Victoria at the Falklands

by Jack Tollers

  Chapter Twelve

  To extinguish a fire

  ‘Can you imagine who the devil could’ve sent this as a wedding present? Who could have such disgust—’

  ‘No. Put it away with the other presents we want to exchange.’

  Thomas was sitting on the floor of his old-new house in Belgrano, the small drawing room with no furniture in sight and most of the available space littered with unwrapped wedding presents. There was a cleared spot where he sat under a lamp that stood in a corner and next to the telephone that also stood on the carpet. Veronica had entered the room frowning at an unseemly painted glass vase she was holding.

  ‘We can’t do that, you know. We can only exchange those presents given to us by our best friends who have actuall—’

  ‘Well, I don’t know about that. What will we do with that frightful Chinese painting that old Zulema gave us?’

  Zulema was an old maid that had worked at the Elizalde’s for years—a sort of nanny to Veronica and Jimmy. She and Manolo used to bicker all day long, and Veronica was very fond of both of them.

  ‘Oh, I’ve thought of that. We’ll prop it up against the wall behind the couch, and any day that Zulema comes along we’ll hang it somewhere visib—’

  ‘Veronica, that’s a ridiculous thing to do,’ but he couldn’t quite refrain from laughing at the very idea.

  ‘Well, whatever. I’m telling you that there are several presents we’ll have to keep just in case. Suppose someone comes along on a visit and asks to see where we’ve put this or that? That would be a most uncomfortable situation that we must avoid at all costs. No, I know what I’ll do with this vase. I’ll put it on top of the fridge, what do you think?’

  Thomas was having some trouble with his temper. He had been finding the unwrapping of presents a rather lengthy and tiresome procedure and was just beginning to discover that his bride had a rather lengthy way of dealing with these practical matters that got on his nerves. He had calculated that by four o’clock in the afternoon they would have finished with everything and he had planned to bring up a couch that now sat incongruously in the passage. He had been looking forwards to getting it out of the way and placing it under the lamp where it would be just right. And he had been longing to sit there and get on with a most interesting book on the Crimean War that he had recently acquired. During his honeymoon he had discovered that Veronica was very little inclined to reading and consequently he had felt compelled to entertain her most of the time, one way or another. But now that he had secured his own house, he thought he could set apart an hour or so and just read. And now it was nearly dark and there were no signs of any progress in the clearing up business. He wondered how Veronica would manage the rest of the house and sighed telling himself it was too late now, anyway.

  ‘Veronica, I say, please be sensible. We can’t very well keep every piece of horrendous—’

  He was interrupted by the telephone that sat next to him and took the call.

  From Veronica’s and Thomas’s point of view their wedding party had been a success. Of course, it must be remembered that in those days the newly wed usually retired from the party around one o’clock in the morning while some guests would linger on, dancing long after they had left. So they hadn’t heard about Jimmy’s doings until they returned from their honeymoon.

  It was Andrew who was putting him into the picture.

  ‘What do you mean, by this “fire alarm” business?’ Thomas couldn’t quite understand what Andrew was talking about while Veronica was fastidiously unwrapping another horrible vase. He grimaced.

  ‘Well, it’s rather funny in a way, though, I don’t know,’ he chuckled, ‘some of Veronica’s girl friends were rather shocked.’

  ‘What on earth are you talking about?’

  Veronica stopped her work and turned towards Thomas with an eager ear making eloquent signs with her hand that clearly indicated that she wanted to know who was calling. Thomas covered the mouthpiece with a hand and told her before renewing the conversation.

  ‘I’m sorry, no, no, go on.’

  Apparently Jimmy had sounded a fire alarm at about three in the morning when the party was going full tilt and appeared in the middle of the dance floor with a fire extinguisher shouting ‘Fire! Fire!’ at the top of his voice before proceeding to empty the thing all over the place. Thomas couldn’t believe his ears.

  ‘I was at the Bar at that moment, but the confusion was something worth seeing, what with dozens of guests running away from the dance floor all soaked up with this dreadful snowy stuff these fire extinguishers produce. And then, the alarm kept wailing, uh, quite chaotic, what. Someone turned off the music. I tell you it was quite fun—’

  Thomas laughed at this. ‘This is incredible... I mean, what the hell, it must have been—’

  ‘Oh well, mate, you lost it. It’s all very well for you to go and tie the knot and all that, but I must say that it’s a shame that as soon as you marry you begin to lose touch with the real—’

  ‘...but he’s no right to make a mess of his sister’s wedding just because... I tell you my revenge will be terrible.’

  ‘Just because what, indeed?’ Andrew and Thomas couldn’t stop chuckling over the phone and Veronica looked critically at Thomas, not liking a bit of what she could guess.

  ‘Well, you know what. He must have been blind drunk to do a thing like that.’

  ‘Oh, sure enough. By then we were all quite plastered, you know’ he laughed again, ‘Best wedding party I’ve ever been to, by a long way.’ All the same, Thomas also knew that Andrew could put away a good many drinks without their having any noticeable effect on him. ‘Yes, quite. But none of you felt the need to create trouble in that way, did you, I mean—’

  Andrew chuckled gaily.

  ‘And you should’ve seen Dr. Rivarola covered with this ash stuff, he looked like Snowy, you know the—’

  ‘Oh no! Don’t tell me he was—’

  ‘I’m telling you. And his wife was shrieking to the effect that her dress had been completely ruined.’ Andrew laughed again.

  ‘Goodness. Dr. Rivarola! Don’t tell me he hadn’t left by then!’

  ‘I’m telling you.’

  Thomas made a curious noise, somewhere between a laugh and a groan. Dr. Rivarola was the Judge with which he worked and was well known for his severe manners and stringent personality. He would be asking embarrassing questions as soon as Thomas went back to work.

  ‘I tell you, with George and Henry at the bar we had a hell of a time.’ He chuckled again. ‘Best wedding party we’ve ever been to. All hell broken loose. The girls in a frenzy rushing towards the door and tripping over their long dresses, and all that smoggy stuff all over the place. Even if we didn't quite believe it was for real, George and I contributed to the general anarchy crying out “Fire! Fire!” also for good measure.’

  ‘You didn’t!’

  Andrew giggled, remembering the scenes with renewed glee. ‘We sure did. But the confusion grew to a point in which we were forced to retire from the Bar and continue the party in the street. Fortunately George thought of taking a bottle of Scotch with him. That’s where Henry hit it off rather well with Rogelio who happened to appear at our side. A very good sort. He was most interested in—’

  ‘Hold on, mate. Who’s Rogelio?’

  ‘Oh I don’t know. A beggar or something. No way of finding out what his profess—’

  ‘What? A beggar do you say?’

  ‘Yes, you know. A mendicant or something. He and Henry got on like a house on firethe metaphor being particularly apt don’t you think?and in no time we secured a glass for him too. Presently we found this trash bin or something with a solid lid on top which was a perfect observation post. As a matter of fact then and there we improvised a little bar for ourselves.’

  Thomas could picture them easily and laughed again.

  ‘I must say the tramp was quite an entertaining addition to the party and he told us that he
had once seen a real fi—’

  ‘Did you know it was a hoax?’

  ‘No we didn’t, not at first anyway. We all believed it was a real fire. Then the firemen arrived.’

  ‘The firemen! Don’t tell m—’

  ‘Hey mate, what’s the matter? Will you please refrain from keep telling me not to tell—’

  ‘All right, all right. But it’s an unbelievab—’

  ‘The firemen contributed to the general chaos with two red lorries that suddenly appeared with their fire alarms in full blast. Then they jumped from their trucks and started to deploy the hoses which contributed to the general excitement. It took quite a bit of persuasion from the catering manager to convince them that it was all a hoax and nothing more. These chaps seemed terribly inclined to turn the tap on which would’ve been—’

  He choked at the very idea.

  ‘The manager was quite desperate, I can tell you. And then George and I suggested to him that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea just in case. And then Henry contributed his piece saying that he actually smelt smoke... The funn—’

  Thomas looked up at Veronica who was now openly frowning at him, and couldn’t smother another fit of laughter.

  ‘There’ll be a hell of a lot of explaining to do... Jesus! I’ve a mind to look Jimmy up and teach him one or two lessons.’

  ‘Yes, well there was quite a group of chaps at the party that apparently had the same idea and were looking for him with what looked like ominous intentions—they seemed quite prepared to execute the criminal. And then Jimmy appeared by our improvised outdoor bar. Fortunately it was in a rather dark corner but I guessed that as soon as the two firemen’s truck backed out we would be dreadfully exposed.’

  ‘So what did you do then?’

  ‘Well, we had to give this Rogelio chap a few pesos and what with that and a glass of Scotch he agreed to play ball and they quickly exchanged clothes. I must say the Rogelio beggar then looked quite spruce in his new evening dress.’

  ‘And what then?’

  ‘Yes, well, you should’ve seen Jimmy what with his dirty clothes and big hat, he would’ve passed any tramp casting for ‘Les Miserables’ I can tell you. In fact, one of Rivarola’s sons came along and asked us if we had seen Jimmy and gave a suspicious look at him—and at Rogelio. But fortunately Jimmy kept his head down and slowly moved down the street, affecting a limp which sent us laughing again.’

  By now Thomas was quite infected by the other’s laugh.

  ‘What happened afterwards?’

  ‘Well the old bugger now seems to have repented or something. He’s so ashamed—or frightened, I don’t know, at the general hue and cry he’s unleashed—that he’s run away with, uh, the tail between his legs.’

  ‘Where is he now?’

  ‘Search me. He’s just vanished into thin air. Nobody knows where the hell. Probably at one of the Elizalde’s farms for all I know. Your mother in law is quite worried and you’ll soon hear from her too, I can tell you.’

  ‘Oh Lord,’ Thomas sighed. He thought Veronica’s mother a rather tiresome old lady as it was. Another chuckle came down the line.

  ‘Edward told me that he bumped into the old lady downtown in Buenos Aires and that she was quite upset, what with the mess of things Jimmy had made, and now nobody knowing his whereabouts.’

  ‘Yes, I suppose he’ll appear any day now. I tell you I’m starting to plan my revenge this very minute and if the bastard ever gets married he’ll—’

  They arranged to have lunch together the next day and ended their chat then and there.

  Thomas returned the hand phone to its crib, with a grin.

  ‘What’s the matter? What did Andrew tell you?’ Veronica enquired.

  Thomas told her and that finally put an end to the unwrapping of parcels and presents for the time being. Veronica made a terrible fuss about this piece of news and reprimanded him quite severely considering they were such a newly-wed couple.

  ‘I mean, how can you laugh at this. It’s just awful.’

  Thomas laughed again. He stood up and went to the kitchen with the idea of making himself a cup of tea while Veronica sat on the carpet next to the phone and immediately proceeded to phone her mother. After what seemed ages to Thomas, she then called Victoria. He retired to his bedroom that at least afforded a comfortable position and threw himself on the bed to read. All the same he could distinctly hear her chatting over the phone.

  ‘No, I mean, it’s not even normal is it? This is terrible—I mean, how can he even think of pulling a stunt like that on his sister’s wedding day? I mean how can he be so naughty?’

  Naughty? It was exactly the same expression her mother had just used, a somewhat pale one, Thomas thought, that seemed to suggest that her brother was of a lesser age and consequently, not to be too severely punished. On the other hand, Victoria laughed the whole incident off in the same vein that her cousin had just assumed when talking to Thomas.

  ‘No, I wouldn’t say terrible you know; after all, nobody got hurt or something.’

  ‘I’ve just talked with Mummy and, uh, she says that some of the women were pretty frightened and that she actually saw a girl crying over her ruined dress... Oh I wish this never had happened.’

  Victoria consoled her friend as best she could and refrained from telling her that Jimmy had invited her out to dance immediately before the incident and had reacted to her rebuff in this most peculiar way. Peter hadn’t been able to secure a long enough leave to come over for the wedding and by now it was public knowledge that they had broken off their engagement. All the same, Victoria remained desperately in love with him which was something most people that happened to know her well enough easily acknowledged. Except Jimmy of course. But she was tactful enough not to put him in yet a worse light. Things were bad enough as it was.

  ‘Listen Veronica, it was a wonderful party and anyway most people had left by the time Jimmy—’

  ‘I know that. All the same: someone will spread the gossip and there’ll have to be endless hours of explaining which—’

  ‘...most people will forget the incident in a couple of—’

  ‘Yes, well, maybe. And apparently Daddy had to give the firemen a couple of bucks because they weren’t too pleased with the false alarm either. And then, the next day, they had to hire extra help to clean up the—’

  ‘Well, relax dear girl, it’s all over. How was your honeymoon?’

  Some time later Thomas woke up with a start. The book he had been reading was on the floor and he felt hungry. He got up and sat on his bed for a while feeling rather dazed. From where he sat he could clearly hear Veronica still prattling on the phone. He looked at his watch and guessed she had been on it non-stop for the better part of an hour. The sitting room would be in the same mess in which he had left it, he sighed, with the addition of an ash-tray up to the brim next to Veronica, who would be sitting by the phone, smoking away and going on and on. He sighed again and headed for the kitchen shaking his head. While he made himself a sandwich, he wondered how much the phone bill would eventually amount to.

  He was beginning to wonder for the first time if marriage was such a good idea after all.