by Jo Cotterill
At 9.25 a.m. on Saturday, Tania was standing nervously outside the Apollo stage door. She had brought everything she could possibly need for the day – dancewear, ballet shoes, packed lunch, water bottle, hairbrush …
‘Could you not find a bigger bag?’ said Zac, eyeing her enormous shoulder bag when he arrived.
‘How did you manage to fit everything into that?’ asked Tania, prodding Zac’s empty-looking rucksack.
He shrugged. ‘Leotard, tights, shoes. What else would I need?’
Tania smirked. ‘Where did you get them?’
‘Borrowed them,’ said Zac shortly, and Tania was delighted to see a slight flush to his cheeks. ‘My mum rang this ballet teacher friend of hers – Corinne. She lent them to me. Didn’t think I’d be allowed in otherwise.’
‘Speaking of which,’ said Tania, ‘we’d better go in.’
The stage door manager directed them to a rehearsal room on the first floor, and Tania and Zac were surprised to see several other young people limbering up outside. ‘I thought this was just for us,’ whispered Zac.
One of the girls, clad in a peacock-coloured leotard, looked up. ‘It’s a general workshop,’ she said. ‘Didn’t you read the info?’
‘We didn’t arrange it,’ said Tania hastily. ‘Someone else did.’
‘You were lucky,’ said the peacock girl. ‘Places got snapped up really quickly. They are the Ballet Formidable, after all.’ She said this in such an impressed tone of voice that Zac and Tania exchanged glances.
‘Wonder how Brock managed to wangle this one?’ murmured Zac.
‘We’d better get changed.’
‘Girls’ changing is down there.’ The peacock girl pointed. ‘Boys’ is on the next floor up.’
‘See you in a minute,’ said Zac, and ran lightly up the stairs.
The peacock girl followed Tania into the changing rooms and went straight to a bag hanging on a peg. ‘He’s cute,’ she said casually, fishing out a hairbrush, even though her hair was already scraped back into an immaculate bun. ‘He your boyfriend?’
‘No,’ said Tania shortly. ‘He – um – we skate together.’
‘What, like inlining?’
‘No, ice skating.’
The peacock girl sat down on the bench. ‘I’m Suki,’ she said, ‘by the way.’
‘Tania.’
‘Ice skating, wow,’ said Suki. ‘I always wanted to do ice skating but my ballet teacher said it would be bad for my knees.’ She picked hairs out of the brush.
Tania swiftly got out of her outdoor clothes and wriggled into her tights. ‘Bad for your knees? I never heard that before.’
Suki shrugged. ‘My teacher used to be professional. With the Birmingham Royal Ballet. She would know.’
Tania kept quiet. She was sure Suki would be quite happy to provide most of the conversation.
Suki put the unused hairbrush back in her bag and reached for a pot of lip gloss. ‘So if you’re an ice skater, what are you doing here?’
‘My coach booked the workshop,’ said Tania.
‘Oh, right. Because my friend wanted to come but she was told there weren’t any more places. And this was weeks ago.’
‘Oh dear.’ Tania didn’t dare mention that Brock had only booked the class a couple of days previously.
‘We’re both going to the Rambert open workshop next week,’ Suki went on. ‘My friend and me. My teacher says they look out for potential new members there.’
‘Oh, do they?’ Tania flicked her leotard straps over her shoulders, wishing Suki would go away.
‘But of course I’d rather join the English National,’ said Suki. ‘Or the Royal.’
‘Don’t you have to train at the Royal Ballet School for that?’
Suki shot her a look of pure venom. ‘Some people don’t mature until later,’ she said coldly.
‘Pardon?’ Tania was baffled.
‘I’m going to audition again next year,’ Suki told her.
‘Again?’
‘I didn’t get a place at eleven,’ said Suki, as if the words tasted nasty in her mouth. ‘But I only just missed out, they told me. My feet have developed since then.’
‘Oh.’
Suki looked Tania up and down. ‘Is that what you’re wearing?’
Tania glanced down at her pale pink tights, plum-coloured leotard, warm-up leggings and leather ballet shoes. ‘Yes, why?’
‘No reason.’ Suki got up. ‘We’d better go in.’
Tania followed her down the corridor, hoping the class would be so busy she wouldn’t have to talk to Suki again. She glanced around but saw no sign of Zac. Hadn’t he finished changing yet?
The doors to the rehearsal room opened, and a young woman stuck her head out. ‘You all here for the workshop? Do come in and warm up – we’ll get going in a minute.’
Tania followed the others in, still wondering where Zac could have got to. ‘Is it always like this?’ a voice muttered in her ear, and she turned in surprise. ‘Zac! I didn’t recognize you!’
Zac grinned sheepishly. ‘Yeah, well, I’m not exactly in my usual clothes, am I?’
Tania took in the broad chest, the bare well-defined arms, and swallowed. She didn’t dare look down. ‘You look fine,’ she said.
Zac squirmed. ‘These tights go up my … I mean, are they supposed to do that?’
Tania stifled a laugh.
‘Hi there.’ Suki suddenly appeared at Tania’s side. ‘I gather you’re Tania’s ice-skating partner?’
‘Uh – yeah,’ said Zac. ‘Do you know Tania?’
‘Oh, we’re old friends,’ said Suki, with a giggle. Tania stared at her in disbelief. How annoying was this girl? ‘I’m Suki.’
‘Zac.’
‘Zac – what a cool name. Is it short for Isaac?’
‘Yeah.’
Tania looked at him in astonishment. She had never even thought about Zac’s real name! He caught her eye and looked away in embarrassment. ‘Don’t tell anyone.’
‘Oh, but Isaac is a great name,’ said Suki, slipping her arm through Zac’s. ‘So strong.’
Tania felt annoyed. Who was this girl anyway? And why was she attaching herself to Zac so persuasively? And, more to the point, why wasn’t Zac shaking her off?
Thankfully, at that moment, six dancers from the Ballet Formidable came in and the workshop began.
Tania enjoyed herself. Basic exercises like pliés and tendus came easily to her, and she was congratulated by one of the dancers on the control of her battements. Suki glowered at her from the other end of the barre.
Every now and then, Tania glanced across at Zac. It was obvious to everyone that he wasn’t used to the technique. One of the male dancers was soon permanently at his side, correcting his turnout and reminding him of his posture. But Zac was taking all criticism very cheerfully, and Tania couldn’t help but notice the strength and shape of his legs. Dance tights were very revealing!
‘Focus, Tania,’ said one of the dancers, and Tania blushed, looking away from Zac and concentrating on her port de bras.
After the first forty minutes, the dancers called a short break, and Zac headed straight for Tania. ‘This is hard work!’ he said, wiping his face. ‘I didn’t realize it would be like going to the gym – I should have brought a towel.’
‘I’ve got one you can borrow,’ said Tania. She fetched it from the changing room. When she came back, she was annoyed to see Suki talking to Zac again. ‘So you’ve not been skating that long?’ she was saying. ‘And can already do all those jumps? You must be really talented!’
Zac looked a little uncomfortable. ‘I practise …’ he mumbled. ‘And I’m not nearly as talented as Tania.’
Tania felt a blush creep up her cheeks.
‘Oh, really?’ asked Suki, though she looked as though she’d just sucked on a lemon.
‘She’s amazing,’ went on Zac. ‘But now I’ve been in a class like this, I can see why. She must have put in so much extra work to get that good.’ He ca
ught sight of Tania out of the corner of his eye and grinned.
Tania felt confused. Wasn’t he embarrassed? He must know she’d just heard everything he said! ‘Uh – here’s that towel.’
‘Thanks,’ said Zac gratefully, wiping his face and arms. ‘I was just telling Suki what a great skater you are.’
Tania mumbled something like, ‘Yeah, I heard …’
‘Yes,’ said Suki, looking unenthusiastic. ‘But go back to what you were saying about the jumps.’ She turned pointedly away from Tania. ‘What were you telling me about a triple something-or-other? The one that sounds like judo?’
‘Salchow.’ Zac laughed. ‘It does sound like a martial art.’
The dancers called time on the break. Her head buzzing, Tania went to take her place at the barre. Did Zac really think she was that good? Of course, Tania knew she was a good skater, but somehow the thought that Zac admired her made her feel slightly dizzy. She reached out for the barre to steady herself. ‘Not this time,’ called Pierre, one of the dancers. ‘Now we do centre and floor work.’
There was no more opportunity for Tania to muse over the way Zac might or might not feel about her. The rest of the workshop required all her concentration and effort to keep up. Curiously, though, Zac seemed to have hit his stride. At one point, Pierre called the rest of them over to look at Zac’s grand jétés. ‘See what elevation he gets,’ said Pierre admiringly. ‘In ballet, detail is not enough. You need power too.’
Tania watched Zac leap across the room and felt a strange tingling of pride. Then she glanced sideways and saw Suki watching with such a look of adoration on her face, Tania felt quite sick.
‘Of course, you need to match power with beauty,’ said Pierre, after congratulating Zac, who looked flushed but pleased. ‘And although Zac has the power to leap that high, his turnout and arms could be better. Lines are important. Arabesque in the air is what we’re looking for.’ He glanced around. ‘Can I have someone to demonstrate an arabesque please?’
Suki’s hand shot up, but Natasha, one of Pierre’s fellow dancers, pointed at Tania. ‘She has very nice lines.’
‘Out you come,’ said Pierre, beckoning.
Tania went pink, but she was determined not to mess up in front of Suki, who looked as angry as a thundercloud. ‘Third arabesque,’ said Pierre. ‘With the feeling of longing.’
‘The feeling of …?’ said Tania, confused.
Pierre tried to explain. ‘Imagine there is something you want – something just out of reach. Keep that in mind as you hold your arabesque.’
Tania took up her position, breathed deeply, lifted her back leg and leaned forward, gazing fixedly at the window and trying desperately to think of something other than Zac. Skating – she wanted to be a singles skater – she loved the ice, didn’t she? But between the images of the rink was Zac’s face, pushing its way into her consciousness. His eyes, the way the tiny golden flecks in them caught the light; the way they crinkled at the edges when he smiled. Something she wanted …?
A hush fell over the room.
‘Beautiful,’ murmured Pierre, and there was a whisper of agreement from the other dancers.
Tania felt her whole body tingling. This was what it was like on the ice – or how it used to be. People watching, and all the time her knowing that she was achieving something special. Her fingers seemed to lengthen as she reached out to the thing she wanted; her toes stretched away from her, but her whole body felt weightless. She held the arabesque for a long time, but it was almost as if the moment had frozen.
‘Thank you, Tania,’ Pierre said finally, and she came out of the position, her body suddenly stiff and achy from having held it for so long.
‘So in Zac we have power,’ said Pierre, ‘and in Tania we have beauty. But in ballet you must have both. And so now we are going to teach you a routine from our production of Hansel and Gretel that you will find challenging, both physically and emotionally. For as you saw from Tania’s arabesque, the feeling is paramount. Without the thought behind the movement, there is no beauty.’
Pierre organized them into small groups, and Zac sidled over to Tania. ‘That was awesome. It was like you existed on another plane or something.’
‘I haven’t ever done it quite like that before,’ Tania whispered back. ‘It did feel different.’
‘I could see that. What were you thinking about?’
Tania was flummoxed. What could she say? ‘Skating,’ she stammered.
Zac nodded. ‘Then you do love it after all. I could see it in your whole body.’
Tania mumbled something incomprehensible.
Chapter 10
You were really good
‘THAT WASN’T SO bad after all,’ Zac said, as they left the rehearsal room, dripping with sweat. ‘I quite enjoyed it.’
‘You were really good,’ said Tania sincerely. ‘I didn’t think you’d do so well. You were so controlled.’
‘Not how I am on the ice?’ grinned Zac. ‘You’re right. Ballet is a lot more about control and precision. It’s a bit alien to me.’
‘But you made real progress,’ said Tania.
‘Zac!’ Suki came bursting out of the rehearsal room. ‘A few of us are going to grab a bite to eat at the pizza place on the corner. You want to come?’
The invitation very obviously didn’t include Tania. Zac glanced at Tania. ‘Uh, well …’ She glared at him. Zac hastily said, ‘Sorry, Suki. Me and Tania are staying on for the afternoon rehearsal.’ Tania smiled sweetly at Suki, inwardly delighted at the look on her face.
‘You’re what?’ Suki stared. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Our coach arranged for us to watch the rehearsal this afternoon,’ said Tania in an airy tone. Then she pretended to look surprised. ‘Oh, didn’t it say that in the info? Never mind, I’m sure you’ll be able to see the show one evening or something.’
Zac snorted. Suki gave Tania a glare that clearly said ‘I wish you were dead’ and stalked off. Tania laughed.
‘How long have you known her?’ asked Zac.
‘I just met her today.’
‘No way! She said the two of you were old friends.’ Zac raised his eyebrows. ‘Why didn’t you say something?’
Tania shrugged. ‘What for? She wasn’t interested in anything I said.’ She felt unusually bold. ‘She only had eyes for you.’ How is he going to respond to that?
Zac looked surprised for a moment, and then he grinned. ‘Yeah, she did, didn’t she?’
‘Don’t get all big-headed about it.’ Tania tried to sound confident but inside she was anxious. Does he fancy her?
‘She’s quite pretty …’ mused Zac, as though thinking hard.
‘She is not! Her legs are too short and her nose is too big!’ spluttered Tania.
Zac roared with laughter. ‘Miaow! Remember how I said you were so easy to wind up?’
‘Oh!’ Tania made a noise of exasperation. Now she felt stupid! ‘I’m going for a shower. So I’ll have that back please.’ She snatched the towel from his hands and headed off to the changing rooms, leaving Zac chuckling behind her.
‘We need to find somewhere for lunch,’ said Zac, when they met again.
‘You’re still all wet!’ said Tania, seeing the rivulets of water drip off his hair and down his neck.
Zac rolled his eyes. ‘What do you expect when you don’t have a towel?’
‘Oh.’
‘Now I’m sure you brought your own sandwiches and all that …’ Zac raised his eyebrows and smirked when Tania looked down, ‘but I didn’t, so let’s go find some food.’
‘Not pizza.’
Zac laughed again. ‘All right, not pizza.’
They settled on a small café just next to the theatre. ‘So why didn’t you do ballet instead of skating?’ asked Zac as he bit hungrily into a panini. ‘You’re good enough.’
Tania shook her head. ‘I never really loved it. Not like skating. Ballet is good, but skating – it’s like flying. No contest.’
/> Zac nodded. ‘I know what you mean. That class this morning – it was good. Hard work, satisfying – but it’s not like being on the ice.’
Tania smiled. ‘I thought you just skated because you were having a laugh.’
‘I do,’ said Zac. ‘Ice skating is hilarious. Really. I mean, think about it. A big frozen lake – indoors. Two thin strips of metal attached to the bottom of your shoes. And you go round and round, never actually getting anywhere. And the hardest things to do are the bits when your skates are meant to leave the ice – not skating at all!’
Tania couldn’t help laughing. The way Zac described it made her dreams, fears and ambition all seem a bit daft – but in a good way. And he was right, after all – it was a strange thing to do, when you thought about it. ‘You are an idiot.’
‘Speaking of skates,’ said Zac, ‘I took mine in to be sharpened first thing this morning. To the same guy who does yours. Brock told me.’
‘Good,’ said Tania. ‘That should help a bit. But I don’t understand why you don’t just buy a new pair. That pair is almost broken down completely. They’re getting dangerous. You could break an ankle.’
‘As long as I don’t break yours.’ Zac winked.
‘You won’t,’ said Tania.
‘Not on purpose …’ said Zac. Tania looked at him with a frown, but then realized he was joking again.
‘Why do you do that?’ she asked in exasperation.
‘Do what?’
‘Say something you don’t mean, to wind me up.’
Zac’s expression dropped. ‘It was just a joke, Tania.’
‘Well, it wasn’t very funny,’ muttered Tania.
They ate in silence for a few moments. Then Zac sighed. ‘Why won’t you tell me?’
‘Tell you what?’
‘What’s really bothering you. What this is all about.’
She looked up in alarm. ‘What do you mean?’
‘Come on, Tania.’ He leaned forward and gazed at her. ‘I know there’s something, some major thing that happened, that’s making you scared on the ice. People as good as you don’t just stop being good. You don’t get scared out of nowhere.’
Tania poked miserably at her chips. ‘I can’t. It’s stupid.’