A message arrived from Heidi: “Lucille, Father has passed away packing,” the telegram read. “Please come as soon as you can.”
Heidi met and greeted them with warmth and sorrow.
“Everything was going well; then the night before he died, he complained of having a headache. I assured him that he was just overexerting himself and that it was nothing that a good night’s sleep couldn’t cure. But then, just as a precaution, before I went to bed, I went and checked on him. He had literally died packing to go home, where he wanted to die. And he never made it.” Heidi was crying.
“Yes, I know. There is something called fate or destiny, and we can’t change that,” Lucille replied.
The Zantons were sad. The whole family had lost their best friend.
Drago was laid to rest near his brother, where he wished to be. They all took the loss hard, as they had once again lost a dear member of the family.
“I feel for Leni and Silvia. They will miss him the most. Silvia never knew any of her grandparents. All four of them died before she was born. The last one was Grandpa Zanton, who passed away on Easter Sunday in 1937, and she was born in October that same year. So Uncle Drago was the substitute for her grandparents in her life. And obviously he was in her heart, which one could see by watching that little girl . . . the way she looked at him. There was no time to speak, or even sigh, while Uncle Drago talked,” Helena said.
“I always wanted to hug Uncle Drago, but I waited till he hugged me. I realize now that he probably needed that hug more than I did. It was the difference in age that prevented me from doing so. To me, he was larger than life . . . I will always have good memories of him,” Silvia said with tears rolling down her cheeks. “Mom said that he used to pick me up when I was little, but I don’t remember that.”
“Yes, he did, and you gave him the biggest smiles all the time.”
In a way, the Zanton legacy more or less died with Drago’s death.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
The Empty Nest
HELENA FOUND HERSELF LOSING YET ANOTHER SIBLING. They hadn’t seen Magda much since the war. She dwelled on having lost her son Karl, and rightfully so. She also tended to feel sorry for herself more than for the one she lost. She had always been a drama queen.
“I wonder what is wrong with Magda. She looks visibly aged and overly thin. The last time I saw her, when she came to see Mark, it seemed that she didn’t care about Mark very much, which didn’t surprise me at all. Somehow, I wonder,” Helena observed.
“Come to think of it, I noticed the same when she was here,” Lucille said.
“Are you talking about Magda?” Monika stepped in on their conversation. “She has breast cancer — ”
“What?” Helena interrupted. “Are you sure?”
“I am sure. She made me promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone. A promise is a promise. However, I am allowed to tell you now.”
Magda’s postwar years were spent mostly in seclusion. Having lost her son Karl during the war, there was not much to live for. She had lost the will to live; it was not long until she died.
Sadly, Monika was the fourth of the siblings to go. There had been plenty of good times in that family. Monika had a gift for life and she made the best of it while she had a chance, leaving a legacy of love and giving of herself. She used to tease Mark: “My dear brother, you might as well know that I plan to outlive you.”
And his reply was: “You had better!” The two had always gotten along well.
“I hate to say this, but there is a void as well as relief in that family now that Monika is gone,” Helena was heard commenting. “Those children suffered by listening to their mother struggling to breathe for so long.” Monika passed on in late 1952.
Helena found herself to be the last of the Zanton siblings. Who would have thought?
By now, Marie had been dating a young man from Gomilka. She had known him all her life. His name was Rudi, and Helena knew him and liked him. Little did she know . . .
Helena was more than ready to face her own destiny, as it was obvious that her life had been quite unique. “I can’t believe that I am the last one. I should have been the first to go. There is something wrong here. But I am grateful for the experience of having witnessed so much in my life.”
“Auntie Helena, you are talking nonsense,” Leni protested. “You are talking as if you were going to die tomorrow. Haven’t we had enough death in this family to last us for a long time?”
“My dear Leni, you are a good girl. However, I have no problem with dying. It is a natural thing. The problem is that your parents got married too late — so you have to put up with all these old people, which you shouldn’t have to do. You see, I am partially responsible for that.”
“Mom, what is Auntie Helena talking about?”
“Don’t ask your mother. Ask Marie, for I have told her all about it, and now she can tell the two of you,” Helena persisted. Marie felt awkward, as their mother was sitting right there, listening to this strange conversation.
Lucille had no idea what Helena was talking about. It could have been anything. (Apparently, Helena had told Marie about the feud that had been fought over her mother for years by the Zanton women and she admitted to being one of them.) Helena likely felt that it was time to confess but was unable to do so directly to Lucille. The gesture was there, nevertheless.
Leni and Silvia had not been living at home for some time. It was Silvia who left first. Mark and Lucille had wanted Silvia to get a break from the farm and get into some trade, or some other type of work. So later, way after Mark’s death, Lucille wanted to honour his wish and reluctantly let her go.
As for Leni, she was badly hurt in an accident working on the farm; after she recovered, she, too, went out into the world. They both came to visit, of course.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
The Light Is Extinguished
MARK AND LUCILLE WERE BOTH BORN AND RAISED in the “Sun Valley,” which was nestled in the foot of the hills surrounding it.
The riches of the valley were numerous. The vast hills and forests extended far and wide. There was much farming, such as wheat and hops; there were wineries; there was mining of coal, silver, and other minerals; there were various industries. But above all, the greatest riches were the fresh air and the tranquillity. The scenery was breathtaking. Yes, it snowed and rained there, but not like in some other areas. Even the Germans recognized its qualities during the war and many expressed it in words: They called it the beauty of the green valley and still waters.
In the spring of 1969, Lucille discovered a minor, quite unusual looking abrasion on her right forearm. She never mentioned it to anyone. As usual, no one was to know that there was anything wrong with her. After all, she was supposed to be indestructible. The abrasion remained there, slowly leaking under its bandage. This went on for quite some time.
“Marie, what are you so upset about? You should be happy about carrying your firstborn. Is it Rudi? He must stop trying to fill your father’s shoes.” Lucille was desperate to do whatever she could to make Rudi feel at home. However, Rudi was evasive and was unable to fit in.
“I think it’s your shoes he is trying to fill.”
Rudi was a good worker but he was not a leader by nature.
“Is it something I did or said? If that is the case, I am willing to take care of it. Just tell me.”
“Mom, he is drinking more than he should and then he gets nasty once he is drunk.”
“Hmm, I hadn’t noticed that,” Lucille said, thinking.
“He hides it from you.”
“I know that I get preoccupied at times but I can’t believe that this is going on right in front of me and I haven’t noticed it.” Lucille was upset by now. “Is there something you want me to do?”
“Nobody knows so far, but we are arguing a lot,” Marie sob
bed. The news of this shocked Lucille and she immediately thought of Vera and Janko. Would it have been better to silence Vera when the time was right?
“I am afraid I have failed you, my dear Marie.” Now they were both crying, as Anna walked into the kitchen.
“Who died this time?” Anna had just about had it by now with so much crying going on all the time. “Oh, I am sorry. I was just trying to lighten things up. Forgive me.” As she walked away, she felt a bit awkward. Anna was one of those people you could depend on, but at times, she could be quite forward.
“Leni has not been around much lately. Do you think she knows something and avoids coming because of Rudi? Nothing much goes unnoticed by Leni around here,” Lucille said.
“I don’t know, but Auntie Helena is giving me these looks lately. I can’t quite make out what she is trying to tell me or ask me,” Marie responded. “It worries me that maybe everyone else knows more about Rudi than I do, and I happen to be his wife. We have all known him forever and liked him a lot, so what is going on?”
“If the meeting is over, I would like to start dinner,” Anna announced, as she came back in with her daughter Milena in tow. That left Milena in a state of disbelief — the way her mother spoke to Lucille. It was so unreal, they all ended up laughing.
“You don’t need to worry, Milena. Your mother is simply tired of the gloom in this house. I think we’d better change our direction and start getting some work done around here. Your mother is right.”
“Oh, hello, Leni,” Helena greeted her in the doorway as Leni came home to visit. It was Sunday morning and that was her usual time to come, for she liked to accompany her mother to church. Some habits don’t die easily.
“Auntie Helena, you look like you just swallowed a rabbit. What is the matter?” Leni inquired.
“I am perfectly fine, which is more than your mother can say for herself. She refuses to listen to me and go to see Dr. Loncar. And I refuse to bury another member of this family.” Then, turning to Lucille, “I am sorry, Lucille. At first I didn’t want you to come to this house, but since you came, you have certainly grown on me, and I don’t want to lose you as well.”
“Helena, we all need a bit of time to get back on track, don’t you think?” That pretty well said it all, and Helena backed off, knowing that Lucille wasn’t ready to admit even to herself that she was not at all well. Helena left it to Lucille to deal with the girls in her own way. However, Lucille had not realized that Helena was on to her and she was unable to figure out how that might have happened.
Silvia lived farther away and had less chance to visit.
Years ago, when the family dog, Bruno, had to be put down due to old age, Darko decided to get a dog for Lucille. He knew that she had grown up with a dog that she had loved as her best friend.
“Here we are,” Darko introduced Lucille to her new friend. “I think you need a new friend, Mom. This little thing is ever so cute, I just couldn’t resist him.”
“Oh, yes. Darko, who hates animals, thinks this little creature is cute?” Lucille laughed and took the little puppy in her hands. That was it. The love affair began right there and then. “What is his name?”
“I have no idea. I forgot to ask; how about Bobo?”
“Well, thank you — and Bobo will be fine.” The name sounded quite cute, just like the dog. “Where did you get him?” By now, she was excited already and continued to squeeze and pet the poor little dog until he wanted to get down and start sniffing around as dogs do. Now everybody laughed at her. Never mind, Bobo, you just do your thing in order to get your bearings around here.
Needless to say, the dog followed her all over the place, sometimes getting his paw stepped on because he did not get out of the way.
“Bobo, I think you get in my way just to get my attention. You want me to sit down and cuddle, don’t you? Well, all right, but just for a minute, as I have a million things to do around here.”
Finally, Lucille confided to Vera about the nuisance on her forearm and how she couldn’t get rid of it. However, Vera was always the last one you should tell anything that you wanted to keep a secret.
“What is this? Why are you all here looking at me as if I committed a crime? Have I?” Lucille knew very well what had prompted this unexpected visit. On one hand, she was happy to see all of them in front of her; but she was too tired for any interrogations. “Come on; tell me what this is all about.”
“I am sorry, Mom, I had to tell them,” Vera confessed.
“Girls, there is nothing to worry about.”
“Will you promise us that you will go and see Dr. Loncar?” Vera, the leader of the pack, questioned her mother.
“Yes, I promise, if you will leave me alone right now, as I am too tired to deal with more stress for the day. Thank you.”
That made the girls feel better. Needless to say, Helena waited in her quarters for the girls to tell her how it went. Helena had no idea what was wrong with Lucille; however, she was the one who had found Lucille in the kitchen looking like she was going to collapse.
After the examination, Dr. Loncar prescribed medication and made an appointment for Lucille to see a specialist, who in turn sent her into an advanced hospital for further tests.
“I am to stay in the hospital for a week so they can run tests. A group of experts will then evaluate the situation and inform me of the final diagnosis.” That was quite a mouthful, and she was exhausted. “Let’s get some work done around here.”
Food was out the question, as she needed time to digest the news on her own, before the girls managed to fall apart.
The prognosis was not good. It was definitely cancer and it was malignant. Lucille could see now that history was about to be repeated. The problem had to be treated, and it was now just a matter of which form of treatment she would choose.
The choices were: to have the lesion surgically removed; to go through chemotherapy and/or radiation; or she could rest, and with the help of medication, let fate take its course.
While lying in bed at the hospital, Lucille contemplated her options. She was now seventy-five years old and had led a very productive life. She had been blessed with a lot of good years of living that she’d never dared to expect after her bout with TB during her teenage years. She felt that it was now time to face reality. Certainly, she was not looking forward to the suffering that one goes through with cancer.
After seeing both Mother and Mark suffering so much, she had to decide what to do. But she knew that she was strong and she could face whatever was ahead of her. The option of having surgery, which Vera suggested to consider, was not a first choice, even if it meant another five years of her life. Whatever her decision, it was not going to be easy.
In the meantime, Vera was being Vera. “We must convince Mother to have surgery.” She had made up her mind about it and expected everyone to agree with her as usual. “Let’s take a vote and see who is for and who is against surgery.”
“I can’t do that.” Marie would not or could not even discuss it.
“I agree with Vera. I believe Mom should have the surgery, as it might be easier and it would prolong her life.”
While they meant well, they should have listened to their mother.
“I have decided not to have the surgery,” Lucille stated, and Marie sided with her.
However, Silvia was outraged by it all. “Why is this even being discussed by anyone other than Mom?” She was in tears. “Mom has made her decision, and that is enough — subject closed!”
“But Silvia, you don’t understand,” Vera protested.
“No, Vera, you don’t understand. This is our mom and her life that we are talking about; therefore, only Mom’s opinion counts. You don’t vote on life or death.”
“The doctors here tell me that I have a strong heart and a good blood type, so I have agreed to co-operate with some new experiment
s in order that it might help some other patients, the ones who could use my blood for their recovery. I noticed that some of the less fortunate patients in question were children — some very small, at that. So it is worthwhile to give a little and help a lot.”
For the next two years or so, she would be in and out of the hospital, whenever she was needed, or if she needed help herself. This experience was quite an education for the whole family.
Darko, for once in his life, felt that it was time for him to repay some dues. He was self-employed and so was able to make his own schedule around Lucille’s many trips to the hospital. On one occasion, when she was to stay there for a longer period of time, he painted the whole house. The house was clean for her homecoming and she didn’t have to put up with the fumes and the smell of paint. He showed his good points where it counted.
“I can’t get over the fact that Darko spends all this time here, helping, while Mom is not even here. Something tells me that he has adopted this house, as well as our mother,” Vera teased.
“I know that he doesn’t care for animals, but he is very good to Bobo,” Helena added. “I have been watching him for some time, how he sits down with Bobo and chats with him, to make him feel better while Lucille is away.”
Every time Lucille left for more treatments, Bobo spent most of his time lying by the front door, waiting for her to come back.
“I find it very hard to watch him. At night, he sleeps by her bed, occasionally whimpering slightly,” Marie was telling Aunt Mira. “At first, he refused to eat if Mom was not at home. Later he would co-operate if he got hungry.”
“Yes, that is true — and as soon as Mom came home, Bobo planted himself at the foot of her bed and was even reluctant to go outside to relieve himself,” Leni commented.
“We tried all kinds of tricks to get him to run outside and get some exercise, but nothing worked.” Helena truly bonded with the girls during this trying time.
There was a lot to be said about Marie. She was the one who stayed at home, and the biggest burden fell on her. She had helped nurse her father, Mark, but now it came to the hardest time of all, watching her mother’s failing health. This was her mother who, after all these years of being the matriarch of the Zanton family, was slowly slipping away from them. She was the one who had given them all hope during the war and the tragedies.
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