by Jo Cotterill
They grinned at each other. ‘But we don’t have abusive customers,’ Zac pointed out.
‘Just an abusive coach,’ said Tania.
Zac laughed. ‘True.’
‘Uh-oh,’ said Zac, spotting Brock heading over. ‘Looks like that’s our break over.’
‘I’ve been thinking,’ Brock said without preamble. ‘The ending’s all wrong.’
Zac looked puzzled. ‘But that’s our big lift.’
‘No, not that.’ Brock waved an arm. ‘The fish dive out of the lift. I don’t like it. It’s too showy.’
Tania and Zac exchanged glances. ‘But it’s for a show,’ Tania said hesitantly. ‘I mean …’
‘I know what you mean. But it’s not right for this programme,’ said Brock. ‘It’s too outward. I want to try something different.’
‘We can’t get out of the lift any other way,’ said Zac. ‘We’ve tried.’
‘No, you can keep the fish dive,’ said Brock, ‘but I want you to look at each other, not at the audience.’
Tania was puzzled. ‘I’m at the wrong angle.’
‘No, no,’ said Brock. ‘Let me explain it.’
They practised for fifteen minutes before Brock was satisfied. ‘That’s better,’ he said.
Tania felt a slight quiver of nervousness. Brock’s new position for them had Tania looking up over her outstretched arm to Zac, who was bent towards her. Her hand was brushing his cheek, and the whole position felt incredibly intimate. ‘Look into his eyes,’ Brock had told her. ‘No, you’re looking past his ear. The audience needs to see the connection.’
But I’m not supposed to have a connection, Tania thought in a panic. Not until after the show, according to Mum. In case it ruins everything. And if I look at Zac, everyone will know. When I look into his eyes, I can’t help myself. Everyone will be able to see how I feel about him! Even HE must be able to see!
‘It’s a bit weird,’ said Zac. ‘I mean, for an ending. Are you sure it works?’
Tania held her breath.
Brock nodded. ‘Absolutely. It’s so much stronger than the previous ending. I wish you could see it from the front. You two have chemistry. It’s a great skating partnership.’
Tania’s cheeks flamed, and she tried not to glance at Zac. There was an awkward pause – or was it just awkward because Tania felt so embarrassed?
Zac cleared his throat. ‘The song helps.’
He’s trying to say we don’t really have chemistry, thought Tania in a panic. He’s saying it’s all about the music. He doesn’t feel that way about me after all!
‘In what way?’ asked Brock.
‘Well, the lyrics could almost be about us – about Tania anyway.’
‘About me?’
‘Yeah.’ Zac turned to her and she desperately hoped she wasn’t too red in the face. ‘All that stuff about coming out the other side after a battle. It always makes me think of you on that rope net, freezing up. And then how you came down that zip-wire as though you were just floating through the air.’ He grinned. ‘When the river was deep, you didn’t falter.’
‘That’s because she had you to catch her,’ said Brock unexpectedly. ‘He’s right, you know Tania, I hadn’t realized how closely the lyrics fitted you.’ He laughed. ‘Though you weren’t exactly drawn together through destiny – I think I had more than a little to do with that!’
Chapter 16
It’s only money
‘SO YOUR MUM said it would be OK to date Zac?’ asked Libby.
‘Basically, yes. As long as we weren’t skating together.’
‘But you won’t be after the show anyway, will you?’ Libby nodded happily. ‘So that works out just fine.’ Then she saw the look on Tania’s face. ‘Oh no. Oh, hang on a minute. This isn’t what I think it is, is it?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You want to keep on skating with him, don’t you?’ Libby peered at her. ‘That’s it. You want to skate pairs with him. And go out with him.’
‘I don’t know!’
‘Yes, you do. I can see it all over your face. Oh, Tania.’ Libby looked sympathetic. ‘Didn’t I say you’d understand when it happened to you? The thunderbolt, I mean. It takes over, doesn’t it?’
Tania sagged. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘But why are you worrying? From what you said the other day, Zac wants to keep on skating with you too. So isn’t this a good thing?’
‘Not if Mum won’t let me …’
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake!’ exclaimed Libby. ‘Since when have you ever let anyone get in your way before? Come on, Tania, this is you we’re talking about. If you want something, you have to go for it. And if I know you, you’ll get it too. Your mum will come round.’ She sighed. ‘At least Zac’s straightforward. I mean, you get the feeling he wouldn’t mess you around. Not like some boys I could mention.’
‘How’s it going with Scott?’ asked Tania, glad of the opportunity to change the subject.
Libby made a frustrated noise. ‘I don’t know. I never know where I am with him. Like yesterday, for example. He said he wanted to spend time with me, but when I said, how about this evening?, he said no, he had a band practice.’
‘Didn’t he?’
‘Well, I believed him,’ said Libby, ‘but then I saw Tom – the drummer – out in town. Right around the time Scott had told me the band was practising.’
‘Perhaps Tom had something important to do in town and couldn’t make the rehearsal,’ suggested Tania.
Libby sighed. ‘Yeah, you’re probably right. I just feel something’s wrong. But maybe I’m imagining things.’
Tania put an arm around her friend. ‘I’m sure everything’s fine. Scott would be mad to mess you around.’
‘Aw, Tania, you’re so sweet.’ Libby leaned in to her shoulder and sighed again. ‘I wish you could come out sometime. We used to go to the cinema, didn’t we?’
‘Let’s go again,’ said Tania, surprising herself. ‘After the show’s over.’
Libby stared. ‘Are you serious?’
‘Why not? I won’t have to put in so many hours at the rink, not until my next test, anyway. It would be fun.’
Libby broke into a beaming smile. ‘You sure? That would be awesome! I can’t wait! Oooh! Speaking of which, I got my tickets yesterday.’
‘Tickets for what?’
‘Tickets for your show, silly. On Saturday. Less than a week to go!’ Libby nudged Tania in the ribs. ‘Can’t wait to see this amazingly romantic routine. I’m taking Scott. He won’t know what’s hit him.’ Her face fell. ‘Assuming he hasn’t dumped me by then, that is.’
‘What do you think?’
Zac made a face. ‘It’s a bit sparkly, isn’t it?’
Tania rolled her eyes. ‘Costumes are supposed to be sparkly, Zac.’
‘Well, yeah.’ Zac fingered the shirt, with its diagonal swirls of electric blue sequins. ‘I thought yours would be sparkly. Not mine.’
‘But we have to match,’ said Tania. ‘You’ll be fine.’
‘I’ll feel stupid,’ Zac grumbled. ‘Can’t I wear it without the sequins?’
Tania was amused. ‘No, you can’t. My mum stayed up all night sewing those on. And if you complain, she’ll add even more.’
‘No!’ Zac held up his hands. ‘Not more sequins!’
Tania laughed. ‘She’s had to do everything in a rush because my catsuit was late in the post.’
‘Your what?’
‘Catsuit.’ Tania held it out. ‘It’s an all-in-one.’
Zac’s eyes widened. ‘You can fit into that?’ he said. ‘It looks like an outfit for a six-year-old.’
‘It’s stretchy,’ Tania told him.
Zac fingered the silky material. ‘Doesn’t look like it’s going to cover you up much.’ His face suddenly flamed bright red.
Tania knew her own face was blushing in response. ‘Oh well,’ she said stupidly, ‘at least you’ll know where to put your hands.’ Oh God! she thought to herself. I can’t
believe I just said that!
Zac coughed loudly and bent to lace his boots. Tania noticed his fingers shook slightly, and it made her stomach feel all squirmy. ‘Well,’ he said, and cleared his throat. ‘I guess you have to wear sparkly stuff and – and so on. But I don’t see why I have to too. People will laugh at me.’
Tania shook her head. ‘Not when they see you skate.’
Zac made a disbelieving noise.
‘I’m serious,’ said Tania. ‘As soon as you start moving, they won’t notice your costume any more. Especially when they see some of your moves. Trust me.’
Zac looked embarrassed but pleased. ‘I suppose it still feels weird to hear you compliment me. You’ve been skating for so much longer. I sort of – admire you.’
‘Well.’ Tania didn’t know where to look. The room felt hotter with every passing minute. ‘You shouldn’t. In some ways you’re just as good as me, maybe even better.’ There was a pause, and Tania felt she would burst if something didn’t happen. She stood up. ‘You coming?’
It was an excellent practice. Even Brock could find little to criticize in the programme. ‘That overhead lift is cracking,’ he said. ‘Really cracking. It’s going to bring the house down.’
‘As long as it doesn’t bring me down,’ joked Tania.
‘No chance,’ said Brock. ‘You’re solid as a rock up there.’ He shifted his bag onto his shoulder. ‘Right, so you’ve got your costumes and all that sorted?’
Tania giggled. ‘Zac doesn’t like his sequins.’
‘Tough,’ said Brock. ‘I want you guys here every evening as usual this week, even though I may not always have time to run your programme. There’s too much stuff going on for the show.’
‘No problem,’ said Zac.
‘Right,’ said Brock. ‘I’ll see you both tomorrow, though I can’t say what time.’
Tania and Zac headed towards the gap in the rink barrier. ‘Oh, Brock,’ said Zac, as though the thought had only just occurred to him, ‘do you think the Parchester Ice Association would sponsor me if I decided to compete?’ Tania froze.
‘The who?’ asked Brock, his attention elsewhere.
‘The Parchester Ice Association.’
Brock shook his head. ‘Never heard of them. You must have got your names mixed up.’
The bell rang to signify the end of one session and the beginning of the next. A group of eager primary-school-age children leaped onto the ice, pushing past Zac, who was standing stock-still, a puzzled expression on his face.
‘Come on,’ Tania called, her insides churning with fear. ‘We’ve got to get off the ice.’ Suddenly she was babbling. ‘There’s this new muffin they’ve got in the café, it’s raspberry and white chocolate, do you want to grab one on the way out? Because it looks really nice …’
Zac stepped off the ice, his hand gripping the barrier just that little bit too hard. ‘Wait. Wait a minute.’
‘But they only had a couple left when I checked earlier, so we should really—’
‘Stop!’
Tania’s words shuddered to a halt. The air whispered in her lungs. Not now, oh please, not now …
Zac was standing staring at the floor, his face strangely pale. ‘That letter …’ he said. ‘It was a scam, after all … but it couldn’t have been because the money really arrived …’ He shook his head. ‘No, it was real. But the Parchester Ice Association doesn’t exist …’
‘Brock must have misheard you,’ suggested Tania.
‘No, he didn’t.’ Zac stared hard at her. ‘You said they were a real organization. You said you’d had a grant from them before.’
‘Well, maybe it wasn’t from them. I can’t remember.’
‘You can’t remember?’ Zac repeated in a hard tone. ‘What do you mean?’
Tania hugged herself. ‘Look, Zac, does it really matter?’ She tried to laugh but the sound cracked in the icy air. ‘I mean, you got the money, didn’t you? Does it really matter where it came from?’
‘Of course it matters!’ snapped Zac. ‘I’m not taking money off someone without knowing why or who. I should give it back.’
‘M-maybe they don’t want it back,’ stammered Tania. ‘The person who gave it to you, I mean. Maybe they want you to have it …’ She trailed off.
As soon as his eyes met hers, she knew it was all over. ‘It was you, wasn’t it?’ he said bluntly.
Tania looked around desperately but there was no escape. And there were at least six parents within earshot who were giving her curious looks. ‘Can we talk about this somewhere–’
‘Who paid for my skates, Tania?’
‘I – I did.’
‘You paid a thousand pounds for my skates.’
‘Yes.’
He stared at her for a long moment. Tania cringed before the blankness in his eyes. ‘I – I only meant …’ she said helplessly. ‘I just wanted you to have what I had …’
‘You felt sorry for me,’ Zac said.
‘Yes – no! It wasn’t like that.’
‘What was it like, then?’
Tania took a shaky breath. ‘I’ve always had everything,’ she said. ‘You – you’re a really good skater. You needed skates. I wanted to carry on skating with you.’
‘So this was a career move,’ said Zac.
‘No! No, of course not! It just seemed crazy that I had the money for the skates but you’d have to stop because you didn’t. It wasn’t fair.’
‘So you thought you’d make it right,’ said Zac, but his voice was hard. ‘By helping out the charity case.’
‘No, I …’
‘You know what’s most humiliating?’ he went on, oblivious to the interested glances they were attracting. ‘You know what’s the worst thing? I thought we were becoming – friends. Well, maybe more than friends. I thought I had proved myself on the ice to you; that you considered me an equal. And now I find that all the time, you carried on thinking of me as inferior.’
‘That’s not true!’
‘So why didn’t you offer me the money direct?’ asked Zac, his voice ringing across the rink. ‘Why this stupid lie about a made-up organization?’
‘Because I knew you were too proud to take the money!’ cried Tania.
There was a sudden silence, and they both realized everyone on the ice had turned to look. Brock was heading over, his expression unreadable. ‘I don’t know what all this is about,’ he said in a low voice that could have cut glass, ‘but you two are making a spectacle of yourselves. Get to the lockers, get changed, and get this sorted outside.’
Zac’s mouth tightened and he strode past Tania. Tania’s face was red with humiliation, and she turned to follow him, away from Brock’s accusing glare.
Once on the benches, Zac bent to unlace his boots, his fingers trembling with rage so much that he could hardly undo the knots. Tania’s knees felt weak: how could she have believed he wouldn’t find out? She wanted to say she was sorry, but the words wouldn’t come, and in her own way, she felt angry too. Why couldn’t he just keep the skates?
‘It’s only money,’ she muttered as Zac finally tugged the boots from his feet and pulled on his trainers.
He looked up at her, and she almost burst into tears at the look in his eyes. ‘Only a Chelsea skater would say that,’ he said with venom. Then he walked out of the rink, leaving his skates on the wet floor in front of her.
Chapter 17
No wonder he’s mad at you
BROCK WAS UNSYMPATHETIC. ‘I can’t believe you were so stupid, Tania. If I’d known, I’d have put a stop to it.’
Tania could hardly breathe, she was crying so much. ‘I just – wanted – to help,’ she hiccupped.
‘Well, you’ve managed to make a complete mess of things,’ Brock told her, exasperated. ‘And now it looks like I’ve lost the highlight of the show programme too.’
Tania stared in horror. ‘You think Zac won’t skate with me?’
Brock threw up his hands. ‘He left his boots behind, didn’
t he? I don’t think he’s going to forgive you any time soon. You kids! Why do you have to make everything so complicated?’
Tania let out another choking sob. ‘I’m so sorry, Brock. I’ve ruined – everything. And I – never meant to. Can’t you – talk to him?’
‘And say what?’ Brock looked at her, and his tone softened. ‘Zac’s not some child you can fool. He’s a young man. It’s no surprise that he reacted like this. He feels you humiliated him.’
‘I don’t understand!’
Brock sighed. ‘Of course you don’t. It’s because you’ve never had to worry about that kind of thing. Zac doesn’t come from money. His parents have struggled to pay for his skating. He works hard – harder than you ever have.’
Tania felt sulky. ‘I work hard.’
‘Only at skating,’ Brock said. ‘Zac works at everything – college, his job – everything. His careers teacher thinks he’s good enough to get into a top university.’
‘How do you know that?’
Brock shrugged. ‘Because I asked him. Tania, I’m very fond of you, always have been. But you live in your own little world. It’s important to be focused, but not to the extent that you block out everyone else. Other people have lives too.’
Tania’s lip trembled. ‘What can I do?’
‘Nothing to do with me,’ Brock said. ‘I told you. You have to figure this one out yourself.’ He frowned. ‘But do it fast, Tania. The show’s on Saturday. I can’t afford to lose my top two skaters.’
‘Why won’t you tell us what’s going on?’ Caroline looked anxiously at her daughter over the dinner table.
Her husband Alistair frowned. ‘Has something happened at the rink?’
Tania shook her head miserably. ‘It’s nothing. I mean, yes – something did happen, but it’s something I’ve got to sort out.’ She poked at her dinner.
Caroline and Alistair exchanged glances. ‘It’s not something to do with Zac, is it?’ said Caroline carefully.
‘No,’ lied Tania.
‘Because you remember what I said about waiting until after the show …’
Tania shot a look at her mother. ‘Don’t worry, Mum. There’s absolutely no danger of me and Zac getting together – not now.’ Her heart gave an uncomfortable lurch. And that’s true. He’ll never trust me again.