The group all suggested she was not a real atheist but was actually now agnostic, much to her surprise.
When they asked if she would allow any children they may have to enter the church and to be brought up under Jason’s faith and teachings, she paused.
Jason was holding his breath for this was a vital aspect of their marriage.
Jenny looked intently into Jason’s eyes for a short while then turned toward the group and stated in all honesty, “My Jason is the most pious, religious, wonderful human being on this earth. If he wants our children to share in his faith, and I know he will, then I will encourage them to go and listen to their father. I wish I had his peace, but I don’t. His faith brings him contentment and peace. I’ve been watching that for years and been in awe of it.”
When it was time for them to discuss family planning, and the lecture began, Jenny was taken aback at what she was hearing. She actually heard Jason moan when he saw the look on her face.
She had noted a couple of the other women snorting too when the topic began, and it seemed all the men were sitting in an ant bed.
What was the big deal about couples using protection? It made no logical sense to her for them to be denied such a basic right as the governing of their own bodies. The right to prevent a pregnancy was a whole lot better, in her mind, than women getting abortions, after the fact. They were crazy! Surely Jason knew this was insane. She kept telling herself that as she snorted, huffed, puffed and was getting mad enough to want to spit.
Jenny had gotten so angry and worked up that all she could hear was her heart pounding in her ears. The discussion seemed awful short and she wasn’t given an opportunity yet to express her thoughts when they decided it was best to break for the couples to talk privately for a while.
“What? No birth control pills or condoms? Not even sponges, withdrawal, shots, foams, diaphragms or IUD’s? No nothing?!” she wailed once they left the group and were alone. She could hear a few other loud noises from a voice or two where the couples had scattered out through the trees to have their “talks”.
“Jenny, Jenny,” Jason began, trying to calm her temper. Things had been going so good he felt he was halfway to Heaven, now this.
“Oh, come on, Jas. These folks have got to wake up and smell the cappuccino! This could destroy a marriage, not having protection. I love you, you know that I do, but no way do I want to be a baby mill and push one out every ten months for the rest of my young life! I mean, uh, this just burns it!” She was fuming, and she was scared of this being the one thing that would take her Jason away from her. But she was a human too and she had rights and she had to look out for herself.
A horrible thought hit her. “Jason, you don’t plan on being, you know, like a priest with me, to keep us from having too many children are you? ‘Cause you can just forget that, just forget that right now!”
Tears were welling up in her eyes as he grabbed her and hugged her so tight she couldn’t wiggle or pace the lawn any more. “No, Jenny, we will not have a baby mill, nor will we abstain from each other more than is necessary. It will be fine! But,” he added as he looked into her eyes, “we will use Natural Family Planning like the church teaches.”
He saw her start to protest but shook his head and stated, “When used properly and diligently, it works. It’s a good thing, Jen, a really good thing God has designed for us, for all married couples.”
Jennifer saw he was upset and looked terribly worried. So, she tried to calm herself and hear what no doubt he was going to try and make her understand. He’d been doing that a lot during the retreat. Most of what he taught her she was willing to concede too, made sense from his standpoint and if a person really loved their god like her Jason did, but this new thing was a mountain in the middle of the road.
Jason continued to hug her and gave her a sweet kiss that made her heart sing. That’s how he had learned to get her to calm down when they came up with a problem. This one was a serious one so he held her longer, and the longer he held her the more her muscles relaxed.
Uh oh, he realized with mixed feelings, she was now giving him that look, which meant he was going to have to jog an extra long time tonight. His bride-to-be was pulling so many strings on his heart he felt like it was tied to her fingers.
“Jen, if I can show you a way for us to use God’s family planning method, with scientific proof of its use and function, to be open to God’s way of doing things correctly, not only for our sake as a couple, but to also prevent the destruction of life, and to protect you as well, will you agree?” Jason asked her in a calm, low voice while kissing her cheek, ear and forehead.
Could that be true? she wondered. Was it really possible for a couple to use his church’s methods to control how many children they had? What had he meant by prevent the destruction of life?
She asked, “Are you sure you can show me – scientific proof?” Kissing her forehead he answered softly, “I sure can. In fact when we return I imagine that’s the part they are going to briefly go over. Jen, most women don’t know that many of the products they use for birth control can actually cause them harm. Some don’t even prevent conception, but destroys the already fertilized egg.”
“Really? You promise, no baby mill?” she inquired, while leaning her head to the side for his kisses to continue. Maybe she was going to learn some new things?
“No,” he stated with confidence, “no baby mill for us, my love.”
“How many children do you want us to have anyway?” she asked, deciding to get the wondering over with, tensing for him to say a dozen or something ridiculous like that and then they’ll have a big fight over it and she’ll walk away, losing her Jason but perhaps preserving her life.
He looked at her for a long minute before leading her over to a tree lit by a lamp post. “I’ve never had a number in mind. That depends on God’s will for us,” he responded. “You know, Jen, not everyone can even have children. Our Father opens wombs for some and closes them for others. He has plans for each soul. If we find we can’t have children I hope you would eventually agree for us to adopt. I feel we could provide a great home for any child.” Tucking her hair behind her ear he smiled and said, “You’ll make a wonderful mother Jenny. You’re always so concerned with fairness and you’re so gentle and giving and loving. I’ve always admired that about you.”
“No way?” she asked in a whisper. “You feel that way about me?”
He frowned at her and said, “Of course I do! Why do you ask? Didn’t you know I felt that way?” He acted like his feelings were hurt.
“No, I didn’t know, because you’ve never told me.”
Realization flashed across his face. “Oh, Jen, I’m so sorry, sweetheart! I guess you don’t know a lot of things I feel. All these years I’ve been telling them to you in my mind and my dreams, because you were not available for me to tell in person without me risking losing you.”
“Come on, big guy!” she laughed. “Like I would not have loved hearing all those sweet things being whispered in my ear? You’ve got to be kidding! I might have choked, but I would have enjoyed it just the same.” Leaning her head on his shoulder and finally relaxing she heaved a deep sign of contentment. Life was pretty good and getting better all the time.
Jennifer felt weird several times during the retreat what with all the praying they had to do. She kept picturing this old dude in long white robes and a long white beard with clouds all around him and he was naturally looking at her, usually with a wizened smirk on his face, while she talked to him.
No matter how she tried and she had tried several times, to picture this lovely female god. It just didn’t work. She couldn’t call a female god “Father” not matter how hard she tried. Anyway, she came to the conclusion that Jason’s god was male, so that was what she pictured too. Sort’a made sense in a strange kind of way, she decided with irritation one day after the retreat.
Jason even talked with her about the reasons God chose the masculine man to be ove
r the female. God was supposed to be masculine, in symbolizing for us humans that he was the powerful one, the stronger, the head, the leader, the creator, protector, Jason explained.
With females, Jason taught, God had made them usually smaller boned, smaller in many ways, and made the female to fill many of the gaps his God had left in man - on purpose. Man was supposed to be her protector, the leader of their family/pack as alpha male, and priest of their home, in a perfect world or in Jason’s families’ world.
He declared to her with awe that man is not fully fulfilled without his woman, nor is the woman without her man, in the normal scheme of things. Jennifer enjoyed that part of the story.
To fulfill themselves man and woman needed to be coupled. There were exceptions like priests and nuns and other religious non-marrying people who gave up that aspect of their lives as a sacrifice to their god so they were freer to go about doing his work.
Mankind was made to be a perfect fit of small to large and protector to nurturer.
Jennifer was also discovering that Jason’s god was a real hard core romantic. Even the pairing of the male with female was his god’s gift to all his children, she was told. It was the joining of two spirits not simply two bodies. And out of their love, God would sometimes form a new soul – when a child was conceived. It should be out of love for God’s perfect will for the conception to become a truly blessed event for the couple, Jason explained. The child should be received by the couple as a gift of God, in Jason’s God’s perfect way.
His church called marriage a Sacrament of their God’s to mankind. News to her! Their God really, really wanted his children to enjoy sex too! Because it was so special and created a spiritual ‘happening’, it had to be saved for marriage.
He might not be so bad after all Jennifer found herself thinking before she’d caught herself.
Their next step as an engaged couple was to begin attending a FOCCUS meeting in another week or so. It meant: Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding and Study.
Jeeze, Jennifer thought silently, would it never end? But she wasn’t truly too upset. She was enjoying learning about her beloved Jason’s faith. Parts were a little rocky for her, but they seemed to make good sense, if you were a believer in God. Jason was one who, like her, hated hypocrisy. That man was ever more a true believer and he walked the walk and talked the talk. She adored him completely.
Jason asked her and she finally agreed to soon start attending Mass with him and his family on Sundays. To help her deal with it she’d decided to view it as attending a club meeting. A social event, she could handle.
She soon discovered about a quarter of Jason’s relatives were Greek Orthodox and most of the rest were Roman Catholic, though he said he would explain the differences later on. She was thankful for that. Learning about one religion was tough enough.
Home Sweet Home . . .
13 – ANOTHER SECRET REVEALED
On the next Saturday Jason said he wanted to take her shopping. Jenny was surprised and couldn’t figure out what he was up too. First, he drove to a condo at the Beach and asked her to take a look at this one and a few more places for them to consider to live. Thrilled is what she felt - a home - their home.
Jason smiled happily at her with each place he stopped. The last one though, was over the top and he watched her eyes grow wide in disbelief. It was a house, not a condo. It was down the street from his friends, Lillian and Charles, and was actually on the beach. This house might be even as large as his friends’ home.
“Jason?” she asked, when the idea of what the price might be finally sunk in. “Sweetheart, this is awful extravagant, for our first home, don’t ya think?”
“Do you prefer the condo on the beach in Ponte Vedra?” he asked with an easy smile.
“No, not really. I don’t like having to use elevators for the condos. Even though they have generators, we have so many blackouts in Jacksonville, they probably do here too,” she answered. “Come with me?” he asked as he took her hand and opened the front door of the house.
It was a modern house made of large stones, two stories high, with cathedral ceilings, marble floors, a sweeping foyer with stone Greek columns, two master suites, one up and one down and four other bedrooms besides. The kitchen looked like it was created for a movie set, it was huge with a see-through stone fireplace, a refrigerator that was three doors wide and a name she didn’t even know. The stove made her squeal - it had six burners, with a grill, a deep fryer and a griddle on top. There was a small oven, a large one and even a generous warmer drawer.
She’d always admired such things in magazines and a few catalogs her dad got every few years when he wanted to update their house, but rarely got around to it. Money being the factor that kept their house old style.
Every place here, almost every room, looked out at the ocean through glass walls that Jason made opaque and then darkened with the roll of a controller that was placed in a holder in each room by the light switches.
Jason revealed that even this house has a small elevator with a separate back-up generator too. “It’s for those who might be disabled or for women who might be too far along in a pregnancy to safely climb the stairs. I think it’s a great safety feature,” he’d added with a smile and a happy twinkle in his eyes.
She blushed with sudden joy at the thought of carrying this wonderful man’s baby. She no longer dreaded such a thing. Now she actually embraced the thought, for the first time in her life. Even though she’d once decided never to have children, not liking to be around all the crying and whining. Now, she looked forward to the opportunity, especially if it was her and Jason’s child. The hair stood on her arms and she got goose bumps while she had to stifle a giggle at how weird she was feeing now.
Taking her by the hand Jason touched a panel on the wall and one of the rear glass walls retreated behind another and the beach was theirs, beyond the gorgeous blue pool with a splashing tall waterfall and Jacuzzi built in a corner. The landscaping in the back was lush with tropical plants and flowers hanging from trees all around the rear yard, yet they kept the ocean view unobstructed.
Passing by one of the double loungers on the rear patio, Jason snagged it and hauled it out to where the sand began. Sitting it down he pulled her onto his lap and said, “Our property, if we want this one, goes to that clump of sea oats out there.”
The view was positively spectacular. People were walking up and down the beach, little children laughing and playing and a dog running off its leash barking angrily at sea gulls. People waved as they walked by seeing the young couple on the lounger, waving back.
It was too much to imagine, Jennifer realized. “Jason, sweetie pie, this place is beyond any of my day dreams. I’ve never even dreamt anything near this extravagant. Now really, don’t you think this might be asking for too much, so soon. I don’t have any idea what kind of budget we’ll have, but to afford this, how much will we have to sacrifice besides food, clothes and gas money?” she inquired with a soft smile, not wanting to burst his bubble, but he had to get real.
“Answer me one thing and nothing else, okay?” he asked. “Sure.” She nodded.
“Is there any possibility you might like a home someplace else, better than this? Perhaps you’d prefer another place in Ponte Vedra Beach, or somewhere along the Intercostal? How about a house on the St. Johns River? St. Augustine, Fernandina Beach, Amelia Island, any other area in town or out, though not too far?”
“Are you telling me that our whole region is available, for the asking?” she inquired, thinking he was joking, surely.
He nodded yes.
In about forty seconds she heard, “Breathe, Jen!”
“Jason, you are actually serious? We aren’t just pretending this as a dream for some years in the future?”
“Tell me what you want my heart and I will do all in my power to get it for you,” he offered with a smile before kissing her tenderly but quickly.
“You. All I want in this life i
s you,” she answered with all sincerity.
“You have me! Come on, tell me. Answer my first question,” he encouraged while grinning and waving at more people on the beach.
“I didn’t see a For Sale sign on the front lawn, and how do you have keys to every place we go?” she asked, skipping answering him.
“Answer first, please. You’re not getting me off subject, no matter how you bat those eyes at me,” he said with a laugh at her antics.
Shoving her up and off his lap he said, “We’ll take another look around first.”
They strolled through the rear garden and patio. There was even an oversized built in barbeque with a five gallon electric boiler on the side for lobster or crab. An outdoor bar was under a real teak roof with bar sink, full sink, half refrigerator and a cooler on wheels decked out like a grass skirt.
Inside they went again through all the many rooms, upstairs and down. The downstairs master suite had a separate office and a separate library or crafting area for Jennifer. She was picturing her art and beading supplies lined up in a row of storage bins against one of the wide walls and was thinking about just where her potter’s wheel would fit as they lingered in the doorway.
The nursery was obvious. It was in a forest meets ocean theme. The walls were muraled with forest creatures that ended at a beach with loads of sea animals wandering about. It had a bedroom off to the side that puzzled Jennifer.
“It’s the nanny’s room,” Jason explained when he saw her questioning look. “Some people let other people raise their children.” Looking at Jenny he added, “A nurse to help out, not replace the parents for the first five or six years is fine, but after that a child needs their parents alone.”
THE DAWNING (The Dawning Trilogy) Page 12