by Jo Cotterill
Contents
Cover
About the Book
Title Page
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
About the Author
Also by Jo Cotterill
Copyright
About the Book
‘It’s a pairs slot, Tania. You’re going to be skating with Zac Maguire.’
Ice skating is Tania’s life – she’s a champion in the making. But things have started to go wrong and she can’t tell anyone why she’s become scared of the ice.
When her coach tells her she’s got to pair up with someone, Tania is furious. Zac is a daredevil, a skater with no fear – and she doesn’t trust him.
Rebel meets ice queen – watch out, the sparks will fly!
For Georqina Hall,
with thanks for all her
skating help
Chapter 1
Across the ice
THE AIR WAS chilly, but Tania didn’t feel it as she skimmed across the ice, her skates cutting perfect curves in its surface. Wearing a navy practice dress, dark tights and legwarmers and with her dark ponytail, her slim figure stood out strongly against the white expanse. There were other skaters on the ice, but Tania knew that the smattering of spectators only had eyes for her. She could almost catch parts of sentences as she whirled by:
‘That’s Tania Dunn … local skating star …’
‘… doing it all her life, since she was five …’
‘… won the Junior Championships …’
‘… dead cert for the Olympics …’
Tania leaned forward into a perfect spiral and there was a collective sigh from the watchers, a mixture of coaches, staff and skaters’ parents. ‘Such beautiful lines …’ one of them murmured.
Tania was finding it hard to concentrate, however. Somehow today she was even more aware of those on the rink side. She shook her head, annoyed with herself. It didn’t matter what anyone else said or thought, did it? It only mattered what she, Tania, did, and what her coach said about it. She glanced across the rink, but Brock was deep in conversation with another skater.
Tania took a breath. It was time to try another jump. Every part of her resisted – she knew her jumps were getting worse, not better – but putting things off never improved matters. She stroked her way around the end of the rink and focused on her edges. One moment to prepare … then Tania leaped. A vivid image flashed through her mind of her crashing into the ice. She twisted in the air, came down too hard on the outside edge and then fell.
The spectators gasped audibly. Tania, angry with herself, got up immediately and started circling the rink again.
‘… can’t seem to land the double axel any more …’
‘… never used to have a problem …’
‘… maybe not such a dead cert after all …’
Tania blinked back tears. She couldn’t even hear them properly, but she was sure that’s what they were saying. And they’re right, she thought miserably. I never used to have a problem with the double axel. I should be working on the triple by now. Why is it all going wrong?
Tania skidded to a stop and tugged on her hair band. Glossy dark hair fell to her shoulders, and Tania scooped it up again and tied it tightly, smoothing back the stray strands. It wasn’t any different to how it had been before, but she felt she had to do something to buy herself some time before she tried the jump again.
The air whistled past her as she picked up speed. It’s not that hard, Tania told herself. You’ve done it before, a hundred times. You can do it again.
She prepared for the jump, taking her time to line it up correctly, then took a deep breath and sprang off the ice. But as soon as her feet left the ground, she knew it wasn’t right, and it was impossible to hold position. Instead of a double, it was a single, and not a good one at that.
Brock signalled to her from the side. Tania’s heart sank. She knew what he was going to say, but she skated over anyway.
Brock was frowning. ‘You’re still too tight,’ he told her without preamble. ‘You tense as you go into the jump. You need to loosen up.’
Tania twisted her hands together. ‘I can’t help it. It’s those people watching me all the time. Whispering when I make a wrong move. They’re putting me off.’
Brock glanced over. ‘There are always people watching you skate. It never used to bother you.’
‘Well, it does now,’ snapped Tania. ‘Can’t you just tell them to go away?’
Brock lifted an eyebrow.
Tania blushed. ‘Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.’ She took a deep breath and tried to pull herself together. ‘It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just a bit out of sorts today, that’s all.’
‘You’ve been out of sorts for too long,’ said Brock. ‘It’s not just today. Those jumps have been giving you trouble for several months.’ He squinted at her. ‘You look tired, Tania. You’re too pale.’
‘I’m naturally pale, Brock,’ said Tania, re-doing her ponytail again.
‘Leave it. Your hair is fine as it is,’ said Brock. ‘I’ve coached you for six years now, and you’ve never been this pale before. You’re tired. You’ve been overdoing it.’
‘I’m not tired.’
‘Then are you worried about something? School? Friends?’ Brock raised his eyebrow again. ‘Boyfriend?’
Tania laughed. ‘Boyfriend? When do I have time for a boyfriend, Brock? Or going out with my friends? I don’t have any time other than here. I’m always here.’
Brock nodded. ‘Maybe that’s the problem. You’re working too hard. You should have some time away from the ice.’
‘Oh, come on, Brock,’ said Tania with a laugh that sounded false even to her ears. ‘Make up your mind. I’m not working hard enough, or I should have some time off?’
‘It’s not a joke,’ said Brock, suddenly serious. ‘You need balance in your life, Tania. It can’t all be about the skating.’
Tania shook her head, bewildered. ‘But of course it’s all about the skating. All my life – it’s always the skating. What else is there?’
Brock spread his hands. ‘I’m just saying there is such a thing as overwork. You need to pace yourself; otherwise you’ll run out of steam. You’ve always put in one hundred per cent, but recently you seem to be here all the time. It’s not the quantity of practice but the quality that counts. It’s no good being here all these extra hours if it’s not productive.’
‘Are you telling me to get a life?’ Tania felt frustrated. ‘I don’t have time, Brock, there’s my next NISA test in the spring, and then the Championships. Not to mention …’ She hesitated, but Brock read her mind.
‘They won’t even consider you for the Olympic team if you can’t land your triple axel.’
‘Then stop talking to me and let me practise!’ Tania burst out, her voice cracking with the strain. ‘I can do it. I just need to do it over and over until it happens by itself.’ Turning her back on her coach, she stroked her way to the centre of the rink.
Behind her, Brock looked troubled. He wasn’t the only one to have noticed the dark circles under Tania’s eyes, he knew. There were mutterings about Tania amongst the rink staff. She had grown up at the rink, putting in hours of practice every week. Even school took second place to h
er training; if a competition abroad meant she had to miss a week of school, then so be it. Her teachers had given up chasing her for missed homework. Her parents had never needed to be pushy; Tania had enough dedication to sink a battleship.
And it had paid off. Tania was among the top ten junior skaters in the country. She was stubborn; that’s why she made a good sportswoman. She would try and try until she made it. And she had natural talent too. Brock had never taught anyone with her combination of talent and determination before. But there was such a thing as burnout, and as Brock watched Tania line up for another double axel, he wondered what had happened to make her so obsessed. He hated to lose any skater, but Tania was his best and now it looked as though she was on a mission to self-destruct.
Tania jumped again, and although she did manage the double, she landed heavily and couldn’t keep upright. Her skate slipped from under her, and she fell on her side, most of her weight on her wrist. There was another muffled gasp from the onlookers. Tania bit her lip and blinked hard. Her wrist throbbed, but experience told her it wasn’t a bad sprain. She rubbed it with the other hand and twirled it experimentally. It was sore, but nothing more. Probably bruised some ligaments. She slowly got up and brushed ice off her legwarmers.
Brock had made his way round the rink, and now he leaned over the side. ‘You all right? Give me a look at the wrist.’
‘It’s fine,’ said Tania. She waved it at him. ‘Look. I just bashed it, that’s all. Nothing major.’
‘I think you’ve done enough for today,’ said Brock.
Tania glanced up at the clock. It showed two minutes to the hour. ‘I’ve got time to get in another double.’
‘You haven’t. You’re too tired. Call it a day, Tania.’
Tania suddenly felt exhausted. Her shoulders sagged. ‘I need to keep practising, Brock. How can I get better if I don’t practise?’
‘You need a rest, Tania. Come on, off the ice.’
‘Let me just do a spin,’ pleaded Tania. ‘I can do spins, you know I can. Just to finish. Let me finish well.’
Brock sighed. ‘If you want.’
Tania turned and stroked her way to the far end of the rink, converting smoothly into crossovers, building up speed, and then turning her body into a low spin. Every muscle in her body was aching, but she knew how to control a good spin, and she took it from a teapot up into a layback and then into a blurring finish. The world spun slightly as she ended with her arms in the traditional pose, but Tania had been spinning since she was seven, and it no longer bothered her. Her cheeks were wet, but it’s because I was spinning so fast, Tania told herself, not because I’m crying. I never cry.
The bell rang to signify the end of her session, and Tania looked up to see the next group of skaters already poised at the edge of the rink. She felt a great weariness. Practice was over for another day, but it hadn’t gone well. There seemed to be more bad days than good at the moment. It didn’t used to be like this, she thought miserably. It’s only the last few months. Ever since … But Tania couldn’t finish the sentence even in her own head.
She drifted across to Brock and stepped off the ice, the familiar jolt of solid ground beneath her feet. He handed over her skate guards without a word, and she knew he was angry with her for not coming off the ice a minute earlier. Bending down, she slipped the guards onto her blades and turned to take a last look at the rink.
‘Hey, watch it!’ Tania said crossly as a tall boy bumped her shoulder in his hurry to get to the ice.
He turned; his hazel eyes a strange contrast to the bleached-blond spiky hair. ‘Sorry,’ he said abruptly, and promptly leaped onto the ice, already travelling far too fast for Tania’s approval. She made a disgusted noise.
‘He’ll never get control of his jumps if he blasts his way through everything. He always takes everything at top speed.’
Brock looked up and grinned. ‘Zac’s got a lot of oomph all right.’
‘Skating takes more than oomph,’ said Tania sarcastically. She watched Zac set off around the rink and attempt a double lutz. Exhaustion made her grumpy. ‘No warm-ups, nothing. Hasn’t he listened to anything you’ve said? What does he think he’s doing?’
‘Don’t be so sniffy,’ said Brock, amused. ‘That boy’s only been skating two years and he’s already achieved more than most people do in ten.’
‘But look how far he’s travelling in that spin,’ said Tania, not listening. ‘He must have moved at least two metres. And what has he got on his feet?’
‘Nothing wrong with second-hand boots.’
Tania snorted. ‘Not if you’ve got no ambition, there isn’t.’
‘Ambition isn’t everything,’ said Brock, glancing back at Zac, who was doing his back crossovers so fast he was overtaking everyone else on the rink. ‘Sometimes raw enthusiasm can carry you a long way. And he’s talented as well. Just needs polishing up, that’s all.’ He looked sideways at Tania. ‘You could do with some of his rawness. You’re too polished now. It’s made you tight.’
‘I am not tight!’ said Tania. ‘I’m just a bit tired, that’s all.’
‘Then take a day off tomorrow,’ said Brock, his voice suddenly gentle. ‘Please. Don’t come to the rink. Just go to school and then home to rest. Don’t make yourself get up at five-thirty for once. Take a day off.’
Tania’s eyes filled at the kindness in his voice. ‘I can’t,’ she said, and wiped her face roughly. ‘I just can’t.’
Brock shook his head as Tania headed for the changing room. What am I going to do with her? he wondered. My best skater is going to sabotage her own career unless I can stop her. What can I do? Sighing, he turned back to the rink, and his eyes fell on Zac, who was rashly attempting a triple loop with little success.
A strange idea suddenly occurred to Brock, and a mischievous grin spread over his face. Now that would be interesting …
Chapter 2
It’s all going wrong
‘HOW DID IT go?’ asked Tania’s mother Caroline, as her daughter got into the car.
‘Fine.’ Tania sank gratefully into the seat. She felt so tired.
‘Did you manage the double axel?’
Tania’s cheeks flamed and she felt hot and cold all at once. Not now, I can’t deal with this now. ‘Can we talk about something else?’
Her mother glanced across at her, a worried expression on her face. For a few minutes there was silence as she drove. Finally, she said quietly, ‘Is there anything I can do, love?’
‘I’m fine,’ said Tania. ‘Honestly. Everything’s fine.’
‘Then why are you biting your nails?’ asked Caroline gently. ‘You only do that when you’re upset.’
Hastily, Tania pulled her finger from her mouth. ‘Just habit,’ she said. ‘I’m a bit tired, that’s all.’ She stared out of the window again. Almost without realizing she was speaking aloud, she admitted, ‘And things aren’t going so well.’
‘Still? I thought they’d be getting better by now.’
Tania blinked rapidly. I don’t cry. ‘So did I.’
‘Do you know why?’
Tania shrugged. ‘Everything was fine. But now, all of a sudden, I can’t do stuff I should be able to.’ Except it’s not all of a sudden, is it? It’s ever since … ever since … Tania dragged her mind back to the conversation. What could she say to her mother to reassure her? ‘I don’t know what’s wrong.’ That’s a lie. ‘But I’m sure if I just keep practising, it’ll get better again. Everyone goes through bad patches, don’t they?’
‘Of course they do. It’s just that you haven’t had as many bad patches as some people,’ said her mother affectionately. ‘It’s probably a bit of a shock.’
Tania bit her thumbnail. ‘Brock says I’ve been practising too much.’
‘Have you?’
‘How can I practise too much?’ snapped Tania, exasperated. She drummed her fingers on the car door. ‘If things are going wrong, then I need to practise more, to get them better again.’
‘But the practice isn’t helping,’ said Caroline. ‘Is that what Brock says?’
‘He told me to get a life.’ Tania tried to laugh. ‘Can you believe it?’ Her eyes clouded. ‘As if I’ve got time for one. Skating is all I do.’
‘You don’t sound as though you’re enjoying it any more,’ suggested Caroline. ‘You used to love going for practice.’
Tania shrugged impatiently. ‘That was when I did it as a hobby. It’s my career now. I win competitions. That takes hard work. I can’t expect to enjoy it all the time.’
‘Even careers can be enjoyable,’ said Caroline. ‘Do you enjoy any of it now?’
Tania opened her mouth to say, of course she did, but the words stuck in her throat.
Her mum said hesitantly, ‘Maybe you should cut down your practice time …’
‘Oh, don’t you start!’ said Tania, the frustration suddenly bursting out of her. ‘I can’t, don’t you get it? There are other girls – Luisa, Zaraah – they’re catching me up. I have to stay on top of my game. I can’t afford to take time off. I’ll lose my ranking.’
Caroline opened her mouth to say, ‘Would that be so bad?’ but she closed it again. Saying something like that would only make Tania angrier. Caroline never knew what to say these days, but she, like Brock, was worried.
Tania was shaking her head vigorously. ‘It’s fine. It’s just a blip, that’s all. I’ll keep going till I come out the other side.’
Caroline glanced at her daughter; at the fierce passion in her eyes, ringed by dark circles, and she pressed her lips together to prevent herself replying. She just hoped Brock could do something to stop Tania driving herself into the ground.
That night, after laying her skates out carefully to dry, Tania sat on the floor and did her usual stretching exercises, but her mind wouldn’t stay quiet. You’re working too hard … You need to get a life … You’re too tight …
Tania sat in the splits and leaned forward, screwing her eyes shut. It’s all going wrong, she thought miserably. It wasn’t meant to be like this. I was on top. I was the best. I am the best. But I won’t be for much longer if …