herself come back to earth with a gentle bump. And, at the same moment, Jared lifted himself on to one elbow and looked down at her consideringly.
'Why is it that when you're around, nothing turns out quite the way I expected?' he said softly.
Cassandra shook her head slowly, still feeling dazed. 'I don't know,' she whispered. Then she stared up at him a little anxiously. 'Do you think that you'll be able to sleep all right no
w? With no bad dreams?'
A slow smile crossed his face. 'Yes, I think that I probably could,' he agreed. 'But I don't think that I want to.'
She tried to swallow, but her throat was suddenly too dry.
'You—you don't?'
'Definitely not,' he confirmed. One of his fingers gently tickled the underside of her breast in a gentle caress. 'Do you?'
Cassandra was rather amazed to find that she didn't. In fact, this was turning out to be the most astonishing night of her life.
'Well, since we're both so wide awake, maybe we ought to try and find some way of passing the next couple of hours,' Jared remarked. 'Any suggestions?'
'Perhaps you could begin by kissing me again,' Cassandra said hopefully. 'That might lead to all sorts of interesting possibilities.'
'So it might,' he agreed.
And, before the kiss was even half-way through, neither of them were in any doubt as to how they wanted to spend the rest of the night.
Jared was the one who finally fell asleep first. Cassandra lay awake for quite a while longer, listening to his quiet, even breathing and trying to work out exactly how this had happened. Because she had felt sorry for him? Yes, she had. But she certainly hadn't jumped straight into his bed out of sympathy. That left one other possibility. Because she couldn't quite believe it, though, she shied edgily away from it. Jared Sinclair would be such a very difficult man to love. Only a real masochist would be mad enough to fall for him.
Deciding that she would think about it some more in the morning, when her brain would hopefully be working normally again, she closed her own eyes and was soon sleeping peacefully.
When she woke up again, the room was filled with bright daylight. She stretched luxuriously, then she abruptly remembered everything that had happened last night, and her eyes flew wide open with shock.
Very cautiously, she turned her head. Then she gave a small sigh that was a mixture of relief and disappointment. The bed beside her was empty. Jared was already up.
At least it gave her time to try and work out how she felt about the situation. The only trouble was, no matter how long and hard she thought about it, she couldn't reach any sensible or logical conclusions. All that kept popping into her head were deliciously vivid pictures from last night, echoes of physical sensations that she couldn't quite believe had really happened, but which her still-tingling nerve-ends told her most definitely had.
You've got to think straight! she told herself a little despairingly. She just couldn't seem to manage it, though.
Rather shakily, she swung herself off the bed and pulled on her nightdress. Where was Jared? she wondered, with a first touch of unease.
She opened the bedroom door, but the house seemed quite silent. Automatically, she began to head towards her own room, intending to put on a dressing-gown before she went downstairs. Then she stopped and gave a rueful smile. What was the point? She was never again going to be able to act the prude in front of Jared!
She finally found him in the drawing-room, sitting by the window, staring out at the loch and the mountains.
'Er—hello,' she said, suddenly feeling unexpectedly nervous. 'How are you this morning?'
'Sober,' he replied briefly. He turned his head, meeting her gaze full on. 'And you?'
'I'm fine.' Then, when he looked a little disbelieving, she added quickly, 'I really am. More than fine, in fact.'
'No regrets?'
'Regrets?' she echoed disbelievingly. 'How can you possibly say that? Even think it?'
Jared shrugged. 'Things which seem a good idea in the middle of the night often don't seem quite so attractive in the cold light of day.'
She looked at him with new wariness. 'What exactly are you trying to say?'
'Just that I don't think either of us should let ourselves be carried away by some rather enjoyable fun and frolics in bed.' His tone was very flat, and all the old remoteness was back in his silver eyes again. It was as if he were quite deliberately distancing himself from her, refusing to acknowledge that anything of the least importance had happened between them.
'Jared, stop it!' she said furiously. 'You're not going to go back to behaving like some kind of—of robot.'
'Why not?' he said evenly. 'Most of the time, that's exactly what I feel like.'
Cassandra looked at him with sudden pain. 'I didn't go to bed with a robot last night! Or do you have to get drunk to behave like a human being?' she challenged in a brittle voice.
'Perhaps I do.' He lifted his head and stared straight back at her. 'Maybe this would be a good time to cut your losses and run. Stay here, and you'll probably end up with nothing except a lot of grief. I don't know that I'm ever going to be able to give you what you want from me.'
She couldn't believe he was saying this. Not after everything they had shared last night.
'Perhaps I'd be willing to settle for whatever's on offer,' she said at last, in a low and rather unsteady voice.
'No,' Jared answered at once, in an unexpectedly hard tone. 'You deserve more than that. And I want to be fair to you, Cassandra.'
His use of her name somehow hit her harder than all his previous words. She remembered how he had muttered it during the long hours of darkness, making it sound as if it were the only thing he wanted to say.
'Well, none of this seems very fair to me!' she got out in a choked mutter.
For the first time, Jared's own eyes came alive. They glittered brightly as they fixed on her. Then he got to his feet and prowled around, as if he suddenly found it quite impossible to keep still.
'Why the hell can't you understand?' he growled fiercely. 'Last night was good—in fact, it was a whole lot more than I ever expected—but it hasn't made a damn bit of difference. I'm still exactly the same person I was before.'
'I don't believe that,' Cassandra said stubbornly.
'If you want to go on deluding yourself, that's your problem,' came his taut reply. 'And mine is trying to do something about this mess I've got us both into,' he went on in dark mutter.
'Why won't you face up to the fact that you've only got one problem?' she flung at him rather shrilly. 'And that's admitting you're starting to feel things again. That part of you is beginning to come alive.'
'I will not!' he thundered back at her. 'Nor will I let you force me into it!' He looked as if he wanted to shake her violently, but at the last moment he pulled back, deliberately stopping himself from touching her. 'Damn you!' he said furiously. 'When are you going to stop interfering in my life?'
He strode out of the room, leaving her standing there, shaking quite uncontrollably. When she had first woken up this morning, she had never thought she would have to go through a scene like this.
So much for her dreams of romance! she thought grimly. Jared obviously didn't know the meaning of the word.
But when she finally calmed down a fraction she began to realise that she had never seen Jared quite so defensive. No matter how vehemently he denied it, she knew she was beginning to get to him. And, no matter how much she got hurt in the process, she intended to go on doing just that. Someone had to make an all-out effort to bring Jared Sinclair back to life again, and she was the only one around right now who had any chance of doing that.
The trouble was, she hadn't reckoned on the process being so damned painful. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering a little now with reaction. Were her own nerves strong enough to go through with it? Yes, she told herself stubbornly. And was he worth all this emotional turmoil? She didn't even bother to answer that question Although she hadn't realised it until now, she had already gone way past the stage where she was in any doubt over her feelings for Jared Sinclair.
She let out a slightly weary sigh. She supposed she had better go upstairs, take a shower and get dressed. She trailed rather wearily out into the hall, and was just about to head towards the stairs when she heard the sound of a car pulling up outside the house.
Instantly, she frowned. She was sure that Jared wasn't
expecting any visitors. Perhaps it was just someone who had got lost, she told herself. Maybe they had decided to knock and ask for directions.
A little flustered, she glanced down at herself. She was still only wearing a nightdress. It was of thick cotton, though, and perfectly decent. And there was absolutely no sign of Jared. Either he hadn't heard the car, or he was deliberately ignoring it. If she didn't open the door, then whoever had just arrived wasn't going to get any reply.
An impatient thumping on the heavy brass knocker made her lift her head slightly irritably.
'All right, I'm coming!'
She hurried over, unbolted and opened the door, and then simply stood there in stunned silence.
Standing on the other side was her father, his florid face looking grim and his mouth set in a bad-tempered line.
'So I was right,' he said in a terse voice. 'You are here.'
On top of everything else, it was almost too much. What are you doing here?' Cassandra just about managed to get out.
He didn't even bother to answer her. Instead, he pushed past her and strode into the centre of the hall. 'Where is he?' he demanded angrily. 'I know he's here. This is his house. Hasn't he got the guts to come out and face me?'
Cassandra stared at him in disbelief. 'You've no right to come barging in like this! This is my life. It was my decision to come here. How dare you follow me, as if I'm some child who's—who's done something wrong?' she finished furiously.
'You are a child,' her father replied shortly. 'And my daughter. I won't let you get involved with a man like him. Sinclair's a failure, a loser. Are you blind, Cassie? Can't you see him for what he is?'
'Yes, I can,' she said, in a suddenly quieter tone of voice. 'And that's exactly why I'm here.'
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